Wednesday, February 10, 2010

The last blog.

It has been a long time coming, me stopping these blogs that is. Recently I have really wanted to stop writing this blog, but it has only been like, really recently where I have thought that I am going to stop soon, like, really, really soon. There were a few things that I wanted to do, one of them was that I wanted to end these blogs on a high, which I think I am, I mean fucking look at all these comments and shit, that’s fucking funny as. Another thing I wanted to do was end the blogs on a round number, and this is the one hundred and eightieth blog, so it like half a circle if you were measuring my blogs in degrees, so I am going to say that one hundred and eighty is up there as one of the roundest numbers there is.

First things first, well second seeing as though I have already written something. I have deleted all of the comments that have been abusing fucking like, Claire and shit, so you can all fuck off about that. I actually went through and did my three hundred and something fucking clicks and now they are all gone, so fuck off with me being a ‘bad person’ because that took me like, eight minutes. Eight minutes that I will never get back, I could have played like a game of COD, but instead I clicked on a bin, and then a yes, and then a confirmation button, over and over again… fuck.


There are a few reasons for me actually stopping the writing of these blogs, the first being a simple one; I can’t be fucked. It is less of me not being fucked to write them, I mean I have proven to myself that I can write them every day, but it is more that I can’t be fucked missing out on things when I could be doing them. Sometimes I will find myself locked away in my mate’s computer room typing away when they are all outside playing backyard cricket or in the living room playing COD. No one comes in to visit me because it’s not like I talk when I write these, so really I just have to isolate myself every single day where I could be having good times.

The second reason would be that writing these blogs has actually nearly killed me one time, and yes I am being serious. I didn’t put this in my blog at the time but once it was like, eleven thirty at night and I hadn’t done a blog yet, this was back when I was getting lazy with them and they would be going up with a few minutes of the day to go. Anyway, so I was sitting in my room writing and I just, really needed to shit, but I knew that if I went to shit I would waste valuable writing time. I guess that I didn’t know how badly I actually needed to shit, I mean I didn’t like, shit myself but by the time I actually finished writing, put it up, did a little picture on paint and then made my way to the area where I shit, as in my toilet, the shit like exploded out of my ass in one of those painful shits.

You are probably curious of how I think that nearly killed me, well think about it this way; what if I got bow cancer? Also, what if I got some other anal disease, if there are any that is, I mean normally now is when I would do a Google search on anal diseases and find out some and rack them off sounding like some sort of like, bum doctor but really, I’m just not that keen to look that up.

Of course though, this blog isn’t just about me, but it is about my amazing friends and my amazing enemies that I write about. You have probably noticed, like if you have been on this blog before that is, or if this is your first time but you have really had an in depth look at what’s on it but anyway, you have probably noticed the tags on the right of this, with all these names of just great people… great people, and people that are like, fucking dicks or my enemies that I have written about. Anyway, whoever they are, they have earned a mention in my blog somehow. I thought that I should write a little thingy about the six people who have been tagged in more than twenty blogs, and therefore the most blogs, because clearly if they have been tagged the most then I either love them the most, or they have been there the most, or at least, well they have been tagged the most.

Marie-Elaina Bakas (Twenty One Tags)
Marie-Elaina Bakas, or Meb as anyone who knows her calls her has been my best friend for as long as I can remember, well that would be if I could only remember up until like, September. She had her first tag back in August in ‘The Beret’. I had just started talking to her on Facebook chat, like we had talked before but you know, we had just started talking often and things were looking good in the friendship track. Before I knew it, well I knew it but you know, just come on. Seriously though, I love Meb, she is actually one of the best people I have ever met in my life, and probably the best friend anyone could ever have.

Jackson Sanders (Thirty Seven Tags)
How Jack attained thirty seven tags I’ll never know. He always seems to be somewhere else, I feel like I never see him but when I think about it, I see him like every day. He is definitely a mysterious one though, if not the most mysterious person ever. There was this night that we all thought he was dead actually, like we were all sitting around wandering where Jack was, he wasn’t picking up his phone, he wasn’t on Facebook, he wasn’t at his own house and when we got there his mum asked us if we knew where he had gone, we just thought he was dead. That is until he just, rocked up and said ‘hey’.

Tom Wilkin (Forty Two Tags)
When I first started writing this blog, Tom just didn’t get tagged in it for some reason. It seemed that whatever I wrote about, or whenever I was writing them, Tom just wasn’t there for some reason, but he would always come after and just be so sad that he wasn’t in one. It then came the day where I was sitting at Brett’s, on his computer, thinking of something, anything to write about. Tom comes in with McDonalds and I just said ‘hey Tom, want me to write your life story?’ and yeah, that’s what we did. I posted his memoirs in four separate parts, and after that, he just seemed to get tagged much more often than the original zero that he started out on.

