The email checking.

I have recently gotten into a routine of checking my emails every few days. I used to never check them and then I'd get to the stage where there's like four hundred emails in my inbox then I would just delete them all, not knowing how important they are, I would just flush them away into the dark corner of the internet with all the things that have been put away, like the porn that gets uploaded onto Youtube and then removed. Now I check it whenever I remember, I haven't gotten anything important though...until now!

FOR YOUR KIND ATTENTION.

COULD YOU PLEASE CONSIDER TO HELP ME TO RELOCATE THIS SUM OF FIVE MILLION,THREE HUNDRED THOUSAND DOLLARS(US$5.3m) TO YOUR COUNTRY FOR ESTABLISHING A MEDIUM SIZE INDUSTRY IN YOUR COUNTRY.

THE SAID 5.3 MILLION DOLLARS WAS DEPOSITED IN OUR BANK BY MRS JOYCE LAKE AN AMERICA CITIZEN WHO DIED IN A PLANE CRASH IN 2000.WE HAVE TRIED TO CONTACT HER IMMEDIATE FAMILY TO COME FORWARD FOR CLAIMS BUT COULD NOT SUCCEED.

WE DISCORVERED THAT THE LATE AMERICAN DIED ALONG SIDE WITH HER HUSBAND AND CHILDREN WHO ARE SUPPOSED TO BE HER NEXT OF KIN.

CLICKHERE(http://www.cnn.com/2000/US/02/01/alaska.airlines.list/).

I WILL GIVE YOU ALL VITAL INFORMATION CONCERNING THE AMERICAN AND THE 5.3MILLION DOLLARS IN OUR CUSTODY SO THAT YOU WILL CONTACT MY BANK FOR THEM TO RELEASE THE MONEY TO YOU. YOU CAN COME HERE IN PERSON OR YOU CAN REQUEST THE BANK TO GIVE YOU THE CONTACT OF THE BANK LAWYER'S WHO CAN REPRESENT YOUR INTREST IN THE TRANSFER PROCESS. I AM ONE OF THE BANK DIRECTORS, I WILL PLAY A ROLE TO MAKE SURE THAT THE 5.3 MILLION DOLLARS IS RELEASED TO YOU. AS SOON AS I RECIEVE YOUR REPLY, I WILL GIVE YOU AN INSTRUCTION ON WHAT YOU SHOULD DO. REPLY AND LET ME KNOW YOUR FULL NAME,AGE,ADDRESS,OCCUPATION,AND YOUR TELEPHONE NUMBERS IF AVALIABLE. MR. CASMIRE KERE.

Wow, talk about luck. I normally don't even check my junk folder but I am so glad that I did...I didn't really know what to write about today to be honest, then I check my emails and it looks like my life has well and truly changed for the better!

Okay, I know that you know that I know that this is a joke, so I'm not going to bother playing around with you anymore. What I thought I might do is play around with them, by replying with this message.

I don't know where you got my email address, weather you know of me or if I got this by luck but I would be honored to help you get your money down here in Australia. My name is Stephen Brown, I am twenty seven years old and an accountant in South Australia. I am not sure weather I am not comfortable telling you my address or telephone numbers just yet, I don't mean to be rude or anything but I am rather skeptical on this whole idea right now. Would you mind telling me more?

Also, I am using my step sons email address, his nickname at school is Cosma and he was born in 1992 if that's why your wandering why the email is what it is. We just got the internet and he showed me this email he received, I hope you get this message, and please respond.

- Stephen Brown.

Now I don't know how far I am going to get with this, this is the first time I have ever responded to one of these emails, but if I get a response, I will post it up here.

The Beret.

I am sitting in my room, on my bed, arguing with Chris trying to comprehend what happened last night. I am listening to this amazing remix of sexy Bitch and every time the beat pounds its like a hammer into my head, I am so hungover...I am so hungover that I can't even be bothered getting up to turn the music off so this song is just on repeat. Chris is screaming at me and it really isn't making things any better. I shouldn't be typing though, every time my finger hits a key on the keyboard it's drilling into my brain, my head is saying turn the music off and stop typing...but Owen Wilson is telling me to continue.

I don't remember anything, but I am surprised how much I remember seeing as though I was as fucked as I was. I remember dancing with people leaning against a wall, not knowing who was who, and trying to talk over the music to find out who I was dancing with. I remember pouring my entire flask full of vodka into Jesse's bottle of already extremely alcoholic Sprite and then sculling it. Then I remember climbing onto the roof to urinate into the next door neighbor's yard and the guy in the house looking at me so I waved, then zipped up my fly and walked off the roof...I then remember returning to the roof for a nap...

The drunkest I have ever been was this one time at my mate Linou's house where I was so drunk that I just started crying. I didn't remember it, or I was denying it, I don't know but the next day I just remembered and I just thought 'damn, I was fair fucked last night'. Another really drunk moment of mine was when we were staying at B's beach house, we were drinking and walking through the beach when we started talking about how hot buret's are. You know what they are, those french hats, well we just seemed to be fascinated by how hot they were and how any girl wearing them just look hotter, like if a chick is an eight out of ten, wearing the beret they could go up to a nine, or even a ten.

