The last blog.

It has been a long time coming, me stopping these blogs that is. Recently I have really wanted to stop writing this blog, but it has only been like, really recently where I have thought that I am going to stop soon, like, really, really soon. There were a few things that I wanted to do, one of them was that I wanted to end these blogs on a high, which I think I am, I mean fucking look at all these comments and shit, that’s fucking funny as. Another thing I wanted to do was end the blogs on a round number, and this is the one hundred and eightieth blog, so it like half a circle if you were measuring my blogs in degrees, so I am going to say that one hundred and eighty is up there as one of the roundest numbers there is.

First things first, well second seeing as though I have already written something. I have deleted all of the comments that have been abusing fucking like, Claire and shit, so you can all fuck off about that. I actually went through and did my three hundred and something fucking clicks and now they are all gone, so fuck off with me being a ‘bad person’ because that took me like, eight minutes. Eight minutes that I will never get back, I could have played like a game of COD, but instead I clicked on a bin, and then a yes, and then a confirmation button, over and over again… fuck.

There are a few reasons for me actually stopping the writing of these blogs, the first being a simple one; I can’t be fucked. It is less of me not being fucked to write them, I mean I have proven to myself that I can write them every day, but it is more that I can’t be fucked missing out on things when I could be doing them. Sometimes I will find myself locked away in my mate’s computer room typing away when they are all outside playing backyard cricket or in the living room playing COD. No one comes in to visit me because it’s not like I talk when I write these, so really I just have to isolate myself every single day where I could be having good times.

The second reason would be that writing these blogs has actually nearly killed me one time, and yes I am being serious. I didn’t put this in my blog at the time but once it was like, eleven thirty at night and I hadn’t done a blog yet, this was back when I was getting lazy with them and they would be going up with a few minutes of the day to go. Anyway, so I was sitting in my room writing and I just, really needed to shit, but I knew that if I went to shit I would waste valuable writing time. I guess that I didn’t know how badly I actually needed to shit, I mean I didn’t like, shit myself but by the time I actually finished writing, put it up, did a little picture on paint and then made my way to the area where I shit, as in my toilet, the shit like exploded out of my ass in one of those painful shits.

You are probably curious of how I think that nearly killed me, well think about it this way; what if I got bow cancer? Also, what if I got some other anal disease, if there are any that is, I mean normally now is when I would do a Google search on anal diseases and find out some and rack them off sounding like some sort of like, bum doctor but really, I’m just not that keen to look that up.

Of course though, this blog isn’t just about me, but it is about my amazing friends and my amazing enemies that I write about. You have probably noticed, like if you have been on this blog before that is, or if this is your first time but you have really had an in depth look at what’s on it but anyway, you have probably noticed the tags on the right of this, with all these names of just great people… great people, and people that are like, fucking dicks or my enemies that I have written about. Anyway, whoever they are, they have earned a mention in my blog somehow. I thought that I should write a little thingy about the six people who have been tagged in more than twenty blogs, and therefore the most blogs, because clearly if they have been tagged the most then I either love them the most, or they have been there the most, or at least, well they have been tagged the most.

Marie-Elaina Bakas (Twenty One Tags)

Marie-Elaina Bakas, or Meb as anyone who knows her calls her has been my best friend for as long as I can remember, well that would be if I could only remember up until like, September. She had her first tag back in August in ‘The Beret’. I had just started talking to her on Facebook chat, like we had talked before but you know, we had just started talking often and things were looking good in the friendship track. Before I knew it, well I knew it but you know, just come on. Seriously though, I love Meb, she is actually one of the best people I have ever met in my life, and probably the best friend anyone could ever have.

