Cosma's Blog

The last blog.

2010-02-10T18:19:00.000+10:30

It has been a long time coming, me stopping these blogs that is. Recently I have really wanted to stop writing this blog, but it has only been like, really recently where I have thought that I am going to stop soon, like, really, really soon. There were a few things that I wanted to do, one of them was that I wanted to end these blogs on a high, which I think I am, I mean fucking look at all these comments and shit, that’s fucking funny as. Another thing I wanted to do was end the blogs on a round number, and this is the one hundred and eightieth blog, so it like half a circle if you were measuring my blogs in degrees, so I am going to say that one hundred and eighty is up there as one of the roundest numbers there is.

First things first, well second seeing as though I have already written something. I have deleted all of the comments that have been abusing fucking like, Claire and shit, so you can all fuck off about that. I actually went through and did my three hundred and something fucking clicks and now they are all gone, so fuck off with me being a ‘bad person’ because that took me like, eight minutes. Eight minutes that I will never get back, I could have played like a game of COD, but instead I clicked on a bin, and then a yes, and then a confirmation button, over and over again… fuck.

There are a few reasons for me actually stopping the writing of these blogs, the first being a simple one; I can’t be fucked. It is less of me not being fucked to write them, I mean I have proven to myself that I can write them every day, but it is more that I can’t be fucked missing out on things when I could be doing them. Sometimes I will find myself locked away in my mate’s computer room typing away when they are all outside playing backyard cricket or in the living room playing COD. No one comes in to visit me because it’s not like I talk when I write these, so really I just have to isolate myself every single day where I could be having good times.

The second reason would be that writing these blogs has actually nearly killed me one time, and yes I am being serious. I didn’t put this in my blog at the time but once it was like, eleven thirty at night and I hadn’t done a blog yet, this was back when I was getting lazy with them and they would be going up with a few minutes of the day to go. Anyway, so I was sitting in my room writing and I just, really needed to shit, but I knew that if I went to shit I would waste valuable writing time. I guess that I didn’t know how badly I actually needed to shit, I mean I didn’t like, shit myself but by the time I actually finished writing, put it up, did a little picture on paint and then made my way to the area where I shit, as in my toilet, the shit like exploded out of my ass in one of those painful shits.

You are probably curious of how I think that nearly killed me, well think about it this way; what if I got bow cancer? Also, what if I got some other anal disease, if there are any that is, I mean normally now is when I would do a Google search on anal diseases and find out some and rack them off sounding like some sort of like, bum doctor but really, I’m just not that keen to look that up.

Of course though, this blog isn’t just about me, but it is about my amazing friends and my amazing enemies that I write about. You have probably noticed, like if you have been on this blog before that is, or if this is your first time but you have really had an in depth look at what’s on it but anyway, you have probably noticed the tags on the right of this, with all these names of just great people… great people, and people that are like, fucking dicks or my enemies that I have written about. Anyway, whoever they are, they have earned a mention in my blog somehow. I thought that I should write a little thingy about the six people who have been tagged in more than twenty blogs, and therefore the most blogs, because clearly if they have been tagged the most then I either love them the most, or they have been there the most, or at least, well they have been tagged the most.

Marie-Elaina Bakas (Twenty One Tags)

Marie-Elaina Bakas, or Meb as anyone who knows her calls her has been my best friend for as long as I can remember, well that would be if I could only remember up until like, September. She had her first tag back in August in ‘The Beret’. I had just started talking to her on Facebook chat, like we had talked before but you know, we had just started talking often and things were looking good in the friendship track. Before I knew it, well I knew it but you know, just come on. Seriously though, I love Meb, she is actually one of the best people I have ever met in my life, and probably the best friend anyone could ever have.

Jackson Sanders (Thirty Seven Tags)

How Jack attained thirty seven tags I’ll never know. He always seems to be somewhere else, I feel like I never see him but when I think about it, I see him like every day. He is definitely a mysterious one though, if not the most mysterious person ever. There was this night that we all thought he was dead actually, like we were all sitting around wandering where Jack was, he wasn’t picking up his phone, he wasn’t on Facebook, he wasn’t at his own house and when we got there his mum asked us if we knew where he had gone, we just thought he was dead. That is until he just, rocked up and said ‘hey’.

Tom Wilkin (Forty Two Tags)

When I first started writing this blog, Tom just didn’t get tagged in it for some reason. It seemed that whatever I wrote about, or whenever I was writing them, Tom just wasn’t there for some reason, but he would always come after and just be so sad that he wasn’t in one. It then came the day where I was sitting at Brett’s, on his computer, thinking of something, anything to write about. Tom comes in with McDonalds and I just said ‘hey Tom, want me to write your life story?’ and yeah, that’s what we did. I posted his memoirs in four separate parts, and after that, he just seemed to get tagged much more often than the original zero that he started out on.

Brett Aitken (Fifty Five Tags)

If you had come to me like a year ago and told me that I would be as good friends with Brett as I am now, I would have been like ‘okay, how do you actually know this?’ and I would probably wander like, if that person who told me was from the future or something, but I still wouldn’t really believe it straight away, you know? Brett and I met in year eight, we were in the same home group and we got along just fine. We never saw each other out of school but during school, we had great times. I now see Brett like every day, and he is a great friend, one of the best. In fact I am writing this sitting in his computer room in a towel at four thirty in the morning… not that there’s anything wrong with that.

Chris Tankosic (Sixty Three Tags)

I remember the first time I met Chris Tankosic like it was yesterday. It really couldn’t have been any further away from yesterday though, I mean it was like in kindy. We weren’t friends, if anything I was jealous of him. He had brought his Gameboy to kindy and he was playing this rad Toy Story game, like, probably the best thing I have ever seen. At this stage of my life I didn’t have a Gameboy, all I had was this Tetris game that I got from like, a show bag or some shit, but really that didn’t compare at all to this. Of course I didn’t get a turn, but watching him play as Woody just made me think that we should be friends so maybe, one day, I could play that game. We ended up going to the same primary school; Unley Primary School. We still weren’t friends though, if anything we were enemies. We were in completely different groups of friends, his group played soccer, and our group played footy. Sometimes we would challenge their group to play against us in footy or soccer, we would always win. Now Chris and I are like, somewhat friends, I mean I wouldn’t say good friends but you know, we like, see each other sometimes and that so yeah, sixty three tags… good effort.

Andrew Heinicke (Seventy One Tags)

When I first met Andrew back in year eight, I was sure of two things, one; that he was a dick, and two; that he had to be gay. Now we have finished school and not a lot has changed. He is probably more of a dick now than he was in year eight and my thoughts of him being gay are now somewhat confirmed, but dicks and dicks aside, I love Andrew. I remember a time before Andrew and I were good friends, back in early year eleven drama, where we were paired up do something. We didn’t do it, instead I spent the entire lesson running away from him as he chased me with this metallic sharp thing that he found in the drama room. I left the room bruised and cut, and it was then when I realised that I did not want to be friends with Andrew Heinicke. Times changed after that, and for some reason, the thought came over my head that I do want to be friends with him. I don’t know what I was thinking, even now I look back and wander why, but somehow, we are now like, actually friends.

I remember back when I used to hear people say ‘oh that movie changed my life’ I would just think, like, how? It’s a movie, I mean movies are great, not all of them but like, overall, movies are just like, a great thing, you know? Life changing though, I’m not too sure. I then saw Marley and Me, probably the best movie ever made, and pretty much, watching Owen Wilson being a columnist in that movie just made me think to myself that not only could I do that, but I wanted to. Whether it was just a fad, or a thought or something that I wouldn’t follow through with I didn’t know, but what I did know was that Hungry Jacks was great.

Some time during the next school week, we made our way to Hungry Jacks in one of our frees to eat food. My good friend Jesse Farrand-Harbutt and I got talking, and he was telling me that I should start a blog to see if I could do it, and I said that I would. Normally what I say and what I do are two completely different things, but in this case it seemed to be pretty much the same thing. When I got home I started writing my first blog, it was called ‘The Dream’ and it was about how I wanted to be a columnist when I grow older and how this is like my first step to see if I could do it. I thought that I should write a blog every single day, I mean in Marley and Me he did that, and if I wanted to be Owen Wilson then I should do the same.

I ended up missing the second day, which was a poor effort I must say, but from then on I just, didn’t miss a day, and I wrote a blog every single day. The only other time I missed was when I went away for Schoolies, but that was just like, you know, it’s not like I was going to be writing blogs when I was paro as up at Goolwa. Besides those two non blog writing times, I ended up writing one hundred and seventy nine blogs, this being the one hundred and eightieth. I have proven that I can do it, and that is all I really wanted to do. Turns out that not only did I do that, but I also started up some funny as war between some anonymous people and some other anonymous people. I don’t know what I am going to do now though, I mean now that this is all done I should probably just go sleep, I mean it is five forty in the morning and I have been writing this for a few good hours.

I hope you have enjoyed reading my blogs, or just this one if it’s the first one you have ever read; thanks for reading. I love you, take care. Xx

The rant.

2010-02-09T19:06:00.000+10:30

So if you are on my blog reading this then chances are that you have seen the ridiculous amount of comments that have been over the last few blogs. Now if you have been following them, which I know a lot of you are because, like myself, you think it’s funny as, then you have probably seen all the comments saying that I am a bad person for letting this go on for as long as it has, that I am a bad person for not deleting the comments and all this, and so on and so fifth, I mean fourth. The other day, as in yesterday, wait no it happened today actually, someone sent me a thingy on that form spring saying that I should delete all the comments because it is the right thing to do. I have also been told that if I can comment back, why can’t I just delete the comments and let this be an end to it? That is a good question, a good question for a fucking retard.

To the anonymous person who said this, do you actually think that it would be quicker to remove all those comments that it would be to write a short retort to your fucking stupid ass question? Of course you only want me to delete the comments abusing Claire, not the ones abusing me or anyone else, but if I just deleted the ones abusing Claire then there would just be comments on my blog abusing me, and why the fuck would I want that? The, what you thought ‘simple’ task of deleting comments would then go further and I would then have to delete every single comment over the last few days, actually it would be over like the last week.

Using the program on my computer called ‘Calculator’, I added up how many comments there have been over the last week, and there have been one hundred and twenty nine. Now before you go off saying ‘I can’t believe you would add that up when you could be deleting comments!’ you should probably keep your disgusting anonymous mouth fucking shut and let me finish. In order to delete a comment, I have to click on this little icon that looks like a trash can that is under that comment, then click the button saying that I want the comment deleted, and then I have to do a further click confirming that I want that comment deleted. That is three clicks for one comment. Now if I was to use my amazingly smart ‘Calculator’ program yet again, I could find out that it would take me three hundred and eighty seven clicks to remove all the comments, and that seems to be a little too much work for someone to do, especially someone who has done nothing wrong.

Also, it seems that my anonymous abusers, well they aren’t really that anymore, they have really turned into Claire’s anonymous defenders, but whoever they say they aren’t, I couldn’t help but notice when an anonymous person anonymously commented an anonymous comment stating that she ‘can't believe how rude you not-so-brave anonymous dickwads really are!’ and of course this person bravely commented this, anonymously of coarse... If you are going to abuse someone or whatever it is that you call whatever it is that you are doing, don’t do the thing you are saying not to do, because that is called being a hypocrite, or as I like to call it, being an actual dick head.

At one point in time I wanted all this abuse to stop, I was deleting the comments towards Claire that I felt were overly harsh, then the next point was when I started to find it kind of funny that it was still going on and how serious people were taking it. Right now I am at the third and what I think will be the final step of this thing, and that step, or stage, I’ll call it a stage, that stage is the stage of ‘I don’t give a fuck’. I am not a bad person, I just don’t care anymore.

The Cosma Time Travelling Laws.

2010-02-08T18:11:00.000+10:30

So I made one of those form spring things just for shits and giggles, and when I signed in I already had three questions waiting for me. I thought ‘wow that is actually great, I have already been asked three questions!’ but then when I thought about it, I realised that chances are those questions were just given to me by default to get me started. My thought was confirmed when I decided just then that the questions were definitely default questions, but one of the questions really go me thinking, and that question was something like ‘if you had a superpower, what would it be?’ and I thought that my brief answer wasn’t enough, so here we are with my elaboration.

I had some time to think before I made my decision, but I thought that if I could only have one superpower, and it wasn’t some cheating superpower like ‘I want Superman powers’ or something that just like covers them all, as in if I could just have a single super power, it would have to be time manipulation. In saying that though, I feel like I need some kind of explanation, and here it is. Manipulating time is a huge responsibility, I mean if I was to go back to schoolies just so I could relive the good times but then I end up doing something different, I could change my entire life course, but who knows what else? One difference might even change the entire timeline of life.

Now I am not one to believe in that thing called fate, but I am not one to not believe in fate, like it might be true, it might not, I have more of an ‘I don’t care’ view on it. I do care though, like I care about it the most, it is less of an ‘I don’t care’ view and more of an ‘I don’t have an opinion or view’ view on it ‘but I am really interested in it all’. So I just went mega off track, but not only that but I also contradicted myself like eight times, and by eight I mean like four, well five now because I just did it again. What I was trying to say was that I wouldn’t want the ‘traditional’ time travelling or manipulating powers, but I would want ‘The Cosma Time Travelling Laws’ to apply, what are they you ask? I’ll let you know.

My time travelling would work less like a time travelling car or a thing that you work in but kind of like a VCR. Not like that movie Click, but kind of like, I could rewind time and relive something, but I wouldn’t be writing over it unless I clicked the record button. Now if you have ever used a VCR to record like, TV or something, you would know exactly where I am coming from, but if you haven’t, chances are you still can kind of understand. I would also be able to pause time, and it would have to be under one of those high end VCR systems because you can also slow down time, but yeah, you know where I am coming from.

I would consider like, flying and stuff as other super powers but really, just like, okay. Say that I went to fly, and then I just hit my head on like a roof that I didn’t know was there because I was under a pergola, I would just hit my head, fall down and probably die. That would not only be a waste of my chosen superpower, but also my life, if I died that is. With time travel, it would be a huge risk yeah, but if I just had my VCR laws to follow, it would be simple. There wouldn’t be a remote or something because that would just be silly and Adam Sandler like, but it would all be in my head and it would all be great. I can’t wait!

The Best of Doppelgänger week.

2010-02-07T18:25:00.000+10:30

Assuming Doppelgänger week works like any other week, today should be the last day of it. There have been a few shit ones that have made me think that maybe they don’t even know what they look like, but then there have been those ones that make me think that the person had been separated at birth with their celebrity look alike... despite living in a different continent and being years and years apart age-wise, I still have the strong belief that they were separated at birth. I thought that I couldn’t just write about how good some of these Doppelgängers were, so instead of actually writing about them, I thought that I should do what I did last Sunday and just make a fake German exchange student’s Facebook account... wait no not that thing, I mean I’ll do what I did last Sunday and just bludge the blog writing and just write one paragraph, like a slightly lengthy one but then just have pictures after that.

Andy Samburg & Jesse Farrand-Harbutt

Little Elvis & Jadon Jewaskiewitz

Selena Gomez & Constantina Farmassonis

Ray Romano & Alkis Kontonikas-Charos

Andrey Arshavin & Jackson Sanders

The barbecue.

2010-02-06T23:30:00.001+10:30

I am still kind of in disbelief that Sealio FC actually won a barbecue for doing nothing. In case you don’t know, Sealio FC is the indoor soccer team that I play for on Wednesday nights. The club was entered as a sporting group and our name was picked as the winning thingy I guess, and Sealio FC actually won like, this great barbecue. Even when we were walking into Home Hardware to pick up the barbecue that we supposedly won, I didn’t let the thought slip my mind that maybe we didn’t win a barbecue and they were just saying we did so that when I found out we didn’t they could say that they got me. I mean it isn’t like that would be a good prank or anything anyway but I’m sure I would be less happy if we didn’t win a barbecue after being told that we did.

I walked in wearing my Sealio top after being told to wear it, but I was the only one of us actually wearing it. We approached the guy who was working behind the thingy in the back and, okay how do I put this... I felt like some kind of elite athlete, I mean he looked at me, saw the Sealio logo on my top and said something like ‘oh, you’re the Sealio team to pick up that barbecue?’ After getting a picture with the guy standing in front of the barbecue with us, that will supposedly be in the messenger, I mean that’s fucking great but you know, nah I am so happy about this I can’t even like, type.

We were thinking of all the great barbecues we can have, all the Sealio sausage sizzles we can have, the fundraisers before and after games to make money so we can buy new things for the club, like actual team shorts and track pants and things like that, that would just be great. Now on a completely irrelivent topic, would anyone like to buy a new unused barbecue? And yes I am serious.

4 Burner BBQ with Hood, Side Burner and Cabinet Trolley

Stainless steel hood, fascia, doors and burners
Side burner
Fold down side shelf to save space
Jet flame ignition for easy lighting
Cabinet trolley for storage

The barbecue has like, this red colouring on the lifty bit instead of that silver or whatever colour one you would call that, anyway contact me via Facebook or something if you are interested in buying the barbecue... I never thought my blog would turn into a place to loft off goods but yeah, there we go.

$600

The Doppelgänger Week.

2010-02-05T20:20:00.000+10:30

In case you didn’t know, this week is official Doppelgänger week, and in case you don’t know what that means, I’ll tell you. Doppelgänger week is the week where all participants change their profile picture on Facebook to a picture of a celebrity that they have been told they look like. When the week started, as in, on Monday, I didn’t even know of Doppelgänger week, I mean I had never ever heard of it before. I saw a few people on my friends list change their default pictures to celebrities but the phrase Doppelgänger week was something that I was yet to hear, or at least register in my mind. It was when I saw people changing their defaults, but also changing their status to ‘Participating in Doppelgänger week. Change your profile picture to someone famous (actor, musician, athelete) you have been told you look like. Be sure to post this as your status.’ It was then when I realised the existence of Doppelgänger week, and it was also then when I realised that the guy who wrote that chain status originally can’t spell athlete.

Whether it is spelled athelete in America and athlete here I don’t know, but all I know is that when I type it in spelled like athlete, it doesn’t have that ugly red underline that comes up when I type in athelete. Moving on, the day reached Thursday and I didn’t think that I would bother changing my default to someone that I have been told I look like. I mean I just didn’t think that I could really get that good of one, and if I couldn’t get a good one I didn’t want to bother changing it at all. It then got to the stage where I spent, as in this was still on Thursday, there were multiple stages on this one day, anyway it got to the stage where I was just looking at people’s Doppelgängers, and I was thinking... yeah I just really wanted to have one, they were great.

I remember back a while ago, I logged into Facebook to receive a wall post from Nick Cirillo saying that I look like John Belushi and he enjoyed looking at me because he likes John Belushi. I don’t know if you know this about me but I actually love John Belushi. Animal House is one of my favourite movies ever and well, he is in it and he is amazing. When I got that wall post it made me so happy, I mean it’s not like it was a compliment, I mean John Belushi isn’t exactly an amazingly attractive person, well he’s dead but that’s not what I meant, like when he was alive, he wasn’t exactly like a male model or something, but you know, he’s great.

I decided to change my default picture to the most Nick Cosma looking John Belushi that Google images came up with, and that one is the picture that is used for this blog. I received positive feedback on it, as most people have. Some people laughed, probably no one cried, some people said I had the best one and some people said that they had never seen the resemblance until now. All I know is that Doppelgänger week is fucking great, and I don’t know when it ends but if it acts like any other week it probably ends on Sunday or Monday or you know, like the midnight break in-between those two days... Sunday night slash Monday morning, you know. If you haven’t changed your picture already, you still have time to get in on this funny as thing. Whoever invented Doppelgänger week, you’re great.

The summer blanket.

2010-02-04T17:14:00.000+10:30

I always like to say that my dog is the best dog in the world, and well, he is. If I was to say that he is the best behaved dog in the world, well that would just be a lie though. He isn’t that bad, I mean I leave my clothes lying around on the ground and there is always loose shit on my desk but he never chews them up or anything, so he isn’t that bad. On a seemingly irrelevant topic, it is that season where it is just hot... you know the one, summer I think they call it. Now if you are wandering, yes I did just walk out into the living room and ask my mum ‘is it still summer?’ and when she said that it was, I asked her what the next season after summer would be. She looked at me like I am actually fucking retarded but yeah; I honestly don’t know my seasons. They don’t seem necessary, I mean you have months and years and weeks and days and all that, and I know them all, I just don’t know my seasons.

Anyway, what I was getting at was that even though it’s summer, I am one of those people that always need a blanket on me when I sleep. I can sleep on couches and in cars and that but you know, if I am in bed I just need a blanket on me, simple as that. Due to the season, I have been enjoying sleeping at home, in my bed, under my blanket which is some kind of, half blanket? Okay so it’s like the same size, it covers my bed, but it is half as thick as a normal blanket so it is perfect for summer sleeping. So it was just a few nights ago when I came home to see Snoopy, as in my dog, lying on my bed sleeping. His tail started to wag as I walked over to the bed; he was excited to see me I assume. I see this like, ball of white fluff lying on the ground, I pick it up and, being the lazy person that I am, just looked at it and then put it back on the floor. Then I hopped into bed and slept.

The next morning I woke up to the sound, of Snoopy growling and biting and chewing and all this and it was like eight in the morning, so I pushed him off my bed and continued sleeping. I was awoken again by the same sound, but this time it was like noon, so I was happy to be woken up. There were more clumps of like, cotton or something on the floor and on my bed, and this confused me. I thought that maybe I had a disease, like some kind of leprosy type disease but instead of my skin shedding or whatever happens when you are a leper, my cotton was leaking. I then realised that my body contained barely any cotton, nowhere near enough for me to ‘leak’ it, I mean if I lost any more cotton I would surely die. Being the smart guy that I am, I realised that I don’t actually have any cotton in my body, as in I didn’t even need to ask anyone or call a doctor or look it up or anything, I just knew that shit.

I continued to look around my room, looking for what the actual cause of this random cotton exposure was. I then saw Snoopy sitting on my bed and I walked over to him. He was chewing on his tennis ball, or at least that’s what I thought from a longish distance. As I got closer I noticed that he didn’t even have a tennis ball... that is when I realised that he wasn’t chewing on his tennis ball, he was in fact chewing on his actual balls, like his dog testicles, or dogsticles as they are scientifically called. It was after I made this discovery that I made an even more accurate discovery, that Snoopy is circumcised... wait that’s the wrong word, what’s the thingy they get so they can’t like, fuck or something? De-sexed? Yeah, he was that.

I approached him again; I was now close enough to see that Snoopy was actually chewing on my blanket, my amazingly perfectly thick slash thin summer blanket! I was actually so sad, I mean if it didn’t take me so long to work out that he wasn’t chewing on his nonexistent dogsticles then I probably would have been able to stop him before he turned into this holey as white thing that wouldn’t pass as a blanket for anyone. I am so sad; I am now lying on this bed typing this without a blanket on me and I kind of feel naked. I mean I am wearing a t shirt and shorts but still... naked.

The Blah Blah Blah.

2010-02-03T13:49:00.000+10:30

So I remember just before schoolies, I discovered this new song that was just appalling called Tik Tok by Ke$ha, and yes, that is how you spell it, not Tick Tock like a normal person would spell it but Tik Tok, and her name isn’t Keisha like a normal girl with that name, but instead she has a dollar sign instead of the S and instead of having the I, there is nothing. It was one of those songs, and I guess it still is, that is just so bad that everyone loves it. I don’t think that there is actually anyone who can realistically be like ‘oh, Tik Tok? That is a fucking great song’ because it is just, there is just so much wrong with it. I like it, like, as a joke kind of, like I think it’s so bad that it’s funny, and it’s just fun and yeah, that’s my reason for having it my iTunes.

I don’t know when and I am too lazy to look it up, but recently she released her new song. Now if you have heard the first song, which I am sure that you have, you would know that she sounds like a slut somehow, like she does this thing when she sings that makes her sound like a feral ass disgusting slut. She doesn’t sing like a normal singer, she sings more like she has something in her mouth that I don’t think would be appropriate if I said here (a dick). Now I don’t know if you have heard her new song, which again, you probably have, but she somehow makes herself sound more like a slut, more disgusting and like the dick she has in her mouth is either bigger or it is just two dicks.

So right now I am sitting here on Tom’s couch as he plays COD. I am kind of watching him, but my main focus here is listening to this song and really, well I feel kind of bad because chances are I am putting him off as I listen to this over and over again, like he said before that he was fucking angry at me because I think this was making him lag or it was just putting him off or something. The song just finished and I have, you know, I’m not playing it again, for Tom’s sake, and also mine because the more I listen to it, the more into it I get. It has that same effect that Tik Tok had where you know how unbelievably bad it is, but it’s just great to listen to for some reason.

Although where Tik Tok did well, as in, hold on let me rephrase that I was completely wrong. Although where Tik Tok became bearable at parties and stuff, and like it is kind of danceable, this song just, really isn’t. I would really like to see a dance floor at a party or something try and ‘go off’ to this song, because just then I was trying to dance to it, just by myself, just like you know, trying to work out how I would if it came on at a party and it was the most awkward thing ever. I was trying to and it was just, an awkward sounding song and it is just un-danceable. I’ll let you make up your own mind with it now, but yeah. The song’s called Blah Blah Blah by Ke$ha, and it is featuring those 3OH!3 guys that have that one good song, and then that other one with Katy Perry.

Just so you know, this isn't the actual video clip for the song, but I couldn't find the actual one on Youtube, I don't even know if there is one but yeah, couldn't find it. This was the most entertaining fake one I could find and the girl in this video, she's great.

The planned night of nothing.

2010-02-02T15:51:00.002+10:30

Well I am happy to say that the ringing in my ears from Big Day Out has completely gone now. My worries of being kind of deaf for the rest of my life have gone away and I can now hear everything without having to try and ignore the loud ringing in my ears that was for some reason louder than any other sound that happened in my day to day life in-between now and then. I now have no excuse for not getting off this ass that I am sitting on, as in my ass, and getting up and looking for a job, or get my L’s or just do something to assist in you know, my life.

Mum had always been saying that I have ‘until Big Day Out’ and after that I need to start looking for a job. Big Day Out has happened and the ringing that Calvin gave me is now gone. I am sitting on the computer and instead of going on like, the Big W website or something and looking for a job, I am just writing about looking for a job... kind of fucked I think. You know what is more fucked? My plan for today, I’ll tell you what it is. Instead of going around handing in my application or resume into everywhere in the world that is hiring, I am going to go to Cunningham’s with Brett, Andrew and Chris and we are going to buy cheap plastic toy guns so we can run around the street and play with them tonight; like a real life Call of Duty.

There are some pluses and some minuses in the plan though, the first plus being that running around playing outside is not only good exercise, but we are also getting fresh air compared to playing Call of Duty inside on a TV sitting down. A negative that Chris just pointed out to me would have to be that running around with guns, fake or not in the streets is illegal. I decided to Google ‘running around with toy guns at night’ just to see what would come up, and what would come up, like you know, I was hoping that some laws would come up or charges or whatever. No, the first thing that comes up is ‘Cops See 12-year-old Kid Running w/ Toy Gun and Shoot Him Dead: No Charges!’ now this scares me for obvious reasons. See, as that Facebook group that I saw yesterday said, we are at the age where we are old enough to know when something is a bad idea, but we are young enough not to care. You can probably assume that what I am going to say next will be something along the lines of ‘I know that this is a possibility but it’s not like I am going to not do it,’ and if you thought that, then yeah you were right. I mean I know that it is a possibility of this happening, but it doesn’t really faze me or anything.

If a cop pulled over and asked us what we were doing though, I think that we would just say the truth, which would be that we were just running around with toy guns. I don’t think that this would warrant them shooting us dead like that twelve year old kid in thingy, but I don’t think it would warrant anything. Would a cop even do anything for something like this? You would have to get an actual dick of a cop to fine you for doing something like this I think, but really if we did that would be the shittiest thing ever. Oh actually, it would be shitter I think if they shot us dead, but a fine would be up there. Actually, it would be even shitter if we got sent to prison somehow and then we got raped, yeah that would be the worst thing that could come out of this. Let’s just hope that doesn’t happen though. Let’s just say that if there isn’t a blog tomorrow, I might be like you know, in prison getting raped by a man named Theodore Bagwell; that would be shit as.

The Otto.

2010-02-01T15:29:00.003+10:30

Born on the thirty first of January in nineteen ninety three was Otto Hanzbuurer; or at least that is what you be led to believe from his Facebook page. There is a small truth behind Otto that only a few people know, and that truth is quite simple to understand, for Otto is not a real person at all. How do I know this? Simple; I am Otto Hanzbuurer. The idea of creating him came from a large amount of boredom. I was sitting on Facebook thinking that nothing was happening, and I wasn’t just thinking it, but it was happening, and by it I mean nothing. I thought that maybe there are some other people on my friends list with nothing to do, just sitting there on a lazy Sunday afternoon bored out of their mind. I thought to myself that I should do something, something that would entertain not only me but also the entirety of Facebook, or at least the ones who were involved.