I know a girl called Meb who seems to wear beret's quite often, she is a good friend of mine but maybe the beret she wears is a sign, maybe she is the one. She may not be the best speller in the world, but she might be the woman of my dreams, disguised in a beret. Well it isn't really disguised, she is in a beret, it's more of a hint.

I'm surprised I could think of so much to write when I felt like such shit. My hangover is pretty much gone now, and I don't feel like shit anymore. Maybe that is another hint, that everything is going to be okay...or maybe I didn't drink enough...no, that can't be it.

The Delay.

I was having a shower and punching the air, the water would come down on my punch and explode in some sort of insane water droplet explosion thing...I was so pumped. I was thinking about what to do when I get out of the shower. I decided on watching as many fighting movies as I had in the house, which I didn't realize at the time but I actually have quite a few. I finish up showering, go in the computer room, because that's where we keep all of the DVD's, I grabbed Rocky, Rocky III, Kiss of the Dragon, Walking Tall and then remembered that I have Never Back Down saved on my laptop. I walk down the hallway, open my bedroom door and see that the person I am fighting tonight had sent me a new message on MSN. I clicked on it.

Fighting The Frizzies....At 11 KI 09' said:
fight night has fallen through
even jack and brett arebt coming

I have never been so ready for something in my life, I have never had so many fighting movies ready to watch...I had never been so devastated...well that's a lie, I have been pretty devastated before but this was definitely up there... So supposedly no one wanted to fight because they didn't want to go to Josh's party tonight (and it is going to be one hell of a party) all bloodied and bruised...pussies...

Okay, so maybe I didn't want to go to tonight looking like a tenderized piece of steak, but I really don't think it would have gotten that bad...so it looks like all of my pumpedness has gone towards the party tonight. To say that this will be one of the best parties of the year is not overdoing it, this house is the party house.

Looks like watching all these movies will be a waste of time now...I should go put them back and probably have some lunch or something...I'll do that now actually...I think Fight Night will be next weekend then...I'll put up here when there are more details but yeah...I'm hungry...

The Death of Myspace.

2009 has been a great year for me, like I have said before; I am in year 12 but it isn't as hard for me as it is for everyone else. All I have been doing is having a good time, and it couldn't be any more fun. 2009 also saw me convert from Myspace, to Facebook...but it wasn't just me that converted, I think that everyone did. There was a stage in my life where I cared more about picture comments and bulletin quizes than anything in the world, I was pretty much a Myspace whore...but all that changed when I made a Facebook...well, that's a little bit of a lie... I loved Myspace, I didn't think that there would be any other networking site that could really take over, it just didn't seem possible...I mean, everyone was on Myspace, why get everyone to change? I made a Facebook...I don't know why, I just did...I guess I was sick of the emails saying that another friend of mine has joined Facebook and they want to be my friend or whatever those emails said. I made it, but I didn't really know how to use it...and I was such a Myspace fan boy that I didn't really want to learn I guess.

My Myspace friends list started to deplete, one by one people would be deleting their Myspace and going over to Facebook...it was devastating. I would go onto someone's profile to send them a message and their last log in would be over a week ago, and their status would be something like 'add my Facebook'. It was getting harder and harder to be on Myspace...and there wasn't really much point in going on Myspace because there were only a few people that still used it.

I bit the bullet...I started using my Facebook over Myspace, within a few days I started to realize that it was better than Myspace in every way. People's updates were actually updates, someone's status would be 'so keen for the weekend' instead of 'PC4PC'. Surveys were actually applications that ask you questions and then give you an answer instead of a wall of text that you just replace the previous persons answers and hope that someone reads it. The awkwardness of making sure you keep your top friends up to date and not leaving anyone out is eliminated with Facebook because no one really has top friends, and no one really cares about it anyway.

I still check Myspace every now and again, not that there is ever anything new on it. If there is anything to find out about, it will be on Facebook, not Myspace...i haven't deleted my Myspace, I don't think I ever will... It has great memories on it and I spent ages making my profile look amazing... Now watch this video of a Myspace addict that you have probably seen before.

The undickage.

I think that alot of you remember one of my first posts called Dicks. It was about how people, mainly Chris can be dicks. Well I would like to take back most of what I said. I have already taken back that Chris is a dick but something that I never thought would happen, has happened. Remember that ten dollar bet that I made with Chris that he just refused to pay? Well he has given me my ten dollars, and I couldn't be any happier...and Chris couldn't be any less of a dick.

Just to prove that I don't think you are a dick anymore, I have drawn a picture of you and you have a halo on your head isntead of a pulled back foreskin, and you have a speech bubble that reads 'I am not a dick!' Chris, you are fucking awesome, when you have me that bit of a boost bar a week ago I thought you weren't a dick, as far as I was concerned you had redeemed yourself. But after paying me my ten dollars, you are so far away from being a dick that it's ridiculous.

Moving away from how awesome Chris is, this Saturday is shaping up to be the best Saturday of all time. Fight Night starts early and then we head off to what is looking like one of the best house parties of all time all bloodied and bruised. I am getting all giddy just thinking about it...