Brett Aitken (Fifty Five Tags)
If you had come to me like a year ago and told me that I would be as good friends with Brett as I am now, I would have been like ‘okay, how do you actually know this?’ and I would probably wander like, if that person who told me was from the future or something, but I still wouldn’t really believe it straight away, you know? Brett and I met in year eight, we were in the same home group and we got along just fine. We never saw each other out of school but during school, we had great times. I now see Brett like every day, and he is a great friend, one of the best. In fact I am writing this sitting in his computer room in a towel at four thirty in the morning… not that there’s anything wrong with that.

Chris Tankosic (Sixty Three Tags)
I remember the first time I met Chris Tankosic like it was yesterday. It really couldn’t have been any further away from yesterday though, I mean it was like in kindy. We weren’t friends, if anything I was jealous of him. He had brought his Gameboy to kindy and he was playing this rad Toy Story game, like, probably the best thing I have ever seen. At this stage of my life I didn’t have a Gameboy, all I had was this Tetris game that I got from like, a show bag or some shit, but really that didn’t compare at all to this. Of course I didn’t get a turn, but watching him play as Woody just made me think that we should be friends so maybe, one day, I could play that game. We ended up going to the same primary school; Unley Primary School. We still weren’t friends though, if anything we were enemies. We were in completely different groups of friends, his group played soccer, and our group played footy. Sometimes we would challenge their group to play against us in footy or soccer, we would always win. Now Chris and I are like, somewhat friends, I mean I wouldn’t say good friends but you know, we like, see each other sometimes and that so yeah, sixty three tags… good effort.

Andrew Heinicke (Seventy One Tags)
When I first met Andrew back in year eight, I was sure of two things, one; that he was a dick, and two; that he had to be gay. Now we have finished school and not a lot has changed. He is probably more of a dick now than he was in year eight and my thoughts of him being gay are now somewhat confirmed, but dicks and dicks aside, I love Andrew. I remember a time before Andrew and I were good friends, back in early year eleven drama, where we were paired up do something. We didn’t do it, instead I spent the entire lesson running away from him as he chased me with this metallic sharp thing that he found in the drama room. I left the room bruised and cut, and it was then when I realised that I did not want to be friends with Andrew Heinicke. Times changed after that, and for some reason, the thought came over my head that I do want to be friends with him. I don’t know what I was thinking, even now I look back and wander why, but somehow, we are now like, actually friends.

I remember back when I used to hear people say ‘oh that movie changed my life’ I would just think, like, how? It’s a movie, I mean movies are great, not all of them but like, overall, movies are just like, a great thing, you know? Life changing though, I’m not too sure. I then saw Marley and Me, probably the best movie ever made, and pretty much, watching Owen Wilson being a columnist in that movie just made me think to myself that not only could I do that, but I wanted to. Whether it was just a fad, or a thought or something that I wouldn’t follow through with I didn’t know, but what I did know was that Hungry Jacks was great.

Some time during the next school week, we made our way to Hungry Jacks in one of our frees to eat food. My good friend Jesse Farrand-Harbutt and I got talking, and he was telling me that I should start a blog to see if I could do it, and I said that I would. Normally what I say and what I do are two completely different things, but in this case it seemed to be pretty much the same thing. When I got home I started writing my first blog, it was called ‘The Dream’ and it was about how I wanted to be a columnist when I grow older and how this is like my first step to see if I could do it. I thought that I should write a blog every single day, I mean in Marley and Me he did that, and if I wanted to be Owen Wilson then I should do the same.

I ended up missing the second day, which was a poor effort I must say, but from then on I just, didn’t miss a day, and I wrote a blog every single day. The only other time I missed was when I went away for Schoolies, but that was just like, you know, it’s not like I was going to be writing blogs when I was paro as up at Goolwa. Besides those two non blog writing times, I ended up writing one hundred and seventy nine blogs, this being the one hundred and eightieth. I have proven that I can do it, and that is all I really wanted to do. Turns out that not only did I do that, but I also started up some funny as war between some anonymous people and some other anonymous people. I don’t know what I am going to do now though, I mean now that this is all done I should probably just go sleep, I mean it is five forty in the morning and I have been writing this for a few good hours.