In creating Otto, there was much debate on what the name should be. By that I mean I was on the computer and Andrew was sitting beside me playing Call of Duty and we were exchanging funny names for him to have. It wasn’t long before the name Otto Hanzbuurer came out of one of our asses, and it was straight after that when the legend was born. I started off adding everyone in the friend suggestion box, but it was getting tiring having to type in that confirmation code every time I wanted to add someone because I guess even Facebook was having its doubts over the reality of Otto. Facebook said that all I needed to do was give them my phone number so that they could send me a confirmation code and then I can do whatever without being hassled because they would believe that I am a real person.

I went into my brother’s room and took his phone, gave Facebook his number and waited for the confirmation code. The reason behind this was simple; I really didn’t want to put my number in, I mean what would happen if something bad came out of this? I didn’t want to get into any trouble, so I thought that I should play it safe and put my brother in the danger, not me. Once the account was verified, adding people was much easier and before I knew it, Otto had like a hundred friends. At the start, I think that the people talking to him actually believed his story, the story being that he is a German exchange student from Koln who received a new laptop and internet for his birthday and he is going to start at Unley High School on Monday. Otto’s story maintained for around half an hour before I thought that it would be funnier if instead of being a believable character, he was a fucked up weirdo, and that is when Otto decided to link a porn video to his Facebook page.

From the second people first started to see the link on his wall, Otto was not only losing respect, but also the belief of his existence. No one in the right mind would put up a link to porn on Facebook, so the few people that believed his existence started to diminish in numbers, and before he knew it, he was nonexistent in the eyes of the public. It was then when Otto was receiving nothing but abuse, the notifications were full of wall posts asking who Otto was, either that or blatant abuse. Now I don’t know how, and I don’t know the reason, but Otto’s life took a turn for popularity at one stage throughout the day when everyone started to love Otto, and now I can comfortable say that if he was real, which he kind of isn’t, nah he actually isn’t at all but anyway, he would be so popular it is unreal. People love the Otto.

We still wanted Otto to come off as a kind of creep, as if he wasn’t seen as one already. Christine James just accepted the friend request she received from Mr. Hanzbuurer, so we decided to go onto her profile and fuck with her just a little bit. We went down her wall and liked every single thing that you can like. New friendships, statuses, groups and pages joined, events attending wall posts, everything that you can like. Within five minutes, Christine had Otto removed from her friends list, and the job was complete. Even though a small amount of the hatred towards Otto returned, he was mainly loved by the Facebook community. He was receiving friend requests from people who wanted to be in with the Otto crowd, he was the most popular person the internet has ever seen, and his name was Otto.

Not everyone loved him though, as there was always that one person who wanted him down, one person that wished Otto never came to Facebook, and he wanted to make sure he left as soon as possible; Michael Buckett. Buckett was continuously asking questions about Otto, to Otto, trying to find a gap in his story, something that he couldn’t answer, but luckily for Otto, there were no gaps in his story and every question that was thrown towards him was answered quickly and correctly. As far as anyone could tell, Otto was a real person, ready to start school ‘on the morro’.

Like most annoying people who use Facebook, Otto soon discovered how fun it is to join groups and become fans of things, but mainly the becoming a fan of things. The single click to show people what kind of a person Otto is made him think that it was easier than typing out his story to people, and much like all the users of Facebook, he thought he was the only one who did these things, he thought he was unique, but then it turned out there were hundreds of people, if not thousands in these groups. Otto wanted to get across the fact that he was really Otto to people, I mean some people still didn’t believe him. Otto continued to join every single group that he could find that had Otto in its name or description... every single one.

It wasn’t long after that when Otto remembered his love for sexy women, pornography and sex. This is when he decided to join every group with the word sexy in it, sexy men, sexy women, I am sexy... these were just some of the groups that Otto joined, passionate groups and fan pages that he felt he needed to be a part of so that the Facebook community could know what kind of a person he really was, for you see Otto isn’t really a lovable person, he is a freak, a creep and an absolute dick.

Not too long after the group and fan stage, or fad had passed by Otto, he realised that instead of watching porn and looking at pictures of sexy women, he could actually go out and find a girlfriend for himself, someone that he could love. Of course Otto wasn’t completely sure how to do this, so he ended up picking the girl who seemed the most interested in him and sent her a relationship request on Facebook, and that girl was Tori Hughes. In what was one of the biggest surprises of Otto’s life, Tori accepted the relationship request from Otto and they were, then and there, going out. It was then and there when Tori’s status actually went off more than you could ever imagine, and what was ten comments turned to forty turned to ninety seven comments in the end. Her status was just stating the new relationship, but Otto was such big news that it boomed ninety seven comments, and within those comments were more than just love for Otto, but there was hate.

What was harmless high school love turned wrong when Amelia Portellos said that she loved Otto more than anyone and she was in utter shock when Otto chose Tori over her. It wasn’t long before Otto needed to go to sleep, he did have a big day coming up; his first day at a new school. Otto logged off for the rest of the day and it was then and there when the first chapter of the Otto saga had been completed, and perhaps not only the first chapter, but also the last.

***

I was awoken at half past twelve in the afternoon by Brett calling me asking what I was doing. I said that I was sleeping which I was and then he said that he would come over soon to have good times. I turned on my computer and logged into my Facebook. I clicked on the friends list search bar and typed in Ot, only to see Gravity and Other Myths presents 'Freefall' come up; Brie's circus thing. I then type in the remaining two letters, another t followed by the final o to see not a single thing come up. I logged out of my Facebook and try to log into Otto's only to see a message come up that read: 'Your account has been disabled. If you have any questions or concerns, you can visit our FAQ page here.' I logged back into mine and looked through Facebook. Not only was Otto's account deleted but every trace of him was also removed, everything that he had commented, everything that he had liked, his photo's; everything.

It was weird. Otto had gotten to the stage where Facebook was thanking him for being such a good user, people loved him, people couldn't wait to meet him at school today, but now, all traces of him were deleted. Otto was a man too good for this world, perhaps that is the reason he was removed from Facebook, because the rest of the online community that makes up Facebook couldn't compete with him. Whatever the reason, he is now gone, and all that is left is the memories, and of course the wishful thinking that he will one day return.

The drunken messages.

2010-01-31T13:38:00.066+10:30

I don’t remember a whole lot. I remember trying to steal drinks with Christie, I remember dancing for a few songs, mainly when Wolfgang Gartner came on and Jack and I actually went ballistic. I remember Delwyn’s strip tease and I remember having to look after Tallulah for like, an hour or so. The theme of the party was to dress up as whatever it is that you want to be when you grow up, so I thought that I should go as a journalist type guy and I thought, how do I do that? After Dad’s amazing idea of getting one of those journo hats and putting the little press card thing in it like back in the forties and all that, I think it worked well. I also brought a pad and pencil so I could report on the night and that got me thinking that surely if I did that I would remember the night, yeah? Well that really didn’t work... every single page is full of illiterate scribble that was my attempt of drunken reports through the night, or at least I can only assume that. Amongst the pages though are messages from the people or the public as a journalist such as myself should call them. I thought that seeing as though I have written everything I remember down, I should just put down all the messages from people that were readable, so here they are, the rest of the night catalogued via drunken messages; enjoy.

HEADLINE:

Andrew

Isn't

Stoned!!

Jack Sanders

< 3s

Christie Brook

so much he is

the best, I

LOVE HIM!!

But I love cosma

too. Im drunk

and this writing

feels funny.

Christie Brook

< 3's Nick Cosma, Jack

Sanders, Tom Wilkin, Chris

Tankosic, Brett Aitken, Andrew

Heinicke!

We're defs getting drunk

before I go away!

wednesday!

Jack Sanders, "what a

weird tip to serve, Caviar,

You'd think it would be

Tziaki or Cheese &

Chives."

"Thats Beautiful!"

I like

Free hugs!

and I kissed

Jack for ages.

Christie is a

better ninja than

Kenny!

HEADLINE:

MINI Cheats

HEINICKE!

ASH HOOKS UP

WITH MINI

+MINI AND JACK HAD

A NIGHT OF PLEASURE

INCLUDING 20 HEADJOBS

To Cosma

This is a dick sum1

else drew

but yeah

< 3 Nikki

P.S Calvin Harris

AMAZING

hey second BFFL.

have a lovely night,

DANCE

FLOOR

RATED

SUCCESS!

It is true

Baby Spice took off

her shoes and

Love Cosma he

is pretty cool maybe

as cool as calvin harris

LOVE

Baby Spice

(Lauren)

xxx

Tbag

did birdman,

Tom brown's

GF bleeding!

Haha!

love from

Christie

MINI

BREAKS

ANDREW'S

HEART!

"Fuck You" Quotes

Andrew

< / 3

Hey T!

I have something

really important/secret

to tell you!

OMG TellMe! NOW!

I sexed Tom Wilkin

LAST NIGHT ;)

Dont tell anyone

OMG I SO WON'T!!

But guess what?

SIM? YOU WISH!

NO!!! oh you don't

realise

The love of my life.

2010-01-30T17:16:00.001+10:30

Whether it is just the worst ringing that has ever rung my ears or it is actually a blown eardrum I am unsure of, but what I am sure of is that even if this damage was permanent, it was fucking worth it; Big Day Out was the best thing ever. When Brett and I had to leave Lily Allen to go to the boiler room, we almost had tears forming in our eyes. I think Brett loves Lily more than I do but after hearing her third song we knew that we needed to go to the boiler room and try and get to the front. In my day plan I didn’t comprehend that Lily would actually have been that good, dancing around on stage to Smile, it was actually one of the hardest things to walk away from. Once we got to the boiler room, there was a massive crowd watching DJ Sam La More, who was actually amazing, probably the best DJ in the world if you want to take my word on it. Getting to the front was easy because everyone was dancing, not watching, and once we got to the front of the stage I knew that I wouldn’t budge for the entirety of being in the boiler room.

I was making jokes about how I am going to be at the actual front in the boiler room, I was saying how I am going to be holding onto the railings and be within a metre of the stage, but I didn’t think it would actually happen. Brett and I had probably the best spots in the world, and as we watched this amazing DJ, I didn’t even think to dance or anything, it was if I was saving myself for something better. One of the stage workers walked over to the DJ and patted his watch three times and then stuck his hand out with all five fingers up. My mind started to work and the way I saw it, the tapping on the watch symbolised time, and the five represented the time that was left, so I think that he was trying to tell him that he has five minutes left before he has to get off and make way for the next act.

What was approximately five minutes passed since the gesture and it seemed as though the DJ was wrapping up, the song seemed to be entering the fake ending before he yelled out ‘one more time’ and everyone went nuts. Whether the people were going nuts over him or whether they were actually there for him at all I don’t know. Once DJ Sam La More finished, he made his way off stage, and from where Brett and I were standing, we could kind of see through this small gap, and through that small gap we could see what was probably the best thing I have ever seen, ever; Calvin Harris. He downed a beverage that I don’t know, like it could have been something that I know but I couldn’t make it out, he slammed it down and ran onto the stage after his band. The crowd went absolutely nuts, I mean I was more nuts but they were going fairly nuts. He jumped to this spot on stage with this keyboard slash DJ kit and just fucking went nuts, it was probably the best thing I have ever seen ever.

You could say that I was maybe, like, maybe just a little too close to these giant three subwoofers but yeah, I didn’t really seem to notice at all when it was happening. To say that Calvin Harris live was the best thing that has ever happened ever would be an understatement, he was actually unbelievable. I mean, pretty much everything was good, Kasabian were great, Passion Pit were amazing, Dizzee was, well I thought he was incredible but no one else seemed to think so, but Calvin Harris was actually the greatest thing I have ever seen slash heard. As a crowd, we went wild, probably the best crowd in the world, just going off because of the amazingness that oozed from every single thing that Calvin did.

You’d think that the best thing about Calvin Harris was Calvin Harris, and in thinking that you would be right, but if you thought that the second best thing about Calvin Harris was also Calvin Harris, you would be wrong. You see there was this fucking hot ass girl that was next to me, as in next to me on the right was Brett, but next to me on the left was this hot ass girl who was just fucking great. There were these guys walking around handing out water to people near the front because it was just so hot in there, but every time they did this girl would always get water, and she would always offer me a sip, which I, for some reason, said something like ‘no that’s okay’ but she wouldn’t have heard me but I’m sure my body actions and facial expressions showed her that I wasn’t interested in her water. It got to the third time she asked me if I wanted any water and I thought, I’m not really that thirsty but I should probably just drink some of her water, I mean she wasn’t offering it to anyone else, just me, so maybe that was a sign that she was in love with me.

There were times where we were singing the lyrics to Calvin’s music, looking into each other’s eyes singing ‘I’ve got love for you, if you were born in the eighties, the eighties.’ Then there were the times when she just looked at me smiling, then looking away when I noticed her looking at me and I looked at her and you know, that little awkward thingy. I don’t know why I didn’t do anything, but I realised at this point that she was the one for me; the love of my life. She had it all, she liked Calvin Harris... that is all that I know about her, that is actually like it... I didn’t know what to do though, and I wasn’t drinking or anything so I just felt kind of weird if I tried to get with her or something. She then looked like she was dying or something, like she was dehydrating, I mean that probably wasn’t it, she had like eight cups of water but, wait maybe she just really needed to go to the toilet... yeah that must have been it... anyway whatever it was, she ended up just jumping over the railing and being escorted away by the security guard. It was the last I ever saw of her, the last I ever saw of the love of my life, the girl with no name, the girl who loves Calvin Harris.

Calvin Harris a few songs after the love of my life left, finishing with the incredible ‘I’m Not Alone’ which actually went off unlike anything I have ever seen before. Leaving the boiler room into the hot sun was actually like walking outside of a heated room into the snow, the boiler room, although not even a room, like it was just a big tent, was still the hottest and sweatiest thing in the world. I was drenched in my and everyone else’s sweat, but it couldn’t have been a better crowd to be a part of. Whenever Calvin Harris had everyone’s hands in the air, the room smelt of BO, but it wasn’t disgusting, it was fucking amazing, because the smell was blown away by the subwoofers in, no I can’t explain the awesome of Calvin Harris. The only other thing I realised when walking out was that I couldn’t hear anything at all, Brett was saying things but everything that he said went in one ear and out the other, wait not even... it just hit my ear and bounced off. I could hear that he was talking, but whatever it was that he was saying will forever be a mystery, much like it is right now. All I can hear is the ringing in my ear, oh and Neon Rockets by Calvin Harris, that’s playing right now aswell.

The Big Day Out.

2010-01-29T09:19:00.000+10:30

I have never found it this hard to string a few words together making the first sentence for one of these, but then again I have never been this excited in my entire life. Unless you have been living under some kind of media blocking rock which you have because in your universe it exists for some reason, or you live in another state and not under a rock, you would know that Big Day Out Adelaide is today; and fuck me am I excited as all fuck! It’s almost like every single one of my favourite bands and artists are playing at the same place on the same day and I have my hands on one ticket; the necessary amount to get one person in, and I am one person. My plan has advanced from what it was and I now have a full day of awesomeness to attend to starting at eleven in the morning until eleven at night, and seeing as though now is nine in the morning, it’s just getting closer and closer.

My neighbours must hate me, I mean it is four past nine in the morning and right now, Lily Allen is being played on full blast on my relatively loud iPod dock, well it isn’t loud enough to do for a party but as far as nine in the morning goes, it goes just that little bit better than alright. Never in my life have I gotten up at, well just before eight in the morning, waiting for people to come to mine so I wouldn’t feel like an alcoholic when I start drinking, but if two thousand and nine taught me anything, it was that pre drinks are an essential part of any outing, well almost any outing. It’s not like I really plan to get ‘paro as’, I mean I intend on enjoying but also remembering today, but I think that being a little bit tipsy would assist in my enjoyment, maybe?

Actually, I really didn’t know what I was going to do today. I said originally that I was going to go sober, but then again I first thought that Big Day Out was a dry zone. Dry zone or not, I am seventeen so I wouldn’t be able to drink there without bearing the risk of getting kicked out and yeah, that would be so shit. I would probably have to actually kill myself if I got kicked out, I mean first act through to the last one, everything that I have planned to see is something that I couldn’t bear to miss. Regardless of whether I was intending on drinking or not, people are arriving here with their booze, ready to drink, and fuck being left out. I’m going to go and drink, leaving this blog half as short as the rest, but I’ll be back tomorrow just fucking, so happy, surely with stories to tell... surely.

The Fear.

2010-01-28T12:34:00.000+10:30

I went into the bathroom to; you know, shit, at like eleven thirty at night last night. For some reason all of the toilet seats were down, so I lifted up the first one and sit down on the one that you are meant to sit on. I sit down without checking the inside of the toilet, I mean I am a much more grown up person than I was ten years ago when every time I sat on the toilet I had to check for toilet monsters first. There is of course that childhood fear that started, yeah probably again, like ten years ago, and this is one of those fears that come and go, like it is never on the top of my mind, but whenever I see them I just remember the thing that happened so long ago that will forever keep me scared of them... and that is when I saw an earwig crawl from under my bathroom sink and make its way under the bathroom bin.

I remember a time long ago when I was playing at lunch time in campus two at Unley Primary School. I wouldn’t have been any older than seven years old, and the thing to do wasn’t Poke’Mon, no not yet, for the season was bug catching season, and all we wanted to do was catch caterpillars in the school garden and bring them back into the classroom and put them in the caterpillar tank which we actually had for some reason. I had an ice cream container than I was putting all my caterpillars in; I probably had like, thirty caterpillars in the single container so I was actually dominating beyond belief. I got further into the schools garden and then I found this bug crawling around that I had never seen before. It looked like a long ant, but on the end of the long ants tail was like this pincer thing. I picked it up from its pincer and it didn’t bite me or anything, but I didn’t want to put it in with the caterpillars because it might kill them or something, who knows? I ended up putting the earwig in my left shirt pocket for safe keeping so at the end of lunch I could go into class and ask what kind of bug it was.

Before I could take a few steps in my desired direction, I felt a throbbing pain in my left nipple that I have never felt before. It hurt like an absolute motherfucker but being the retarded seven year old that I was, I didn’t think it was the earwig that I stupidly put in my left breast pocket, or shirt pocket or whatever it is called. I kept walking before I felt it again, but this time I felt the actual grip it had on my nipple, my poor seven year old hard nipple. I pulled it out of my pocket and threw it away, it bit my finger this time before it let go and went into the garden. I looked down my shirt to see that my left nipple was much, much redder than my right nipple. Not only that, but my nipple was actually bleeding a little bit.

For around a week after that, my nipple was swollen and in immense pain, now if that isn’t enough trauma to warrant a life time fear of earwigs then I don’t know what is. It is that kind of thing that I will never forget, a memory that will be forever embedded into my memory, much like when I sliced my leg open in reception, but that is a story for another blog. Anyway, back to me shitting with the earwig just in front of me, hiding behind the bin. So I did my shit, did my wipe and got up to wash my hands. I looked to the left to see the earwig hiding under the bin, so I lift up the bin and move it over a metre away from where it previously was, leaving the earwig with no cover; no place to hide. It scurries over to the corner of the room, less hiding and more playing it safe. It knows that it couldn’t be attacked from behind this way so the only place it could get attacked from was in front of it, and that is where I was; it was ready for me.

As I look at the earwig in the corner, I think to myself that if I killed it, I would be no better than that earwig that clamped my nipple all those years ago, I thought to myself that I should just let the earwig go, let it be. Then I thought to myself ‘fuck that’ and I rammed the bin into the corner of the room. Unfortunately for me, the bin had rounded edges, but the bathroom didn’t, and the bin did nothing but probably make the earwig shit itself, but it didn’t smush it like I had intended. This is when I actually thought that, I should just let it go. Then I went back into my room, went back on Facebook and realised that I had gotten over my fear of earwigs, I am better than them. At least I thought that until I went on Google Images to find a picture of an earwig for this blog and then I thought that, they are fucking scary as... I really should have killed that fucking thing, god knows where it is now... fuck.

The cold.

2010-01-27T23:18:00.000+10:30

For the last week or so Brett has been telling me of his sickness, his highly contagious sickness that is commonly referred to as the common cold. Despite seeing him every day, I haven’t yet contracted his cold, but it was just the other day when we were talking about general things and Brett said that you are more likely to catch someone’s contagious disease by shaking their hand than by kissing them or something like that. I then put my hand out to shake Brett’s hand, just to see if it was true. Although this test isn’t really an actual test, like I could have caught his cold just by being around him or by being in the vicinity of his sneezes or maybe the cold that I would catch wouldn’t even be his, but regardless, we shook hands, potentially spreading the common cold that Brett had.

***

When the rain started falling on the corrugated iron roof, it was falling heavier than anything that has ever fallen before. The rain was so heavy that the sound of the ball bouncing and being kicked couldn’t be heard over the sound of the rain coming down hard on the roof. We were up by a single goal, and it felt like the end of a movie or the final boss of a video game where it starts to rain and you know that it is serious. All I could think about was my ‘to do list’ and scoring the goal so I could just go back and defend and never have to worry about scoring ever, ever again. There were four minutes left on the clock and it was the final half; we were playing on the blue court, the court that we have never won on, ever. Jack took the shot which deflected off the keeper and went out for a corner, and from my defensive position that I have been cemented in for the entirety of my indoor playing life, I came out to the other half, ready to shoot.

Whenever I came into the other half; the attacking half, I always felt out of place. I am a defender, but I am not the kind of defender that will go into the other half, ever. I feel uncomfortable going into attacking territory when I know that the defence is where I am meant to be. Regardless of how uncomfortable I felt, I made my way to the attacking half of the court, and where I was placed in that half was amazing. There was a clear cut path from where Brett was taking the corner and where I was standing, and before I could call out for the pass, Brett had already passed it straight to me, and from there I kicked it straight into the goals, it went past the keeper and went over the line... well at least I thought it went over the line, apparently it didn’t.

I have never been so sure in my life of a ball crossing a line but apparently I was wrong. The keeper picked it up just before it went over the line, in my eyes he picked it up after but in the refs it didn’t; absolutely devastating. I yelled out that it was a goal, and the ref shook his head and I yelled out something along the lines of ‘fuck off’ and by that I mean, that is exactly what I yelled. It was by far the angriest I have ever been, ever I think. Maybe not ever, but I was so angry. I yelled so loud that it could be heard over the rain, and then the rain got heavier. In my rage I ended up hacking at one of their players and then hacking at a second, like, they were obvious frees and I felt bad for just kicking their legs out deliberately but the ref seemed to show a blind eye to it, kind of like my goal. They ended up scoring another goal, equalising to five all and then within the last thirty seconds, they scored again with this miracle header that was just, no I was so sad.

Luckily enough, the other team was disqualified for using a player that they were told not to use. See, Sealio FC, as in our team is in C grade, and the player that they used was like, the best A grade player that there is. Because they were told not to use him by the two ‘in charge’ people at Life Be In It, we ended up winning ten nil by default. When you think about it though, we nearly beat a team using the best indoor player at the thingy, so that is just fucking great. We left Immanuel High School feeling fucking awesome, I mean if I score I would have felt much, much more awesome but you know, we played fucking great. The rain wasn’t as heavy walking to the car, but it was a great, light rain to cool us down after sweating that hot ass flood that came from our heads.

***

When I got home I really needed to blow my nose, for like, the seven thousandth time. I have a cold; I can’t take a breath without sniffing up the snot that is running down from my nose. This is what I don’t know though; did I get this cold from shaking Brett’s hand? I will never know, so I don’t know why I am even thinking this. I mean I have seen Brett every day since I first shook his hand, so did I get the cold from shaking his hand, by being around him and his sneezes, or did I get it from being in the rain? Not only will I never know, but I really don’t care, so I think that this is the point where I stop writing and just... stop.

The Australia Day.

2010-01-26T21:57:00.001+10:30

I’m not really a fan of the radio, but I am especially not a fan of Triple J. I listen to the radio sometimes, but that is only when I leave my iPod somewhere and when I get sick of my laptops low quality speakers. When I do listen to the radio, I listen to anything from Triple M and Mix FM when I am looking for my old rock fix, and then I listen to Nova or SAFM when I want my new hits fix, then there’s just Fresh FM which I listen to when I just want to party. My lack of listening to the radio, especially has led me to be oblivious that there is a Triple J top hundred songs of the year that plays on Australia Day. Now just so you know I am less of a hating on Triple J kind of guy and a more hating on Triple J people kind of guy if you know what I mean, and if you don’t, let me explain in the next paragraph that you will see after I press enter, and then press it again for a second time; breaking the page into two sections.

If you haven’t noticed already, people who exclusively listen to Triple J are dick heads who think they are better than people who listen to any other station. I remember back in the day where I went to school, as in last year, as in two thousand and nine. We were in art, my most hated class of all classes ever of my life ever. The station being listened to was something that wasn’t Triple J, like it was a normal station that was playing Katy Perry, so my bad mood that I was in because I was in art with Ms Moore had been slightly elevated due to the high level of awesome that comes out of Katy Perry and her music. It was just as the song was hitting the chorus, also known as the best bit of pretty much every song before I heard the sound of radio station static as someone was changing the station. I look up to see Salome changing the radio station, changing the sound of Waking Up In Vegas to the sound of static. Salome then looked up at Catherine Story and called out asking her what the station is for Triple J, then the static changed to some shit ass Aussie Hip Hop song that sounded like absolute ass to microphone crap and I was just so mad.

I then recall Catherine saying that that song was shit, and then I told her that she should put it back to whatever it was on before because I was in agreeance with her, and then she had this huge ass go at me about how I am a loser because I don’t listen to Triple J. Well I’m sorry for not being a try hard alternative person, but sometimes I just fucking like to fucking party, and Aussie Hip Hop and a guy screeching over the sound of his shit ass sounding guitar just doesn’t cut it. Triple J people are the most arrogant of people; sometimes they play great music on that station, but most of the time they just play the most random shit that I wouldn’t even call music, like that one time that they played this so called song that was just like, animal noises over the sound of a guy playing some instrument; what the fuck kind of a person can get enjoyment out of listening to that?

Anyway, I wasn’t going to get this into talking about Triple J people but that is my reason for not listening to Triple J, just because I hate the people. I hate most of the music that they play as well but mainly the people that listen to it and think they are alternative and radical and shit; fuck off. Today is Australia Day though, and over the day I managed to hear a good amount of the top hundred and I was enjoying it. I actually knew most of the songs, as in like, vast, vast majority of the songs were just great songs that I know and love, with the occasional acoustic guitar muffled by animal noises over the top but sometimes you just got to love that… not really…

This post was, as in this blog was meant to be about Australia Day, but it really turned out being about the music that I listened to whilst I did my Australia Daying, and a little bit of hatred towards people who listen to Triple J… as in actually most of this was but sometimes you just have to hate people and then write about it and just see how it goes. Honestly, I fucking love that I live in Australia, it has to be the best country in the world, and I know that because I have been overseas once and it was to Vanuatu, and Australia was fucking so much better than Vanuatu, so by the process of elimination, Australia is the best country in the world and I hope that you had a fucking great Australia Day, because you are fucking awesome.

The thinking blog.

2010-01-25T23:54:00.000+10:30

Well it is eleven thirty four and I haven’t written today’s blog yet, so I am kind of cutting it fine, but yeah… I really started writing one like, eight hours ago but it was just not anything, so I deleted it and then went out. Didn’t realise that I wouldn’t be back until this late and now I am isolating myself in Brett’s computer room typing this up instead of having good times with the rest of everyone else, and it really has me thinking; why do I do this? Okay, it isn’t like I am really missing out on anything by being in here, like, they are all just playing Call of Duty out there, but the thing is; I have missed out on things before by just sitting in a room typing instead of being outside and playing with my friends.

I am glad you didn’t ask for any examples of times where I have missed out on something due to writing this, because I can’t think of any, but if you actually did ask your computer screen for an example or two, as in you actually said aloud ‘can you please give me an example or two?’ then you are fucking retarded, like that is just weird, but still; sorry, I have no examples. Recently I have had like, double the amount of people that I normally get coming up to me and asking me if I actually enjoy doing this, and the answer is that I do, but I don’t enjoy the fact that I do one every day. I started doing this to see if I could, and this is like the one hundred and sixty somethingth blog, so I am pretty sure that I can do it if I actually wanted to get a job in doing this, but I don’t even know if I want to before.