Now I'd like to touch upon a third, even more irrelevant topic, and that is this new game coming out called DJ Hero. If you haven't heard anything about it, you have probably already gathered that it is made by the same people that made all fifteen (and yes there are fifteen) Guitar Hero games. The Guitar Hero games are getting worse and worse and they are still making them, there are fifteen released ones and a few more that have been announced but haven't come out yet.

DJ Hero comes out on October 27th (in USA) and god knows when here, but hopefully not too long after. There is only one problem I have with DJ Hero, and that is...I don't know if I want it. It looks fun and the soundtrack is amazing, it has 94 original remixes of great songs like Paper Planes by MIA, Boom Boom Pow by the Black Eyed Peas and Day n Nite by Kid Cudi but I don't know if it will be fun, or just good to listen to.

The fight night.

So Fight Night was meant to be on Saturday or Friday, I can't remember but I guess I forgot to tell everyone that it was moved to this Saturday night because we couldn't get the audience at the Brettodome that we were expecting/hoping for. I thought I posted up here that it had been changed but I guess I didn't because I couldn't find it anywhere. All I know is that I am happy that it is this weekend instead of last because there are just so many more fights now.

What was originally barely a fight night has turned into what is sure to be an amazing night full of all the rivalries that Unley High School has to offer. First off is Brie Henwood and Dajana Kolakovic. They have been at each others thoughts as long as I can remember, Dajana; also known as The Bosnian Princess couldn't be more confident that she is going to destroy Brie; aka The Circus Freak.

The next fight, and a fairly new arrival to fight night is Mitchell Summerton or as the boxing fans know him by; Big Mushi. The newcomer has decided to take on the other newcomer, Ben Mccaskill, or as we will always know him; Bemo Supremo.

What is shaping up to be one of the best fights in a long time is Michael Thomas and Michael Fenwick. Who the better Michael is hasn't yet been proven, but what we do know is that these two are going to give it their all in order to prevail as the better Michael, T Bag...or Mini...

There are plenty of other fightst to look forward to, but the main one of coarse being the main event. It will be a long road but after all the entertainment has unfolded, the main event will happen, the main event will be the heated battle between myself and Andrew Heinicke. Andrew Heinicke couldn't be any more cocky but I am almost certain that I will win. No matter the end results, all the fights will be posted right here do don't stress, Fight Night is coming, and it will eat your children!

The forte.

I know I have mentioned Wednesday's being a waste of a day, but I have recently realised that my Monday's are no better. In fact they are much worse, I have single English in lesson one, which I normally do nothing and then frees until lesson five which I have health which nothing actually happens, like literally nothing.

My good ole chum Alex Peecock or Pee Wee as you would probably know him by raised a good point about Monday's though. You have to come on Monday's even if you don't have any lessons so you can tell everyone what you did on the weekend. It made me think that yeah, that is true. On Monday I ask everyone and everyone asks me how the weekend went and what happened...on Tuesday that isn't the case. It's almost like Monday is about what happened on the weekend, Tuesday through Thursday are really about nothing, just general chatter and then Friday is about what you are going to do on the weekend.

Monday this week; also known as yesterday, was not a complete waste of time though. In lesson three I think it was we decided to make a fort in the senior study centre. The fort was called Fort Awesome and there was only one rule, and that being no girls allowed. The initial citizens were Pee Wee, Jesse, Chrisman and myself. It started on a pretty rough note when Max Allstrom attacked Fort Awesome. Everyone should know that when you attack a fort, you instigate war, and when you instigate war on a fort when you don't have a fort you are going to get seriously fucked up. We all rushed out of the fort and chased Max to the other side of the study centre, into that little corner that he always seems to be, I then threw a wrapper or something at him that hit him in the face, he didn't seem to mind which was different to what I was expecting but anyway, we fucked him up!

We then reconsidered our one and only rule because we realised that one day, weather it be now or in the near future we are going to need to need new soldiers, watchmen, archers and kings. We needed a Queen for Fort Awesome, and seeing as though Carmen had a crush on all of the fort residents, we chose her for the honorary position of queen of Fort Awesome.

So I guess that when I said that I had a productive day, I was sort of lying...and by sort of lying I meant that I was completely lying...but still, good times...and yeah, I apologize to anyone that I yelled abuse at when I was in the fort...I was in a fort, I had an amount of power that I didn't know existed and I guess that I abused that power...don't worry, you'll understand when you're king of your own fort.

The watermelon.

Why are the black seeds not meant to be eaten when you're eating watermelon? I mean, are they actually bad for you and not meant to be eaten or do people just choose not to because they don't want to risk a watermelon growing inside of them because TV told them that it would happen. Or maybe a watermelon won't grow, maybe an alien species will come down into you, little black Raman Pooni things that then bust out of your chest like in that movie called Alien...it really is too much to comprehend at once, but all I know is that I am not going to risk Raman busting out of my chest, I will avoid those black seeds like the plague.