Jackson Sanders (Thirty Seven Tags)

How Jack attained thirty seven tags I’ll never know. He always seems to be somewhere else, I feel like I never see him but when I think about it, I see him like every day. He is definitely a mysterious one though, if not the most mysterious person ever. There was this night that we all thought he was dead actually, like we were all sitting around wandering where Jack was, he wasn’t picking up his phone, he wasn’t on Facebook, he wasn’t at his own house and when we got there his mum asked us if we knew where he had gone, we just thought he was dead. That is until he just, rocked up and said ‘hey’.

Tom Wilkin (Forty Two Tags)

When I first started writing this blog, Tom just didn’t get tagged in it for some reason. It seemed that whatever I wrote about, or whenever I was writing them, Tom just wasn’t there for some reason, but he would always come after and just be so sad that he wasn’t in one. It then came the day where I was sitting at Brett’s, on his computer, thinking of something, anything to write about. Tom comes in with McDonalds and I just said ‘hey Tom, want me to write your life story?’ and yeah, that’s what we did. I posted his memoirs in four separate parts, and after that, he just seemed to get tagged much more often than the original zero that he started out on.

Brett Aitken (Fifty Five Tags)

If you had come to me like a year ago and told me that I would be as good friends with Brett as I am now, I would have been like ‘okay, how do you actually know this?’ and I would probably wander like, if that person who told me was from the future or something, but I still wouldn’t really believe it straight away, you know? Brett and I met in year eight, we were in the same home group and we got along just fine. We never saw each other out of school but during school, we had great times. I now see Brett like every day, and he is a great friend, one of the best. In fact I am writing this sitting in his computer room in a towel at four thirty in the morning… not that there’s anything wrong with that.

Chris Tankosic (Sixty Three Tags)

I remember the first time I met Chris Tankosic like it was yesterday. It really couldn’t have been any further away from yesterday though, I mean it was like in kindy. We weren’t friends, if anything I was jealous of him. He had brought his Gameboy to kindy and he was playing this rad Toy Story game, like, probably the best thing I have ever seen. At this stage of my life I didn’t have a Gameboy, all I had was this Tetris game that I got from like, a show bag or some shit, but really that didn’t compare at all to this. Of course I didn’t get a turn, but watching him play as Woody just made me think that we should be friends so maybe, one day, I could play that game. We ended up going to the same primary school; Unley Primary School. We still weren’t friends though, if anything we were enemies. We were in completely different groups of friends, his group played soccer, and our group played footy. Sometimes we would challenge their group to play against us in footy or soccer, we would always win. Now Chris and I are like, somewhat friends, I mean I wouldn’t say good friends but you know, we like, see each other sometimes and that so yeah, sixty three tags… good effort.

Andrew Heinicke (Seventy One Tags)

When I first met Andrew back in year eight, I was sure of two things, one; that he was a dick, and two; that he had to be gay. Now we have finished school and not a lot has changed. He is probably more of a dick now than he was in year eight and my thoughts of him being gay are now somewhat confirmed, but dicks and dicks aside, I love Andrew. I remember a time before Andrew and I were good friends, back in early year eleven drama, where we were paired up do something. We didn’t do it, instead I spent the entire lesson running away from him as he chased me with this metallic sharp thing that he found in the drama room. I left the room bruised and cut, and it was then when I realised that I did not want to be friends with Andrew Heinicke. Times changed after that, and for some reason, the thought came over my head that I do want to be friends with him. I don’t know what I was thinking, even now I look back and wander why, but somehow, we are now like, actually friends.

I remember back when I used to hear people say ‘oh that movie changed my life’ I would just think, like, how? It’s a movie, I mean movies are great, not all of them but like, overall, movies are just like, a great thing, you know? Life changing though, I’m not too sure. I then saw Marley and Me, probably the best movie ever made, and pretty much, watching Owen Wilson being a columnist in that movie just made me think to myself that not only could I do that, but I wanted to. Whether it was just a fad, or a thought or something that I wouldn’t follow through with I didn’t know, but what I did know was that Hungry Jacks was great.