Well it is eleven forty one, and I have written three hundred and twenty five words, so if I keep this progress going then I won’t lose just yet, but really, I don’t give a shit if I do lose. I always tell people that I am going to stop writing these everyday because I have proven to myself that I can, but they do involve the odd blog about actually nothing. Then again, you could argue that every single one of my blogs are about nothing, like all they are about is what I do with my life, and you could argue that I do nothing with my life… I have crossed one thing off that to do list so far and that one thing was to get into the top hundred in the world on any song in DJ Hero, and really, I don’t see that as something to be proud of. I mean I do, I am proud kind of but I would have been happier if I just never crossed that one off ever, and the first thing I crossed off was getting a job or something.

Five hundred and six words down and I have sixteen minutes left. I should really give myself some more time to like, you know, put it up and get a picture and all that, but I don’t even know what the picture should be for this blog, I mean this is really just the blog where as I write, I realise things and write them down, so this is every single thought that has come into my head since I started writing back fifteen minutes ago now. So Andrew just came in and talked to me for two minutes, wasting valuable writing time, picture thinking time and yeah, just time. I’m going to have to wrap it up here but yeah, this has been a good think for me, and I finished this blog in eighteen minutes with twelve to spare, so fuck you, internet! Oh yeah, and try and figure out that Wheel of Fortune one... it isn't really a half birthday, so here is a better hint. The answer is what that picture was to this blog... yep that will probably not help you. Good luck.

The Three Corner Jack.

2010-01-24T15:58:00.000+10:30

I think I would rather have my legs get torn off and then fed to trained carnivorous earwigs whilst still connected to my body so I still felt the pain as they ate my legs, like it was just connected by this one strand but the strand was connected to my hip well enough for me to still feel every bit of pain that I was put through from my leg being ripped off and the earwigs eating it, yeah so I would rather that than be woken up at ten thirty in the morning after being out until like four in the morning, then being taken to lift wood onto a different, far away pile of wood for one and a bit hours. At least that’s what I thought when I first woke up, and it was actually the scariest thing ever waking up, I mean I had a dream where I was in school, like I can’t remember my dream at all so I don’t know if I was at school or talking about school but the dream had a theme of school. When dad walked into my room, turned the light on and said ‘okay get ready,’ I was almost sure that I was getting up for school... it had to be one of the scariest things ever.

Luckily it only took me like four, maybe six seconds to realise that I actually didn’t have school, but I was still dead asleep as I was getting up, walking towards the clothes of which I would put on to go and lift wood. I stumbled into the kitchen and nearly hit myself on the fridge when I went in to get some cold water, and mum got angry at me because she thought that I was still drunk, even though I didn’t even drink last night, and I think that explains how tired I actually was. I soon realised that what I was doing was assisting me get into not only a normal sleeping pattern, but also when I start working at wherever it is that I one day start work, getting up at this time might be something that needs to be done. Once I got over my tiredness, I came to realise how happy I was that I was up and moving around and, almost working, I just felt like a normal person.

Taking back what I said before about the carnivorous earwigs, whilst working I found out about something that is much, much worse than getting woken up mid dream when you haven’t had enough sleep. I generally don’t wear shoes, I would like to but I always take them off, leave my socks around the world and then I, let’s just say that I don’t have enough socks to wear shoes every day, so I need to spend my socks tactically if you will; save them for parties and just go barefooted everywhere else. I decided that I would use two of my socks today seeing as though I would need to wear shoes because I am lifting wood and that, and if I dropped big things of wood onto my shoe enclosed feet, the pain would be much less painful than if I was barefooted. I mean I would still bleed, maybe cut my toe nail off and possibly break my toe but you know, it wouldn’t be as bad...

By the end of the working session, I could feel this painful prick in the back of my foot, like in my Achilles heel bit thingy on my foot, you know. I stopped walking, because every time I took a step it would dig in deeper to my thingy, so I lifted my foot up and picked out this little thingy with like, four spikes sticking out of it. I then check the front of my foot and there was another one just under that bit of the shoe that, as a child, I was told to refer to as the tongue of my shoe but if TV has taught me anything, it says that the mouth of a shoe is the front of it, where your toes are, so there is no reason that the tongue would be sticking out there, it is more of like, its brain sticking out after he got shot or attacked by zombies. Moving on from somewhere we didn’t even need to go, after pulling out the second one I showed dad and asked him what this thing was that was pricking me in the back of the foot.

His response, as all of his to me are these days, was the answer and then a kind of not at all subtle insult at me for not already knowing what the answer to my question was. He said that it is a three corner jack, but I didn’t hear him so I asked him again and he said that it was a three corner jack. Dad told me to look at the bottom of my shoe and pick off all of the three corner jacks that were on my foot, I didn’t bother asking him why the three corner jacks have four spikes, but I looked at the bottom of my shoe and started to pick off the four cornered three corner jacks. I noticed that there were actually like, fifty of those motherfuckers stuck to the bottom of my shoe, and these things were fucking sharp as, like they actually hurt just to pull out of my shoe with my bare hands because there wasn’t a part of them that I could grab without touching a spike.

It got me thinking that I should really just wear shoes; I mean if I walked through there with no shoes on, I would have been picking those fucking things out of my foot, and that would actually be one of the most painful things ever. I was scared though, I mean we are going to be moving into this place soon, and I hate wearing shoes. I don’t want to live in a place where I have to check my every step just in case, outside, my feet get fucked up by these three corner jacks with four spikes; that’s fucked! We are going to have a pool in this new house, I mean it’s not like I am going to wear shoes for the journey from inside my house to the pool which is outside just so I don’t step on those things... the excitement that I had for moving into the new house was replaced with fear, but then the feeling went back to excitement when he said that the reason we were moving the wood was because we are paving the backyard so it isn’t like the jungle that it is now, and once that is done there won’t be any four cornered three corner jacks... so excited!

The early night.

2010-01-23T15:10:00.001+10:30

Everyone knows that you have to get to a party after it starts, like, you have to give it at least an hour or so after the starting time before you actually get there. It was a weird feeling having to get there at eight or you won’t get in, but I guess that’s how parties in town work for some reason; or at least this one. Walking in, the first thing I noticed was how everyone was just sitting around, not partying, but then again it was like eight, on the dot, so everyone would have just gotten there and probably still sober. Still sober is something that we weren’t, I mean Tom had already vomited all over the bus stop and I felt like absolute shit after sculling that last Elevate before getting onto the bus. Tom and I made our way to the toilets where I pissed all over him because I wasn’t looking at what I was doing; I think that this is when I realised how drunk I actually was.

I made my way back out to see Meb and Hayden calling me over, for what I thought would be the usual hello greeting. What I got was the usual hello greeting, as expected, but then Hayden bought me a beer, so I was probably the happiest I have ever been, ever. This assisted in my paroness, but then GG also assisted in my paroness when she told me that she didn’t want to do the shot that she had just bought, and she insisted on me doing it, so I did. I was so happy, I was paro as and drinks were just being handed to me wherever I went, and this is when I walked over to the bar and Jack bought a round of shots, of which I had one. Stumbling into the casino, I remember drinking some of Aaron’s jug of whatever it was, and at this point I could barely stand up.

I walked out of the Casino to see Brett, and he jumped slash tackled me down to the couch as, well I thought he was hugging me but before I knew it he was giving me the most painful hickey ever on my neck. We went over to the dance floor and partied because before we knew it, everyone was on the dance floor, and the DJ was just carving up, it was great. It was at this point when I felt patting on my right shoulder, I turned around to party with whoever the person was but then I saw that it was a security guard making this little sign with his hand. The sign looked like he was holding a card, but there was no card where the card that he was holding would be, but then I realised that he was asking for my ID. I used the same excuse that I use every single time I ever get asked for ID anywhere, and I say that I have lost my wallet, look all sad and run off looking for my wallet.

Now this has got to be the best excuse ever, it has never failed ever, and I have tried it on at least ten different occasions. This time the guy was like ‘where did you lose it?’ and he followed me around as I looked for it. I knew that I wouldn’t find it; I mean my wallet was in my pocket, but the ID that was in that wallet said that I was seventeen. I made my way to the toilet looking for my wallet, and luckily the guy didn’t follow me that far. I met up with Steve Malavazos in the toilets and he gave me his ID so that I could show the guy and then I could just give Steve his ID back. I look nothing like Steve but I had heard that any ID has been working; they just want to see that you have one and they don’t even give the picture a second glance.

I walk out and show the guy and he gave it so many looks before he said that it wasn’t me, I said that, ‘nah that is me, Steve Malavazos?’ and he asked ‘when were you born, then?’ and I just looked at him and told him that I couldn’t hear him. I could hear him fine and then he just went, ‘you don’t know when you were born do you?’ and I kept saying that I couldn’t hear him. I mean we were nowhere near the speakers but still, I could hear him fine though... I changed my story a further two or three times before he realised that he had wasted like, forty five minutes talking and listening to my bullshit, he kicked me out and this time I stayed out. I was having the best time inside, carving up the dance floor but the end of my night came up much quicker than I thought it would, just before eleven at night.

The shit system.

2010-01-22T17:11:00.000+10:30

Sometimes you just have to love shit systems. Most parties that I have been to at clubs or places where you have to be eighteen to drink give eighteen year olds like, wrist bands or like, you know, something like that... mainly wrist bands. Last night at Alena’s eighteenth, they were asking people at the door if you balls I love dick were eighteen or not, and if you were they would let you in, and if you weren’t then they would put a cross on your hand, and that cross meant that you were not allowed to buy drinks at the bar, and if you were caught drinking then you would get in some kind of trouble, I don’t know what kind of trouble but you know, there would be some kind of trouble I’m sure, probably getting kicked out or something.

Walking in I wasn’t remotely fussed about having the ‘you can’t drink’ marking on my hand, I mean I was already paro as from Brett and Andrew’s Fucking Party Day. Walking up the stairs to get into Star Bar, IO was looking at the mark on my hand and really just thinking, this was just a silly idea, I mean surely this would just rub off or something? I reach the top of the staircase to see Linou and he asked me if I got the x on my hand, and I said that I had, and then the next question he asked was whether I had rubbed it off or not. I then realised that my paroness was slightly decreasing, but then I also realised that I had ten dollars.

I walked up to the bar with my hand with no mark on it, but red due to the rubbing, I asked for a ABC shot, I mean it was ten dollars and I have been told about how fucked they are, and the woman serving didn’t even ask to see ID or my hand to see if I had one or anything, so yeah, I don’t know. You know when you shot tequila, your mouth and throat burn or sting or whatever you want to call it? When you do an ABC shot, you can feel the burn go right through your entire body, well at least I did. It fucked me up even further than I already was, and just so you know how drunk I already was at Brett and Andrews, I drank piss, and I got pissed on, and I felt like Kenny at schoolies.

You know you are drunk when Andrew’s mum Karyn and Andrew’s sister Laura were filming me dancing to Calvin Harris and as I looked around the room, I discovered that I was outside and it wasn’t even a room like I thought it was, but everyone was looking at me, it was kind of fucked. It might have been the most drunk I have ever been, ever, or at least second to Josh Breda’s eighteenth, I don’t know... definitely top three though. This is probably my night of the least memory that I have ever had, ever I think, as in the whole day, I remember nothing at all, and I guess that is why I am going to stop writing and yeah, I mean I can’t write about what happened, can I?

The Fucking Party Day.

2010-01-21T11:31:00.000+10:30

You could say that right now, I am keening up for what will probably be the best day ever. It is nine minutes into Brett and Andrew’s Fucking Party day and to say that it’s going off would be like, well it’s not that it’s not going off, but so far it’s just Brett, Andrew and me, but Andrew is asleep so I guess so far it’s really just Brett’s Fucking Party Day. It’s now twelve minutes in and I thought that the first guest just walked in but it was just Brett again, coming in with all this bread and stuff. Seriously though, today is gearing towards being the best day ever, ever, ever. I had to use three evers to show how fucking amazing today will be, I mean… okay, so Brett and Andrew’s Fucking Party Day until like eight tonight, and then Alena’s party from eight thirty to like, three.

My plan for yesterday was to go to sleep at like midnight, get in a bloody good like, nine hour sleep and then wake up to come to party day early, help set up and all that and then party all day and all night, like that song my the Black Eyed Peas that slightly encourages partying all the time… you know, the shit one. Anyway, that plan, as I assumed, just didn’t happen. We came to Brett’s after indoor and sat around, doing the usual nothing, but we just didn’t go to sleep. Everyone ended up leaving Brett’s at like four in the morning, I mean people were leaving slowly one by one, sometimes in twos, but like at four was the time when everyone was gone. I really just assumed that I would sleep at home but I ended up sleeping at Brett’s again, third night in a row, and yeah… we just didn’t get enough sleep.

I know I have partied on no sleep before but I think having a little bit of sleep is worse, because if you had none you are just like ‘oh I didn’t sleep, fuck it’ but when you have a bit, it’s just such a tease. Andrew just got up so yeah, Brett and Andrew’s Fucking Party Day is looking that little bit more promising now, but we are forty six minutes in and still, it’s just us. Maybe that’s just what happens when you start the Facebook Event at ten thirty in the morning. I remember my party… well not really, like I actually don’t remember it at all, but I remember knowing of people coming like, a half hour after the starting time was. That did start at like eight thirty at night though, not like, ten thirty in the morning…

Well, my favourite part about setting up a party just happened, just tested the speakers… fucking, so happy. Bloody Jason Derulo, Watcha Say comes on, first song in the mix, and it just, we had it on like a fifth of how loud it can go and it was just great. I am going to have to keep this one short, because I don’t think my helping for like one and a bit seconds and then running back in to write some blog is really being appreciated by everyone… everyone still being just Brett and Andrew, but yeah, I’ll leave it here and let’s just see how this party day goes.

One more thing, I have mentioned comments on this blog before and really all I get are anonymous people abusing me, but like I know who it is so I don’t even know why they still do it, and then the occasional person commenting on the actual topic. I check the comments on this pretty much everyday, and I was kind of, I don’t know if shocked should be the word but like, it was just fucked up. It was on yesterdays Adventureland blog and yeah, just look at the comment and you know, comment back to whoever the fuck that was or you know, see what you think.

The Adventureland.

2010-01-20T13:16:00.000+10:30

You know how every movie that you would have seen before has that guy who likes that girl but she is with this guy but her and this guy don’t really work and then she falls for that guy that likes her and then that’s the end? Adventureland is really nothing like that at all, and I think that’s why I enjoyed it so much. Thinking about the movie in a nutshell though, it really is the same as that stereotype of romantic comedies, but it is one that does it in a way that you don’t think it is happening. Everyone that I talked to about Adventureland said that it was good but slow, except for Lauren who said that it was slow, boring and not even worth watching.

Now I don’t know if I am just a patient movie watcher or if I like slow movies or whatever, but I think that every time someone tells me that a movie is slow and that I shouldn’t bother watching it, I always end up really enjoying it. Adventureland is one of those perfect balance movies, the balance being funny and serious. You get those movies like Superbad; who is by the same guy just so you know, but you get movies like that where it’s just funny, like there is pretty much no seriousness to it, and it is just joke after joke after joke. Then you get those movies like Gladiator where it is really serious and there isn’t a single joke in it. Why I brought up Gladiator I don’t know, it was just a really serious movie that I can’t remember being funny like, in any way, but what I am trying to say is that Adventureland is a really serious funny ass movie… like Juno.

Now I have never, ever seen Juno, so bringing that up might be even more of a regret than bringing up Gladiator, but from what I have seen in trailers and heard from people, Gladiator, no I mean Juno, is a really serious comedy, and that is the same vibe that I got from Adventureland. There were the scenes that had me cacking myself laughing, like, you know, nearly dying and stuff, but then there were just those moments where you, ah, you just feel like you just want to help the fucking awkward guy who is like Michael Cera but he isn’t, it’s the guy from Zombieland. That’s the other thing about this movie, it is just full of people from big movies but I just don’t remember their names for some reason. You have that teenager guy from Zombieland, that main chick from Twilight, the other cop from Superbad, the one that isn’t Seth Rogen, you have that guy from Two Guys, a Girl and a Pizza Place; which I am surprised that I even remember that it existed, and then you have that girl from Saturday Night Live who was in that one episode of Flight of the Conchords.

In a world of easy to predict romantic comedies like, well, all of them, Adventureland really stands out as being less predictable. I mean it is kind of predictable, but there was just something about it that left my opinion on what is going to happen open. Normally I can pick who will end up with whom within the first five minutes, or even by looking at the front cover, but Adventureland is a really different one, and that is why I just enjoyed watching it so much… oh and the movie is set in nineteen eighty seven, so the soundtrack is bloody great. The only thing that wasn’t good about this movie is that it ended at five, nearly six in the morning, so it fucked up my sleeping pattern even more… something tells me I am actually going to just, have to work night shift because there is no not being nocturnal for me.

The track. (2)

2010-01-19T18:35:00.000+10:30

As happy as I am to say that I have already crossed something off of my to do list, I am kind of sad that it wasn’t one of the good ones, and if you know me you can probably just assume which one I have already done. I was just playing some DJ Hero the other night, playing that great Dizzee Rascal remix that I just love like, too much, and then I realised that I got a score that was like, eighty thousand points better than my other score. I thought to myself that maybe, just maybe I was in the top hundred in the world or something. I quit out of the thingy and went into the leader boards to find that I was ranked fifty eighth in the world at that one song; so happy!

When I showed some other people the list, mainly when I showed Tom, wait it was only when I showed Tom, but he just said to me that I could do the entire list in like a week; well besides get my P’s. I thought that maybe I should add some things to my list, things that will like, take the whole year to do or at least things kind of like that? You probably have no idea what I mean, like one of the things I thought of was, because my room is always messy and I hate it being a mess but I am too lazy to clean it, but I was thinking that I could put something on it like, ‘clean my room and maintain it being clean for’ like, ‘the whole year’ or something. It’s just the little things like that that I would like to do, not like that ridiculous list that I made earlier in the year, as in last year.

It was like mid last year I think where I made this list of twenty five things I need to do by the time I am twenty five. It was just stupid, like actually fucking retarded. I did some of the things on it, but there were things on it that just, will never happen. I am trying to remember the shit that was on it, like there were things on it like, ‘run through Rundle Mall naked’ and all this shit, I mean I could do that, but I just won’t. I ended up doing some of the stuff on it, like there was ‘eat a double pounder’ which if you don’t know, is just festy as, like it’s four double quarter pounders from McDonalds stacked on one another and yeah. It ended up costing me like twenty four dollars or something and it was just a highly regretful act of mine. I mean if I had twenty four dollars right now, I would go and buy like, a bloody half case of beer or something, not a big ass burger...

This list will most likely grow, like it is right now, but yeah, I intend on no matter how many things are on it, like actually finishing it. Today I haven’t done anything to come closer to my goal of finishing it but yeah, what did I do today? Like, I got up and then I went to Tallulah’s, and then Brett got there and we went to the thingy... the physio with her grandma and then we got back here and now she is drawing a picture for me to put on my wall and yeah, not closer to my goals at all but hey, I have a whole year to watch some movies and get my P’s... surely this will happen. Oh I know a good one for the list, score a goal in indoor soccer... I mean that was on the old list and I did it, but I haven’t done it this year, so yeah... might not even happen but hopefully it does or you know, I did not finish my two thousand and ten to do list.

Look at me, already doubting myself... nah this list will just have to work its way around my year of good times, I mean there is no way I am not having a great year because of this list getting in the way, I want to get my life on track but there is no way I am taking my life of the good times track, I just need to find a way to get like, one of the wheel on the good times thingy; track, and the other wheel on the actual track, the one I was talking about yesterday with you know, the nine lanes or something; the running track in the picture. Now I need to completely rethink my metaphor, I mean there are no wheels on the running track... fuck it, I need to get this day on track, it’s like six thirty and I haven’t showered or anything. I need to shit as well, I just feel more comfortable doing it in my own home, and Jack rang me before telling me that he wants to shit in his house at the same time as I shit here at mine, so he is probably holding it in for me so yeah, I’ll just leave it here.

The track.

2010-01-18T02:37:00.001+10:30

It was just then when I was in one of those thinking moments that I thought to myself that a new year’s resolution wouldn’t be enough for me, because I really need to get my life back on track, and by that I mean I need to get it on the track in the first place. I knew from day one of school that the it wasn’t going to be a place that I did well in; it being school. Now that that’s all behind me though, I really need to stop and think where I want my life to go, and whichever way that is, that will be the way this goes. What I am saying is that this blog is either going to go downhill and just be about nothing over and over again, talking about the shit that I do. I won’t contribute to society or anything and this will be a really depressing spiral into my suicide thing to read. Of course I don’t want that to happen because not only will this be a shit thing to read, but I will end up killing myself, just like I said in the last bit of that sentence.

Instead of that, I am going to turn this blog into the journal of how I am getting my life back on track, and if My Name is Earl taught me anything back in the day that I used to watch TV, I need some kind of a list in order to get my life back on track, or like I said before, on the track to begin with... well not begin with but you know, I just want to get the fuck on that track. I have noticed that whenever I get into one of those ‘where is your life going?’ conversations with mum, I always get out of it by just saying that I am no different than anyone else my age, and by that I mean that I am out all night and sleeping all day. I think that the first thing that this list needs is something that needs changing about me probably the most, and this is something that differentiates me from pretty much everyone else my age. Unlike pretty much everyone else my age, I cannot drive, and by that I mean that I am so lazy that I don’t even have my learners.

Obviously the next step from getting my L’s would be to get my P’s, and once that happens I won’t be that guy who I hate being; the guy who needs a lift everywhere. I know what you are thinking now though, ‘sure, you can get your P’s and drive and that, but petrol costs money, and as I can find in this blog, money is something that you never have’ and that is why the next thing on this list will be to get a fucking job. I often talk about getting a job, but surprisingly enough, and by that I mean it is not very surprising at all, but I haven’t really looked for a job or anything at all. Life isn’t all work though, I mean remember in The Sims, like the first one, when you bought that genie and when you rubbed his lamp or whatever he asked if you wanted work or leisure benefits from whatever it is that he would grant you. This list needs something that I can do that will be good fun or leisure as the purple (I think) genie in The Sims calls it.

I haven’t talked about DJ Hero since I had that blog that was really just about it, and in case you don’t know, I am getting fucking good at it. I used to be really good at Guitar Hero, I mean I did beat Guitar Hero II on Expert, all songs five starred, but I think that my skill from that is being transferred over to DJ Hero because I am just, I am just getting good at it. Before I got the game, I would watch videos on the internet of people playing the game on Expert and I would think to myself, ‘fuck, that game looks impossible, I will never, ever be that good,’ but really, it was only matter of time, and also a matter of having antisocial isolation days where I just sat in my room playing the game before I got good enough to play on Expert, but not only play, but also five star the songs that I play.

I was playing DJ Hero just before and I beat one of the Dizzee Rascal remixes on expert, and I got a fucking good score for it, like, I was amazed at how well I did. I then went over to the leader boards to see what I was ranked in the world for that song and I was like, four hundred and something in the world... so I was just thinking, I should really get to be the best in the world on at least one of these songs in this game by the end of the year. Then I realised that it would be pretty much impossible to do that, so I should aim to get into the top one hundred in the world at a song, I mean that is not only impressive, but also possible.

That is enough leisure, I mean the purple genie can only give so much before he starts to get things wrong and fuck up your wishes... there is another thing in my life that I would love to fix, and that is this fucked up sleeping pattern that I have gotten myself into. I mean right now, it is two fourteen in the morning, and I am not tired at all. I am more concerned of what movie I am going to watch tonight than going to sleep, and by the time a movie finishes and I get to bed it will be like four, maybe even five in the morning. Then I will go to bed, and I will sleep tomorrow until like three in the afternoon, and then the cycle only repeats, every single day.

There is also one other thing that I can’t deny any longer. This is another one of those things that has separated me from most other people, not only my age, but I think like, everyone. I have never watched all of the Star Wars movies, same with Lord of the Rings. I mean I say that they are shit, but I don’t know how I can honestly say that when I have not given either of them a fair go. I tried watching Lord of the Rings the other week when we were living at Andrew’s but I kept falling asleep, so I think I need to watch it when I am not tired at all, and watch them all. Star Wars I don’t know about though, I mean I might have seen them but I am not sure, I know I have seen some of them but I don’t know which ones, so I think that the only fair thing to do would be to watch all three of them, and by that I mean all six of them.

I think that so far, this is a good start to getting my life on the track of normality that I want it to be on. If you are thinking that the blog will be changing into some sort of life helping program or some shit, don’t worry, as the blog will still be what it is. Hopefully though, this list will help me become a better person... I mean probably not like the DJ Hero one and like, watching Star Wars and that but you know, they are just things that I want to do, things that I think need to be done... well not really... but I am sure that when I do them I will feel some form of accomplishment... well maybe not really but I am just going to stop typing now because yeah, I am going to go watch a movie... I’ll put the to do list on the right hand column thingy so you can see where I am up to in life, and yeah... movie time.

The planning.

2010-01-17T18:53:00.000+10:30

So I have spent the last week or so looking at the Big Day Out timetable, just trying to contain my excitement, but I think that the containment blew right open when Brett and I were watching Chanel [v] last night and there was an ad for the big day out, and it said that there was seven days to go (not in Adelaide, in like, wherever the first Big Day Out is). We really just exploded with excitement and I am sure that his ex stripper neighbour heard the squeals of excitement, but seriously, I have never been this excited for anything. I am an extremely unorganised person, but I am so ready for this that I actually have planned out my day already, and fuck me, if this day goes to my plan, it will just be the best day ever.

My Big Day Out plan starts at two in the afternoon with Kasabian. I really only heard of this band when their first single off their latest album played on Chanel [v] that time when it was their Ripe Clip of the Week. The first song I heard of theirs was Fire and it was actually amazing. I don’t know what genre they would come under, but according to Wikipedia they are an alternative rock, neo-psychadelia, indie rock, neo-Madchester, Britpop, Electronic... whatever that means. I listened to their album and discovered that I like pretty much all of their songs. I mean I haven’t listened to their older albums but this recent one is just great, and I actually can’t wait to see them live.

After Kasabian, there was this one hour and forty minute wait until the next act that I wanted to see, so I spent ages looking through the acts within that time to see if there was anything that I wanted to see, but there really just, wasn’t. I was having a talk to Sam Pratt a week and a bit ago about Big Day Out. She said she isn’t going, well that she hasn’t got a ticket yet, but she said that if she went, it would really just be so she could see this band called Passion Pit. She told me to listen to some of their stuff, so I got home and used my internet powers to download their album; Manners. The album has eleven songs on it, but every single one of the songs on it is like, amazingly mindblowing. Luckily enough, and by that I mean like, this is actually a miracle, they are playing during that blank slot, they start playing ten minutes after Kasabian finish... so happy.

Passion Pit end at quarter to four so then I have until four thirty to get back over to the main stage to see Dizzee Rascal. From here on out I am just too excited, I mean Dizzee Rascal is just fucking great, I actually love his music so much, and I think that everything off his latest album I just love, and everything else of his that I have heard is just great. As far as YouTube has taught me, he is even better live than he is in the recording studio, so he is definitely one of my top acts to see.

Straight after Dizzee Rascal leaves the main stage, Lily Allen takes over in what would probably be one of my most memorable performances, if it wasn’t for clashes. There has always been dispute over who my favourite female artist is, and I actually don’t even know. Sometimes it’s Katy Perry, sometimes it’s Lily, sometimes it’s Little Boots or Ladyhawke, but really, it is probably Lily Allen. That’s why it is so shit that I am only going to see like a half hour of her because of the mad rush I will be in to leave her to go and see who is by far my favourite male artist; Calvin Harris. I have actually been having dreams about seeing Calvin Harris at the Big Day Out, and I have also had dreams about sleeping right through the entire Big Day Out, but really I don’t think either of the two will happen. Now that I think about it though, there is a good chance that I will be at Lily and that I will forget to leave her to see Calvin, and such an act will most likely cause me to kill myself. Yes I am serious.

Devastatingly enough, Calvin Harris is on at pretty much the same time as Ladyhawke, but chances are that after I see Calvin Harris live, I will not feel any regret at all from choosing him over her, and at least, if he finishes on time this is, I will be able to see twenty minutes of Ladyhawke before I make my way back over to the main stage. When Ladyhawke ends at seven thirty, I will watch Powderfinger which, to be honest I don’t really care about but I do like some of their songs, so I’ll end up watching them until they end at eight thirty, and then that’s when Muse will take the stage in just, what will probably be the best thing about Big Day Out for me anyway. I mean I think that I like Calvin Harris more than Muse, but I don’t know, fucking, I am just way too excited... Muse!

The most random thing ever.