I'm not saying that it would be bad for extra Raman Pooni's to be born, I mean he is fucking awesome...just, I don't want them busting out of my chest, because I am pretty sure that it would kill me in the process, well I'm pretty sure that it killed that guy in Alien...

Why can we eat the white ones though? Do you think they originally said not to eat the black ones back in the day when black people and white people were treated as different species? So white people were like, 'don't eat those black seeds or else you'll have little Raman Pooni's growing in ya!'...

I know what your probably thinking, 'Cosma, are you using black watermelon seeds as an excuse to be racist towards black people? Especially Raman?' there is a simple answer to that, and that is 'yeah, kind of'. Raman wanted a mention in this one, and I was eating a watermelon and really just thinking about why the black ones are not meant to be eaten but the white ones are the shit...I am not a racist, I just think the white ones are better...seedwide...

The Sex Man.

I have never wanted to kill anyone before today, I am sure you all know that my inspiration for this blog was because I want to be a columnist like Owen Wilson in the amazing movie Marley and Me. Everyone I know likes the movie, I have heard nothing but good things about it and we all know that it made me cry.

Alot of people upload their blogs on Youtube in video form instead of typing it out like I do, I considered it but it just seemed like a hassle because if I forget what I want to say or whatever then I'll have to start the video again and yeah...it would be shit, also you can't be a video columnist as far as I know of so yeah, that is why I do what I do. I saw this little shit today when I was looking for a funny video I saw yesterday on some kid abusing Souljah Boy for writing on his glasses or some shit and I found someone that was even funnier, someone on Youtube with the account name: Pruane2Forever, but he also refers to himself as The Sex Man.

I have been watching his videos all day, and they are bloody hilarious, he the most annoying nasally voice and he reviews movies and games and sometimes he reviews his day at school or a fight that he sees or something, it is great. Then I came across his review of Marley and Me. Now if he was to say that he didn't enjoy the movie I probably wouldn't have given two shits but it is the fact that he said that Owen Wilson sucks, he said he is useless unless he is in a comedy and he said that what ruined the movie for him was Owen Wilson's performance...I was so angry.

There is one word for Owen Wilson's performance in Marley and Me, actually it is several words but that is irrelevant, but Owen Wilson's performance in Marley and Me was so good that it made me cry. I have seen movies where bad things have happened to the character or whatever and they try to make you cry by setting the mood and playing the crying music and you know, they just try their hardest to pull the viewers heart strings and it doesn't work.

Marley and Me made me cry, and I'm sure that it will make you cry, it's just that sad. It not only made me cry though, but it inspired me to do what I am doing right now, writing a blog that will one day evolve into a column I hope...well here's the little shit's review on Marley and Me, let's see what you think of him.

The fan.

When the promised Sports Day at the Brettodome turns into a night of all male naked dancing and jumping into a pool to feel a temperature that was so cold that it actually burns, you have to wander...how? I don't remember much but when Heinicke said 'Oye guys, do you just like wanna do disgusting shit tonight?' I really didn't think that they would introduce me to a whole new kind of cold.

On a completely different note, who remembers that game that I think we all played in primary school, heads down, thumbs up? I know that I didn't remember it until just then when I saw it on the side of Facebook asking me if I want to become a fan of it. Of coarse I did, I used to love that game, but I don't really know if I would consider myself a fan of it, you know what I mean?

According to my Facebook, I am also a fan of such things like I use my cell phone to see in the dark, random drunk conversations with people I have never met, I really hate slow computers, sneaking your own food and drinks into the movies, the sound and smell of rain and so on...there are 96 of these things that I am a fan of, but I am not really a fan...I mean I agree with what it says or I like doing it or I have done it or whatever but it's not like I would go to someone 'man I am the biggest fan of hating slow computers,'...like it just doesn't work.

And then there are just those stupid ones ones like become a fan of music... I like music, I love it, but why do I need that on my profile? There are like a trillion fans of music on Facebook but why do they need to put it on their profile's, will someone go on their profile and be like 'what the fuck man? You aren't a fan of music?'.

I really like it when I see something there like heads down thumbs up, or flipping the pillow over to get the cool side and other things that I do or I did or things that remind me of good times but I don't think that something like become a fan of food or some shit. Now if only I could become a fan of being so cold that it burns my skin...

The Brettodome.

As I sit here talking to (in alphabetic order) Jack, Andrew, Brett and Chrisman, I realised something, we're fucking awesome. Brett is beating Chrisman two nil at FIFA, Jack is screaming about maps or something for geography and Andrew just said something that I don't really understand. Jack, Andrew and Brett just left to get food and alcohol for tonight, leaving Chris and I alone in Brett's house. It was just then when me and Chris had the raddest idea ever we could be running around here wanking, cumming on all the walls and shit. But I won't! Why? Because I am writing a blog, that's how committed I am to this shit!

Damn...it sure is shit when you have such a brilliant opening and then you forget what you actually wanted to write about, like, I had this whole blog planned pretty much and here I am distracted by The Ting Tings...great song... but yeah, I have no clue what I was writing about, well what I wanted to write about anyway...god damn it...