Some time during the next school week, we made our way to Hungry Jacks in one of our frees to eat food. My good friend Jesse Farrand-Harbutt and I got talking, and he was telling me that I should start a blog to see if I could do it, and I said that I would. Normally what I say and what I do are two completely different things, but in this case it seemed to be pretty much the same thing. When I got home I started writing my first blog, it was called ‘The Dream’ and it was about how I wanted to be a columnist when I grow older and how this is like my first step to see if I could do it. I thought that I should write a blog every single day, I mean in Marley and Me he did that, and if I wanted to be Owen Wilson then I should do the same.

I ended up missing the second day, which was a poor effort I must say, but from then on I just, didn’t miss a day, and I wrote a blog every single day. The only other time I missed was when I went away for Schoolies, but that was just like, you know, it’s not like I was going to be writing blogs when I was paro as up at Goolwa. Besides those two non blog writing times, I ended up writing one hundred and seventy nine blogs, this being the one hundred and eightieth. I have proven that I can do it, and that is all I really wanted to do. Turns out that not only did I do that, but I also started up some funny as war between some anonymous people and some other anonymous people. I don’t know what I am going to do now though, I mean now that this is all done I should probably just go sleep, I mean it is five forty in the morning and I have been writing this for a few good hours.

I hope you have enjoyed reading my blogs, or just this one if it’s the first one you have ever read; thanks for reading. I love you, take care. Xx

The rant.

So if you are on my blog reading this then chances are that you have seen the ridiculous amount of comments that have been over the last few blogs. Now if you have been following them, which I know a lot of you are because, like myself, you think it’s funny as, then you have probably seen all the comments saying that I am a bad person for letting this go on for as long as it has, that I am a bad person for not deleting the comments and all this, and so on and so fifth, I mean fourth. The other day, as in yesterday, wait no it happened today actually, someone sent me a thingy on that form spring saying that I should delete all the comments because it is the right thing to do. I have also been told that if I can comment back, why can’t I just delete the comments and let this be an end to it? That is a good question, a good question for a fucking retard.

To the anonymous person who said this, do you actually think that it would be quicker to remove all those comments that it would be to write a short retort to your fucking stupid ass question? Of course you only want me to delete the comments abusing Claire, not the ones abusing me or anyone else, but if I just deleted the ones abusing Claire then there would just be comments on my blog abusing me, and why the fuck would I want that? The, what you thought ‘simple’ task of deleting comments would then go further and I would then have to delete every single comment over the last few days, actually it would be over like the last week.

Using the program on my computer called ‘Calculator’, I added up how many comments there have been over the last week, and there have been one hundred and twenty nine. Now before you go off saying ‘I can’t believe you would add that up when you could be deleting comments!’ you should probably keep your disgusting anonymous mouth fucking shut and let me finish. In order to delete a comment, I have to click on this little icon that looks like a trash can that is under that comment, then click the button saying that I want the comment deleted, and then I have to do a further click confirming that I want that comment deleted. That is three clicks for one comment. Now if I was to use my amazingly smart ‘Calculator’ program yet again, I could find out that it would take me three hundred and eighty seven clicks to remove all the comments, and that seems to be a little too much work for someone to do, especially someone who has done nothing wrong.

Also, it seems that my anonymous abusers, well they aren’t really that anymore, they have really turned into Claire’s anonymous defenders, but whoever they say they aren’t, I couldn’t help but notice when an anonymous person anonymously commented an anonymous comment stating that she ‘can't believe how rude you not-so-brave anonymous dickwads really are!’ and of course this person bravely commented this, anonymously of coarse... If you are going to abuse someone or whatever it is that you call whatever it is that you are doing, don’t do the thing you are saying not to do, because that is called being a hypocrite, or as I like to call it, being an actual dick head.

At one point in time I wanted all this abuse to stop, I was deleting the comments towards Claire that I felt were overly harsh, then the next point was when I started to find it kind of funny that it was still going on and how serious people were taking it. Right now I am at the third and what I think will be the final step of this thing, and that step, or stage, I’ll call it a stage, that stage is the stage of ‘I don’t give a fuck’. I am not a bad person, I just don’t care anymore.