I hope you have enjoyed reading my blogs, or just this one if it’s the first one you have ever read; thanks for reading. I love you, take care. Xx



Tuesday, February 9, 2010

The rant.

So if you are on my blog reading this then chances are that you have seen the ridiculous amount of comments that have been over the last few blogs. Now if you have been following them, which I know a lot of you are because, like myself, you think it’s funny as, then you have probably seen all the comments saying that I am a bad person for letting this go on for as long as it has, that I am a bad person for not deleting the comments and all this, and so on and so fifth, I mean fourth. The other day, as in yesterday, wait no it happened today actually, someone sent me a thingy on that form spring saying that I should delete all the comments because it is the right thing to do. I have also been told that if I can comment back, why can’t I just delete the comments and let this be an end to it? That is a good question, a good question for a fucking retard.

To the anonymous person who said this, do you actually think that it would be quicker to remove all those comments that it would be to write a short retort to your fucking stupid ass question? Of course you only want me to delete the comments abusing Claire, not the ones abusing me or anyone else, but if I just deleted the ones abusing Claire then there would just be comments on my blog abusing me, and why the fuck would I want that? The, what you thought ‘simple’ task of deleting comments would then go further and I would then have to delete every single comment over the last few days, actually it would be over like the last week.

Using the program on my computer called ‘Calculator’, I added up how many comments there have been over the last week, and there have been one hundred and twenty nine. Now before you go off saying ‘I can’t believe you would add that up when you could be deleting comments!’ you should probably keep your disgusting anonymous mouth fucking shut and let me finish. In order to delete a comment, I have to click on this little icon that looks like a trash can that is under that comment, then click the button saying that I want the comment deleted, and then I have to do a further click confirming that I want that comment deleted. That is three clicks for one comment. Now if I was to use my amazingly smart ‘Calculator’ program yet again, I could find out that it would take me three hundred and eighty seven clicks to remove all the comments, and that seems to be a little too much work for someone to do, especially someone who has done nothing wrong.

Also, it seems that my anonymous abusers, well they aren’t really that anymore, they have really turned into Claire’s anonymous defenders, but whoever they say they aren’t, I couldn’t help but notice when an anonymous person anonymously commented an anonymous comment stating that she ‘can't believe how rude you not-so-brave anonymous dickwads really are!’ and of course this person bravely commented this, anonymously of coarse... If you are going to abuse someone or whatever it is that you call whatever it is that you are doing, don’t do the thing you are saying not to do, because that is called being a hypocrite, or as I like to call it, being an actual dick head.

At one point in time I wanted all this abuse to stop, I was deleting the comments towards Claire that I felt were overly harsh, then the next point was when I started to find it kind of funny that it was still going on and how serious people were taking it. Right now I am at the third and what I think will be the final step of this thing, and that step, or stage, I’ll call it a stage, that stage is the stage of ‘I don’t give a fuck’. I am not a bad person, I just don’t care anymore.

Monday, February 8, 2010

The Cosma Time Travelling Laws.

So I made one of those form spring things just for shits and giggles, and when I signed in I already had three questions waiting for me. I thought ‘wow that is actually great, I have already been asked three questions!’ but then when I thought about it, I realised that chances are those questions were just given to me by default to get me started. My thought was confirmed when I decided just then that the questions were definitely default questions, but one of the questions really go me thinking, and that question was something like ‘if you had a superpower, what would it be?’ and I thought that my brief answer wasn’t enough, so here we are with my elaboration.

I had some time to think before I made my decision, but I thought that if I could only have one superpower, and it wasn’t some cheating superpower like ‘I want Superman powers’ or something that just like covers them all, as in if I could just have a single super power, it would have to be time manipulation. In saying that though, I feel like I need some kind of explanation, and here it is. Manipulating time is a huge responsibility, I mean if I was to go back to schoolies just so I could relive the good times but then I end up doing something different, I could change my entire life course, but who knows what else? One difference might even change the entire timeline of life.

Now I am not one to believe in that thing called fate, but I am not one to not believe in fate, like it might be true, it might not, I have more of an ‘I don’t care’ view on it. I do care though, like I care about it the most, it is less of an ‘I don’t care’ view and more of an ‘I don’t have an opinion or view’ view on it ‘but I am really interested in it all’. So I just went mega off track, but not only that but I also contradicted myself like eight times, and by eight I mean like four, well five now because I just did it again. What I was trying to say was that I wouldn’t want the ‘traditional’ time travelling or manipulating powers, but I would want ‘The Cosma Time Travelling Laws’ to apply, what are they you ask? I’ll let you know.