Oh yeah...now I remember. Okay, so we were all mega pumped for today because we were all promised that from now on, Fridays after school would be sports days at Brett’s. We would just come and play sports all night until we passed out I guess I don’t know...so we come here straight after school and I see the boxing gloves. Heinicke puts on his pair and wants a bit of a practice fight. I put on the neglected pair and start dancing around him, we mess around a bit before we put them down, it is mind-blowingly tiring.

So I guess you can imagine what we expected for a sports day, like, ten, fifteen people running around playing sports, yeah? Well it was Brett, Heinicke and me, all sitting around calling people trying to get them down for sports day. We get a hold of Chrisman who soon comes down to get in on some sports day action. We started a penalty shootout, it was Heinicke on Brett, surprisingly enough, Heinicke ended up winning the penalty shootout against Brett, so then Brett played me and the winner would go up against Heinicke in the final. I was...somehow...winning, then I kicked the ball over the fence, Brett wasn’t devastated or anything though, he was over the moon that he won by default.

We then started playing Cricket with just the three of us, hardly the sports day that we thought we were in for. Chrisman later arrived and to cut a long story short, Brett ended up on like 107, Heinicke on 47, Chrisman was on 12 and me on...uhh...6.

After the cricket we came inside to play FIFA, well, they did, I needed to write this up. Not too long after Jack arrived and then they left and yeah, here we are, looking at Brett’s red walls, thinking that he needs a bit of err...redecoration... Heinicke said something earlier that I thought I would put also put in here, ‘Oye guys, do you just like wanna do disgusting shit tonight?’ I don’t know what he meant by that, but all I can say is, tomorrows post might be interesting.

The Rubix Cube.

I remember not that long ago, well it was actually a while ago but anyway... remember getting a rubix cube for my birthday or Christmas or some present giving occasion one year when I was just a little boy. I never really thought much of it, I mean, it was a thing from like the eighties (1956 - Charlotte Viner) and if I was bored I would play a video game or something. I never finished it, I don't even think I ever attempted it or anything like that, I just scrambled it a little bit every time that I saw it.

Recently, while I was sitting here on Facebook or something, Chris and Linou were over playing with my childhood toys, taking them out one by one and making them fight. As amusing as it was to watch, it was also a nice reminder of how rad the toys I have are. It was when Chris pulled out a rubix cube when I had the idea 'I am going to finish that thing'. Of coarse Chris, being the slightly mentally retarded person that he is tried to make the rubix cube fight Wolverine or something, I don't know if he knew what a rubix cube was but I think he thought it was some sort of fighting robot or something.

The point I am trying to make is not that Chris is slow, it is that I have a rubix cube, and not just any one, this is one that has never been solved, just scrambled for like ten years. The first thing I did was look at Youtube video's on how to solve rubix cubes. The very first one said that there are two ways to solve a rubix cube, the first being actually solving the rubix cube, which I thought was a pretty shitty way, but the other was that you can just pull it apart and rebuild it...I thought to myself 'what? You can do that?' I did just what the guy did, and tried to pull a piece off, after accomplishing nothing but getting teeth marks of frustration into multiple parts of my rubix cube, I scrolled down to have a look at the comments, the first one reading, 'yeh, u can only pull apart old ones, like the ones from the 80s n shit'...devastating...

So it was now clear that there was only one way to do this, the other way the guy said, actually doing it...or, I could use the third option which wasn't said in the video but I thought it was easy enough, finding someone that can actually do a rubix cube and make them do it for me.

As the how to video's on Youtube got more and more confusing, I gave up and searched for help. My search led me a friend of mine who I have already mentioned today, Charlotte Viner. Now, I didn't know if she was kidding or not when she said 'bring it in tomorrow and I'll do it for you' but let's just say that she wasn't...she has to be the best in the world at rubing (rubing is the art of completing rubix cubes, and in case your wandering, yes I did just make that up).

She solved my ten years worth of scrambling in like five minutes, then shuffled it and then solved it again...then people started playing with it and messing it up but she just kept on solving it...amazing. This one goes out to you Charlotte Viner, wherever you are...probably solving a rubix cube...

The largest nutshell ever.

To start things off, Brie and I are now friends. We had a rather big fallout and we really hated each other for a bit but we have settled our differences and are now best friends again.

Anyway, I was thinking today, 'man, Wednesday is a real bitch, I am normally out until late and when I get back from indoor I normally just go straight to bed, maybe Wednesday should be my day off the blog...' then I remembered something...Owen Wilson didn't have Wednesday off, so neither will I. If Owen Wilson can do it, then so can I! So let's just say that today was one of the most boring, yet one of the most epic days of my life to date.

It all started when I got to school, I was pumped for my planned Wednesday morning man date with Chris (the dick) to go and get breakfast. I get to school, go to home group, then go to the senior study centre to find no one in there. Absolutely no one...Saf arrived not soon after and we left to go and inflate his tyres in his car because they were heaps flat or something, I don't know...anyway, so we did that and then go to Hungry Jacks and text Chris to meet us there. We waited about ten minutes for him before we realised that we were hungry we grabbed some of those cheap ass two dollar breakfasts. Chris then gets there, late, like a dick and orders a nice meal, when we got these cheap ass two dollar breakfasts...he made us feel so cheap, he is such a dick...