2010-01-16T00:10:00.002+10:30

It isn’t often when the most random thing in the world happens. Actually, it happens so un-often that it only really happens once, and that once was last night at ten, on the fifteenth of January. We came to Brett’s house expecting a usual night full of good times, playing Xbox, swimming in the pool and of course, backyard cricket; which I won for the first time ever. What we got was Xbox, me winning backyard cricket for the first time ever and a swim, so yeah, everything just went to plan. Oh wait, and then there was that girl who jumped Brett’s fence because she had drunk two litres of goon and three shots of… I don’t remember what she said. She was fucked, what she wanted really we don’t know, wait yeah that’s right; all she wanted was a cigarette.

It was the only time ever that every single person who was there just came to me, one by one, telling me that ‘nah Cosma, this has to be in tomorrow’s blog’. She kept insisting on getting a cigarette, but she wanted a tailor made one, so Nath’s rolled up ones didn’t cut it for her. It then got to the point where she wanted us to walk her home, but the main reason he did was because she stole Crum; Brett’s dog. It was less of a steal and more of a giving if I can remember correctly; I mean she asked for the lead for her so she could walk her back to her house, and Brett really just gave it to her. We started walking her back home and she was telling us about her past, how she used to be a stripper, how she has an eight year old son, how she came to Brett’s house once and abused his mum because Brett was being too loud.

The more she talked, the clearer it became to us that she hated us. She was so drunk that I don’t think she knew that she was letting us know the hatred she had toward us. She was telling us stories about how she was still up at four in the morning when she had work at six in the morning, she was being kept up by the partying of Brett and that and yeah, she was just fucking hating on us. The hate really diminished when she stopped telling us of her hatred for us and she started asking us questions like ‘which of you guys are single?’ and ‘which of you guys are virgins?’ and probably my favourite, ‘which of you guys have had sex with a twenty six year old before?’ After that one, it really just went silent after we all said that none of us had, the next question though was definitely my favourite, ‘would any of you guys would be keen for an orgy with a twenty six year old?’ and after that one, none of us even answered, I mean we could have said no and hurt her feelings, or we could have said yes and she would have laughed in our faces.

We got back to her house and her friend was there, and she fucking hated us so much more than the stripper did, sorry, ex stripper. Apparently she rang the cops because she thought that the ex stripper had died when she fell of the roof, and at this point it was all clear to me. This girl was bringing us back to her house for an orgy that of course we would tag along with, from there, she would tie us up and then reveal to us that she wasn’t even drunk, and that her friend didn’t actually ring the cops. She would then kill us one by one, because we were in a horror movie. Of course I was completely and utterly wrong, but you can see where I was coming from. She didn’t bring up the orgy any more so I think we all assumed that the offer was off the table, or she was kidding, but it really didn’t stop us from talking about it.

The friend was really being a bitch towards us, I mean she wanted us to leave, which is really what we were trying to do, so she could have said ‘yeah no offence but could you guys please like, leave or something?’ but instead she went for the full on ‘did you guys just want to fuck off or something?’ so our instant opinion of her was that she was just a fucking disgusting bitch. The night started off as being ‘up there’ as I put it, as one of the most random nights that has ever happened ever, but it really got so far up there that it just got to the rank of first in the ladder of, just like, the most fucking random things that have ever happened to anyone ever. Walking home, I was thinking in my head what would happen next; most of the scenarios involved us getting back home to find her climbing back into Brett’s yard, and then we just had an orgy with her, so as you can probably just assume from what I just typed, the scenarios that were playing through my head were rather unrealistic, but seeing as though what had happened before that, it wasn’t out of reach. Just in case you are still confused, no we did not fuck her.

This is pretty much where the night ended. We made our way back home with Crum in hand, rescued from the twenty six year old stripper who hated us and then wanted an orgy with us and then I thought wanted to kill us but really ended up just being fucking paro as. I walked inside, went straight to the computer and just started typing, and here we are right now, midnight, just sitting here, hoping that one day, something just as fucking random happens… no, we should have fucked her.

The fifteenth day.

2010-01-15T17:23:00.000+10:30

It’s that time of year where the start of a new school year is on the horizon, and shops everywhere have got in a ridiculous amount of new stock, boxes full of pens, pencils, books to write in, books to draw in and whatever else you need for school because now is the time where Adam Sandler, that guy who I think I hate but I don’t even know if I do because he has some funny movies says ‘back to school’ in one of his movies that I actually like. Of course it is that time for everyone else, except for me, and I guess except for everyone else who has finished school or doesn’t go to school anymore, pretty sure I am not the only one, like, in the world who doesn’t have school. For me though, it is the start of something that I would like to call endless freedom, but in fact has a new name, and that name goes something like looking for work.

I said that I would start to look for a new job at the start of the year, I said that I just wanted to party until New Years and starting January first I would get off this chair that I am sitting on right now and get up, hand out some resumes and hopefully get a call back for some amazingly easy slash well paying job. None of this has happened yet; I have spent the last half of this month doing nothing, just playing Xbox, having good times and just yeah, writing this I guess. The thing I don’t know is, I don’t know where to start looking for a job, because I don’t know where I want to work. Whenever anyone asks me where I want to work I just reply with ‘yeah anything, I just want money’ but this really isn’t the case. I would hate to work at McDonalds or Hungry Jacks or something, I mean I have never worked there before, so it’s not like I know how bad it is and I don’t want to work there but I just don’t want to.

If I were to get a job at like, JB Hi Fi or EB Games or something, fuck me would I be happy. Honestly though, I am not really fussed at all where I work, I would just hate to work somewhere that I didn’t feel like I was doing anything, as weird as that sounds. I used to work at Mitre 10; back a few years ago, I think it was like in year ten actually. I stocked shelves Wednesday nights and I just felt like I wasn’t doing anything. I mean I had only just started but I felt like I was slowing down the shelve stacking progress of the people around me, asking where to put every single item that I picked up from the pile of things that needed to be stacked. I got nothing out of working there, I was working there for like a month, working one day a week, I ended up making like one hundred and seventy six dollars before I quit. The reason I quit was because school was getting in the way and I couldn’t get all my work done, well that’s what I told the boss when I rang up. The actual reason I quit was because I wasn’t doing anything, and I just thought it would be awkward if I stayed there for longer, not doing anything, because I think that after a while of not doing anything they would have realised that I wasn’t doing anything and yeah, they would just think that I was fucking retarded.

Looking back on the whole Mitre 10 thing though, quitting that job was one of the most stupid things I ever did. I mean I was working there for like a month; I could have stayed and surely learnt where things go, and yeah, get good at it. Then I would have had that feeling of doing something that my heart for some reason desired and then I would have stayed there and maybe today I would have a job still, who knows? Everyone around me is either looking for work, working, going to uni or going to TAFE, besides the odd few that are just doing what I am doing; nothing, I feel like I should be doing something with my life. There are parties coming up that I don’t want to miss, but if I don’t have any money then I might as well miss them because it will just be shit without my good friend; alcohol. I think that starting tomorrow, not today because it is too late already, but starting tomorrow I will go out in the world, handing out my resume to every single place in the world, and hopefully, I’ll get a bloody job.

PS. Good luck to my best friend Meb who has a trail tomorrow at Cafe Luna Rosso tomorrow, don't be nervous; it's only two hours of cafe-ing. Love you. Xx

The Facebook events.

2010-01-14T18:55:00.000+10:30

When I go on Facebook, I really just check notifications, check inbox if there is anything there and see if there are any event invitations or friend requests and the like. Before I continue this blog though, I need to apoligize because I am typing this blog up on Brett's laptop and this doesn't have word or anything, so this blog won't have any spell check thingy so it will most likely be plagued with errors. I mean I could go back, read what i wrote after I finish and fix it up but I have never done that before, and I don't see why I should for this one. Back to Facebook, this seems to be the season for Facebook events and it just makes me happy. I have actually never had this many Facebook events at once, and I am very picky with my events. Whenever I get an invite to something like, bloody, some club night or something that I know I won't go to, like 'Thursday Nights at Star Bar' or something like that, I don't click 'not attending', I actually remove it from my events, so on my events I only have things that I am actually probably going to.

I have only ever been to one party that I didn't feel welcome at, and I think that the main... well the only reason I didn't feel welcome there was probably because it was the formal after party for, like Woodcroft High School or something and we just jumped the fence and thought we would have a great time partying with them. We really didn't have a good time at all, I mean I blended in a little bit at the start, but then it got to the point where one by one we would start getting caught. Our plan was silly from the start though, I mean there were like nine of us, there was no way we were going to get in and party with them undetected, but it just seemed like a good idea at the time. We ended up making our way to the dancefloor and partying hard, sober as a bunch of nuns who are partying for some reason, to put it blatantly, we stood out like we actually were nuns, and everyone just knew we weren't supposed to be there.

The feeling of being blended in really just, vanished, or banished, whichever of those words you prefer. anyway, the feeling went away and we felt like absolute outcasts ripping up the dance floor. We walked away from the dance floor and that's when I saw Chris being escorted away from the party. I was with Saf and at this stage we realised that we just, we just didn't even want to be there. We walked up and past these two guys who were saying something along the lines of 'if I see those fucking gate crashing cunts I am gonna fucking kick their heads right the fuck in' and at this point, understandably, I just wanted to get out, really. Long story short, we made our way out of there unharmed and it was the last party we ever crashed... and the first.

Before Facebook events, it was harder to tell if you were actually welcome to a party. I mean you would have been told to come or you would have like a paper invite or something but Facebook events just make it so easy. If there is one thing that makes me happy in this world, well there are like seventeen things but if there was just one, it probably wouldn't be Facebook events, but it would definitely be up there. They can be awfully misleading at times, I mean sometimes the one new event invitation that pops up in the corner of your Facebook might just be like, bloody Thursday Night at Star Bar, it is just absolutely devastating. According to my Facebook events, from now until the twenty sixth of February, I have two barbecues, two parties, four dress up parties, two music festivals and the thing I am looking the most; Brett and Andrew's Fucking Party Day.

I was thinking the other day that maybe, like, I mean there are so many parties, it is kind of fucked. Right now I have, I still have no money at all, but I do have half a case of Millers Chilled. If I can somehow make that last through that many parties, then, no there is no way that I could do that, there is no need to type the rest of what I was going to say up. Anyway, I was thinking that I can imagine myself actually missing one of these parties, like just thinking, 'hmm, I am all partied out, perhaps missing the next Facebook event slash party?' but then I realised that, yeah, I am just not that soft, and partying and blogging is all I know how to do, and right now, I am just bloody hungry, so I'm going to go and eat some food, and I'll see you later, maybe, depending on who you are...

The, the nothing really.

2010-01-13T16:24:00.000+10:30

I get asked quite a lot whether I like writing these blogs every day, whether I get sick of writing them or not, and my answer is always the same, and that answer is that I love writing them every day, I mean it gives me something to do, but I normally tell the asker that I have fun with them, except for those days where I just have nothing to write about and I actually just, I just don’t know what to write. I have been sitting here for the last hour trying to think of something to write, and I just can’t think of anything at all. I was going to write about New Year’s resolutions and what they even mean, but then I realised that I didn’t have one, and I thought that maybe it was too late to make one. I think I actually said that my New Year’s resolution would be to wear shoes whenever I left the house, but I failed that one on like, on New Year’s Eve, so yeah. I think another new year’s resolution I thought of was to wake up every day in the AM, so that means no waking up at like three in the afternoon, but I failed that the first day, and then I continued to fail it like, every other day.

I then thought that maybe I could write about this new Batman game that I borrowed off Linou; I mean it’s a pretty fun game, but I don’t even know what to say about it. It’s a great game, yeah, fun, heaps to do in it, but I wouldn’t be able to write a whole thingy, blog about it, I mean I don’t really know anything about Batman, I just know that he wears a cape and his parents were murdered and stuff, but yeah, not like I could write a whole one of these about it. Sometimes these blogs take me ten minutes to write, other times they take me like an hour and then there are those days where I am still going hours after I started because I just get side tracked and don’t finish them. I was meant to leave here and go back to Andrew’s like two hours ago now, but I thought to myself that I should just write this one up here on my computer that is faster than Andrew’s and then head off to his place, but yeah, I just should have finished writing this by now.

Sometimes I will have so many things to write about that I can’t fit them into a single blog, and they were the best times because it meant that I had at least two or three days worth of knowing what to write about, and sometimes if I had plenty of time to spare I would just write like, two, three blogs in the one day and put them up one after the other, or keep a spare one so on a day like this where nothing interesting has happened, I could just put that one up and not have to worry about writing one. This really does seem like a kind of job, like a voluntary job that I don’t know why I do it. I mean there are those days where I think that maybe I should just not write one, and then never write one ever again, and I wander what would happen. I mean I get those people that say that they read my blog every day and that, but do you think that they would care if I just stopped? I’m currently pursing my lips in a kind of ‘come on’ lip movement as I create a ‘thumbs up’ with my hand and throw it behind myself, with the thumb pointing at the door behind me. Why I did that I don’t know, and why I typed it here will forever be more of a mystery.

I tend to do that a lot when I write these, and I don’t know why, like its fucking weird, I mean unless I am on The Truman Show, I am not being watched, so why do that for no one, and then why type it here? I think the main reason I am typing it here is because it is just as interesting as the rest of the nothing that I have typed here, and really, all I am doing is typing until I reach the amount of words that makes me think that I have written enough and then I will just stop and yeah, go. I remember making jokes with Matt Gunn just after school ended about how this blog will turn from the crazy antics of school life to just being about nothing, but I never thought it would extend to this. It’s times like this that make me think that I need a job, but part of getting a job is looking for a job, and what I am doing now, unless some guy who works for some news corporation is reading this and he is like ‘nah this is fucking brilliant, I am going to hire him right now’, then I am currently not helping myself find a job, so I am going to wrap it up here and leave you with this message. If you do work for a news corporation and you think that the last nine hundred odd words of wank was actually fucking brilliant, just, let me know.

The home sweet home.

2010-01-12T18:58:00.000+10:30

Walking into your room to see it the same way that you left it has to be up there with some of the best feelings in the entire world. I mean I don’t have those parents that clean my room, but I just love how I left the house for days to return to the exact same situation that I left it in. It’s just such a good feeling to see that my Hyper Magazine is still opened up to the same page that it was on when I left, my Big Day Out timetable that I printed off is still sitting there on my belt with the little bits that started to peel off it and I just finished the job, tearing off these square type brown leather squares. The brown leather squares are still sitting there, not moved from the spot that they fell onto, right next to the empty glass of orange juice that I left there, next to that is my iPod dock remote, pointing at the iPod dock, I press play to resume the same song that I was listening to before, paused in the same spot, Paper Planes Remix by MIA ft. Lil Wayne... I am home.

Being home is great, but it’s not like I will be here for long, I mean I will hopefully sleep here tonight but then tomorrow morning, or more realistically afternoon; whenever I get up, I will just head back to Andrew’s. Mum just walked in and read what was on the screen, what was on the screen was of course the above sentence stating that she doesn’t clean my room, and she wanted me to change the sentence to say that she doesn’t ‘disturb’ or ‘meddle’ with my room, because she doesn’t want it to sound like she doesn’t clean my room, I mean she did actually just come in to vacuum, but mum should know that I rarely use the delete button when I write these, I just keep going and correct my mistakes as I go. Mum left the room saying that she hated me, and now the remix of Show Me Love by Unknown Artist is playing... I am home.

When mum left she didn’t just leave, she took the glass of orange juice that had no juice in it that has been there for god knows how long. When she went to pick it up from the desk it made that sticky sound that happens when you lift something off of something that is sticky, I do not know how I am going to describe it but you know what I am on about, it happens, it makes that sound and then you are left with that sticky ring of moisture on your desk? Anyway, so I just walked to the kitchen and grabbed a glass, opened the fridge to see that there was Orange and Mango juice in the fridge, so as you can probably assume right now I am just loving being at home, loving life. I put the glass of orange and mango juice, which now has barely any juice left just so you know, I put it back down onto the ring, I mean now it’s empty because I picked it back up and finished it but you know, I haven’t typed here in a while, it’s been a good ten minutes. Nah... I am so home.

To say that I am disappointed in the efforts of us staying at Andrew’s would be pretty spot on; I mean we have just sat around the entire time playing Xbox. The earliest we have been getting up is still in like, the PM, and it’s not even early in the PM, I mean it’s been like three, four PM, then there was that day that Andrew slept in until six... that was just fucked though. Really though, the week so far in recap form has been getting drunk twice and playing Xbox the rest of the time. I only got drunk once of the two times though, I mean none of my drinks were cold, or at least that’s what I blamed my so called softness on according to the rest of them. I was really expecting this to be like schoolies again, but longer, and without like, you know, the actual schoolies, but it has really just been the same as normal, just I haven’t been going home at all, but when I do, like now, it’s just great.

Like I can imagine Andrews parents coming home and being so disappointed in him that nothing bad has happened, I bet that they are looking forward to coming home to a punched in section of dry wall, or a beer drenched TV and stereo system, or maybe even a broken window or some writing on the walls, but we are keeping it so well kept if that makes sense that they are going to be so happy that like, the happiness reaches the top of the happiness metre and goes all the way back down, resetting kind of, and now it will reach the stage on the metre that says disappointment. Hopefully that makes some sense to you, but it’s a good thing that I assumed that you won’t make sense of it, that’s why I drew up this diagram graph thing on paint.

The phone.

2010-01-11T14:49:00.001+10:30

I normally have my phone sitting in front of me so when it rings or when I get a text I can see right away. I think I am the fastest phone picking up guy in the world, because if I am on the computer, my phone is sitting in front of me, somewhere, anywhere between me and the computer screen, somewhere within my line of vision to the screen. Whenever my phone rings or gets a text, the screen lights up before it starts to vibrate or play the ring tone, or as I recently discovered I can make it do, vibrate and ring at the same time.

I don’t have a memory card in my phone, all the pictures, contacts, texts, songs and all that are saved onto the phone. My phone is currently flashing every three seconds, and I have trained myself not to get excited and answer the phone because when I open the phone, there is just this message on the screen that says that my memory card has been removed and some settings may be changed. Whenever that message is on the screen, which is pretty much all the time, I can’t do anything else on the phone.

I always say how much I hate my phone, I mean it is shit. It will be on full battery, I’ll go to sleep and wake up and by the time I get up it is on low battery, flashing red, needing charging. It was just last night though when I realised how good my phone is, and by that I mean how used to it I am. I have had it for like three years now, and I just know how to use it, it’s great. I knew that one day I would get a new phone, that this one would break or something, but it was just last night when I was thinking about how happy I am that this phone hasn’t broken or anything and that it is still working.

It was probably within like, an hour of this positive thought that all the positive thoughts in my head went down the drain, replaced by fresh, negative, hating thoughts towards my phone. I needed a new phone six months ago when the battery decided to shit itself and go flat on occasion without warning. I needed a new phone four months ago when it would ring, I would open it and it would turn off. I needed a new phone two months ago when I started getting texts saying that I missed calls from people who never rang me, and now I need a new phone because of all those problems, and a new one, the new one being that I can’t do anything on the phone because it is actually fucked.

If you hadn’t gathered from the picture already, my phone is a Motorola Razor, probably the best phone in the world five years ago. I remember back in school when the first kid got one, it was bloody amazing. You couldn’t really do anything special on it now that I think about it, but it just looked so nice, it was so thin and small, then you’d flip it open to see the huge screen and the incredibly nice feeling buttons. Right now, the best phone in the world is definitely not the Motorola Razor, especially not mine. When you flip open my phone you see the big screen where the background should be, but isn’t because it thinks that I have a memory card with all my pictures when I really don’t. The nice feeling buttons are still there and still work but time has torn away at some of the buttons making it look ugly.

Probably the best thing that could possibly come out of this is a new phone, and why I put probably there I don’t know. I mean that is the best thing that can come out of this, obviously the second best is getting an old but working phone, the worst being the possibility of getting nothing and then I am just stuck with this broken, flashing piece of shit phone with no battery. As much as I hate it though, it is sad that I have to let it go, I mean I have always taken care of it. Never lost it, never broken it, and now as I look at it telling me that some settings may have been changed because the non existent memory card that is in it has been removed, I know that it is just trying to say goodbye.

The longest walk ever.

2010-01-10T17:27:00.001+10:30

The walk to Andrew's is not a long walk at all, like you just really have to get onto Cross Roads and then head right down until you reach East Avenue and then you are just there. Why it took us so long I don’t know, and by I don’t know I really do know, but I still don’t know how it took us that long, I mean I do but you know, it just took even longer than the longest possible time that it should have taken, and why it took that long, I don’t know. The walk started with just Kenny, Tallulah and I. Instead of taking the streets like I said we should take, we took this forest like reserve park or something so we could cut through to where Hungry Jack’s was and then ring people to pick us up. If any horror movie has ever taught me anything ever, which it has, it taught me not to take shortcuts through forests or parks or just, dark places with trees no matter how much time it cuts down the walk by, because the time it cuts off isn’t really worth the cutting off of your head now, is it?

As much as I would like to say that something more interesting happened than we just walked through the forest park reserve thing to Hungry Jacks and nothing bad happened, that is just what happened so yeah, no serial killers in there. Seriously though, it was straight out of a horror movie, three friends walking through a park forest reserve thing, the only lights coming from our phones, fuck me, as if we didn’t get hacked to bits. Anyway, we made our way to Hungry Jacks and then we walked a bit further up to that dry cleaner place where Game Traders used to be and we just sat out the front of that, throwing pebbles into this little hole that was in the ground. No one on Tallulah’s phone wanted to pick her up, and I just wasted my last bit of credit calling Chris to see what they were doing, but the phone cut out before he could answer me with some random woman, who wasn’t Chris, telling me that my credit has reached zero.

We continued walking up the road where we found Cam sitting on some bench across from Mitcham shops. Cam’s plan was to walk Tallulah back to her house, and they told us to come as well and then Tallulah said she would just drop us back to Andrew’s or something in the morning. It sounded like a good plan, so we went along with it, but as I started to sober up I just started to realise things, the main thing being that Tallulah lives up in Prospect, and we were in Mitcham... It takes like forty minutes to drive up to Prospect from where we were, so fuck knows how long it would take to walk. Kenny and I decided to just walk to Andrews, which was still really far, especially because we had been walking in the wrong direction for the last half hour, but it was much, much closer than bloody Prospect. We let Cam and Tallulah go ahead because I think they were still drunk enough to think that going to Prospect was a possibility.

Needing to piss but not wanting to waste any more time than we already had, Kenny and I start to walk backwards whilst pissing, but I realised how impossible this actually was. For some reason or another, the flow just didn’t keep going as you take steps, and it was confusing. I ended up standing still and letting my piss finish but my mind didn’t stop asking my mind, yeah because my mind talks to myself, yeah it just didn’t stop asking itself why you can’t piss and walk at the same time. Pissing and walking seem like two things that shouldn’t really interfere with each other, but for some reason, they just did. We continued walking down but then I started to realise that I just, like my mouth was so dry, it was fucked. I needed water, or anything, I was completely and utterly dehydrated.

We reached Hyde Park and then we saw some guy who looked keen on a fight, he yelled out at us, and what he yelled out sounded something like the word ‘Kenny’. We walked towards the person and it turned out to be Stewy, and then he joined us in our walking adventures. Slowly but surely we made our way to On the Run, which is where I saw the most unexpected thing I have ever seen, ever. From a distance it looked like Tom Wilkin, but deep down I knew it couldn’t be, I mean he would have been asleep at Andrews by now. He was waiting by a car in the car park, and I didn’t want to approach him because it wasn’t Tom, and I would just embarrass myself if I ran up and called him Tom or something.

I walked back outside and looked at him, and he was just looking at me, I started walking closer as I saw the distant face turn into an actual face and not a blur, but the face that formed wasn’t Toms. Luckily I took one extra step because then I saw that it actually was Tom; the blur just hadn’t finished forming. I ran over to him and hugged him, and he had an iced coffee in his hands, and he let me have a sip, it completely hydrated me, but then I realised that it didn’t, it just wet my mouth and then when it went away I needed more liquid to hydrate myself further. The On the Run guy serving said that he only has hot water on tap that he could give me, so I just said no, I mean that would be so shit. I walked back outside to see that Mark had bought a bottle of water, the happiest moment of my life, or at least for the last hour or so had to be the feeling that the water gave me as it went down my throat, the feeling of hydration.

The car that was there turned out to be Lucy’s; Mark’s girlfriend. She dropped Tom Kenny and I back at Andrew’s and this just made the happiness of my hydration even happier, and from there I went straight to bed. From bed I got straight up because it had to be the hottest night ever, and although the air conditioner was supposedly on, I felt like I was being burned alive lying in the bed, even without a blanket or anything. I was lying on the bed, face down into the bed, lying in my underpants and nothing else, with nothing on me, no blanket, no sheet, no nothing, but I still felt like a bloody Charizard had me caught in its flame wheel attack, because I just could not escape the heat. Luckily enough Jack also couldn’t sleep and he was about to drive home, he took me home and I slept in my own bed, my beloved own bed. I could write a whole bloody blog on how much I love my own bed but I won’t, because that would just be silly, but I just had the best sleep ever, and then I woke up, and wrote this.

The bare feet.

2010-01-09T13:30:00.002+10:30

It’s like schoolies all over again, just a much less good version of it, or worse if you wanted to make it into one word that makes more sense and just plain sounds better. Andrew’s parents have gone away, to where I don’t know, I mean I am sure that I have been told and I am sure that I could just walk back out there and ask Andrew again but I just don’t see the point, because the point is that this is like a second schoolies, except for drinking all the time I am writing this on Andrew’s slow ass computer, and I am currently like around the corner from my house instead of an hour or two drive away.

Recently I have not been wearing shoes or anything when I go out. I mean if I was just going to go to Brett’s house or something to play Xbox, I won’t put shoes on, but I think that my lack of shoes wearing hit it’s peak of itself or however I should put that last sentence when I went to Hannah’s New Years party without shoes, but it’s not like I felt out of place, I mean no one really was wearing shoes. When I am around other people who aren’t wearing shoes I feel fine, like I feel like it’s the norm. I just got back from Port Road with Chris and Tom and not one of us was wearing shoes.

For some reason though, I did not feel like we were being normal without shoes this morning. It was because I realised that every single other person there was wearing shoes, and this is not the first time that this has happened to me. It wasn’t long ago, maybe just a week ago, maybe more, maybe less, but either way, I was at Marion with Chris doing some shopping because I still had some Christmas money, and I realised that we were the only two people there who didn’t have shoes on. I actually felt like a bum, like I felt disgusting walking through a place infested with the shoe wearing public when I was walking through with no shoes, accompanied by my friend who also went shoeless.

This time was much worse though, and I really don’t know why. I mean it was like this shopping centre which was less of a shopping centre and more of a plaza; Welland Plaza to be precise, accurate, clear-cut, exact, specific, defined, fixed, strict… thank you Microsoft Word synonyms. Anyway, so this place was kind of dero, well not like that, that sounds mean, but compared to Marion it was just lower class. I don’t know why though, but I just felt even worse than I did when we were walking around with no shoes in Marion, and I think that this is due to a few main reasons.

The first reason would have to be the fact that none of us had showered yet, we all were wearing the same clothes as we were wearing the previous day as well, I mean it’s not like someone working at one of the shops in the bloody Welland Plaza would have been like ‘you fucking disgusting disgrace to the human race, you wore that same outfit yesterday, you fucking freak!’ but you know, I knew, so I just felt… shit. Looking around the plaza, it was hard to notice the fact that we were the only ones wearing shoes, and it was even harder to find anyone else who wasn’t wearing shoes, but it was easier to realise that those two sentences really mean the same thing.

The second reason was, well I think anyway, it made it worse because we were just talking about it the whole time, I mean Chris didn’t seem to care or know or anything, I was kind of worried about how fucking disgusting we looked but Tom seemed to be almost freaking out, he was so ashamed of himself and he just didn’t know why we don’t wear shoes like normal people. I mean the pinnacle for me was when I saw this baby in a pram wearing little baby shoes, I mean that baby is not going to be doing any walking, surely he can go barefooted, but he had more decency than all of us.

It’s Hannah’s eighteenth tonight, and I mean, I do have like, what, like eight, nine hours to get ready but I am going to rap this one up, go have a shower, go home, get my shoes and yeah, just be a normal person. I am sick of having black feet, like they are black as all fuck, they look so dirty and I am almost ashamed of myself for letting it get this bad. If you read this though, and you can be bothered, let me know what you think of not wearing shoes, because I am bloody curious if we are normal or if we are actually the bare and black footed freaks that I think we are.

The real dream.