My time travelling would work less like a time travelling car or a thing that you work in but kind of like a VCR. Not like that movie Click, but kind of like, I could rewind time and relive something, but I wouldn’t be writing over it unless I clicked the record button. Now if you have ever used a VCR to record like, TV or something, you would know exactly where I am coming from, but if you haven’t, chances are you still can kind of understand. I would also be able to pause time, and it would have to be under one of those high end VCR systems because you can also slow down time, but yeah, you know where I am coming from.

I would consider like, flying and stuff as other super powers but really, just like, okay. Say that I went to fly, and then I just hit my head on like a roof that I didn’t know was there because I was under a pergola, I would just hit my head, fall down and probably die. That would not only be a waste of my chosen superpower, but also my life, if I died that is. With time travel, it would be a huge risk yeah, but if I just had my VCR laws to follow, it would be simple. There wouldn’t be a remote or something because that would just be silly and Adam Sandler like, but it would all be in my head and it would all be great. I can’t wait!

Sunday, February 7, 2010

The Best of Doppelgänger week.

Assuming Doppelgänger week works like any other week, today should be the last day of it. There have been a few shit ones that have made me think that maybe they don’t even know what they look like, but then there have been those ones that make me think that the person had been separated at birth with their celebrity look alike... despite living in a different continent and being years and years apart age-wise, I still have the strong belief that they were separated at birth. I thought that I couldn’t just write about how good some of these Doppelgängers were, so instead of actually writing about them, I thought that I should do what I did last Sunday and just make a fake German exchange student’s Facebook account... wait no not that thing, I mean I’ll do what I did last Sunday and just bludge the blog writing and just write one paragraph, like a slightly lengthy one but then just have pictures after that.


Andy Samburg & Jesse Farrand-Harbutt


Little Elvis & Jadon Jewaskiewitz


Selena Gomez & Constantina Farmassonis


Ray Romano & Alkis Kontonikas-Charos


Andrey Arshavin & Jackson Sanders


Saturday, February 6, 2010

The barbecue.

I am still kind of in disbelief that Sealio FC actually won a barbecue for doing nothing. In case you don’t know, Sealio FC is the indoor soccer team that I play for on Wednesday nights. The club was entered as a sporting group and our name was picked as the winning thingy I guess, and Sealio FC actually won like, this great barbecue. Even when we were walking into Home Hardware to pick up the barbecue that we supposedly won, I didn’t let the thought slip my mind that maybe we didn’t win a barbecue and they were just saying we did so that when I found out we didn’t they could say that they got me. I mean it isn’t like that would be a good prank or anything anyway but I’m sure I would be less happy if we didn’t win a barbecue after being told that we did.

I walked in wearing my Sealio top after being told to wear it, but I was the only one of us actually wearing it. We approached the guy who was working behind the thingy in the back and, okay how do I put this... I felt like some kind of elite athlete, I mean he looked at me, saw the Sealio logo on my top and said something like ‘oh, you’re the Sealio team to pick up that barbecue?’ After getting a picture with the guy standing in front of the barbecue with us, that will supposedly be in the messenger, I mean that’s fucking great but you know, nah I am so happy about this I can’t even like, type.

We were thinking of all the great barbecues we can have, all the Sealio sausage sizzles we can have, the fundraisers before and after games to make money so we can buy new things for the club, like actual team shorts and track pants and things like that, that would just be great. Now on a completely irrelivent topic, would anyone like to buy a new unused barbecue? And yes I am serious.

4 Burner BBQ with Hood, Side Burner and Cabinet Trolley
  • Stainless steel hood, fascia, doors and burners
  • Side burner
  • Fold down side shelf to save space
  • Jet flame ignition for easy lighting
  • Cabinet trolley for storage
The barbecue has like, this red colouring on the lifty bit instead of that silver or whatever colour one you would call that, anyway contact me via Facebook or something if you are interested in buying the barbecue... I never thought my blog would turn into a place to loft off goods but yeah, there we go.

$600

Friday, February 5, 2010

The Doppelgänger Week.

In case you didn’t know, this week is official Doppelgänger week, and in case you don’t know what that means, I’ll tell you. Doppelgänger week is the week where all participants change their profile picture on Facebook to a picture of a celebrity that they have been told they look like. When the week started, as in, on Monday, I didn’t even know of Doppelgänger week, I mean I had never ever heard of it before. I saw a few people on my friends list change their default pictures to celebrities but the phrase Doppelgänger week was something that I was yet to hear, or at least register in my mind. It was when I saw people changing their defaults, but also changing their status to ‘Participating in Doppelgänger week. Change your profile picture to someone famous (actor, musician, athelete) you have been told you look like. Be sure to post this as your status.’ It was then when I realised the existence of Doppelgänger week, and it was also then when I realised that the guy who wrote that chain status originally can’t spell athlete.