I then had double art, which generally consists of me doing absolutely nothing, and today was no different. Oh, well I did a bit of work actually. I started and finished two new pieces, not that they were any good but Raman did help out so it was definitely worth bringing him along. We the chilled at Ramans for a bit playing FIFA and fucking around with eachothers Facebook's, we were then rudely kicked out because Raman wanted a nap so we bailed back to mine and chilled there with Heinicke until indoor.

Now here's the real shit part of the story, the game started at nine, so you probably thought we were at mine until what, eight, eight thirty and then bailed? Well we left mine at what, six? Because Heinicke had to go ref games or some shit so what did Chris and I do? We sat there for like three of the most boring hours ever watching grade E and D indoor matches...it made me think...'man, I really wish we moved down a grade or two, because we would really kick the shit out of these guys...' but then we'd probably just get uppegated or whatever the going up version of relegated is...probably called promoted or something but I much prefer uppegated.

In these three hours, one thing was resolved, and that is that Chris isn't really that much of a dick. I mean, he is, but not really. In fact, he even gave me a bit of his Boost Bar, that was rather nice of him now that I think about it.

Okay, so anyway, nothing can really describe how boring the three hours of sitting there was, it was like watching Lord of The Rings without ant sound or picture, which is pretty much what it was like because nothing even remotely Lord of The Rings related happened. Also, seeing as though we are on the topic of Lord of The Rings, I just want to get this off my chest; I have never seen the movies or read the books. Also, I have never seen Star Wars, or any of the Harry Potters besides the first two of which I don't remember at all.

After the three hour wait, we were ready to play the indoor game that we were actually there to play. It was RAC United (that's us) against the top team, I don't know what they were called but they had full uniforms and shit and they took things fucking serious. We didn't have our normal keeper (Andrew Heinicke), instead we had Brett Ellis, who has never played for us before, so the expectations were yet to be set. They started with the kickoff and they shot first, and they scored, I don't know what the team was thinking but I really saw this as another devastating loss coming up.

At half time they were up by two goals, Brett Ellis had gotten used to keeping and really was on the top of his game. Jack and Brett Aitken were playing amazingly as usual and Chris wasn't a dick anymore. Raman had scored the most amazing goal ever so he was the love of my life for the day and of coarse, not to sound up myself or anything, but I was keeping up with my usual spectacular standard.

The game was nearly over, and with one minute left we were ahead by a goal or two, I don't know it's not really relevant, we were winning. We started playing Port Adelaide style and wasting time, until we won in the end by a goal or two, again...not relevant at all.

So I guess the moral of today's story is that the top team in div C isn't all they're cracked up to be, and Brie is now my friend and Chris isn't a dick anymore and I won't refer to him as a dick in further posts...until he does something dickish again.

The funniest thing ever.

Not that long ago I started a bet with my mate Chris (the dick) that I could go thirty days without having a wank. I lasted about ten days before I sent him a text that read 'Im gonna wank, fuck it...' soon after the text was sent, I received a message that read, 'Hahagaigaigaigaigaigaigabiaiaiaiaia go ahead then u lose'. For ten days I was put through the agonizing torture of not being able to wank, I would sit there and think to myself, 'man, I could be wanking right now...' but i didn't...those ten days were hard, but not as hard as the life of a guy I know.

I don't want to say his name, because that would just be mean, so let's just call him...oh I don't know...Michael...anyway, so this Michael guy has lived nearly eighteen years and he has never masturbated. Well, I lie, he has masturbated but he claims that he has never finished. I don't know why he told us this, but all I can say is that when he said it, it was one of the funniest things I have ever heard. I mean, I am known to over hype things, but this had to be one of the funniest things ever, I don't think I have ever talked to the guy before this, maybe once or twice but oh my god...I was in tears. And it isn't like he just told one or two people, he was talking about this to a group of at least fifteen people, so it was bound to get out...and it has...

I have been told that I should stop talking about it here because Chris reckons its illegal to post this or something...what a dick...anyway, on a less crying of laughter note, we finished filming the second episode of The Battle of Alahzaar today, and it is so much better than the first one. Also, the boxing match has been confirmed for this Saturday night, and I couldn't be any more confident that I am going to win. I am not being smug or anything, but something tells me that he is all talk and when fight night comes I will kick the shit out of him, but it will be boxing so I probably won't kick him at all...

Even if I lose though, it's okay because mum just gave me this coupon for a free quarter chicken meal at Nando's whenever something of equal or greater value is purchased, things sure are looking good right about now.

The Random Add.

When logging onto Facebook, there's only three things that I look at straight away; notifications, the most recent posts on the news feed and of coarse, any new friend requests. I remember getting a random add every few days on Myspace, sometimes more, but Facebook seems to be more about adding people you actually know to catch up with what's been happening in their lives, finding out about upcoming parties or events and plain old talking to people. Why do people add randoms though? Do they add them for someone to talk to, to make a new friend? Do they add them because they have heard about them through another friend and they want to see what they are about? Maybe they want to look at the persons pictures because they think that they are some sort of amazing looking sexual god or goddess...probably the last one for majority of people that have added me randomly.