2010-01-08T00:54:00.000+10:30

Like everyone in the world who sleeps I suppose, I hate waking up out of a good dream. Especially those dreams that you think are real, like those ones where something great happens and it feels just as real as reality, and you wake up to find that the reality of awesomeness was just a dream when you look beside you and see that the double bed with that hot babe in it that you had sex with is actually the wall that my single bed is pressed up against, because I was lying in a single bed with no hot babe in it; absolutely devastating.

I have noticed that a lot of the time that I am dreaming, I know that I am dreaming, so I tell myself to do something that I normally wouldn’t do in reality so that I can test myself out in this dream world that my head has placed myself in. For some reason, dream Cosma doesn’t listen to me all the time, and as much as I tell him to do whatever it was that I was telling him to do, he was just being a dick head and just, not doing it. Although the say that I have over dream Cosma is very, very limited, as he is a disobedient dick head, I still think that the acts that he puts himself through are real. Even when the acts involve impossible things such as flying, fighting off giant spiders and buying things with the money that I don’t have, I still wake up thinking that they happened, and then find myself devastated when I realise that they didn’t happen.

My most recent dream that I thought was real started with me sleeping for fifty six hours and then waking up realising that I have missed two days of blogging. This dream is impossible for a few main points, one being that there is no way that I could sleep for that long, and if I could, surely within those fifty six hours my mum would have checked on me to see if I was alive or something, or my phone would have rang or something or bloody, something would have happened to wake me up. Also, I don’t think that the thing that would have been top on my mind would be the fact that I have missed two back to back blogs, but maybe that I slept for so long, and how bloody weird that is... actually no, I would probably be too devastated about the missed blogs to care about the irregular extending sleeping.

The dream didn’t stop there though, it continued to see me wake up, see this is where the reality came into it because I woke up in my dream, I went outside and mum was just like ‘yeah you have been asleep for two, nearly three days,’ but she didn’t seem fazed by it whatsoever, like she thought it was good or normal or something, I don’t know. I walked out of the house and just went for a walk or something, now this raises a few more impossible points that should have shown me that this was just a dream. First of all, I didn’t need to piss or shit or anything, now if Austin Powers taught me anything, which it did, it was that if you are asleep and or frozen for a long period of time, you will need to take a piss, and probably shit. Another was that I wasn’t hungry or anything, I mean I have not been getting as hungry lately as I used to, but I think that if I woke up two, nearly three days later, that I might be keen for some food.

During the walk, around about four steps from my front door I saw this hot ass chick and she was like ‘yeah you missed some blogs’ or something and then I was just telling myself, ‘yeah this is a dream, you should fucking, try and get in there dream Cosma,’ and then he did and failed, and this is when I was thinking... bloody dream Cosma never listens to me, but he did just then, maybe this isn’t a dream, maybe this is reality. I mean I listen to me, but dream Cosma doesn’t, but whichever Cosma that was just then, he listened to me. Then I told dream Cosma or whichever it was to go and write a blog, I mean he whichever Cosma this was he needs to write something, I mean he is well overdue for one of these. I feel like I am describing my experience with The Sims or something, talking about telling Cosma to do stuff, but anyway, I went to make a blog and then there was this disclaimer that said that my blog had been shut down due to inactivity. Now that was utter bullshit, I mean I have not written a blog for three days once, like I wasn’t logging in and writing blogs over schoolies but when I got back there was no inactivity message.

I knew it was a dream, but it didn’t feel like one of those real feeling dreams, it felt more real than that, it felt really, really real, just as real as real life, if not even more real, and realer than real life is just fucking way too real to even comprehend, even with the over usage of the word real in this sentence you still don’t understand how real it felt. Unless you yourself are real and then you would probably know how real reality is, and that is how real it was, maybe more, definitely not any less real than the realness of that reality. I woke up again, as in it wasn’t the original waking up in the dream after nearly three days of sleep but it was the waking up after the dream, and this is when I found out that it was actually a dream. The only thing that confuses me is that if that dream felt that real, how do I know how real this is?

I have always been a fan of thinking about (1) who we are, (2) what we are doing here and (3) where we came from, I mean the obvious answers to them are (1) human, (2) having good times and (3) a vagina, but really, life is fucked. It is fucked how we are even a thing and what will happen after we die, or what happened to us before we were born, were we anything? Were we a soul looking for a body or were we just nothing, waiting to be born, and if the answer is nothing, then does that mean that in the end that is what we will all become? Whenever I start thinking about things like this I get scared, because I can’t comprehend the fact that if there is nothing after death, then I will become nothing, like I will be nothing, just a black nothing floating round nowhere, but not even that, like there would be nothing to even comprehend...

Although I get scared when I think about these things, I just remind myself that I am being a fucking retard and that I should just stop and bloody live life, because that is all we can do right now; live life and have good times. As far as I know, that is what we are here for and that is all I want to do, and all that I am doing.

The stub.

2010-01-07T17:52:00.000+10:30

Life is not worth living, especially when stubbing your toe is something that can happen. I have stubbed my toe too many times to remember, and it normally happens in my own house, where I should know where all the furniture is and where I should know all the locations where stubbing your toe is an actual possibility. Still, although knowing where it can and can’t happen, I still manage to find myself walking into toe stubbing territory as I smash my toe up against the coffee table or the cabinet, causing immense pain that circulates through my entire body and it makes me think that maybe, just maybe, if I killed myself, the pain would go away... that is how bad it can feel sometimes.

I remember a time as a kid where I stubbed my toe so badly that my entire big toenail was actually ripped open and off, and it had to be the most painful thing that has ever happened. The worst part about it was that mum and dad weren’t even home, and we had my cousins babysitting us. I would have been like six or something, maybe younger but I can still remember the pain... the pain of putting on socks the next day for wherever it is that I had to go, I don’t think that there will ever be a pain that bad in my life ever again, it was quite easily the worst pain I have ever endured. Every time that I remember that moment in my life I think to myself, how grateful I am that it hasn’t happened again, because when I was a kid, all pain was the same pain, I mean I cried when I grazed my knee, but now I’d be like ‘oh that’s shit’. Now though, I think that if I pulled off my entire toenail in some unbelievable toe stubbing accident, god knows how much it will hurt.

It was Tuesday night, like midnight, so the phones were telling us it was Wednesday but they couldn’t fool us in the knowing of the truth, and that was that it was Tuesday night still. Tom, Tallulah, Sam Pratt and I had just been to On the Run where the devastation of no green pepper pies haunted me throughout the night. We then went to the Saint Mary’s On the Run where they, again, only had one pie. It was a plain beef pie, which really doesn’t cut it compared to the peppery goodness of a green pepper pie or a pepper steak pie. Anyway, the devastation of the lack of the pies was rivalled only by the devastation of the lack of strong iced coffees. It is almost like the world had a shortage of things that I like, so I settled for a regular strength iced coffee and a regular beef pie.

We bought some Cadbury Rocky Road chocolate for Brett because he paid for it I guess, and I tried my hardest to stop Tallulah and Sam Pratt from having any, and I guess that my hardest was good enough because they didn’t end up having any by the time we got back to Brett’s. I kept on saying how this was the dawn of the worst day of my life, I mean there was no strong iced coffee, no pepper pies, green or regular they had none, and I was just so sad. It was the worst day of my life so far, if not the worst day of anyone’s life. Tallulah and Sam ran in to Brett’s to give him the chocolate and as they ran back out, I heard the screaming of Tallulah, and it sounded like she was in immense pain. Turns out she stubbed her toe, and I of all people, like all people I guess, know the pain of stubbing your toe.

Unlike most toe stubs, this was the worst one that has happened since the one that I had as a kid. Her entire toenail wasn’t off, but it was cracked down the middle and there was blood and puss everywhere, it was fucking disgusting. This is where I kind of had to stop complaining about how my day was so bad, and how it was the worst day of anyone’s life ever, I mean I just had to settle for subpar food compared to my regular likings, where Tallulah had her toenail torn to shreds. I helped try and clean it up but the blood had already hardened over or something so the alcoholic wound rubbing thing that Tom had was really just stinging her and bringing more pain to her already immensely painful situation and not really helping at all. She then wrapped all of the bandaids in the world around her toe and built a cast for it out of bandaids.

Waking up, I stubbed my toe on Tom’s cupboard or whatever kind of furniture it was, and it was fucking painful. I complained for a second before Tallulah looked at me and she just had that face that said ‘are you fucking serious? I fucking stubbed my toe to the fucking degree of fucking bleeding and pussing and you are complaining over that? Fuck off!’ and yeah, it was a very emotive face, and this is where I stopped complaining, and endured the pain of stubbing my toe. Tallulah’s lucky though, at least she didn’t have to put on socks.

The people from the internet.

2010-01-06T00:00:00.001+10:30

Sometimes I like to question the reality of the internet, or at least the people who are on it. I accept all friend requests on Facebook, unless I don’t like the person, so I have a lot of random people on my friends list, I have never met them and for all I know meeting them is an impossibility, because who knows, maybe they aren’t even real. I don’t add random people, I think that’s just silly, but I love being added by random people. I get a lot of people adding me randomly saying that they read my blog, which surprises me. I never thought that this blog would appeal to people that I didn’t know, or weren’t in it, but you know, it is the internet. I also get a lot of random people adding me that I never hear from again. I’m not one for the ‘hey thanks for the add but do I know you? Xx’ because it just seems silly, I mean if you have to say that you obviously don’t know them, why make it a question?

Last night I got some random woman add me who Andrew said is Turkish, but I think he just assumed from the name; Nabila Kahn Kahn. I accepted, like I do with everyone and then I get a notification saying that she has commented on one of my pictures. I check it, and she has commented on my default saying ‘hot pic’. I don’t know how you can do that, I mean sure, the picture is me dancing with Tallulah and I’m not wearing a shirt, so the picture really is oozing hotness, but I just don’t see how you can actually do that, just comment someone that you have never met and just being like ‘hey your fucking hot as’, especially when you are some bloody twenty year old Pakistani Turkish woman. I have two friends in common with this woman, how did she even find me, and why did she find me, and why has she commented on the same picture two times.

There’s this other girl on my friends list who I am almost curtain isn’t real. Her Facebook name isn’t her actual name; she calls herself Beachbabe, which is obviously not her real name. She talks to me on Facebook chat every day and when I originally talked to her and flirted back because I thought it was funny, I stopped because it just got weird. By weird, I mean she is now constantly telling me that she loves me, as in she says that she is in love with me, so I am seriously starting to doubt whether she is a real person or not. Now I log into Facebook to hear the popping sound almost instantly as she tells me that she loves me, this is something that a normal person wouldn’t do, and by that I mean a real person, any person.

I have six hundred and thirty two Facebook friends. As much as I like to say that I know them all, which would be as much of a lie as saying that a raccoon came into my room and brought in all this gold but then when I went to grab the gold the raccoon bailed back out my window. It was the first time that my window has ever really been open because I normally leave it closed. I chased it outside but then I tripped over and landed in these cactuses that are located outside my bedroom window, I grazed my knees all over the bricks outside my room and I had pebbles stuck into the newly formed indents in my face of which the pebbles decided to make their new home. I climbed back into my room and laid down on my bed picking out the cactus prickles that were all over my body, but then I realised that none of this happened because it was as much of a lie as if I were to say that I know all six hundred and thirty two of my Facebook friends.

The Fembula.

2010-01-05T17:02:00.000+10:30

It was unlike anything you have ever seen before, unless you have seen world war first hand. The Germans were turning on each other, the Greeks and Serbs were watching as the Australians got involved with the Germans but Greece couldn’t help but watch Serbia crumble to the might of Germany. If you don’t know already, I am talking about this morning when Jack, Andrew, Brett, Chris and I were fighting in Brett’s pool; it was an all out slaughter between nations that you would never expect to see fighting like this. Once the battle ended, we all relaxed, sat in the corner of the pool together and it was almost as if there was a temporary truce between nations. We were talking about the battle; we even started talking about Primary School, reminiscing about simpler times.

Brett asked me if ‘do you reckon that this would start a pool fight?’ and after he said what probably didn’t need the if back then, he pushed me in the face, launching me back ever so slightly. I pounced, pushed him back and tried to put his head under water, drowning him and thus winning the war. I was expecting Brett to turn my attack back onto me and then I would tap out, hell I was even expecting me to win the fight more than what actually happened. What ended up happening was I jumped at him, grabbing his neck and I pulled the two of us under water, I went to bend my lag and wrap it around him so he couldn’t get out but my leg was just stuck. I tried again to bend my leg, realising that if I tried any harder my entire bottom half of my leg would simply snap off.

Instead of making up names for all the parts of my bones like I had originally planned to do, I thought I would grab a diagram of the lower half of the human body showing you the bones so I could show you what was actually happening. So instead of the ‘dick and balls to leg bone’ as I was originally going to call it, it would now be referred to as the hip joint, as seen in the above diagram. Okay so what was happening was that my leg was completely straight, and if you can look at where the femur is on the diagram, and then look down to where the fibula is; that entire stretch of leg was joined and it felt like it was just the one bone that went right down from the top part of my leg to the bottom, and I didn’t even feel like I had a bloody patella, because I couldn’t bend my leg at all.

When attempting to bend my leg, I actually felt like I was bending bone, and if I did anymore than what I was doing it would snap off completely. I used my normal working arms and pulled myself over to the steps of the pool, as I look at it I realise that I may never be able to walk again. It’s not like I’m an elite athlete or anything but not being able to walk would mean that I can never do my favourite thing; party. I stretched out my leg completely, rubbed it all down and then slowly started to bend it. I could feel the bone strain and just when I thought that I was getting it back to normal, I hear the biggest crack ever, and I look down at my leg to see my bone sticking completely out of my leg, with blood seeping into the pool.

Okay, so that didn’t actually happen, that last bit was a lie, what actually happened was it just bent back into place and then I swam around. My leg was still sore for like a good hour afterwards but it was nothing that will stop me from partying, and I am just happy that my leg didn’t snap open because it would just be fucking, nah it would actually definitely be the shittiest thing ever, and probably one of the, nah it would definitely be like, the most painful thing ever. After Jack stopped crying of laughter, he asked me if it was just a cramp, and there was no way that it was just a cramp, I mean I thought I would never walk again, I was imagining life without one of my legs, but then I thought that maybe it was just a really bad cramp, but then I realised that what actually happened is my patella was temporarily removed and my femur and fibula morphed into one bone; the fembula.

The orbit.

2010-01-04T16:47:00.000+10:30

Have you ever seen something as simple as a gum wrapper fall off a bench and get caught in a cobweb and spin around the bench? Everyone looks at it in amazement, but they still know what’s going on, it just got caught in the cobweb and span around a few times, but then it spins even more, even faster and even more consistently and you start to have second thoughts on what the gum wrapper was actually doing; I know I did. Watching the piece of gum spin around the metal pole that came out of the ground and was bolted to the bench made me think that something much worse was happening than it just being stuck on the cobweb that it was actually stuck on. Right now there is a huge green underline on this Microsoft Word page underlining the previous sentence, it says that I should consider reversing the previous, large sentence, but surely if I reversed it the little bit of sense that it makes would be diminished and make even less sense, wouldn’t it?

Back to the gum wrapper, I actually thought that there was more going on than a cobweb spinning it around, I mean I thought it was the cobweb at first but after the seventh spin around I was thinking that surely the cobweb would have ran out of cobweb to keep spinning it around, and that is when I realised the truth. It was quite clear to me that the pole coming out of the ground was extracting the orbit of earth, centralising it around the pole and the gum wrapper was the only, or first thing caught in it. Tallulah was looking at the wrapper well before I was, but I think she just saw the cobweb as a cobweb, not seeing the same thing that I was seeing.

The orbit of the pole continued to the degree where I was scared if there was any orbit left in earth, I mean it seemed as though the earth wasn’t even travelling around the sun like all the other planets and soon one of the orbiting planets would hit earth soon and it would be the end of the world, I mean could you imagine if Mars orbited into us? We would be pretty much fucked I reckon. Andrew walked over to the pole sticking out of the ground, flicked the gum wrapper over, away from the orbit, but he did so without hesitation. What if the orbit pulled him into the vortex and he started flying around the pole, he is much bigger than the gum wrapper was, and what if he started to orbit at the same distance away from the pole as the gum wrapper was, he probably would have been killed.

When I told Tallulah about what was happening with the orbit, she thought I was fucking retarded. Like she actually thought I was fucked in the head or something, but the amount of spins that it went through, surely the cobweb would have ran out of spins, and I was just thinking that maybe the orbit was a possibility, but she really made me feel like I had severe mental problems. It was then when I realised that Tallulah looked exactly like Sonic the Hedgehog, and that making her my second best friend was the best idea I had ever had. I mean I was just thinking about how happy I am that Sam and Tallulah are like, my new friends, but she bloody looks like Sonic, just so happy.

Although I normally don’t have a message at the end of these blogs, and although I didn’t even try to make this one have a message, the message here is a simple one. Don’t litter, or your litter might start its own orbit around some pole on a bench and destroy the earth; you have been warned.

The disappointing pub meal.

2010-01-03T13:02:00.004+10:30

Yesterday was my mum’s birthday, and we decided to go to another one of the restaurants that mum had a coupon for so we could get one of the meals for free. I didn’t know whether it was a restaurant or a pub, I mean it looked fancy but the menu was full of stuff like schnitzel and chips, fish and chips and all that, so I just assumed that it was a pub. I felt kind of out of place walking in, I mean I was wearing the same shorts that I wore to New Years and they had like, beer stains on it I think, and I was wearing just, just a tee shirt. I felt like the restaurant and or pub was better than me, but I didn’t really care, I just wanted to eat.

In an attempt to make myself really hungry before dinner, I hadn’t eaten anything all day, and this did work, but I was actually starving. I normally don’t eat the bread and butter when it comes out, but last night I have never in my life been so keen for bread and butter, or any type of food for that matter. I ordered what has been my favourite pub meal ever since I can remember; beef schnitzel and chips, and it couldn’t come soon enough. I was waiting on the bread though, the last bread and butter I had from a pub was unbelievable, easily the best bread I have ever had in my life, and I was just so keen, like, catastrophically keen, if that makes any sense; probably doesn’t.

I got to the stage where my stomach was eating itself because it was so hungry, this was around the forty minute mark, and this was when I realised that bread wasn’t coming. After we had been waiting for maybe an hour and twenty minutes, the meals started to come through. When I got mine, it think it might have been the happiest I have been in a long, long time. The first bite into the beef was, as much as I would like to say unbelievably and undeniably amazing, I have to say it was fucking disgusting. The beef or veal or whatever in the schnitzel was red roar, but I was at that hunger level where I did not care and I was not in the mood to take it back as they recooked it for another hour.

The chips were a really odd bunch, some were good, some were overcooked, some were undercooked and then some were like, overcooked but parts of the chip were undercooked, it was fucked. As I made my way further into the schnitzel, I was growing an accepting nature for it being undercooked, I thought that maybe it wasn’t even undercooked, maybe it was just fucking disgusting, either way, it was doing the job of filling me up. This entire acceptance that was growing on me for the disgusting red veal changed when I got around half way through and the red roar veal turned into the brownie, oh, more greyish colour that it is meant to be. I uncovered the crumbs to discover that there was an almost straight line down the middle of the schnitzel that had half of it being red roar and the other half being grey good.

I finished the red and grey striped zebra schnitzel to realise that I wasn’t full; I didn’t feel like eating anymore. I think that the red and grey zebra schnitzel put me off food or something, but now, seeing as though I haven’t eaten since then, I am fucking hungry again... Oh well, at least when I left the festy ass restaurant pub thing that doesn’t even have bread and butter like every other place in the world, Tallulah and Sam Pratt wrote a story for me based on true events. Instead of writing the true events that we had with Tallulah and Sam Pratt, I decided to write about the restaurant, but in case you are curious, here is the story, based on true events.

A short story for Nick Cosma <3 

trixie and Debbie joe are two amazing people who went for a stroll in the secret garden. This was a magical time, until they heard gang members in the near by carpark.

they sprinted inside, after being cuddled by the tiger.

they tried for hours to keep away from the gang members who had just visited the local brothel and were not angry.

eventually, after tackeling tigers, calling for help, having a bit of dp and updating a few status' Brett, cosma, and tom came to the rescue, while chris stayed at home, waiting for Alice <3

The Second Modern Warfare.

2010-01-02T16:22:00.000+10:30

There was once a time in my life where I always had money. It used to rack up from Christmas’s and birthdays and I would always have hundreds of dollars just sitting there in my room ready to be spent. I don’t know what I did, I mean it’s not like I saved the money, but I just kept it there so whenever a new game or movie or album or whatever it was that I used to buy came out, I could just go and buy it. I currently have no money, I mean unless you count the pile of five, ten and twenty cent pieces that are on my table in front of me that add up to probably like, seven dollars maybe? I’ll be sure to count it soon but yeah, I am not really keen to spend it anyway, because majority of the coins are five cent pieces and I don’t think that anyone would accept me buying something in five cent pieces.

After Christmas I bought two games, one of them was DJ Hero of which I have already expressed my love for, and the other was the new Call of Duty, Modern Warfare 2. I remember buying the first Modern Warfare on the day that it came out with all the money that I had, it was one of the most amazing games I had ever played. Unlike all of the other Call of Duty games, Modern Warfare wasn’t set in world war two, it was set in the ‘yet to happen and hopefully never will’ world of world war three. I was sad when the second Modern Warfare game came out, I mean I had no money, and not only that but my Xbox was broken so even if I raised enough money to buy the game, I would still need like another two hundred dollars to buy a new Xbox.

Everyone seemed to have the game already and it was almost like I was the only person that didn’t. There were Facebook groups like ‘COD Ruined My Social Life’ and stuff that everyone was joining, people that I didn’t even know played video games but all people that had Modern Warfare 2, and I didn’t. It wasn’t that I didn’t have it, I mean it was, that was where most of the sadness came in, but I hadn’t even played it yet, and that is why I was so happy when I went to Tom Wilkin’s house that day, and he rented it. Starting the single player campaign was great, I mean I would have loved to play it on the hardest mode but Tom didn’t want to, so we ended up playing it on Regular.

There was also another decision to make, but this was a much easier one to make. The game said that there is disturbing or graphic content in the game and it asked if we wanted it removed from the play through. The decision was easier because it was obvious that neither of us had a stomach strong enough to put up with stuff graphic enough to warrant a warning, and by that I mean we said that we didn’t remove it because neither of us are soft. I had an idea what the content that might be considered disturbing might be though, I mean Saf was telling me of a mission where you are a terrorist or something and you wipe out an airport full of civilians, and I can imagine that being disturbing to some people.

When I told this to Tom he was not at all disturbed or less keen to play the game, if anything his keen level raised as mine did just thinking of wiping out an airport as a terrorist, and playing through what the level might look like in my head, all I saw was Saf running around with an AK-47 killing people... I was pumped. As we played through the game, I could see why everyone had already played or bought it, I mean it was amazing. In the first Modern Warfare, there were a few moments where something shockingly unbelievable happened and you were just left in awe, maybe even with your mouth wide open, but in the second one, every mission has like one or two of those moments, to the degree where the game is almost too amazing.

We stopped playing when Andrew got to Tom’s because he wanted to battle us, not take it in turns getting through the single player. Maybe because Andrew is just one of those ‘I am better than you’ kind of guys and he wants to prove it or maybe just because he was really shit and kept dying, so his shots were minutes shorter than ours. Playing the multiplayer was fun, but it was nothing compared to the single player. I didn’t really want to play it any more though, I really wanted to wait until I got it myself and could finish it on Veteran difficulty, the highest and hardest one; so that’s what I did. As I started writing this blog I was still in the main menu from the game, still thinking about how good the ending was, and how amazing it is, just like, no it was too amazing. It was so amazing that the word amazing doesn’t warrant how amazing it was, so I am going to have to use the word incredible, but that doesn’t warrant it either so I am going to have to throw in the word magnificent, so incredibly magnificent... I think that cuts it.

The New Years.

2010-01-01T16:39:00.001+10:30

It was the night that had me kissing ever girl there, and most of the guys, and had me dancing around in my lucky red undies in front of everyone else who were dancing around in theirs, but left me waking up alone in my bed in the same undies that I was partying with and now I am sitting here typing this, just sitting in my undies. The year of two thousand and nine, which I can easily call the best one of my life ended last night in one of the most fun nights of my life. I think that this may be the first New Year that I can actually feel; like I know that it is two thousand and ten. Previous new years had me writing two thousand and four at the top of my school book page when the year was actually two thousand and five, but right now I know that it is two thousand and ten, and I don’t feel like I’ll have to cross out two thousand and nine and write two thousand and ten over it at all this year.

It had to be the messiest new years ever, not just because we were all so fucked, but mainly because there was so much confusion on what was going to happen. It was actually planned within hours of midnight what we were actually going to do that night, but we ended up going to Hannah’s New Year’s gathering, which turned into a party, which turned into one of the most amazing nights ever, and easily my best gateway into a year that there has ever been. The night started, like most do, at Brett’s house. Tom and I were more excited about stealing someone’s camera and being the ‘happy snaps’ guy than the dawn of a new year. When the night started Anna-Lisa’s camera seemed to be the only one that was available for the stealing, but that one ran out of batteries fast.

Many seemed to notice my replicated self from graduation party, I had the Heineken Keg; I didn’t carry it around as much as I did for graduation, actually I didn’t carry it around at all, but I was also wearing the same T-Shirt. I think Dajana was the first to notice and from there more and more people seemed to notice. I didn’t do it intentionally, I mean Dajana was the one that made me realise, but it’s okay because I was wearing shorts, not the same jeans from graduation. Less people noticed later on in the night when the entire dance floor took off their shirts, and then their shorts, and then the dance floor was just dancing around in their underpants. I had no idea where Tom went, but I ended up getting a hold of Tallulah’s camera which had plenty of battery life in it, so Tallulah replaced Tom as my picture taking buddy and we really just went nuts taking pictures of each other.

We must have taken more photo’s than we realised because the battery life for her camera ran dry within a half hour, and the only camera left was Nikki’s. Tallulah and I stole that one and took hundreds of photos with it. I have never really talked to Tallulah before, I mean we have talked but we have never talked, you know what I mean. By the end of the night we were pretty much best friends, and I said that she can be my second best friend. I obviously forgot that I already have a second best friend, and I was kind of hoping that Tallulah would forget that I said that she could be mine, but in the morning she reminded me and I couldn’t really back down from that.

At the start of the night, Brett said that if I don’t finish the keg then I can never, ever go back to his house ever again, like I wouldn’t be welcome or anything. The last time I saw the keg it was empty, just coughing up the last bits of foam, the keg had done its job, as I was fucking hammered, absolutely paralytic. Sure, other people had some of the keg, I mean Tallulah and I finished it together, and that is what made us second best friends, but the keg just has that magical power of making you more fucked than I would if I was drinking out of bottles or cans... or maybe that is just for me.

The night ended, Kenny came and picked us up because for some reason he doesn’t drink anymore... maybe it’s because he had a bad drinking experience at schoolies or something, who knows, but he took me home and I jumped straight into my bed, in my undies. And slept until whenever it is that I got up, opened up my window and realised that it is two thousand and ten, it is fucking two thousand and ten, we made it here, another decade, and hopefully many more to come, Iand if you read this, I love you.

The 1st Annual Cosma Awards.

2009-12-31T13:55:00.004+10:30

2009 has been the best year of my life, but as does everything good, there are always best parts. Being a kid walking out of the movie theatre, I would always have a 'favourite part' to the movie. Whether it was the funniest bit, the most violent bit or the bit where you saw tits, it was always something that I would remember for a long time, or at least until I saw the next movie that I saw and had a new favourite bit. I thought that it would be too hard to sum up how good 2009 has been in a normal blog, with one picture and then a thousand words of text, so I thought that I would have to start a tradition much like the Oscars, only better, and that would be The Cosma Awards. This being the first one, and assuming that if I am somehow still doing this by this time next year that I will probably do another one, this will be The 1st Annual Cosma Awards. So I thought that in a blog about good times, I would have to kick this award ceremony off with the best times, and the best times would surely have been had at the best party.

Best Party

It’s the only party that people still talk about nearly six months after it happened. It’s the only party of the year that got me so drunk that I thought that going onto the roof with Christine James to chew on spilled weed would be a good idea. The party was of course Josh Jacob’s House Party, and to say the least, it was amazing. In a year full of amazing parties, this was definitely a tough one to call but Josh Jacob’s House Party just seemed to get everything right. It had the amazing music going at the perfect volume throughout the whole night; it had the strobe doing its blinding magic which ended up churning out some, at the time regrettable drunken acts but things that I now see as funny, good and drunken times. It had to be the only party of the year where the dance floor started on a high and ended on a high, there wasn’t a moment of dead dance floor and the only time that I wouldn’t have been found on the dance floor was when I was exploring the mansion that is Josh Jacob’s house, and it was a mansion.