Whether it is spelled athelete in America and athlete here I don’t know, but all I know is that when I type it in spelled like athlete, it doesn’t have that ugly red underline that comes up when I type in athelete. Moving on, the day reached Thursday and I didn’t think that I would bother changing my default to someone that I have been told I look like. I mean I just didn’t think that I could really get that good of one, and if I couldn’t get a good one I didn’t want to bother changing it at all. It then got to the stage where I spent, as in this was still on Thursday, there were multiple stages on this one day, anyway it got to the stage where I was just looking at people’s Doppelgängers, and I was thinking... yeah I just really wanted to have one, they were great.

I remember back a while ago, I logged into Facebook to receive a wall post from Nick Cirillo saying that I look like John Belushi and he enjoyed looking at me because he likes John Belushi. I don’t know if you know this about me but I actually love John Belushi. Animal House is one of my favourite movies ever and well, he is in it and he is amazing. When I got that wall post it made me so happy, I mean it’s not like it was a compliment, I mean John Belushi isn’t exactly an amazingly attractive person, well he’s dead but that’s not what I meant, like when he was alive, he wasn’t exactly like a male model or something, but you know, he’s great.

I decided to change my default picture to the most Nick Cosma looking John Belushi that Google images came up with, and that one is the picture that is used for this blog. I received positive feedback on it, as most people have. Some people laughed, probably no one cried, some people said I had the best one and some people said that they had never seen the resemblance until now. All I know is that Doppelgänger week is fucking great, and I don’t know when it ends but if it acts like any other week it probably ends on Sunday or Monday or you know, like the midnight break in-between those two days... Sunday night slash Monday morning, you know. If you haven’t changed your picture already, you still have time to get in on this funny as thing. Whoever invented Doppelgänger week, you’re great.

Thursday, February 4, 2010

The summer blanket.

I always like to say that my dog is the best dog in the world, and well, he is. If I was to say that he is the best behaved dog in the world, well that would just be a lie though. He isn’t that bad, I mean I leave my clothes lying around on the ground and there is always loose shit on my desk but he never chews them up or anything, so he isn’t that bad. On a seemingly irrelevant topic, it is that season where it is just hot... you know the one, summer I think they call it. Now if you are wandering, yes I did just walk out into the living room and ask my mum ‘is it still summer?’ and when she said that it was, I asked her what the next season after summer would be. She looked at me like I am actually fucking retarded but yeah; I honestly don’t know my seasons. They don’t seem necessary, I mean you have months and years and weeks and days and all that, and I know them all, I just don’t know my seasons.

Anyway, what I was getting at was that even though it’s summer, I am one of those people that always need a blanket on me when I sleep. I can sleep on couches and in cars and that but you know, if I am in bed I just need a blanket on me, simple as that. Due to the season, I have been enjoying sleeping at home, in my bed, under my blanket which is some kind of, half blanket? Okay so it’s like the same size, it covers my bed, but it is half as thick as a normal blanket so it is perfect for summer sleeping. So it was just a few nights ago when I came home to see Snoopy, as in my dog, lying on my bed sleeping. His tail started to wag as I walked over to the bed; he was excited to see me I assume. I see this like, ball of white fluff lying on the ground, I pick it up and, being the lazy person that I am, just looked at it and then put it back on the floor. Then I hopped into bed and slept.

The next morning I woke up to the sound, of Snoopy growling and biting and chewing and all this and it was like eight in the morning, so I pushed him off my bed and continued sleeping. I was awoken again by the same sound, but this time it was like noon, so I was happy to be woken up. There were more clumps of like, cotton or something on the floor and on my bed, and this confused me. I thought that maybe I had a disease, like some kind of leprosy type disease but instead of my skin shedding or whatever happens when you are a leper, my cotton was leaking. I then realised that my body contained barely any cotton, nowhere near enough for me to ‘leak’ it, I mean if I lost any more cotton I would surely die. Being the smart guy that I am, I realised that I don’t actually have any cotton in my body, as in I didn’t even need to ask anyone or call a doctor or look it up or anything, I just knew that shit.