One of the most awkward things about a random add is what to say to them. I normally say something like, 'heyyy, thanks for the add, do i know you or randomm? :) xx' but I recently realised how dicky that sounds. Think about it; you are asking a person weather you know them or not, surely you would know if you know them or not so why ask if you know that it's a random. So what do you say? And what do you do if you ask if they are a random add and they're like 'random? I met you at that party last night, don't you remember me?' because then you'll just feel like a dick for not remembering them and they'll feel like a piece of shit and a very unmemorable person.

So how can you say hello to a random add, 'hey, just a random add?' still, you are asking them if they are a random, and it sounds a little too brief, you could always skip to 'heyy, how are you?' but then your missing the key factor of who the hell is this person? The last random add I got I sat there for ages trying to think of what to say before I realised that I could just say nothing because I will probably never meet them anyway so who cares? I saw them that night at a party, didn't see that one coming; awkward times.

I have nearly four hundred friends on Facebook, and I think that I know pretty much everyone on it. I mean, I have never gone through it to check how many I don't know but I am pretty sure I know about eighty to ninety percent of them. I know that there are a fair people who have added me that I have never talked to but they go to my school, and I have added people that go to my school that I haven't talked to or anything but does that count as a random add or is that something different?

All I know is that the random add is an awkward and mysterious thing. They never really go anywhere, but they sure are fun to fuck with.

The Stalker Check.

Sitting here on the verge of a hangover as Halo by Beyonce comes on channel [V]2 has got me thinking about things, and these things aren't really things, it's more of one thing, and that one thing is that Fan/Stalker Check application on Facebook. For those of you who don't know what it is, it's this application that supposedly checks who stalks your Facebook page the most. What it doesn't say is what determines a stalker, what does one have to do to become someone's stalker?

I first though that it was who viewed your profile the most, which I thought was funny because my top stalker is Andrew Heinicke, one of my best mates who I will beat the shit out of next weekend at the Brettodome but that story is for another time, and that time was yesterday so read the post below this. But that isn't relevant, all I am saying is that I don't see how this stalker thing works.

Also, my stalkers always seem to be a completely different bunch every few days, at one stage my top stalker was Tom Lehmann, I just assumed this was because he is always on Facebook so he has managed to view my profile a ridiculous amount of times. Then Raman Pooni was my top stalker for a little bit, who was soon overtaken by Jess Langford who is this girl that, and I quote this from a conversation that happened minutes ago, 'hahhahah but i want you...do you want ma pusseeeeee... lets do this...im ready for your bigbibigibgigibgigig dick'.

So what is a stalker, a good mate who looks at your profile and likes your every status, someone who just spends their life on Facebook and ends up viewing your profile or some slutty friend that wants your bigbibigibgigibgigig dick? You decide.

The Main Event.

Is it that bad doing something illegal if it doesn't harm anyone? I mean, what would be the harm in downloading music, really. Musicians still make trillions of dollars by making music because people pay for the music off iTunes, buy their albums in the shops, see them live in concert, it's not like musicians really have hard roads. I know that I may sound a little dickish but seriously, if something really good comes out then I will buy it. I mean I bought shit loads of albums this year but if I spend that much money on shit, and then something amazing comes out, I'm not going to wait until I have money so I can go buy the album, I'll just download it like a normal person.

So what would be the harm in say, driving around at three in the morning looking for street signs and traffic cones to take home to decorate your room, none? Okay that's good. Back to music, I recently got a copy of The Resistance by Muse and to say the least, it's bloody amazing. Some of the songs aren't the full ones and it is fairly low quality but it is a pre release download and the full album won't get a release until September 14th. I will buy it though, because I am not a dick like Chris.

On a more fighting note, next weekend I will have a boxing match against my arch achievement rival, Andrew Mark Heinicke; better known as The Blazing Sparrow.I plan on knocking him out within the first round, and anyone that wants to come and watch can come for some free entertainment at the Brettodome. We'll get back to you on the exact details but you can rest assure that when I'm done with that fucker he will look like he does in that picture up there.

Footy!

The dick.

Never, ever, ever make a bet with Chris. I have made several and I always pay him, or we make a bet that I end up making another bet and winning and then we are even. We were just watching trailers on the Xbox for random games and he goes to pick the same trailer that we had just watched. As it was loading I told him that it was the same one that we had just watched. He said 'I will give you ten dollars if it is the same one, cos it isn't.' I agreed because as far as I was concerned, it was a guaranteed ten dollars.

The video loads and the same piece of shit video plays and he tries to convince me that it is a different video. He then decides that by saying 'no fuck you' he doesn't owe me shit. Well, fuck you Chris you dick. I drew a picture of you and your head is a penis you dick. As Chris sits there laughing at the picture, I am thinking of ways that I can get my money back, maybe I can borrow money off him one day and when he says 'Oye where's that ten dollars you owe me?' I can tell him to go suck a dick.