Funniest Moment

This year has had me falling to the ground laughing too many times to count. It seems that every time I do anything I end up telling the story of the new 'funniest thing ever' but really, there was only one thing that happened this year that warrants being the funniest thing of the year. If I was to say that this was a tough decision, I would be blatantly lying because honestly, I have never laughed like this before. I thought I was dying, that is how much I was laughing, and if you have ever seen one of your mates scull a cup full of piss, then only you would understand. Many things happened over the schoolies weekend, but there is only one story that I make sure I tell everyone. To put a long story short, Kenny got so unbelievably drunk at schoolies one afternoon that we actually led him to believe that a cup full of my very own piss was beer. After his first sip that he spat out due to it being warm, we convinced him that it was just hot beer because it had been sitting in the sun all day, so he continued to scull the entire cup. The sound of his sculling was soon silenced by the sound of everyone else on the balcony screaming and laughing at the same time. If you ask Kenny how it was, his reaction will be that 'it wasn't that bad', but I'm sure that if he was giving out awards like this, he wouldn't give it beverage of the year.

Best Album

This year has probably been the best year for music that I have ever lived through. There have been countless new artists and amazing albums coming through that, yeah, it has just been an amazing year to be into music. When Calvin Harris first released 'I'm Not Alone', I was sure that it was the best song that I would ever hear. I got 'Ready For the Weekend', his latest album and listened to it all through once. I knew it was good, but I don't think that I comprehended how amazing it was within that first listen. Fifty six listens later and it was obvious to me that this wasn't just album of the year, but it is probably my favourite album ever. When Muse's 'The Resistance' came out I was more excited than I have ever been, really ever. I bought it on the first day that I saw it on shelves and listened to it through in the first free hour that I had. It was amazing, I thought that it would be album of the year for me, I mean Muse are my favourite band ever, and this was their new album, and it was amazing. As amazing as 'The Resistance' was, 'Ready For the Weekend' was so much better, and, well, I'm listening to it right now for what, the fifty seventh time and I am just so happy, I couldn't recommend this album any more than this, it is simply the best.

Best Movie

I think this one has actually been the hardest one for me to decide. I mean there have been so many movies that have seen this year that have just been incredible. Inglorious Basterds was the main runner up for this one, and I actually wanted to make this one a tie, but then I thought, come on now, there has never been a tie in the Oscars before, and this is even more official than that is, so no ties. I have had people telling me that I should make this movie of the year or action movie of the year or something and then have funniest movie of the year, and give that to The Hangover. Well, if I had a funniest movie of the year category, which I don't, The Hangover wouldn't get it, this would, and if I had an action movie of the year, this would also get it, so I just thought that making separate categories for the same thing would be silly, and I decided that this was the best movie of the year. I have never heard a movie theatre sound like they did whilst watching this movie, people were screaming of laughter, it was almost as if everyone had just seen Kenny drinking piss, but they hadn't, they had just seen a guy kill a zombie. This movie is the perfect middle ground between Shaun and Dawn of the Dead. Where Shaun of the Dead was too much humour and not enough zombie killing, and Dawn of the Dead was too serious and didn't have enough humour, this movie finds that perfect balance in between and makes what might be the best zombie movie ever, yes, maybe even better than Dawn of the Dead.

Best Day

People said that muck up day was an overrated day, a day not even worth going to. Maybe I should learn that Andrew is just a negative person and will say things like that when he actually doesn't know. According to the date on Ash Danh's pictures from muck up day, it was the twenty second day of October, and it was just the most fun day ever. It was the day after the last ever day of school, and the day before graduation. Due to being at Southport the night before, I was running on no sleep at all, but for some reason I wasn't tired. For me it was the first day of school to ever have pre drinks, so I didn't want to miss it. Dajana and Nathan picked me up at like five thirty in the morning or something and we made our way to Tahlia's house. I decided not to drink that morning after trying what Tahlia was drinking; goon and juice. I can sometimes drink goon and juice, I mean Andrew makes a great goon and juice, but Tahlia's seemed to be like, ninety percent goon, ten percent juice, only that the ten percent that was juice dissolved into the goon, somehow, making the mixture one hundred percent goon. From Tahlia's we made our way to school, in this journey we water pistoled many, the most memorable being the guy I shot in the face when he was driving and had his window down. I don't think he will ever forget my face as he looked back with murder in his eyes. Muck up day was amazingly fun, it was a shame that it got shut down when people were running around tomato saucing people but hey, it didn't stop me from getting the non participating Tim Edmeades in an act that could only be described as Facebook revenge. From school we made our way to Charlotte's for amazing barbecue times where I, for the first time ever, got drunk during the day time. It was a weird feeling but it was great fun, and to cut a long story shorter than being very long, Tom and I decided that it was just the best day ever.

Best Night

Schoolies was by far the best weekend of my, and many other people's life. It is easy to just call schoolies the best weekend ever though, the hard part is pinning down which night would have been the best. Friday was good fun, Saturday was better but Sunday was by far better than Saturday, but the best night of schoolies wasn't even schoolies, it was the Thursday night. There must have been something in the air that night, and that something must have been like, fucking, bloody, like cocaine or something because after three beers, we were all fucked, and it's not like we were drinking them fast or anything, we were just casually downing them, enjoying them, relaxing, but once we got up, we were absolutely fucked. It's the best feeling when you are just fucked like that off such a little amount of alcohol, because it generally means that you can just save the alcohol for another occasion, but instead, what we did was just, keep on drinking, and it worked. The Thursday night of schoolies is just another one of those black splotches in my memory, I reckon that everything I remember is extremely distorted or something, but there are memories from that night. I remember meeting up with these Immanuel people and they were amazed at how drunk we were even though it wasn't even schoolies yet. I remember partying on the beach and throwing Christine in the water and then she got really angry at me and then after she was like 'we should go back in the water, that was so fun'. I remember showering with Brett and Jack and Christine kept running in. I remember going for a nudey run where we met up with the same Immanuel people, and I just remember it being, probably one of the most fun nights ever, and as far as 2009 goes, I can't think of a better night.

Best Single

I don't know if earlier in this little award thingy I said something like 'this was by far the hardest award to call' but if I did, I take it back, because this really was. 2009 has been the year for amazing song releases, and it has been actually impossible to pick just one. By impossible, I mean very hard, but I did do it. I had to resist from picking Shooting Stars because I don't know if it will be one of those songs that stick or if it will be one of those fad songs, like Sexy Bitch. I know that if I did pick Shooting Stars, I would get people like 'you only picked that song because you like it now', so that is why I decided to pick one of the only songs that came out a while ago but has stuck as a great song, and probably the party anthem of 2009. I had a lot of songs to consider, but the main ones really were this and Warp. The only reason I picked this over Warp is because I did not like Warp the first time I heard it, I thought it was weird, I liked it but at the same time I didn't like it. When I first heard Bonkers, and I was actually one of the first people to hear Bonkers, or at least I say that I was, I loved it. I heard Bonkers when Channel [V] did their first ever playing of it on TV, I remember showing people on YouTube after and some people loved it, some people hated it, everyone knew it.

***

After giving out the final Cosma award, I didn't know how to end this blog, so I thought that what I would do would be to send it to someone and let them read it and be like yeah you should end it like this or like that. The only person that I was talking to at the time was Meb, and seeing as though she has proof read my blogs on several occasions before this and seeing as though she is my best friend, I thought that she would be an ideal person to send this unfinished final blog of 2009 to. I sent it to her, and after however long it took her to read it, she said that it was good but I need to end it. Just... did not help at all, but then I thought, why don't I just write about thinking of how to end it, that could be maybe good or something? After writing this, it seemed that there should be an actual ending, not just to the blog, but to the year, so I decided to write my little farewell message to the year that was 2009, or if you are reading this still in the year 2009, the year that is 2009, but soon will be the year that was 2009.

I normally welcome new years, I see them as a... a new year. I normally think ‘oh that year was pretty good, let’s see how this next one can top it’ well I don’t actually, I don’t know what I am really saying in this bit so I am just going to go and say the next bit which is the bit that I actually wanted to say which is; 2009 has been the best year of my life, and as sad it is that it has to come to an end, I knew it would at one stage near the end of December slash start of January. School is over and even though I like... failed, it’s not like I am going back. Year twelve has been the best year of my schooling life and I am going to go out on a wim or limb or either or and say that there won’t be a year that beats it, at least for a while, and by a while I mean like, forever. Goodbye 2009, I love you, and I always will love you.

The thirtieth of December.

2009-12-30T20:24:00.000+10:30

It is weird knowing that tomorrow is New Years Eve, and that two thousand and nine is nearly over, but it is much weirder not knowing what I am going to be doing going into two thousand and ten. I can simply assume that I will be partying, but with the party that I was meaning to attend in the state of maybe-not-going-to-happen but to say that I am not keen for whatever is going to happen tomorrow night would be a lie. This year has been one of those years that one word can’t describe, unless there is some word that is like, amazing and awesome mixed into the same word or something, but I don’t think there is.

My other main concern is that I just spent the last of my Christmas money, so I don’t have any money to party with this New Years. I didn’t realise that the money I used to buy Call of Duty with was the last of my money, and now I am sitting here with DJ Hero and Call of Duty; two rad games, but no money left over to party with. I can see why people have jobs, it seems like a good thing to have, I mean you make money so you can do things, but all my life I have just waited until Christmas and my birthday to make an income, but this Christmas I blew the money that I got within a week.

I don’t even know where the money went; I mean I had like three hundred dollars I think, all up from all the family. One hundred for DJ Hero, another hundred for Call of Duty, like twenty five for Flight of the Conchords; where did the rest of my money go? If I had a job I wouldn’t even care, but then again if I had a job I wouldn’t even care about Christmas, I mean all I get for Christmas is money, I don’t get presents any more, but if I had a job, the money I got wouldn’t really feel like anything, you know? Then the small amount of Christmas spirit I had would be gone along with the rest of it.

Every year it seems that I tell myself that the year went by so quickly, much quicker than the previous year, but this year actually went by so fast. It actually feels like high school went by so fast, I mean I feel like we were in primary school forever, but it actually feels like just a few months ago when we were in year eight, just getting started, but primary school felt like it went for like twenty eight years. As quickly as the year has gone by, it is still hard to sum it all up in the one blog, but that is something that will be done. Tomorrow’s blog will be two thousand and nine in a nut shell, and today’s is really just about not having money, but I’m going to leave it here because I just really want to play some Call of Duty.

The DJ Hero.

2009-12-29T20:32:00.000+10:30

I remember the first time I ever played Guitar Hero. It was back in two thousand and six, and it was the first Guitar Hero game, back on Playstation two. Going down the songs that were available on the game, I picked the first song that I saw that I knew; Iron Man by Black Sabbath. I picked the Easy difficulty and the game continued through to the loading screen. I prepared myself as the game loaded, putting my fingers in place by the coloured buttons. The game started, and the guitar neck got close to the screen, fading off into the distance. It was scrolling down, ever so slowly. The first note came down, a red one, and it was a long one. It was a circle that stretched out into a line behind it, so I assumed that I had to hold it down. I was nervous, but I hit the red button just as the red circle on the screen hit the bottom of the guitar neck. For some reason, I missed it, and the stroke of guitar that is played at the start of Iron Man was missing from the version playing through the speakers. The red line wasn’t red, it scrolled down the screen in this dull grey colour. Even though I pressed red at the right time, the game thought I missed it for some reason.

I could see the second note coming down, it was the exact same thing, it was another red one coming down, a long one, I placed my finger over the red button and pressed it but the game thought I missed it, again. This was when the crowd started booing, and it wasn’t soon after this when the audience hated me so much that they kicked me off the stage, I looked behind me at the people watching me, laughing. I was so sad, I was so excited to play the game but I failed. The next person grabbed the guitar from my failure hands, he pressed retry song. I should have told him that the guitar was broken or the song was broken, but I didn’t, and I watched him, and I knew that his fate was to fail, just as I did. The first note comes down the screen, that same red one that I should have hit, as it hits the bottom, he hits it, making the sound that I should have made it make. I look at him, stunned; I look at his guitar and watched the second red note, watching to see what he does differently. As the second note hit the screen, he held down the red button and pressed down on this black thing on the head of the guitar.

I was so sad, surely someone could have told me that I had to press down on that thing and at the same time press the coloured button that the screen told me to press, but no. The second time I played Guitar Hero, I tried the same song, Iron Man by Black Sabbath. I get ready for the red note, I have my finger over it ready to press, and at the same time I have my right hand over the black bar ready to press it downwards so it makes the right sound, not the clunking of failure that I heard. The red note hit the bottom of the screen, and I held the bar down as it came past, and I pressed the red button, keeping it held down, the note played through, and I hit my first ever note in Guitar Hero. The second one came down, it was the same red one again, and I got it perfectly again. In my eyes I was getting good, but this was only the beginning. It was when other coloured notes started coming down the screen that I started to miss them, the clunking sound of failure came back to haunt me again and the audience, again, booed me off stage.

As bad as I was at Guitar Hero, I had fun with it; and the more I played it the better I got, and the more notes I hit. The first song I passed wasn’t Iron Man; it was More Than a Feeling by Boston. It was a song even harder than iron Man, and I passed it. It took me around about eight tries before I finished the song in full but I did it, and the first time I passed that song, it was probably the most fun I had ever had when playing a video game. I felt like Guitar Hero was a game custom built for me, I mean I loved games, and it was a game, and I loved rock music, and the game featured nothing but rock music. It wasn’t long after this first encounter with it that the second Guitar Hero came out, and it was called Guitar Hero II. It wasn’t soon after the release of this game that I ended up buying an Xbox 360, and then it wasn’t long after that when Guitar Hero II came out on Xbox 360.

The year is two thousand and nine, and music games have gone crazy trying to implement new things into Guitar Hero games. Guitar Hero five, the latest one lets you play Guitar, Bass, Drums and you can sing. I thought that music games wouldn’t get any more expensive than when I first bought Guitar Hero II at one hundred and thirty odd dollars, but now the games are coming with drums and guitars and microphones and can cost upwards of three hundred dollars. It was also in this year when the newest music game came out, and it is called DJ Hero. DJ Hero is made by the Guitar Hero people, but instead of it coming with a guitar or drums, it comes with a turntable, the only downside to it all is that it costs one hundred and eighty dollars; two hundred and eighty dollars if you want the deluxe edition.

Boxing Day sales are meant to be amazing, I mean they are like Christmas sales, but even cheaper because they didn’t sell out of it all before Christmas so they mark it all down extremely to get rid of everything and get in new stock. I mean, like, that’s what I think or assume, I don’t actually know really. I saw that DJ Hero was ninety eight dollars at EB Games, and I was extremely excited, that is a mark down of like eighty dollars, and I had just played the game at Dick Smiths and it was extremely fun. I went home and got my Christmas money, only to realise that the shops were closing. I went on the internet and did some research, only to find out that the two hundred and eighty dollar version of the game was also on sale, and it was down to ninety nine dollars.

Skipping to the present, as in present times, as in like skipping to now, I currently have DJ Hero, and it is actually amazing, I am having more fun with it than I was having with Guitar Hero when I first got that, and I was having too much fun with Guitar Hero. I am currently playing DJ Hero on hard mode and I am getting good at it, five starring most songs. I almost feel like the music game genre is built around my likings, I mean I am growing old of rock music and I am enjoying listening to dance and techno a bit more now, and as soon as that happens, DJ Hero comes out, full of techno and dance beats. Words can’t describe how much fun DJ Hero actually is, so instead of using words, I am going to use nothing, stop writing this and go back and play some more DJ Hero.

The party on minimal sleep.

2009-12-28T17:28:00.000+10:30

I have never partied on such little sleep; actually I don’t think I have ever had such little sleep before... I mean I have had none, but this might be the smallest amount of sleep I have had and then just had a day where I do things and I just wasn’t tired, it was fucked. Boxing Day sales can make a man do wild things, especially when that man is me, and I really want DJ Hero and it is ninety eight dollars at EB Games. Ninety eight dollars for the game and DJ Turntable controller thingy, marked down from like one hundred and seventy, amazing price for it. I went to Linou’s place, and the plan was to stay up all night and go to the shops when they open, at like nine in the morning, run in and grab DJ Hero and then go home for sleep. The plan kind of happened, but it kind of didn’t. We went to EB Games at Marion, I got DJ Hero, I got home and because I was in one of those excited ‘new toy’ moods that you might remember having when you were like six years old, anyway I was so excited that adrenaline kicked in and fun won over sleep.

I ended up playing DJ Hero right up until party time, and I was even considering not going to the party because I should sleep. I mean it’s not like I was tired, but I just should have been. I probably racked up like an hours sleep over the night just falling asleep while we were watching movies and that but nothing major that I would count as actual sleeping. I went but I said to myself that I won’t drink, that just changed when I remembered that I still had some beers in the fridge, and that I had enough to get me quite drunk. Luckily, lightweight Cosma was the persona that I went as, and after the seven beers I was actually gone, like just above the perfect level. I was so happy, and I didn’t sober up until the end of the night somehow, probably the happiest I have been, and by that I mean it wasn’t the happiest I have ever been, but I was just happy.

I thought that, if I got drunk, I would be the drunk that is just tired and falls asleep or passes out or whatever, but I really wasn’t. I was up and partying and socialising and yeah, it was just a great party where great times were had. The party was definitely missing something though, I didn’t know what it was but I do now, and that was Ash Danh. Without Ash Danh, the entire responsibility of photo’s being taken were left up in the air, and luckily Tallulah picked up the camera that was somehow still in the air after Ash left it there and she got some great photos, but you see, right now, if Ash was there last night, she would have already put the pictures up onto Facebook and I could use one of them as the picture, but right now there are no pictures from Emily Chartier’s party and, yeah...

You are probably wandering why the picture for this blog was a picture of that woman. There are many other pictures that I could have used, why this one, what’s so special about it? Well, seeing as though there were no pictures from last night, and I didn’t really want to use a picture from a previous party because I always just get that one person that says, ‘why is that the picture? That’s the wrong night,’ and yes I know that, but maybe I wasn’t in any pictures that night or maybe the pictures weren’t up because I wrote it even before Ash Danh was awake or whatever, but the reason I used this picture, because I did a Google image search on ‘Emily Chartier’s Party’ and the first thing that came up was... her.

The Sherlock Holmes.

2009-12-27T16:39:00.000+10:30

I have only ever walked out of a movie once in my life to go to the toilet or something and come back. The movie was Ice Age, and I was just a kid, or however old I was when Ice Age came out. I walked out, took out my hairless balls which came out with my small child penis and took the piss that I needed to take. When I got back, sat down in my seat, I missed a lot, and it was only a kid’s movie. I mean it’s not like I missed valuable plot points or twists or anything, but I arrived just as there was a scene with someone in a spa with these two other things and I was just sad because I didn’t even know who these two new characters were in the spa with the character that I was familiar with before my piss.

That was the first and last time I have ever left the cinema, regardless of how brief the leaving was, to do anything. Expect for when I went and took a piss during Transformers 2, but that was different because that was the fourth time I saw it at the movies... anyway, I went to see Sherlock Holmes last night, and I know what you’re thinking, ‘oh bloody hell Cosma, you left the cinema to piss didn’t you... or shit?’ and the answer to both of them is no, and now I know what you’re thinking, ‘Cosma, if you didn’t leave the cinema last night to piss or shit or something, then why are you even talking about that?’ and if you actually were thinking that first thought and then the second one, then just calm the fuck down, like I am getting to it, just chill.

If you don’t already know, Sherlock Holmes came out last night, but instead of waiting until cheap Tuesday like I normally would, I was kind of pressured into seeing it seeing as though Linou had already bought the tickets for everyone and we couldn’t really not go. It was a great movie though, but it was really one of those movies that you need to pay attention to every little thing that happens if you want to understand what’s going on completely... this is probably the reason that my enjoyment of the film was less than it could have been due to me being so tired that I fell asleep during a minute or so of talking and woke up with no idea what was going on.

I awoke and asked Saf what I just missed out on in the last minute or so, and he said like, a lot... so I don’t know if I slept for the minute in the film that just, like, shit went down or something and they just explained everything or the minute that I fell asleep for was actually like, eight minutes. Either way, I just felt like I did back in the Ice Age days, there were even these new people that I have never seen before, that everyone else in the cinema seemed to be best friends with but he just seemed like a fucking random ass guy to me. It was the exact same situation that I got myself into all those years ago, back, even before I had pubes, the situation that I swore I would never be in again... but then again, I was fucking tired.

When the movie ended, I was pretty sure that I knew what had just happened over the last two hours and that the story that I saw made enough sense for me to be happy with my movie watching abilities, even when asleep. The movie was really good though, I mean I guess my opinion can’t compare to the reliability of someone’s opinion that remained awake for the entirety of the film but still, I thought it was a great movie that I would one day like to watch again, when I am less tired.

The Boxing Day Texts.

2009-12-26T04:43:00.001+10:30

I can keep secrets, especially if they are things that shouldn’t get out. If the secret is something like, what this person is getting that person for Christmas, but that person knew that I knew what this person was getting them, and then that person just kept pestering me to tell them what this person was getting them and just didn’t stop, I would most likely cave and just tell that person what this person was getting them. However, if that person really didn’t want to know, and this person was keeping it a really good secret, I wouldn’t go and tell that person what they were getting, especially after this person had kept the present a secret for six months, and especially eight hours before Christmas.

Lauren had kept the secret of what Brett’s Christmas present was for six months. Brett didn’t know what it was, and he didn’t want the surprise ruined, especially because it was so close to Christmas. He knew that I knew what it was though, and he wasn’t really making guesses but he was just asking if he would like it, if I would like it, if Andrew would like it, just all these questions to assist him in, not really finding out what it was, but I think just so he knew if he would like it. I guess that the initial ‘yes you would like it’ wasn’t enough for him though, like he just had to keep on going. I went home that night with the secret still, as far as my secret leaking goes, un-leaked. Like it was still in the secret thingy, and Brett didn’t know what he was getting.

The time between what was now at the time but is now then and Christmas was thinning, and Brett still didn’t know what he was getting. Somehow, with eight hours before Christmas, Chris somehow leaked to Brett that Lauren had gotten Brett a Big Day Out ticket for Christmas. Like, I don’t know how he did it, I wasn’t there, but Brett was fucking angry. I’m the kind of person that likes to know what I am getting for Christmas, or birthdays, but I have really reached the point in my life where I’m just not getting presents anymore, I am just getting money. Although, I guess that if I had left myself from finding out what I was getting for Christmas for six whole months, and then just being told by Chris with eight hours to go, I would be fucking angry.

It isn’t really the thing that would warrant a huge revenge plot, but getting Chris back would be something that was on Brett’s mind, I’m sure of it. Something tells me that Chris didn’t even mean to do it though, I mean he is just fucking retarded, so he probably just included it in his regular everyday speech but then leaked it somehow, just because he is fucking retarded. Early this morning, and by that I mean like, two in the morning, we were just chilling at Tom’s, playing his Wii that he got for Christmas, when I hear the inane laughter of revenge coming from the room next to me. I make my way there to see what was going on and I see that Brett had sent a message to ten girls on Chris’s phone. What the message said I didn’t know, but the names I saw flash up on the screen under the picture of the envelope with an arrow on it and the word sending were names that, well they were names that would be funny to message of Chris’s phone.

After the series of names stop flashing, Brett goes back into what the message was in the sent box, and it read something like ‘Hey, I’m horny. What are you doing tonight?’ Now really, I mean, it wouldn’t surprise me if Chris actually has sent that to someone, I mean he is fucking retarded, but it is nothing that a simple ‘yeah sorry about that, my mate grabbed my phone and started texting people’ can’t fix. Chris, being as fucking retarded as he is, just got really sad about it. As the replies came through, somehow, the people that got the message were taking it a little more seriously than I thought they would, and the laughter erupted from the house that was meant to be quiet because Tom’s mum was asleep.

Brett had gotten his revenge, I mean it’s not like revenge was even a necessary thing but still, I’m not complaining, I got a good laugh out of it; a bloody good laugh. Brett clearly ended up winning this little revenge story though, I mean all he lost was the surprise of getting a Big Day Out ticket, what he ended up getting was a great laugh and a great story to tell people, oh and he still got his Big Day Out ticket. Chris didn’t really get anything out of it, except for some awkward phone calls to the ten girls after explaining why they got a message asking what they were doing from a man that was supposedly horny. Let this be a lesson to you though, don’t ruin someone’s well deserved Christmas surprise, especially if it is someone that will seek revenge.

The twenty fifth of December.

2009-12-25T01:49:00.000+10:30

So it’s Christmas and it just doesn’t feel like it is for some reason. I don’t know why, but it just feels like any other day really, then again, I guess it is. The clock hit midnight and mum called me and my brother in to the living room as it would formally be called, or TV room as it is called in our house. Brett and I were talking today about Christmas and what we would want if we could just have like, everything that we wanted or something like that, and I just had this vision of waking up on Christmas morning and there actually being a Christmas tree. Under the Christmas tree would be all these big boxes, all with my name on it. The first one I opened was DJ Hero, so happy. I played this game at Dick Smiths the other day and it was actually amazing. I thought it would be so shit because, I don’t know, it just looked appalling. Playing it is a different story though and it was the most fun I have had playing a game since the first time I ever played Guitar Hero.

As happy as I was, it was kind of sad because I had a broken Xbox. Until I got a new Xbox, all I could really do was spin the DJ Hero turntable and pretend I was playing the game, and I don’t know how much fun that would really be, and how long the fun; if there was any, would last. I opened the second box, and to turn things around completely, it was a brand new Xbox 360, and the new Call of Duty. Unfortunately, none of this actually happened, like I said, it was all this vision that I kind of had and then Brett and I just talked about how amazing that would be. When mum called me to the TV room, I just thought to myself, maybe that vision wasn’t just wishful thinking, maybe it was an actual future vision. I looked at the space where the Christmas tree was last year to see that there is no Christmas tree, and the presents that are sitting in front of the fire place are still not for me.

There was something for me though, something stuffed into my stocking, and it was DVD shaped. I opened the wrapping to find out that it is actually the thickness of two DVD’s. I open the wrapping more, like, enough so that I could actually see what the DVD’s actually were. The first one was Role Models, which I was happy about because it is just fucking funny, and the other one was Max Payne, which is just, like, it’s not a good movie. I was so happy though when mum said ‘if you don’t want one of them, don’t open it and we can take it back’ but it was almost before she finished talking when I said that ‘yeah, I don’t really want Max Payne’ but I think I said it a bit nicer than that. Mum said that she would go and take it back and get Transformers on DVD... so fucking happy.

I thought that maybe I should do something special for the blog today, I mean it is Christmas, but I just didn't know what to do. I decided on not really doing anything at all, just writing this and yeah, publishing it. I was really excited to have a sentence in this blog that was something like 'and my present to you is' and then something that I could just do, but like, it would just be nice or something but I just didn't think of anything. Despite not getting a present from me, whoever you are reading this, I hope you have an amazing Christmas, have an amazing day, get all the presents that you wanted and just continue to have great times like I hope you are. If you are reading this though, I actually fucking love you, and yeah, okay there it is, this is my present to you this Christmas, I actually genuinely love you! Merry Christmas, and enjoy that picture of Katy Perry wrapped in Christmas lights and wearing a Santa hat.

The Avatar.

2009-12-24T19:01:00.002+10:30

The choice to see movies in three dimensions or the regular two that we are all used to is becoming a harder and tougher one to make. I remember a day when seeing movies at the IMAX theatre in three dimensions were just amazing, even if the movie was just like, that documentary on fish that my dad took me to see that time, it was just amazing how it was in three dimensions... who cared what the guy was saying about the fish, it fucking was right in front of me. Recently, more and more films are being released in 3D, but you can also go and see the normal versions of the movie for much, much less. A normal movie ticket is like nine to twelve dollars, but 3D tickets are like sixteen to eighteen dollars, and whether it is worth what is nearly an extra ten dollars for one more dimension is something that I don’t know.

My mum has these seven dollar tickets to the Capri theatre, and at the moment they are showing Avatar, but they aren’t showing it in 3D, they’re just showing it those regular old two dimensions that I am almost getting sick of. If I wanted to see Avatar in those two dimensions, but also with an amazing third one, it would actually cost me an extra eleven dollars to go and see, and whether that is worth it or not I, yeah, I just don’t know. It was the hardest decision of my life, well not really, but it was up there. Back in like, August I think it was when Up came out, I just really wanted to see it. I didn’t even consider seeing it in normal, so we went and saw it in 3D, and it was great. The movie that is, the movie was actually amazing, but whether the third dimension was worth that extra ten dollars I still don’t know.