The Cosma Time Travelling Laws.

So I made one of those form spring things just for shits and giggles, and when I signed in I already had three questions waiting for me. I thought ‘wow that is actually great, I have already been asked three questions!’ but then when I thought about it, I realised that chances are those questions were just given to me by default to get me started. My thought was confirmed when I decided just then that the questions were definitely default questions, but one of the questions really go me thinking, and that question was something like ‘if you had a superpower, what would it be?’ and I thought that my brief answer wasn’t enough, so here we are with my elaboration.

I had some time to think before I made my decision, but I thought that if I could only have one superpower, and it wasn’t some cheating superpower like ‘I want Superman powers’ or something that just like covers them all, as in if I could just have a single super power, it would have to be time manipulation. In saying that though, I feel like I need some kind of explanation, and here it is. Manipulating time is a huge responsibility, I mean if I was to go back to schoolies just so I could relive the good times but then I end up doing something different, I could change my entire life course, but who knows what else? One difference might even change the entire timeline of life.

Now I am not one to believe in that thing called fate, but I am not one to not believe in fate, like it might be true, it might not, I have more of an ‘I don’t care’ view on it. I do care though, like I care about it the most, it is less of an ‘I don’t care’ view and more of an ‘I don’t have an opinion or view’ view on it ‘but I am really interested in it all’. So I just went mega off track, but not only that but I also contradicted myself like eight times, and by eight I mean like four, well five now because I just did it again. What I was trying to say was that I wouldn’t want the ‘traditional’ time travelling or manipulating powers, but I would want ‘The Cosma Time Travelling Laws’ to apply, what are they you ask? I’ll let you know.

My time travelling would work less like a time travelling car or a thing that you work in but kind of like a VCR. Not like that movie Click, but kind of like, I could rewind time and relive something, but I wouldn’t be writing over it unless I clicked the record button. Now if you have ever used a VCR to record like, TV or something, you would know exactly where I am coming from, but if you haven’t, chances are you still can kind of understand. I would also be able to pause time, and it would have to be under one of those high end VCR systems because you can also slow down time, but yeah, you know where I am coming from.

I would consider like, flying and stuff as other super powers but really, just like, okay. Say that I went to fly, and then I just hit my head on like a roof that I didn’t know was there because I was under a pergola, I would just hit my head, fall down and probably die. That would not only be a waste of my chosen superpower, but also my life, if I died that is. With time travel, it would be a huge risk yeah, but if I just had my VCR laws to follow, it would be simple. There wouldn’t be a remote or something because that would just be silly and Adam Sandler like, but it would all be in my head and it would all be great. I can’t wait!

The Best of Doppelgänger week.

Assuming Doppelgänger week works like any other week, today should be the last day of it. There have been a few shit ones that have made me think that maybe they don’t even know what they look like, but then there have been those ones that make me think that the person had been separated at birth with their celebrity look alike... despite living in a different continent and being years and years apart age-wise, I still have the strong belief that they were separated at birth. I thought that I couldn’t just write about how good some of these Doppelgängers were, so instead of actually writing about them, I thought that I should do what I did last Sunday and just make a fake German exchange student’s Facebook account... wait no not that thing, I mean I’ll do what I did last Sunday and just bludge the blog writing and just write one paragraph, like a slightly lengthy one but then just have pictures after that.

Andy Samburg & Jesse Farrand-Harbutt

Little Elvis & Jadon Jewaskiewitz

Selena Gomez & Constantina Farmassonis

Ray Romano & Alkis Kontonikas-Charos

Andrey Arshavin & Jackson Sanders

The barbecue.