I love everyone, especially Chris. But at times, and I mean all the time, he can be a dick. He always seems to bring other people into the argument when we have them. Like just four seconds ago for example when he just asked Linou and Jadon's opinion on whether he is a dick or not. That's a pretty dicky thing to do in my opinion. Now he is sitting there asking for another example of when he brings other people into arguments, as he tried to convince me he literally said, 'Cosma when do I ever do this, Linou do I ever do this?' notice what he did there? He brought Linou; a separate person from myself into the argument as he was arguing that he doesn't bring other people into the argument, what a dick.

I know what your thinking, is this whole post going to be about Chris being a dick? Well...yes, it will be. So I guess you could stop reading if you already know that he's a dick, which you would because he is a dick. Or, you could keep reading, because if you were to stop reading now, you're a dick. You dick. I bet you stopped reading, if you read this and stop then you're a dick, but you read to the end then your awesome, this is pretty much the end though so just finish reading and yeah you're awesome.

Oh, and I made it so anyone can comment on my blog posts without having a blog account or some shit. So if you don't comment this your a dick. You dick.

The footy.

I said that if I can put out a blog every day then I will be satisfied enough to pursue my dream of being a columnist, well it looks like I lost that one already... I got to school yesterday to my usual Wednesday, double free in the morning that I usually attend because I am too lazy to get my license and go home whenever I want. Then double art which is shit and then tech graphics which is a bludge. So my Wednesday, usually containing three unproductive lessons became even more unproductive when in art I did absolutely nothing except try and fail at drawing a cow and tech graphics wasn't even on. That's not all that happened yesterday, I mean if that's all that happened I would have surely had time to write about shit and post it up.

The Unley High School footy team made the grand final yesterday, and being the amazingly nice guy that I am I decided to go and support the team. Along with about one hundred other Unley kids, we cheered our school to victory over Concordia and their half a dozen or so supporters. In what had to be one of the most evenly matched footy games I have ever seen Unley ended up pulling out in front in the last quarter to win by around one hundred and thirty one points.

After the footy, I was ready to get a lift back to mine because I don't have my license and then write up a blog for the day and then go to indoor soccer. This all changed when we went to the footy after party instead, it wasn't really a party but it was still an excuse to get your drink on. We went over to Aaron's and had a few beers, then went to indoor to lose to a bunch of absolute dick heads, which we then forgot about by going back to Aarons and getting drunk.

As you can probably tell, amongst all of this my blog or test column as I like to call it didn't get updated. If I was a columnist I would have lost my job, so I am going to have to work harder next time. I can't just turn up to work the next morning 'yeah sorry about the lack of a column yesterday but I was drunk and forgot about it.' Owen Wilson would never have done that. I am so tired though, I got through school today on like three or four hours sleep.

So all in all, it was a great day. It had everything, footy, drunk times, indoor soccer and the rest...but the main thing is, Andrew Heinicke now has credit.

The Dream.

I get to school today to get pounded by the usual shit that everyone gets every day at school these days, 'what are you going to do when you finish year 12?'. It seems to be the focus and fair enough, we are nearly finished our schooling I guess, I mean after this term, there is like a week or something and then exams, we are at the busiest part of the year and it is getting hard for everyone...well, not really me. I mean it's harder than it was a month ago but I chose subjects that aren't going to challenge me if you will. I figure that I have my whole life ahead of me, why worry about a TER score when you can just have fun in high school then do the corresponding TAFE course to get into the uni course later if that's what I decide to do...but what do I want to do? Sitting at Hungry Jacks my good friend Jesse opened my eyes to journalism, I knew it existed and I have thought about it once or twice but then he reminded me of Owen Wilson in that movie that made me cry; Marley and Me. All his job required, was just writing about the stuff that he does, and that is awesome because all I do is talk, and when I do that, people listen. I don't know why, I mean most of the stuff I talk about is just bullshit but I guess its funny or entertaining or something. Then I thought about how rad would that be, I mean that has got to be a job custom built for someone like me, that just talks about...shit.

What can I do about it now though? Journalism has like a 90 TER or some shit and its not like I'm going to get that, or any TER for that matter, I mean I am doing four subjects. Well it looks like I am going to have to do the journalism TAFE course or something because it's too late to go for a 90 TER now.

Anyway, I thought I would do something to see if this was really something that I wanted to do, because at the moment I have the mind set that this is the dream job, this is what I was born to do. But who knows, that may change. I change the way I think all the time, a few weeks ago I had the mind set that I really wanted to play The Sims again, so I went through the house and found all four discs for The Sims 2, and the two discs for the university expansion pack. I played it for about a week and realised that it isn't that much fun, especially when the guy I controlled is excelling in life due to me, and in reality I have accomplished nothing but set this fake man up with a rad life. I got side tracked again, but lets just say that I am now sick of The Sims, but chances are that in a month or so I will be pretty keen to play it again.

So to end the first episode of a saga that for all I know will help me peruse the dream of being a columnist like Owen Wilson in Marley and Me, or slow down my actual life like playing The Sims.