Up wasn’t really an action packed war movie though, and it wasn’t the kind of movie where there were bullets and arrows flying across the screen and people dying all over the place and all that, but Avatar is. We decide to go and see Avatar yesterday using my mum’s seven dollar tickets at the Capri, and yeah, it was just in those two old dimensions. Jack was telling me about how, apparently, in America, fifteen people on average had to walk out of the cinema and go home sick due to the third dimension in Avatar being too much for them. After hearing him say that, I was more keen to just watch it in those two dimensions that, I guess I said I was getting sick of them but really, it’s just what I am used to, like, they have never treated me badly, I have never been not keen to see something because it just had two dimensions, but then again, 3D just sounds like it would be better.

Avatar, for me at least, had a fuck load of hype up and around its blue ass. I mean there were just those days where you could just scroll down the Facebook home page news feed or whatever you call it and there would just be like, every second thing was someone saying how great Avatar was. Everyone that had seen it before had said that it was just amazing, or sad, but also amazing... I mean except for Hayden who said he fell asleep at the ending but yeah, everyone else said it was amazing, so I was still keen to see it. During the movie, it just seemed like one of those movies that thought it was amazing, and it knew it was, but it only kind of was. It almost seemed like, like if a movie could ever be up itself, it would be this. The screen was just full of itself being awesome, and it is almost like the screen was just all ‘hey look at me, I’m just fucking great! I cost two hundred and thirty seven million dollars to make, and just look at how good I look!’

As I read that last bit back to myself, I am being a little harsh, and really, I shouldn’t be harsh at all to this movie, because walking out of this movie, I just had a feeling. It was that feeling that you get when you walk out of an air conditioned building and into forty one degree heat. It was fucking hot, like really hot. Seriously though, Avatar was great. Avatar was one of those movies that is just constantly entertaining, and even when nothing’s happening, and they are just standing around talking, being blue and shit, you just look around and just look at how amazing the world of Avatar looks. I stop writing this every now and again to just, stand up and talk to Andrew, because he is right there, and I was just thinking, was Avatar the best looking movie ever? Like, did it have the best special effects ever? I remember walking out of Transformers 2 thinking that it had the best special effects ever in a movie. There was that scene where that bridge exploded when the transformer like, barged through it and I was just thinking wait, did that bridge actually just blow up or was that CGI?

However, Transformers was like, seventy five percent real and the other twenty five animated. Avatar was like ninety percent animated and the other ten was real. I mean that’s just Andrew and I’s numbers that we pulled out of our non blue asses but they are probably roughly right. Whether Avatar is the best movie of the year or not I still am unsure of, but I don’t think it was. It was the most epic, and I think it had the most unique storyline and the creatures that inhabited the world of Pandora were the most unique that I have seen since Pokémon, and the action was just amazing. How Hayden fell asleep through the ending is beyond me because I was actually making those sounds of excitement that I make through it all. Avatar, you can stick your head as far up your blue ass as you want, you can overhype yourself as much as you want because you are genuinely amazing, and you deserve the hype that my Facebook friends gave you.

The twenty third of December.

2009-12-23T16:18:00.000+10:30

Well, it’s the eve of Christmas Eve and for some reason my Christmas spirit is still low. Normally I know what I am getting and it is under the tree and I would have peeled away at the edge of the wrapping, at least a little bit, just so I could make sure it was the present that I knew I was getting, then I would fold the peeled flap back over, place the sticky tape back where it was and wait until Christmas before I can start playing with whatever it was. I think that the last Christmas that I actually had a proper present under the tree was three years ago, in 2006. We had just gotten an Xbox 360 and the two games that came with it were Dead or Alive 4 and Project Gotham Racing 3. Dead or Alive was a fighting game that was pretty shit, like, it can’t hold a shit up to Tekken before Law back flips it to death, and Project Gotham was a racing game, like one of those really realistic racing games, and I was just never any good at those.

I told mum that I wanted to trade in those two games and get Gears of War instead, because Gears of War was the game the reason that I bought the Xbox at that time. Back in 2006, I was still in that stage of my life where if my parents said no, the answer was no. Like, there was no changing their opinion at all, and the more you nag or beg or plead, the worse it would end up in the end. They said that I can wait until Christmas before I get the new game, and I can play the two games that came with the Xbox until then. I don’t know why, I mean I knew that it was Gears of War that was under the tree, wrapped in whatever colour wrapping it was in with that little tag thing that was on it that read ‘To Nicholas, Love from Mum and Dad’ or whatever it said, I mean it probably said something like that but it’s not like I remember exactly. Like I was saying, I don’t know why I had to carefully peel open the corner of the present until I was sure that it was Gears of War but I just did, I mean what if mum bought the wrong game or something?

This Christmas, I will actually be surprised if I get anything on the day. I mean I am fairly sure that my entire Christmas present was the money that mum gave me for Schoolies and my Big Day Out ticket, which is already a fuck load more than I would have gotten under the tree, so I am not complaining. I just remember a Christmas, now this would have been a long time ago, but I remember there being so much different shit under the tree for me, and it was all great. Then again, I also remember a Christmas where all I got was Star Wars on VHS, and all my brother got was Space Jam on VHS. I was so sad, I mean I loved Space Jam, and I didn’t even know what Star Wars was at that age. I remember recently, and I don’t know how it got brought up or anything, but I remember mum saying that she won Star Wars on VHS in a competition or something, and I was like ‘no you didn’t, you gave it to me for Christmas that year, I remember’ and mum just laughed or something. Turns out that she won it in a competition and then just wrapped it up and gave it to me, and I am still angry.

I don’t think that the reason I have no Christmas spirit is because of the lack of presents, I mean I have had no presents on the day before, like last year I am pretty sure I didn’t get anything on the day or something. No, I think it’s because there is no Christmas spirit in this house, there isn’t even a tree or anything; the presents for other people that should be under our tree are like, sitting in front of the fire place. Also, we normally have Christmas lights every year, recently we have anyway, and this year there just, isn’t. I just went out there and confronted my parents about all this, I asked why there isn’t a tree and, well mainly I just reminded them about when they got me that copy of Star Wars that they won in a competition and then dad didn’t really say anything, mum then changed the topic and said ‘have you heard about the joke about the man with his penis in custard?’ and I said no, because I haven’t, and then she said, ‘the waiter walks up to the man in the restaurant who has his penis in custard and the waiter asks ‘what are you doing?’ and the man replied with, ‘I’m just fucking disgusted’’. Now admittedly it did take me a while to get the joke, but just in case you don’t get it, he is fucking disgusted, fucking this custard, yep. Seriously though, what kind of mum says that to their child, I mean I am seventeen but still, and this close to Christmas? I thought she would be hearing all these Christmas jokes and be telling them instead but no, she’s still on the custard fucking jokes... it was kind of funny though.

The Paranormal Activity.

2009-12-22T03:18:00.000+10:30

Recently I have gotten into the habit of seeing a new movie and writing about it the next day, or if I haven’t done a blog that day, I would just write it for that day. I saw Paranormal Activity a few days ago; I think it was on Thursday, so it was more than a few days ago, but yeah, I saw it. Recently I have just been in a real horror movie mood, because I realised that I love watching them but they just never scare me. I have jumped, I have had shivers sent down my spine, but I have never had sleepless nights before, and I have never had nightmares about a movie or anything like that. My excitement for Paranormal Activity was sky high, all my friends have been telling me of their sleepless nights they have been having after they saw it and Facebook status after Facebook status talking about how scary or amazing it is has just made me want to see it.

After I got eleven dollars in change together, I told Andrew that I want to go see it. He has already seen it but he always told me how he wants to see it again because it’s ‘so fucked’. Dajana hasn’t seen it so she came along as well. I remember being a kid, hearing of The Exorcist from mum, hearing about the sleepless nights that she had from seeing it, will this be the movie that freaks the fuck out of me, giving me sleepless nights? I hope so. Dajana was scared from the second we walked into the movie foyer, I was excited, I wanted to be scarred for life, I wanted this movie to fuck me over completely and turn me into a psychopath who is afraid of sleeping... at least for a little while.

If you didn’t already know, Paranormal Activity is one of those movies that are filmed like The Blair Witch Project and Cloverfield was. Luckily, the camera isn’t as annoying as the one from those movies, but the shit part is that the two characters in the movie are more annoying than when that guy or girl that you don’t want to talk to on Facebook says hey on chat. You don’t want to delete them, that would just be mean, but you don’t want to talk to them. Fifty percent of the movie is just footage of them doing whatever it is that they do during their day, eating, sleeping, cooking, watching TV, swimming, playing guitar, just usual things that you would do to try and build suspense. I found it hard to take this suspense seriously though, because whenever the girl was in trouble or whenever she was scared, she would scream for her boyfriend by the name of Mika. So whenever I heard Mika being called from wherever she was, the only thing that was going through my head was ‘we are not who you think we are, we are golden, we are golden!’

Unfortunately, the movie is just eighty minutes of suspense, and then some scary shit happens at the end. There are some fucked things that go on throughout the movie but nothing that I lost any sleep over. Or at least that’s what I thought... and I was right. The end of the movie is fucking scary, like not the end, but the thing that happens before the end. I thought the ending was silly and I was just like, ‘oh fuck off’ and I think I actually said it out loud so yeah, sorry to anyone who was in the cinema if I ruined your experience completely. I started to get up after the movie and I was just like, ‘that was fucked’ because it was, then when Andrew told me that it actually isn’t a true story, all the positive things that I thought about that movie just went away. I was so happy that something like that actually happened, like that is just fucked up, that’s great because that means that there is actually something after death, but that movie is not even true.

There was one part where my entire body had shivers going through it, but that is really it. There was that one fucked scene but that is really it. I got home and went to bed, then I just got up and I was not tired or something. I wasn’t scared, but I just thought that I would be better off if I stayed awake til daylight and then went to bed. I stayed awake until like six in the morning and then mum got up and said that I was ridiculous for still being awake so I went to bed. I was kind of scared of something happening, but then I remembered that I am not being followed by a demon, so I slept more than peacefully and I have been ever since. Really though, the movie was just a teenage dream of a teenage circus, and the demon was just running around like a clown on purpose. I did not really give a damn about the family that they came from, but that demon wasn’t giving up just because they were young because he just really wanted some, like he just wanted to kill them or something because they weren’t who he thought they were, they were golden.

The twenty first of December.

2009-12-21T04:24:00.000+10:30

It is the twenty first of December. If this was seven, eight years ago, I would be at the stage where I was waking up every morning bright and early so I could open up the next day on my advent calendar and get the day’s little chocolate piece... actually, by now the box would have broken and all the chocolate would have gotten down to the bottom so mum would have opened it up and put all the chocolate pieces in a Tupperware container and I would wake up and eat a piece from the container. I would know exactly how many days until Christmas because of how many pieces of chocolate were left. December was the only month of the year that I always knew what the date was, except for after Christmas when I had nothing to look forward to.

Now, it is the twenty first of December and I only know this because it is the day after my Dad’s birthday. The only chocolate in the house isn’t advent calendar chocolate; it is just this cheap stuff from like, those discount bins at Coles. I actually think there is some good chocolate in the fridge, like Cadbury or something, but I am pretty sure I recall mum saying that I can’t eat it because it’s dad’s or something, I don’t remember exactly but I am just going to steer clear of it. When I was a kid I always looked forward to Christmas because I knew what I was getting. I remember the Christmas when I knew that I was getting Pokémon Silver Version; I woke up at like five in the morning or something and started playing it straight away. Mum said that I could get up and play it, but only if I was quiet. I was as quiet as possible, but I had to wake up mum again when I asked her if it was daylight savings time or not because my mum in Pokémon needed to know so the time in my PokéGear was accurate.

Now I don’t think I am getting anything from my parents for Christmas. They said that my Big Day Out ticket was my Christmas present, which I am more than fine with, it’s just sad that I have nothing to look forward to when I get up on Christmas morning... or hopefully afternoon. I am looking forward to going to my aunties though, I mean I love seeing my cousins and aunties and uncles and all that but I just like sleeping in. As a kid I always used to go to bed ridiculously early on Christmas Eve because the earlier I went to bed, the earlier I would wake up and the earlier I could get up and start to play with my presents. Also, Santa wouldn’t come if I was awake and I didn’t know what time he was going to come, so I would make sure that I was in bed from like six at night through to six in the morning.

Now it is four fifteen in the morning, I am sitting here in my underpants and a T-Shirt finishing a bottle of water because I am just really thirsty and I am technically nocturnal. Recently I woke up to Mum walking into my room asking if I was okay. I replied with ‘yeah, why?’ and she said that it was like four in the afternoon and I was still asleep and she thought I was like, dead or something. She wouldn’t have used those words but they are the words that I used just then so they are the ones that stick. If I keep up this sleeping pattern until Christmas, which I am sure that I will because I doubt I can change my sleeping pattern within the next few days, I will probably be up and awake by the time that Santa comes. It might be a bit of an awkward visit, partially because I don’t believe that he exists but I’m sure that if he is like, you know... existing, and in front of me, I would believe in him again.

I don’t have a job or any kind of income. Dad is really pressuring me to get a job, but I have said more times than I could count on the hands of every kid in the world who celebrates Christmas and probably a few that don’t that I am going to wait until after New Years before I start looking for a job. I am just so excited for Christmas because, well, I don’t have a job or any money or any income, but on Christmas day I will be seeing all my uncles, aunties and all those other people that give me presents that I don’t know how I am related to but I just am in some way. The money I get should tie me over at least until I get a job, so I am just so excited... and I know the first thing I’m going to buy... some bloody advent calendars so I can eat some amazing tasting Christmas tree shaped chocolate.

The pre-drinks.

2009-12-20T14:35:00.001+10:30

I used to be the kid who came to parties like half an hour in, sober as a Muslim who isn’t Safeer but then proceed to get drunk during the party. By the end of the party I would be fucked, I would make my way home, sleep and have a good chance of getting a hangover. It was sometime this year when pre-drinks were discovered, and they just seemed like a good idea. I mean every party that I had been to, I would always be like ‘yeah the start was shit but it got better,’ but then I realised that the start was never shit, I was just sober, and that’s why it was shit. Since then I have evolved and now I am the kid who misses like, half the party because I am busy having pre drinks. It is good fun, but I can’t help but worry about what I am missing at the party. Oh well, at least there’s no shit part to it.

It was getting to the stage where the party had been going for an hour and a half and we were still pre-drinking. You could only drink inside if you were over eighteen so I had to down all my drinks before we got there, and this was hard seeing as though pre-drinks were at mine, and my mum, dad and all their friends were over for drinks. I remember when I asked mum if we could have pre-drinks here and she said ‘no, Scott and Sue are coming over for drinks, you’re friends aren’t going to want to drink with them,’ and I thought to myself, how perfect this was. It would be so much fun getting drunk with my parents and their friends. Everyone was having a good time, Tom came up to me telling me that it was the best pre-drinks ever, but I wasn’t feeling it. Probably because mum was watching my every sip, asking how much I had, how many was left, and asking how many I would leave here. I wasn’t going to leave any at home, ‘I only have a six pack’ I told mum ‘I need to get it down fast so I’m fucked,’ and after saying that, Mum wasn’t impressed, Sue was though.

I was receiving messages asking when I was coming, it almost sounded like the party was ending or something and it was only ten o ‘clock. Then I remembered that the party ends at twelve, so I was just really sad. We made our way in and we only had two hours to party, so I really made the most of it I think. I say I think because this was just one of those nights where my memory has these huge black gaps where there is just nothing, and I can’t really fill in the whole night. I remember saying hello to everyone, quickly going upstairs doing the lap of the place making sure I said hello to, you know, at least like eight people. After I reached my eight, I started to make my way back down to the dance floor. Luckily it was at The Underground; the same place that our formal after party was, so I remembered how the place was set out, which was odd because I have no recollection of the formal after party. I didn’t think about how that works too much though, I was just happy that I didn’t need to ask where the toilet was.

Because I knew, I started to make my way to the toilet, but I got side tracked because the dance floor was in-between me and the toilet. I was dragged onto the dance floor and partied for like an hour before I remembered that I was meant to go to the toilet like an hour ago, so I went in and just and had one of those amazing pisses. I walked out and realised that there was only an hour left to party, and the worst part was that Shooting Stars hadn’t even played yet. I found Jack and he looked so sad, I assumed that it was because of the lack of Shooting Stars. I told him that it hasn’t played yet and he said that I should ask for it to be put on. I walk over to the DJ with someone who I can’t remember, just some big black blob as far as my memory goes, and we asked for shooting stars. The guy knew what I was talking about, because I remember him being like ‘Bang Raiders?’ and I said ‘yes’ or ‘yep’ or something like that.

I then walked up to Jack and told him that it was coming up, I was so happy, he was so happy, then I saw Hayden and I was just so happy. He asked where Meb was and I had no idea, I mean I had seen her, she was one of the eight people that I initially greeted, and I was so happy when I saw her that I lifted her off the ground I think, you know, in one of those ground lifting hugs. We looked around for her but then I lost him and I just made my way around, by around I mean the toilet, which was the place where I needed to empty myself. I never understood the whole ‘breaking the seal’ thing, I mean I hadn’t drank anything since I got there, and since I pissed last, but I still had like, the same amount of piss to piss out this time, bloody ridiculous.

As I flushed the toilet I made way back to the toilet, I mean, not as, but like, after. Anyway I walked over there and I saw Hayden there and he was with Meb, so I danced to their direction and tap Meb on the back and tell her that Hayden is looking for her, then Hayden looked at me and I told him that Meb was there and he was pretty happy with me, I’m sure. I looked at my phone and there was like eight minutes left. I kept telling myself that Shooting Stars would play, but I just had that deep down feeling that it wouldn’t. I went up to the DJ thing with Jesse; the birthday boy, I mean surely the DJ would listen to him. You’d think that, but no. Amongst the devastation, I did realise that it was an amazing party and good times were definitely had. As excited as we were, Tom and I especially, for Tim Summers’s random Myspace girls, we did not have any success. It was after the party that I found out the most devastating news that you could ever find out, ever; that Shooting Stars had already played, it played at like the start of the night before we got there... pre-drinks made me miss the one song that I wanted to hear... Lack of Shooting Stars and random Myspace hook ups aside, Tim and Jesse, your joint eighteenth was fucking great.

The Actual Fight Night.

2009-12-19T05:31:00.000+10:30

I was getting ready to go to bed. I was picking up my phone, ready to put in onto silent so no one could wake me through the night. As I move my finger over to the button on the phone that adjusts the volume, I can feel the phone vibrating, it said that there was an incoming call from Chris Tankosic coming through, so I opened the phone before the ringtone starts playing, walk over to my door and shut it so mum doesn’t hear me and wake up. I say ‘hello’ very quietly only to be shut down by the screaming of whomever it was on the other end. Over the screaming I could hear Chris shushing everyone, and once they were all calmed down Chris just said the words ‘fight night’ over and over again with barely any explanation.

Now in case you didn’t know, I lost a penalty shootout with Andrew two months ago and because he won the shootout, his prize was that he can call fight night on me whenever it is that he wants, and unless I have an unbelievably valid excuse, I wouldn’t be excused and I had to go to wherever it was that it would be held and fight Andrew. Now if you actually know me, or you have read all my blogs, or you have read the Fight Night blogs that I wrote back when I actually started writing this, you would know that fight night is something that should have happened a long time ago. As tired as I was, this was not a valid excuse for not having fight night. They said that they were already on their way to mine, and because my excuse was completely and utterly invalid, I tried to get un-tired and get into a fighting mood.

It was earlier in the night that Meb kind of had a go at me because I had never had V before, so I went to On the Run after that and bought myself two V’s for five dollars. I drank one of them and put the other one in the fridge. While trying to get into a fighting mood and be less tired, I remembered that I still had a V in the fridge and I thought to myself, ‘what’s better for waking someone up than a bloody energy drink?’ and the answer that I answered myself because I was the only one there and it was all in my head was, ‘nothing.’

I made my way out to the street where I was drinking V and running on the spot, punching the air, getting pumped. The V had completely revitalised me and I was more awake than ever, I finished it off and put it down on the curb. I continued punching the air when I saw a car turn onto my street, I started running towards it and when I reached it, I got in the car to see that it wasn’t Chris’s car. Luckily it wasn’t just some random’s car, it was Jack’s car, and from there we made our way to Edwardstown Primary School (EPS). The V had done its trick, I was so keen, I was ready to fight, I was ready to win.

Despite being ready to win, and despite being ahead in the first two rounds, I did not win the fight against Andrew. By the end of it I was more tired than I have ever been before, I was completely exhausted and I actually found it hard to breathe. It was a fucked up feeling, but I actually thought that I was just going to collapse, I was breathing as heavy as bloody... a guy who just did something very, very tiring. The points showed that I was winning for the first two rounds but I lost it in the third, and I knew it as well, because in that last round, I just stopped trying, my unfitness caught up with me and smashed the fuck out of me, and that wasn’t really unfitness, it was Andrew, because those last few hits really hurt.

On the car ride home I still felt fucked, like I still felt like I was going to collapse or faint or fall out of consciousness or something. I didn’t though, and during the car ride home, somehow, we got onto the topic of energy drinks, and how bad they are for you. I believe it was Brett that said something like ‘yeah my coach always said that energy drinks are the worst things ever, like especially before sport or something,’ or something, and that really scared me. I got out of the car and made my way to my room to feel my heart beating at a completely irregular way. I normally can’t feel my heart beating unless I stop doing what I am doing, sit there and actually try to hear or feel it. I could hear it, feel it and everything, and it felt like I was dying.

I fell into my bed and started to think of what would happen if I actually died just then. I mean what would I do? Probably nothing, because I was dead, but who would I blame? Would I blame Andrew for getting me so tired that my heart actually had a heart attack and killed me or something? Would I blame Meb for making me feel like a six thumbed, eight eyed lizard monster freak for never having tried V before and making me buy it in the first place which is really what got me into this health situation? Would I blame Brett for giving me the information that made me think so hard about it that it probably made it worse for me because it was all in the mind? Or do I just, not blame anybody because I didn’t die and because this all happened two days ago and I’m still not dead... no, I’m going to blame Chris.

The Zac.

2009-12-18T03:33:00.001+10:30

As much as I like to emphasise it in my blog, I can’t deny that my life isn’t just good times. I mean I try my hardest to indulge myself in good times only, but every now and again something bad just happens; it’s the way life is. We were sitting at McDonalds, it was a typical night, Jack was in the front seat eating his food, I was in the front because I have permanent front in Jack’s car and Aaron and Andrew were in the back. In case you don’t know, Andrew has three dogs, Molly, the youngest, Cooper, the one in the middle and Zac, the oldest. Ever since I have known Andrew, I have known Zac as the old dying dog. I mean, when I first met him, he was like half blind, half deaf and struggled to move around. As of late Zac is fully blind, fully deaf and... Yeah, I honestly don’t know how he knows where he is going when he struggles to walk about, I mean he can’t see or hear anything, and supposedly his sense of smell is gone too. Now whether his sense of smell is actually gone or I just assumed that and made it up, it doesn’t really matter because yeah, the dog is just old.

I heard the default Nokia ringtone ring coming from the backseat and I look back to see Andrew pick up his phone. It was Karyn (his mum) calling him, but I couldn’t hear her at all. I couldn’t hear the tone of her voice or even who it was at first but I figured it out along the way of the conversation as what Andrew was saying made it more and more obvious who it was, and what had happened. Andrew ended the conversation with Karyn asking if Jack, Aaron and I could also come in and say our goodbyes, and she said it was fine. The car trip from Cross Roads McDonalds to Andrew’s wasn’t a far one at all, but it felt like so much longer. I don’t know whether it was because I was just thinking, and we were all down, or if it was because Jack took this extra long route to get there for a reason that I still don’t know, but the trip there was a long and sad one.

I have never had a pet die or anything like that. Well I have had like, goldfish and hermit crabs die but they aren’t even like real animals or anything, and I mean vegetarians even eat fish so are goldfish even classified as pets or animals or anything? Why vegetarians can eat fish has always been a mystery to me, I mean as far as I am concerned, a fish is as much an animal as a cow or a chicken, but vegetarians can’t eat those animals and still call themselves vegetarians, but for some reason they just made fish the exception. Currently I have a pet dog called Snoopy, I lost track of how old he is a little while ago but I think he is like five or six years old. We also have these fish I think but seeing as though they aren’t really animals I won’t bother going into detail about them, I mean I won’t shed a tear when the fish die because, well I don’t even know if we have them anymore but I know that when Snoopy goes I won’t be able to control myself.

In the car, it was almost as if Andrew heard the news of his goldfish dying. He hadn’t shed a tear by the time we got there and even when he walked into his house he still kept a dry face. I cried when Marley died in Marley and Me. Marley; a fake dog in a movie that doesn’t exist, a dog that was probably played by like five different dogs throughout the movie, but Andrew didn’t cry when Zac, his actual dog who was real had died. We were hesitant to walk in to the house, I mean there was an eerie vibe walking into the place and I just didn’t feel like I belonged there. Aaron felt much more freaked out by it all though, because when Jack walked in, I followed him and Aaron struggled to follow me. We walked past Andrew’s other two dogs, jumping around barking saying hello, it’s almost like they didn’t know that the other dog that lived there wasn’t alive anymore.

We went outside and looked inside the kennel to see him just lying there peacefully. Andrew was happy that, well we were all happy that he went so peacefully but you know, it was still sad. Andrew stuck his hand in the kennel to stroke him when Zac popped his head up and started licking Andrew’s hand. Andrew got up, walked inside and started to tell Karyn before she told him to ‘fuck off’ and stop lying. As I stood in front of the kennel with Jack and Aaron we saw what we did not expect to see this visit, Zac walk outside the kennel and somehow come towards us and licking us and rubbing up against us. He smelt like he was dead, but then again he always smells like that, Zac is by far the worst smelling dog in the world so I guess that not even death could take such an odour and it sent him back here.

What was meant to be one of the worst, saddest and most awkward visits to anyone’s house ever turned out to be one of the funniest. Whether Zac simply wasn’t dead or whether Andrew has the gift of bringing the dead back to life, all I know is that when Snoopy goes, touch wood, I’m just going to ring up Andrew and be like ‘hey man, wanna come round?’

The wasted years.

2009-12-17T05:26:00.000+10:30

So it’s one minute to five in the morning right now, and I was just thinking, if I had just like, slept for the last thirteen years, I would be in the same spot that I am in right now, except I would probably, yeah I would still be awake because I would just have so much energy. I mean thirteen years is a long time, especially to just be asleep or something. I remember not being good as school right from the beginning, actually that is not true at all, I remember being amazing at school at the beginning, I actually have no idea what happened. Okay, so in reception which if you called it something else or something, where I come from, reception is the year before year one. Anyway, we would all read books in reading time or whatever it was and the books were just fucking easy to read, but we would all struggle because we were like five years old. The book would be called like ‘D’, as in the book was the letter D, and every page would just have something starting with that letter and like a picture of it so you would have like a duck and then the word ‘duck’ under it and yeah, the next page would be... nah I actually don’t know what else starts with D, like a dick but I doubt there would just be like a dick in a kids book like that.

Anyway so they were the books that we read, but then there were kids in the class who were chosen to read advanced books that were actually like, books, and they actually told a story and stuff. I remember reading Jack and the Beanstalk in reading time and there was just this kid next to me looking at like an apple in the A book and I just felt like a genius. I do however remember my decline in smartness, or not smartness but it was when I started to achieve less in school. It was in year one, so I guess that my regime of smartness didn’t last too long, but I just remember being held back in class to finish the work that I couldn’t do because I just didn’t know how to do it or whatever. I remember it so well, that is the weird part, but it was this sheet that had like all the days of the week in it and you had to put them in order of when they happen, pretty simple. I just remember not being able to do it at all, like I was absolutely fucking lost in this, so scared that I didn’t know what to do and that the longer I took the less recess I would get.

Yesterday I was having a good talk to Jack about school, and really, all we got out of the last thirteen years were friends. I mean we didn’t get any qualifications, any real education, I mean we know how to speak English... good, but yeah we probably could have picked that up anyway, without thirteen years of school. I mean I was dominating the English reading and writing in reception, blasting through Jack and the Beanstalk and shit, I really don’t know what happened. I mean now, I can’t even read a book, if you gave me like Harry Potter or something, I would get back to you in like eight months, I would be like ‘yeah I finished it’ but I would have no idea what just happened in the book. I can’t read.