I continued to look around my room, looking for what the actual cause of this random cotton exposure was. I then saw Snoopy sitting on my bed and I walked over to him. He was chewing on his tennis ball, or at least that’s what I thought from a longish distance. As I got closer I noticed that he didn’t even have a tennis ball... that is when I realised that he wasn’t chewing on his tennis ball, he was in fact chewing on his actual balls, like his dog testicles, or dogsticles as they are scientifically called. It was after I made this discovery that I made an even more accurate discovery, that Snoopy is circumcised... wait that’s the wrong word, what’s the thingy they get so they can’t like, fuck or something? De-sexed? Yeah, he was that.

I approached him again; I was now close enough to see that Snoopy was actually chewing on my blanket, my amazingly perfectly thick slash thin summer blanket! I was actually so sad, I mean if it didn’t take me so long to work out that he wasn’t chewing on his nonexistent dogsticles then I probably would have been able to stop him before he turned into this holey as white thing that wouldn’t pass as a blanket for anyone. I am so sad; I am now lying on this bed typing this without a blanket on me and I kind of feel naked. I mean I am wearing a t shirt and shorts but still... naked.

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

The Blah Blah Blah.


So I remember just before schoolies, I discovered this new song that was just appalling called Tik Tok by Ke$ha, and yes, that is how you spell it, not Tick Tock like a normal person would spell it but Tik Tok, and her name isn’t Keisha like a normal girl with that name, but instead she has a dollar sign instead of the S and instead of having the I, there is nothing. It was one of those songs, and I guess it still is, that is just so bad that everyone loves it. I don’t think that there is actually anyone who can realistically be like ‘oh, Tik Tok? That is a fucking great song’ because it is just, there is just so much wrong with it. I like it, like, as a joke kind of, like I think it’s so bad that it’s funny, and it’s just fun and yeah, that’s my reason for having it my iTunes.

I don’t know when and I am too lazy to look it up, but recently she released her new song. Now if you have heard the first song, which I am sure that you have, you would know that she sounds like a slut somehow, like she does this thing when she sings that makes her sound like a feral ass disgusting slut. She doesn’t sing like a normal singer, she sings more like she has something in her mouth that I don’t think would be appropriate if I said here (a dick). Now I don’t know if you have heard her new song, which again, you probably have, but she somehow makes herself sound more like a slut, more disgusting and like the dick she has in her mouth is either bigger or it is just two dicks.

So right now I am sitting here on Tom’s couch as he plays COD. I am kind of watching him, but my main focus here is listening to this song and really, well I feel kind of bad because chances are I am putting him off as I listen to this over and over again, like he said before that he was fucking angry at me because I think this was making him lag or it was just putting him off or something. The song just finished and I have, you know, I’m not playing it again, for Tom’s sake, and also mine because the more I listen to it, the more into it I get. It has that same effect that Tik Tok had where you know how unbelievably bad it is, but it’s just great to listen to for some reason.

Although where Tik Tok did well, as in, hold on let me rephrase that I was completely wrong. Although where Tik Tok became bearable at parties and stuff, and like it is kind of danceable, this song just, really isn’t. I would really like to see a dance floor at a party or something try and ‘go off’ to this song, because just then I was trying to dance to it, just by myself, just like you know, trying to work out how I would if it came on at a party and it was the most awkward thing ever. I was trying to and it was just, an awkward sounding song and it is just un-danceable. I’ll let you make up your own mind with it now, but yeah. The song’s called Blah Blah Blah by Ke$ha, and it is featuring those 3OH!3 guys that have that one good song, and then that other one with Katy Perry.


Just so you know, this isn't the actual video clip for the song, but I couldn't find the actual one on Youtube, I don't even know if there is one but yeah, couldn't find it. This was the most entertaining fake one I could find and the girl in this video, she's great.

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

The planned night of nothing.

Well I am happy to say that the ringing in my ears from Big Day Out has completely gone now. My worries of being kind of deaf for the rest of my life have gone away and I can now hear everything without having to try and ignore the loud ringing in my ears that was for some reason louder than any other sound that happened in my day to day life in-between now and then. I now have no excuse for not getting off this ass that I am sitting on, as in my ass, and getting up and looking for a job, or get my L’s or just do something to assist in you know, my life.

Mum had always been saying that I have ‘until Big Day Out’ and after that I need to start looking for a job. Big Day Out has happened and the ringing that Calvin gave me is now gone. I am sitting on the computer and instead of going on like, the Big W website or something and looking for a job, I am just writing about looking for a job... kind of fucked I think. You know what is more fucked? My plan for today, I’ll tell you what it is. Instead of going around handing in my application or resume into everywhere in the world that is hiring, I am going to go to Cunningham’s with Brett, Andrew and Chris and we are going to buy cheap plastic toy guns so we can run around the street and play with them tonight; like a real life Call of Duty.