I am still kind of in disbelief that Sealio FC actually won a barbecue for doing nothing. In case you don’t know, Sealio FC is the indoor soccer team that I play for on Wednesday nights. The club was entered as a sporting group and our name was picked as the winning thingy I guess, and Sealio FC actually won like, this great barbecue. Even when we were walking into Home Hardware to pick up the barbecue that we supposedly won, I didn’t let the thought slip my mind that maybe we didn’t win a barbecue and they were just saying we did so that when I found out we didn’t they could say that they got me. I mean it isn’t like that would be a good prank or anything anyway but I’m sure I would be less happy if we didn’t win a barbecue after being told that we did.

I walked in wearing my Sealio top after being told to wear it, but I was the only one of us actually wearing it. We approached the guy who was working behind the thingy in the back and, okay how do I put this... I felt like some kind of elite athlete, I mean he looked at me, saw the Sealio logo on my top and said something like ‘oh, you’re the Sealio team to pick up that barbecue?’ After getting a picture with the guy standing in front of the barbecue with us, that will supposedly be in the messenger, I mean that’s fucking great but you know, nah I am so happy about this I can’t even like, type.

We were thinking of all the great barbecues we can have, all the Sealio sausage sizzles we can have, the fundraisers before and after games to make money so we can buy new things for the club, like actual team shorts and track pants and things like that, that would just be great. Now on a completely irrelivent topic, would anyone like to buy a new unused barbecue? And yes I am serious.

4 Burner BBQ with Hood, Side Burner and Cabinet Trolley

• Stainless steel hood, fascia, doors and burners
• Side burner
• Fold down side shelf to save space
• Jet flame ignition for easy lighting
• Cabinet trolley for storage

The barbecue has like, this red colouring on the lifty bit instead of that silver or whatever colour one you would call that, anyway contact me via Facebook or something if you are interested in buying the barbecue... I never thought my blog would turn into a place to loft off goods but yeah, there we go.

$600

The Doppelgänger Week.

In case you didn’t know, this week is official Doppelgänger week, and in case you don’t know what that means, I’ll tell you. Doppelgänger week is the week where all participants change their profile picture on Facebook to a picture of a celebrity that they have been told they look like. When the week started, as in, on Monday, I didn’t even know of Doppelgänger week, I mean I had never ever heard of it before. I saw a few people on my friends list change their default pictures to celebrities but the phrase Doppelgänger week was something that I was yet to hear, or at least register in my mind. It was when I saw people changing their defaults, but also changing their status to ‘Participating in Doppelgänger week. Change your profile picture to someone famous (actor, musician, athelete) you have been told you look like. Be sure to post this as your status.’ It was then when I realised the existence of Doppelgänger week, and it was also then when I realised that the guy who wrote that chain status originally can’t spell athlete.

Whether it is spelled athelete in America and athlete here I don’t know, but all I know is that when I type it in spelled like athlete, it doesn’t have that ugly red underline that comes up when I type in athelete. Moving on, the day reached Thursday and I didn’t think that I would bother changing my default to someone that I have been told I look like. I mean I just didn’t think that I could really get that good of one, and if I couldn’t get a good one I didn’t want to bother changing it at all. It then got to the stage where I spent, as in this was still on Thursday, there were multiple stages on this one day, anyway it got to the stage where I was just looking at people’s Doppelgängers, and I was thinking... yeah I just really wanted to have one, they were great.

I remember back a while ago, I logged into Facebook to receive a wall post from Nick Cirillo saying that I look like John Belushi and he enjoyed looking at me because he likes John Belushi. I don’t know if you know this about me but I actually love John Belushi. Animal House is one of my favourite movies ever and well, he is in it and he is amazing. When I got that wall post it made me so happy, I mean it’s not like it was a compliment, I mean John Belushi isn’t exactly an amazingly attractive person, well he’s dead but that’s not what I meant, like when he was alive, he wasn’t exactly like a male model or something, but you know, he’s great.