Something that I do remember, that may have thrown me off school a bit, was when we were at Hungry Jack’s this time and Jesse told me that I should write this. Instead of doing school work or something, I would just write this. I remember this day where I had this huge ass assignment due the next day that I hadn’t started yet so when I got home I opened up Word and just started writing this, I mean what the fuck, that is fucked. I was just at indoor yesterday, watching Andrew ref games before our game, and I was just really thinking about what I am going to do. I mean as far as I thought I didn’t really need school or a TER or my SACE or anything, but I just assumed that I would get it. I mean I assumed that after thirteen years of going to school I would have something to show for myself, but I really don’t. I mean, we ended up winning indoor, but I would much rather have passed school, both would have been nice but yeah, I just thought I would have passed school.

During Jack and I’s amazing talk, wait... should that be Jack and my amazing talk or was I right with Jack and I’s... nah I’m going to say, during the amazing talk that Jack and I had, we raised some amazing points. I mean we said that the only thing we got out of school was friends, but if we were home schooled, would we have friends? Or if we didn’t go to school at all and we just sat at home playing Xbox instead of going to school and being there, would we have anyone to talk to on Facebook or what? Like, who would we see in our spare time, what would we do with our spare time? I don’t really know but yeah, the talk really just covered everything, it was great. I really don’t know what I should do right now, I mean I should probably go to bed but like... then what, just write another one of these? The answer to that is yes, that is exactly what I am going to do, because really, it’s all I know how to do.

The message to Moore and moore.

2009-12-16T17:20:00.048+10:30

Today was meant to be the day that I get up early to check the mail before mum does. Today is the day that the grades get sent out to any year twelve or any year eleven doing year twelve subjects or any year... just anyone really who did some kind of year twelve this year. I just got up, it is like four in the afternoon, I don’t know how I slept in that much but I did somehow... I just got up, turned on my computer and started typing this and I am so scared of walking into that other room and just being like ‘hey mum, did my year twelve results come in or something today?’ because she will either say one of the following, ‘let’s talk’ and that means I failed year twelve and she is going to be all, ‘yeah so you failed’ on me. Or it would come across as something like ‘yeah, I haven’t opened them yet’ or maybe it would be a ‘yeah I read it, you dominated the year congratulations!’ but that one is highly doubtful... I mean I probably didn’t dominate the year and even if I did mum would not use the word dominate.

I built up the courage to walk into the other room, I had a towel over my shoulder and I said, ‘yeah I’m going to have a quick shower,’ and she said that my year twelve results are on the table, she said that she didn’t understand what the thing said and she doesn’t know what I got or anything. So happy, I pick up the sheet and see that I passed everything, everything... I passed year twelve. Then I realised that art wasn’t even on the sheet, what does that even mean? Then the following rushed through my head in kind of like a letter form, but I probably won’t write a letter saying this, I’ll just leave it here for her to read if or when she comes across it.

Fuck you Ms. Moore, I don’t fucking need your god damn grade to pass year twelve I was so fucking happy when I saw that I passed everything else it didn’t even matter what you gave me because I still pass year twelve no matter what you say! You didn’t even put anything down there you fucking bitch, fucking Mr. Whaites put me down as a pass because he is a fucking legend, so did Hafer because he is fucking great, bloody top bloke, even Ms. Forster gave me a pass and put it down, and she fucking hates my guts, but I don’t even know what you gave me because there is nothing written there? Does that mean I fail, oh that would be shit but bad luck that I don’t give a fuck what you gave me you fucking bitch because I passed without you! Remember that time when I didn’t come to art for like a week or two and then you found me, you pulled me to that thingy upstairs with the TV and all that and you just talked to me about how you are concerned about how well I will do in art and you got so angry at how little I cared that you actually started crying? Well fuck you, watching you cry was one the happiest moments of my life you fucking bitch, I hate you so much, when someone asks me ‘oh Cosma, who do you hate the most in the world?’ I would have to put you up higher than like motherfucking serial killers that murdered my family if that ever happens because I hate you so much, fuck you! We wrote a fucking song about how much we hated you in English, not just me, everyone, everyone thinks you are a bitch, you think it’s just me well your wrong you fucking slut, fuck you!

Moving on, so last night was bloody great times. It isn’t every day that a man by the name of Philly Portellos comes up to you and says, ‘If I kick myself in the head, can you put me in your blog?’ so because this was such a rare thing to occur, I said ‘yep’ or whatever the positive response is that I said. He didn’t just get out of his car at this point; he crawled out of the window, went in front of our car and kicked himself in the head. He then continued to kick himself in the head a further two times and then he crawled back into his car window. It isn’t often that something like this happens, and by that I mean this has never, ever happened before and it will probably never happen again. Anyway I am in a rush to get to indoor, Chris and Andrew are waiting in the car and they said to hurry up so I am actually not even going to put a picture on this blog, I am going now that is the rush... now bye.

Okay so after that rush I ended up at Jack's house somehow and now I am going to type the rest of this. Also last night, anyway, so we ended up going to Carmen's house after On the Run because she was having like a gathering or something, anyway, Hannah Pendlebury was there and she was fucking drunk, like very, very drunk, so I don't know if what she was saying had any truth to it or anything, but she was saying how she works for some newspaper or something like that and that I should actually submit something and see how I go... actually. Tate was also there, as in Delwyn's brother Tate, and he was just... he was all over me, not in a troll monster woman at bus stop trying to get with me way but in a more hugging way. He was saying how he reads my blogs aswell and yeah, just made me happy. Walking through the house, I was still confused about whether that guy actually kicked himself in the head, I mean, I was fairly drunk, and I do not even know if it happened. Charlotte came up to me and I said 'Charlotte, did that actually happen?' and I continued to ask, 'did that guy actually kick himself in the head or something?' or something. She said that it actually happened, she said 'yeah Phil, you have to put that in your blog now, Cosma.' and yeah, anyway that's the end of my story. I'm going to end it there, it was a weird day and night yesterday and I just don't feel comfortable on Jack's keyboard, I mean as my mum probably wouldn't put it, I am dominating this keyboard and I'm not really making any mistakes but it just doesn't feel right. Probably should make a picture now that I have all this time... yeah, okay... yeah, bye again.

Okay, I'm back. So I don't even think I passed school anymore. Jack and I are sitting here just... we really thought we tried in school more, we should have tried harder because now we are just sitting here, I mean I thought I would fail school, that's why i was so happy before when I found out that I passed, but now I found out that I probably didn't and I am so sad now. Bloody, going off at MEB before saying that I passed and now I realized that the reason that Art wasn't there is probably because I got less than three for it. Three out of twenty, how is that possible, but now I remember that Ms. Moore said that there was that day that we were meant to come back and give her all my art that I have done because it all gets handed up on the one day and I remember thinking it was the day after that but yeah, anyway I probably got like a zero for art. Fuck that is bad. Okay I'm off again, looking back on this blog I will probably be back again but I think I have written enough for today so yeah, I will not be back. See you tomorrow.

The (intended) early one.

2009-12-15T11:54:00.002+10:30

I don’t know why I’m awake, I mean I should be getting into a normal sleeping routine but I am just so tired. I had one of those shitty sweaty sleeps when you keep waking up because it’s so hot, and now I’m just sad. I left my iPod in Chris’s car so I’m listening to the radio and it just isn’t good, like this song is okay but I would much rather listen to that amazing playlist that I made yesterday. I am kind of happy that I am awake though; I mean I have the whole day to do things, not just like, four in the afternoon to five in the morning. Today I’ll have nine in the morning to five in the morning to do things, so I think I’m going to start by writing this, then I might watch Van Helsing because I borrowed it off Linou and I just really want to watch it, I have never seen it before and it just looks rad.

So last night Andrew and I were in Chris’s car listening to Calvin Harris’s album, all the way through, and we were just trying to figure out what genre he even is. I mean it’s like every genre in one, but we ended up deciding that he is electro. Soon after this decision we arrived at Cassie’s (Georgina’s) house. At this point we were having the biggest go at Chris because, to put it bluntly, he doesn’t know the words to any song, but he will sing every song that is on. He will just make up the words and a lot of the times the words he makes up aren’t words. It wouldn’t be as bad if he did it on occasion but it is constantly, and whenever we point it out to him he always states that he ‘will never sing again’ but then as soon as a song is played he will just... sing.

We then ended up taking Andrew home to his goon and then dropping him off at Nathan’s where I said that ‘I want to come back here after and see you at the state that I was in at Josh Breda’s’ but he said that he didn’t have enough goon, so I reasoned with him and I said that I want him to be at the state I was in at Linou’s that time that I got so drunk that I cried. He said that he’ll try. From there we went to pick up Sarah Gobbie from her house that we didn’t know she had up in like Glenelg or something and from there, to save petroleum, we ended up driving to the beach to have beach times I guess. I was in a really ‘disappointed in Chris’ mood after his singing attempts that didn’t seem to end, but this all changed when he said that he had shorts in his boot that I could wear because I didn’t want to go down to the beach in my jeans, so happy.

Chris and I mutually decided that it would be a good idea to just... run away from them, so we ran down the beach, as the screams of ‘Nick’ and ‘Chris’ got softer and softer. Luckily they didn’t run after us because it wasn’t good running sand and I got tired easily, well at least that’s my excuse for being as unfit as I am. From there we hid up on this big sand mountain thing which has a name that I forget so I’m just going to stick with sand mountain. We stuck low so that they didn’t see us and they ended up walking right past us, from there Chris and I did that awesome squat running from Call of Duty and from there we made our way back behind them. We ran away and Chris went wherever he went, but then I hid in this bush that... it was a good spot to hide but I wasn’t in deep enough to be considered ‘well hidden’ but anyway, I knew the game wouldn’t last forever.

I was hiding in the bush for a good five minutes before I heard their voices. They were screaming my name looking for me before I started making bird noises. They started to walk closer to me but they were on the other side of the road. They then hid on top of the garage of some house or something that was, like, it was the house right ahead of me, but they still hadn’t seen me. I made another bird noise which brought them out but then they actually walked right past me. They started walking back and Cassie walked right past me but then Sarah looked at me and yelled out something that I forgot, she ran towards me and hid in the thing with me as well, and somehow Cassie didn’t see her and she just like, kept going or something. She came back and walked past us again and didn’t see us but then she did, and when she did I could imagine her feeling quite silly.

From there we walked around looking for Chris so we could just go I guess, but we just got bored I guess and we came to the conclusion, somehow, that we should just be naked. I think it was because we thought Chris would get really jealous if we all went on a nudey run or something without him, so we went on a kind of nudey run but it was more of a nudey walk. It was a soft one as well, I mean they still had their shorts on, so I guess I felt more naked than they did because I was completely naked, but I think I did a good job covering up my thingy (penis) and the other thingies (balls) for majority of the walk. It was not entertaining, no one saw us, except for Chris who just saw us walking naked and he was just like ‘are you naked?’ and when I responded with the ‘yes’ that I responded with I think he was more confused than jealous. We put our clothes on and we then made our way back to the car.

We went and picked up Andrew to see how drunk he was and I was impressed with him. He was maybe just below me at Linou’s that time, I mean he was definitely not crying but he looked fucked. He didn’t look as fucked as Jack did, but Jack was absolutely off his tits, he had a bandage on his head because apparently he head butted a pole or something and I swear that at one point in his hello hug with me he tried to get with me, but then I think he just fell so he was probably just looking for a place on me to sleep or something. We took Andrew for a drive around the block which turned out to be back to the beach. We then dropped the girls off home and met up with Jack, Brett and Tom at On the Run. They were half way through what looked like an amazing rock out session in Brett’s car to Sweet Child O Mine, so I got in the car and joined them. At first I felt out of place because I was sober, but then I realised that Tom and Brett were also sober, it was really just Jack who was drunk.

After the song finished Jack then got out of the car through the window and he started licking the roof of the car, and then Tom and I went into On the Run, pumped to purchase pies to eat. I was devastated to see that they ran out of green pepper pies; the best pie in the world, but I was even more devastated when the woman there said that she is about to throw out all the pies because they have been there all day and they are un servable. I was sad that she didn’t just give me one of them to see if it was that bad, I mean she threw them in the bin, she really could have just given it to me. Tom and I went to South Road On the Run instead and I got my pepper pie, it wasn’t a green pepper pie but the regular peppers did wanders for my hunger, as un green as they were.

The night really just ended then and there, I mean we met back with Jack and Andrew and supposedly Jack started a fight with a woman at McDonalds or something but I don’t even know the full story to that. Tom dropped me off home where I stripped down to nothing and slept naked in the heat in one of the worst sleeps of my life. It was one of those hot sweaty nights that I was just really sad about. Despite wanting an early one, I ended up getting home and going to bed at like five thirty in the morning and waking up at seven in the morning and constantly getting back to sleep and waking up over and over in one of those shit sleeps that I can really only describe as shit. I ended up getting up at like nine, so I guess I got up early like I wanted to, but I am just so tired now and sad. I’m not sad though, I have Calvin Harris’s first album now and I just listened to it as I typed this... so happy, not sad at all.

The best and worst movies of 2009.

2009-12-14T02:30:00.002+10:30

It isn’t often that I watch two movies in one night. I used to quite a bit, but recently I haven’t been watching as many movies as I used to, I don’t know why, but I just haven’t been. We went to Brett’s last night and the girls said that they had rented three movies. By the girls, I mean Amy, Rachael and Georgia, the three girls that I were in that blog that got me in trouble. After being shown the three movies we decided that the one that looked the best, or the most violent or scary or whatever word you want to use for ‘what makes a good slasher film’. The movie was called ‘The Hills Run Red’ and the front picture had a picture of this guy or girl or something on it with like, this baby mask on and there is blood all over the mouth and it just looks violent.

Four seconds in and I knew that it would be shit. It isn’t often that I can tell that so quickly but straight away I just knew that I would be wasting the next two hours of my life. I was wrong in thinking that though, because I was only going to waste seventy eight minutes of my life; that is how short this movie was. I can safely say that the only thing that this movie has going for it, is the fact that you see Sophie Monk’s tits. That is the only good thing about the movie, but if you want to see them that badly you could probably Google image search them or something, at least that way you’ll just see them once, you won’t be shown them so often that you actually get sick of them. It is pretty obvious that when they made the contracts for each of the actors, Sophie Monk is the only ones who said that you can show her tits in the movie, so they really just exploited them to the degree where you just don’t even look at them when they are on screen anymore because you are just so sick of them, you’re just like, ‘come on, Sophie Monk, cover up now.’

The movie is about two no name actors and a no name actress and Sophie Monk searching for this movie that was only shown to a few people and it was then removed and all traces of it were then deleted and yeah, it was pretty much banished for being too violent, too scary. Now before you think of watching that movie don’t worry, because it isn’t a real movie, it would probably be a better movie than this one but it doesn’t exist so there isn’t much point in watching it. What you should watch instead is ‘The Last House on the Left’ because that movie is actually incredible. This was the next movie we watched, mainly because it was the only other of the three movies that was rated R but probably more mainly because the other movie was The Unborn and some of us had already seen it... yeah, more mainly.

I went into this movie knowing that it would be shit, the reason for that was because the last movie was so unbelievably bad that it actually gave me the mindset that no movies are good, I mean how can they both be called movies and one be so good and one be so bad, they are both movies, so I just knew that this movie would be shit. Luckily I was wrong and this movie was actually amazing, probably the best movie of the year, or at least the best movie of the year that I can think of off the top of my head right at this very moment. I mean, I am trying to think of what else came out this year and if they are as good as this, I mean I could probably watch Transformers 2 more times than I could watch this movie but that is just because The Last House on the Left is absolutely fucked up. It is one of those movies that made me grab my mouth and suppress laughter because it is one of those things that you shouldn’t laugh about because it is so fucked and then the laughter just sounds all weird. Then there are those moments where you are genuinely scared for the life of the character that you really don’t want to die, and then there’s that rape scene that yeah... it’s fucked.

I can’t recommend this movie any more than this, and I don’t know if these little movie write ups that I do whenever I see a new movie count as movie reviews or just my story of watching a movie but if they were reviews and I had to give these movies stars or scores out of ten, I would probably give The Last House on the Left a nine or ten. That means that I would have to give The Hills Run Red a one, or a two, yeah two because you see Sophie Monk’s tits. Wait, I am so sick of those tits right now, yeah it goes back to a one, that movie sucked ass.

The mix.

2009-12-13T18:20:00.005+10:30

I have no money, no job, and no way of getting money at the moment. The only money that I get at I salvage, and I make sure I make the most of it, that is why I was tossing up not drinking last night. I mean, it would have been extremely shit if I bought booze, got drunk and then got to the party to see it being broken up due to a fight between people who smoke ice out of light bulbs and people who don’t, so I think you can understand why I was so hesitant to spend my money on booze. I mean, the money was going to be spent on booze anyway but when I would drink it is what I was contemplating. I decided to buy and drink alcohol because really, I haven’t been drunk since schoolies and even if the party is broken up by the time I get there, at least I’m drunk, so good times are bound to roll on.

I decided on drinking last night, so I took a bottle of Bailey’s that Cassie and Sarah left at Bretto’s one day and forgot about, grabbed a double black that I had sitting at home and bought a six pack of UDL. We made our way to Nathan’s and started drinking right away. To make the Baileys more interesting and hopefully more nice than Baileys is straight, I bought a two litre FUIC* and drank it down to around a the three quarter mark and filled up the remaining quarter with Baileys, which ended up being the entire bottle, or at least what the girls left behind that time that they softly didn’t finish their drinks. I gave it to Jack to shake up but he went nuts and punched the bottle as he shook it and the bottle exploded in his hands and started leaking, Nathan ran inside and grabbed a two litre milk bottle and I poured what didn’t get wasted in the explosion into the new bottle. Obviously the explosion didn’t waste as much as I thought it did because the new bottle was pretty much full.

After trying the mix and realizing how good it tasted, I put it in the fridge so it would stay cold, but also so that could be the drink that I just carry around all night, much like my keg at the grad party. I started on my UDL’s which were the lemon and lime flavoured ones, unfortunately not as nice as the lemon and lime flavoured Red Bears I had at schoolies but still, they went down okay. I had three by the time we left Nathan’s, and somehow I was already tipsy. I just love it when I get drunk easily, it saves me time, money and the best part; it saves me from drinking. After some amazing dancing times to shooting stars and the rest of whatever it is that we were dancing to, we made our way to the bus stop where, as expected, we caught the bus.

In case you didn’t already know, when you catch a bus, you are generally on it with several other people, people that you may or may not know. One of those people might be having a bad day, and may not want to be interrupted, annoyed or disturbed in any way. For example, singing funny Star Wars songs you found on YouTube, Bohemian Rhapsody, Katy Perry and I Don’t Want to Miss a Thing by Aerosmith whilst intoxicated on a bus probably isn’t the best of ideas if you don’t want to annoy people. One of the guys on the bus was awesome; he just came from JB Hi-Fi, although what he purchased was a mystery because his JB bag was never opened he looked kind of like Wes Carr with glasses, and that made me happy. Jack asked the guy if he minded our singing, and he said that he didn’t, and Jack also asked the bus driver who also said that he didn’t mind our singing. It was then when Dajana stopped worrying about if we were going to get kicked off the bus.

Wes Car got off the bus and was replaced by two non Australian Idol winners. We continued singing but Dajana started worrying again, not knowing if they were enjoying the singing. Jack willingly got up again and asked the first guy what he thought of our singing and he told Jack to fuck off, so obviously he was not a fan, the second guy loved it though, so it was fifty, fifty, but then we remembered that the bus driver loved it so we continued. Making our way off the bus, we had to walk past the fuck off guy, so as Jack walked past him he said ‘see you, mate’ but what he responded with I don’t know, as I walked past him I said, ‘bye’ or something and he looked at me with murder in his eyes and he said ‘have fun, mate.’ I was scared, he looked like he wanted to stab me, and it was then when I learned my lesson; don’t fuck with bus people.

The bus took us to the city so we needed to catch one more bus from there to Norwood and then make our way to the community centre or wherever it was that Bemo was holding his eighteenth. We all went down this alley to take a piss, except for Jack who was already pissing on this column thing outside the bank or something. I walk back from the alley to see Nathan talking to some girls just a bit past the bus stop, I look down to my FUIC/Baileys and take the lid off, have a gulp and look back up to see Nathan hooking up with the more attractive one. I found it quite amazing but then again, it is Nathan. The less attractive one started walking towards me and she said hey, I responded with something that I don’t remember and she said that her name was Cassie. Now if you know me at all, you still might not know this so I’ll tell you know; ever since I watched Skins I have just had an obsession with the character Cassie, I think she’s amazing. This girl was kind of talking to me I think, I don’t really remember but then Nathan’s girl leaves him and comes up to us and says something like ‘are you two going to get it on or what?’ and Cassie just looks at me and starts coming in closer, but really slowly and, before I say the next bit, let me describe what she looks like. She had a really small face but a really tall head, she was like, morbidly obese but it was almost like all the fat of her body was in the one spot, and she was like thirty years old. I can’t remember what I said exactly but I rejected her somehow, and she said something like ‘yeah don’t worry’ or something. As much as I want a ‘getting with Cassie’ experience, I didn’t want it like that.

After the awkward incident of not getting with the troll monster looking woman and then getting slapped by everyone because I didn’t, we got on the bus to Norwood and, in what was a much less interesting bus trip, we made our way to Norwood. We got off the bus and started walking to the community centre, got there and started explaining what my mix had in it, some people refused to try it because they thought it would be so disgusting, but the ones that tried it thought it was amazing, which it really was. What wasn’t a good mix though was Unley and Glenunga, I mean I didn’t have anything against anyone who was there, but at one stage I walked outside to see a big crowd of people around a smaller crowd of people, ready to fight. I was standing to the side with Tallulah and Nikki and they were talking about how they read my blog every day or something but they stopped talking when the first bottle smashed on whoever’s head it smashed on and the fight broke out.

I have very little recollection of the fight, but what I do remember is walking back inside and seeing that there were people, who weren’t fighting, but they were just partying, dancing, so I joined them and had good times. What happened outside I do not know, but it wasn’t my fight, and I just really wanted to party. Somehow the party didn’t get broken up and the party continued. Shooting Stars came on and I was standing next to Michelle, and when I screamed I think I deafened her and shattered her ear lobe or something so I felt really bad, but I didn’t feel bad enough to stop dancing. I couldn’t see Jack anywhere, and it made me sad that he wasn’t there with me when our song was playing but then I just see Jack run in with Andrew and Tom and I ran and threw myself into them as we claimed ownership of the dance floor. It was amazing, and then someone pushed me and I landed on Michelle’s toe, now I already felt bad enough for like, shattering her earlobe but then I thought I broke her toe as well so I just felt like some kind of... dick.

The party ended soon after Shooting Stars and Linou took me home, somehow Linou taking me home turned into heaps of people coming into mine. Tom had passed out on my bed and... I don’t know how to say it really but him being drawn on turned from bad to worse. It started off as being a moustache and mono-brow to his entire face nearly being coloured in. Slowly everyone left and it was just Linou and I... well, and Tom in my bed, but I really wanted everyone gone so I could sleep, and I knew that if Tom woke up looking like that he would just attack me. Linou and I got him up and into his car; he said that he wants to be dropped off at his car which was at Nathan’s and we left him there. For some reason I wasn’t tired anymore, and neither was Linou, so we went back to mine. It was like five in the morning and we were hungry, so we decided to wait the extra hour and get McDonalds breakfast. It was the second time in my life that I was actually at McDonalds when they open the doors and start letting people in for breakfast and it felt just as weird as the first time. I shouldn’t have been awake, and it was then when I started to get tired again.

Linou dropped me back off home after Maccas and I stripped down to my lucky red undies that I was wearing and collapsed on my bed. I was exhausted, I needed sleep, and that is what I got. I wandered what Tom will do when he wakes up though, and I found that out when I woke up and went on Facebook.

15:20 Dajana

hahahahahhahahahhaha tom this morning

LMAO

FREAKED NATHAN OUT HAHAH

15:21 Nick

omg what happened

15:21 Dajana

he woke up and nath like walked from the toilet and saw him and all i heard was WHAT THE FUCK!

*FUIC - Farmers Union Iced Coffee

The weirdness of it all.

2009-12-12T10:00:00.010+10:30

It is weird coming home at five in the morning all sweaty, with that pulsating headache that I only get when I have been running around too much because my body is just letting me know ‘come on Cosma, you shouldn’t get this much exercise,’ so then my body gives me a headache so that I stop running around. It’s also weird, for me at least, to go out and have a sober night while everyone else is drinking, but really when I say everyone else I mean like, just Tahlia Fairlie really, and it’s also weird when your sober friend who, which you probably guessed by the name, doesn’t drink, to send you drunk messages on a Friday night, but hey, they don’t sell footy pie in Dubai so it’s okay, and yes, I did think of that rhyme all by myself.

Last day, I mean yesterday, we went to The Ed for what the Facebook event said was Tahlia Fairlie’s eighteenth drinks, but then because Jesse also turned eighteen that day he just thought he would take the day as well in a selfish act that is known as ‘Facebook Event Stealing’. I’m not eighteen for like, six, seven months, so I wasn’t drinking at The Ed, or as I’m going to call it for the rest of this blog; Ed, because I can’t be bothered typing The with a capital T every time that I type it out. So at Ed, nah fuck it that sounds weird, I’ll just go back to calling it The Ed... anyway, at The Ed last night, I didn’t drink or anything, but I can safely say that watching Tahlia Fairlie’s coin collecting journeys so she could afford her next beer was just as fun as drinking... well maybe not but it was fun.

Tahlia said like twenty seven things and whenever I laughed she said something like ‘Cosma, see that shit’s funny, put it in the blog!’ but yeah, I don’t remember what she wanted in, so I’m just going to leave it here and say that from The Ed we made our way to McDonalds and from there I went home and dealt some drugs in my GameBoy game for children and pretty much played the waiting game, and the GameBoy game... but yeah, I was waiting. I got a text, so I started to walk towards the front assuming that it was the ‘I’m out the front’ text from Chris, but as I opened up my phone I saw that it was a drunken text message from my ‘always sober’ Victorian friend.

Think i'm tipsy :) this is

an experience. Wooooh!

Haha

From: Caitlin Leech

12:36am 12-DEC-09

From reading the message I started to doubt how drunk she really was. I mean this was like the first time she has ever been drunk, and she spelt everything right. The first time I got drunk, fuck, it was off a six pack of beer and whatever other drinks people let me have or try or sip or whatever, and I was absolutely gone, I had the backpack full of other people’s drinks and at one stage I remember tripping over and just hearing the sound of a bag unzipping and then the sound of arms going into a bag and stealing drinks... it’s a very distinctive sound. Her text back in the morning cleared it all up for me I think when it said that she 'ended up falling asleep in the back of a guys car with him' but it's okay because the text started with 'I didn't do anything silly'.

I told mum that it was going to be a late one on Friday, so she was relieved to see me home by midnight. I told her that Chris is coming after so I won’t be home all night, and all her relieveness... I mean relief, turned into sadness. Mum then went to bed and I stayed up trying to find the cheapest place to buy heroin and cocaine. Mum then woke up, came to my room and said, ‘so I hope you are going to tell me that you’ll be staying home for the rest of the night,’ but as she said that my phone started to buzz in my pants, as in it was vibrating, and then I opened it and it was a text saying to go out the front, so I said my goodbyes to mum and made my way outside.

Chris then drove around for a bit with me and these two random girls in the car, who were a lot less random this time, they were in fact not random at all because this was the third time I have seen them. One of them is called Sarah Gobbie, and that is the entire name behind her story, wait I mean story behind her name, but the other one, the first time I met her, and even before I met her, I just assumed her name was Georgina Walker because, well, it was. I don’t know how we got onto the topic of it, but she said that her name was actually Georgina Cassandra Walker, and I was so happy, because ever since I saw Skins, I have always wanted a friend called Cassie.

After the bit of driving around, we made our way to Edwards Town Primary where the biggest game of soccer ever was being played there with like thirty people. Turns out that Bubs isn’t the number accurate person I always thought he was, because when we turned up it was just the usual five or so EPS people, and by five or so, I mean exactly five people. We played out, what I am going to call the best EPS session of my life, and then I don’t know if everyone got tired or we just realized that it was like four in the morning and we should be tired, but everyone made their way home. On the way home, I was just extremely keen to go to sleep, wake up, get fucking drunk and go to Bemo’s eighteenth and just party, but all of this keen...ness, just drained when Andrew said ‘there is a one hundred percent chance of there being a fight between the Glenunga people and the Unley people,’ but at this stage my keenness, what, that’s actually a word? Anyway, my keenness bar was still like three quarters full but it drained that little bit more when he said ‘you are not going to want to get in this fight, those Glenunga people smoke Ice out of light bulbs’ now I don’t know if he was serious or not but let’s just say, nah fuck it, I’m still keen to party.