There are some pluses and some minuses in the plan though, the first plus being that running around playing outside is not only good exercise, but we are also getting fresh air compared to playing Call of Duty inside on a TV sitting down. A negative that Chris just pointed out to me would have to be that running around with guns, fake or not in the streets is illegal. I decided to Google ‘running around with toy guns at night’ just to see what would come up, and what would come up, like you know, I was hoping that some laws would come up or charges or whatever. No, the first thing that comes up is ‘Cops See 12-year-old Kid Running w/ Toy Gun and Shoot Him Dead: No Charges!’ now this scares me for obvious reasons. See, as that Facebook group that I saw yesterday said, we are at the age where we are old enough to know when something is a bad idea, but we are young enough not to care. You can probably assume that what I am going to say next will be something along the lines of ‘I know that this is a possibility but it’s not like I am going to not do it,’ and if you thought that, then yeah you were right. I mean I know that it is a possibility of this happening, but it doesn’t really faze me or anything.

If a cop pulled over and asked us what we were doing though, I think that we would just say the truth, which would be that we were just running around with toy guns. I don’t think that this would warrant them shooting us dead like that twelve year old kid in thingy, but I don’t think it would warrant anything. Would a cop even do anything for something like this? You would have to get an actual dick of a cop to fine you for doing something like this I think, but really if we did that would be the shittiest thing ever. Oh actually, it would be shitter I think if they shot us dead, but a fine would be up there. Actually, it would be even shitter if we got sent to prison somehow and then we got raped, yeah that would be the worst thing that could come out of this. Let’s just hope that doesn’t happen though. Let’s just say that if there isn’t a blog tomorrow, I might be like you know, in prison getting raped by a man named Theodore Bagwell; that would be shit as.

Monday, February 1, 2010

The Otto.

Born on the thirty first of January in nineteen ninety three was Otto Hanzbuurer; or at least that is what you be led to believe from his Facebook page. There is a small truth behind Otto that only a few people know, and that truth is quite simple to understand, for Otto is not a real person at all. How do I know this? Simple; I am Otto Hanzbuurer. The idea of creating him came from a large amount of boredom. I was sitting on Facebook thinking that nothing was happening, and I wasn’t just thinking it, but it was happening, and by it I mean nothing. I thought that maybe there are some other people on my friends list with nothing to do, just sitting there on a lazy Sunday afternoon bored out of their mind. I thought to myself that I should do something, something that would entertain not only me but also the entirety of Facebook, or at least the ones who were involved.

In creating Otto, there was much debate on what the name should be. By that I mean I was on the computer and Andrew was sitting beside me playing Call of Duty and we were exchanging funny names for him to have. It wasn’t long before the name Otto Hanzbuurer came out of one of our asses, and it was straight after that when the legend was born. I started off adding everyone in the friend suggestion box, but it was getting tiring having to type in that confirmation code every time I wanted to add someone because I guess even Facebook was having its doubts over the reality of Otto. Facebook said that all I needed to do was give them my phone number so that they could send me a confirmation code and then I can do whatever without being hassled because they would believe that I am a real person.

I went into my brother’s room and took his phone, gave Facebook his number and waited for the confirmation code. The reason behind this was simple; I really didn’t want to put my number in, I mean what would happen if something bad came out of this? I didn’t want to get into any trouble, so I thought that I should play it safe and put my brother in the danger, not me. Once the account was verified, adding people was much easier and before I knew it, Otto had like a hundred friends. At the start, I think that the people talking to him actually believed his story, the story being that he is a German exchange student from Koln who received a new laptop and internet for his birthday and he is going to start at Unley High School on Monday. Otto’s story maintained for around half an hour before I thought that it would be funnier if instead of being a believable character, he was a fucked up weirdo, and that is when Otto decided to link a porn video to his Facebook page.


From the second people first started to see the link on his wall, Otto was not only losing respect, but also the belief of his existence. No one in the right mind would put up a link to porn on Facebook, so the few people that believed his existence started to diminish in numbers, and before he knew it, he was nonexistent in the eyes of the public. It was then when Otto was receiving nothing but abuse, the notifications were full of wall posts asking who Otto was, either that or blatant abuse. Now I don’t know how, and I don’t know the reason, but Otto’s life took a turn for popularity at one stage throughout the day when everyone started to love Otto, and now I can comfortable say that if he was real, which he kind of isn’t, nah he actually isn’t at all but anyway, he would be so popular it is unreal. People love the Otto.