I decided to change my default picture to the most Nick Cosma looking John Belushi that Google images came up with, and that one is the picture that is used for this blog. I received positive feedback on it, as most people have. Some people laughed, probably no one cried, some people said I had the best one and some people said that they had never seen the resemblance until now. All I know is that Doppelgänger week is fucking great, and I don’t know when it ends but if it acts like any other week it probably ends on Sunday or Monday or you know, like the midnight break in-between those two days... Sunday night slash Monday morning, you know. If you haven’t changed your picture already, you still have time to get in on this funny as thing. Whoever invented Doppelgänger week, you’re great.

The summer blanket.

I always like to say that my dog is the best dog in the world, and well, he is. If I was to say that he is the best behaved dog in the world, well that would just be a lie though. He isn’t that bad, I mean I leave my clothes lying around on the ground and there is always loose shit on my desk but he never chews them up or anything, so he isn’t that bad. On a seemingly irrelevant topic, it is that season where it is just hot... you know the one, summer I think they call it. Now if you are wandering, yes I did just walk out into the living room and ask my mum ‘is it still summer?’ and when she said that it was, I asked her what the next season after summer would be. She looked at me like I am actually fucking retarded but yeah; I honestly don’t know my seasons. They don’t seem necessary, I mean you have months and years and weeks and days and all that, and I know them all, I just don’t know my seasons.

Anyway, what I was getting at was that even though it’s summer, I am one of those people that always need a blanket on me when I sleep. I can sleep on couches and in cars and that but you know, if I am in bed I just need a blanket on me, simple as that. Due to the season, I have been enjoying sleeping at home, in my bed, under my blanket which is some kind of, half blanket? Okay so it’s like the same size, it covers my bed, but it is half as thick as a normal blanket so it is perfect for summer sleeping. So it was just a few nights ago when I came home to see Snoopy, as in my dog, lying on my bed sleeping. His tail started to wag as I walked over to the bed; he was excited to see me I assume. I see this like, ball of white fluff lying on the ground, I pick it up and, being the lazy person that I am, just looked at it and then put it back on the floor. Then I hopped into bed and slept.

The next morning I woke up to the sound, of Snoopy growling and biting and chewing and all this and it was like eight in the morning, so I pushed him off my bed and continued sleeping. I was awoken again by the same sound, but this time it was like noon, so I was happy to be woken up. There were more clumps of like, cotton or something on the floor and on my bed, and this confused me. I thought that maybe I had a disease, like some kind of leprosy type disease but instead of my skin shedding or whatever happens when you are a leper, my cotton was leaking. I then realised that my body contained barely any cotton, nowhere near enough for me to ‘leak’ it, I mean if I lost any more cotton I would surely die. Being the smart guy that I am, I realised that I don’t actually have any cotton in my body, as in I didn’t even need to ask anyone or call a doctor or look it up or anything, I just knew that shit.

I continued to look around my room, looking for what the actual cause of this random cotton exposure was. I then saw Snoopy sitting on my bed and I walked over to him. He was chewing on his tennis ball, or at least that’s what I thought from a longish distance. As I got closer I noticed that he didn’t even have a tennis ball... that is when I realised that he wasn’t chewing on his tennis ball, he was in fact chewing on his actual balls, like his dog testicles, or dogsticles as they are scientifically called. It was after I made this discovery that I made an even more accurate discovery, that Snoopy is circumcised... wait that’s the wrong word, what’s the thingy they get so they can’t like, fuck or something? De-sexed? Yeah, he was that.

I approached him again; I was now close enough to see that Snoopy was actually chewing on my blanket, my amazingly perfectly thick slash thin summer blanket! I was actually so sad, I mean if it didn’t take me so long to work out that he wasn’t chewing on his nonexistent dogsticles then I probably would have been able to stop him before he turned into this holey as white thing that wouldn’t pass as a blanket for anyone. I am so sad; I am now lying on this bed typing this without a blanket on me and I kind of feel naked. I mean I am wearing a t shirt and shorts but still... naked.