We still wanted Otto to come off as a kind of creep, as if he wasn’t seen as one already. Christine James just accepted the friend request she received from Mr. Hanzbuurer, so we decided to go onto her profile and fuck with her just a little bit. We went down her wall and liked every single thing that you can like. New friendships, statuses, groups and pages joined, events attending wall posts, everything that you can like. Within five minutes, Christine had Otto removed from her friends list, and the job was complete. Even though a small amount of the hatred towards Otto returned, he was mainly loved by the Facebook community. He was receiving friend requests from people who wanted to be in with the Otto crowd, he was the most popular person the internet has ever seen, and his name was Otto.


Not everyone loved him though, as there was always that one person who wanted him down, one person that wished Otto never came to Facebook, and he wanted to make sure he left as soon as possible; Michael Buckett. Buckett was continuously asking questions about Otto, to Otto, trying to find a gap in his story, something that he couldn’t answer, but luckily for Otto, there were no gaps in his story and every question that was thrown towards him was answered quickly and correctly. As far as anyone could tell, Otto was a real person, ready to start school ‘on the morro’.

Like most annoying people who use Facebook, Otto soon discovered how fun it is to join groups and become fans of things, but mainly the becoming a fan of things. The single click to show people what kind of a person Otto is made him think that it was easier than typing out his story to people, and much like all the users of Facebook, he thought he was the only one who did these things, he thought he was unique, but then it turned out there were hundreds of people, if not thousands in these groups. Otto wanted to get across the fact that he was really Otto to people, I mean some people still didn’t believe him. Otto continued to join every single group that he could find that had Otto in its name or description... every single one.


It wasn’t long after that when Otto remembered his love for sexy women, pornography and sex. This is when he decided to join every group with the word sexy in it, sexy men, sexy women, I am sexy... these were just some of the groups that Otto joined, passionate groups and fan pages that he felt he needed to be a part of so that the Facebook community could know what kind of a person he really was, for you see Otto isn’t really a lovable person, he is a freak, a creep and an absolute dick.


Not too long after the group and fan stage, or fad had passed by Otto, he realised that instead of watching porn and looking at pictures of sexy women, he could actually go out and find a girlfriend for himself, someone that he could love. Of course Otto wasn’t completely sure how to do this, so he ended up picking the girl who seemed the most interested in him and sent her a relationship request on Facebook, and that girl was Tori Hughes. In what was one of the biggest surprises of Otto’s life, Tori accepted the relationship request from Otto and they were, then and there, going out. It was then and there when Tori’s status actually went off more than you could ever imagine, and what was ten comments turned to forty turned to ninety seven comments in the end. Her status was just stating the new relationship, but Otto was such big news that it boomed ninety seven comments, and within those comments were more than just love for Otto, but there was hate.


What was harmless high school love turned wrong when Amelia Portellos said that she loved Otto more than anyone and she was in utter shock when Otto chose Tori over her. It wasn’t long before Otto needed to go to sleep, he did have a big day coming up; his first day at a new school. Otto logged off for the rest of the day and it was then and there when the first chapter of the Otto saga had been completed, and perhaps not only the first chapter, but also the last.

***

I was awoken at half past twelve in the afternoon by Brett calling me asking what I was doing. I said that I was sleeping which I was and then he said that he would come over soon to have good times. I turned on my computer and logged into my Facebook. I clicked on the friends list search bar and typed in Ot, only to see Gravity and Other Myths presents 'Freefall' come up; Brie's circus thing. I then type in the remaining two letters, another t followed by the final o to see not a single thing come up. I logged out of my Facebook and try to log into Otto's only to see a message come up that read: 'Your account has been disabled. If you have any questions or concerns, you can visit our FAQ page here.' I logged back into mine and looked through Facebook. Not only was Otto's account deleted but every trace of him was also removed, everything that he had commented, everything that he had liked, his photo's; everything.

It was weird. Otto had gotten to the stage where Facebook was thanking him for being such a good user, people loved him, people couldn't wait to meet him at school today, but now, all traces of him were deleted. Otto was a man too good for this world, perhaps that is the reason he was removed from Facebook, because the rest of the online community that makes up Facebook couldn't compete with him. Whatever the reason, he is now gone, and all that is left is the memories, and of course the wishful thinking that he will one day return.