The surprisingly good day.

Don’t you love it when you are really not looking forward to a day because you know that nothing is on, and then it turns out to be an awesome day that involves things that you didn’t know where on until they happen? I know I do, and yesterday was one of those days. I got up at around two in the afternoon to some promised hot chips of which were delivered and were great. I then remembered that it was that Saturday that nothing was happening on, everyone who was eighteen was going to go into town and everyone who wasn’t eighteen was just not awesome enough to plan anything, so nothing was going to happen. I smelled awful but I didn’t bother to shower because I didn’t think that anything would happen. I was watching a countdown of the best number one’s of this decade, of which Umbrella by Rhiannon was number one, and I received a text from Chris that said to call him. I called him, as you do when you get a text from someone that stingy and asks for you to call them and he said that Olly was having a thing for his eighteenth; I jumped in the shower, scrubbed the essentials and got dressed ready for awesome times.

My dad dropped us in and awesome times were had, including the most brutal games of table tennis and probably one of the nicest barbeques ever. I hate first impressions, because you can’t have another one. When Olly’s mum came up to me to introduce herself, she said her name and I said mine and then there was this awkward silence where she kept looking at me. I thought that she asked a question that I didn’t hear so I said pardon or what or something and she just said pardon back. I didn’t know what to do from there and then I think she laughed and walked off. I will never get to meet her for a first time again so yeah, that was pretty disappointing I must say. Jack then raised a point that really made me think, if you are scared half to death twice in one day, would you be dead? If you are scared half to death, then that means that you are half way to dying after the one scare and the second scare would surely kill you if it was scary enough to warrant a whole other half of fear. Just think about it.

Kenny then took me home and we chilled, then I finished yesterday’s blog which was interrupted when Saf messaged me asking if we wanted to go and get drunk at Carmen’s, of which I obviously did. I thought that the day was over at like eight or whatever it was but yeah; the night had pretty much just begun. As we got there it seemed as though they had only just started drinking, but the beers I had at Olly’s had already warn off and I didn’t have enough money to buy any more booze and after the terrible mix that Carmen made me I thought that I might just quit sober. Carmen always seems to draw the most random bunch of people to her house when she has a gathering, and last night was no exception, this is the part where I list everyone that was there but I can’t really be bothered doing that and really, if you were there then you would know who was there and if you weren’t I don’t think you would really care. You might not even know me and you just read this for some other reason and me listing all these names would mean nothing to you. Yes I know that by now I could have listed everyone if I just skipped all this rambling but maybe I made my choice already and I don’t want to list them so there.

Whenever someone is sober at a piss up or party they always tell me how shit of a time they had because everyone was drunk and they just sat there or whatever, but I don’t know what they were talking about because taking care of all those drunkards last night was one of the funniest things that I have ever done, and one of the funniest things ever happened. Mini and Heinicke were looking for something to eat, and Mini found a meat patty that was in a Tupperware container in the fridge. It was cold and clearly needed some heating in order to taste good, but Mini didn’t really know how to go about cooking it. He first put it in the microwave which wouldn’t turn on because the power was out or something, and after trying and failing with that, he tried the gas oven which would work because it was gas not electric. He puts the Tupperware container in the griller or the oven or whatever and closes it and sets it to two hundred degrees, at least that’s what he said aloud. Heinicke freaked out and thought that it would light a fire or something, which it probably would have but then Mini took it out and thought of another way of heating it; the kettle. I don’t know what he thought he could do with the kettle and neither did he I think because he gave up awfully quickly and then he just decided to eat it cold, he ripped it into four pieces, handed one to Heinicke, Iggy and I but I didn’t really want it because it looked kind of feral but Iggy really liked it and took my piece.

Then we made our way to Carmen’s room and sat on the couch slash bed thing as Jay took photos of us. Heinicke was so fucked that he thought the flash of the camera was lightning and thunder, so whenever Jay took a photo, he got scared. The night ended soon after that when Saf took me home and yeah, then I played some Xbox, checked the Facebook and wrote this all while listening to that Bulletproof song by La Roux on repeat. Oh and Nathan wanted me to put in a smiley face or something, I don’t know why but yeah. :)

The interruption.

It is almost weird to think about how school will be over by the end of this week. All we have left is Monday through Wednesday, and then Thursday is muck up day and Friday is graduation, but as sad as this week is, I can imagine it being one of the best weeks of my life. I am going to miss school like you wouldn’t believe; I mean there is nowhere else in the world that you can go and see so many awesome people just to chill with. Year twelve has been so amazing; I would give pretty much anything to relive it. As the year has progressed, the workload has gotten tougher and it has even gotten to the degree where I have been needing to make these shitter and shorter or just extremely half assed because I have been doing homework. As the work load has been getting tougher, the good times have also become much more ‘good timesy’.

There isn’t much work due anymore; I just have my two thousand word Health assignment due this Monday and my English application due the Monday after graduation. Oh and all that art but yeah, I don’t really count that. Whenever I hand up a piece of work that just passes or is obviously rushed, teachers ask me why I don’t spend less time on my blog and more time on my homework. Let’s just say that if there was a one hundred percent assignment due on Friday and it was Thursday and I hadn’t done a blog yet, I would write my blog first. That is just how committed I am to this, and also, people would find more enjoyment out of this than my homework. I guess that everything has come crashing down on me because of this but you know how it is when you have to write a blog every day because you aspire to be as good as if not better than Owen Wilson’s character in a movie that changed your life, surely.

I really am going to miss school though, people have been telling me that they might even cry at graduation and I was just like ‘come on’ to them all but yeah, I really am going to miss the place. I don’t know whether I will cry, I mean it won’t be as sad as Marley and Me but I will probably get to that feeling where you are swallowing a lot of saliva because you think you will cry and then you act like you have something in your eye. Fuck me this blog is going up late. I put up the first paragraph before because we were in a rush to go and that is all that I had down so I published it and yeah, but now I am home and now Saf is telling me that I have to hurry up so we can go get drunk... again. I have been interrupted twice now, and I don’t even know if I should publish this. It was meant to be about the end of school or something, but I can’t even remember and scrolling up would waste even more time and I need all the time that I can have in order to do this, now Saf says we really need to go... this is getting ridiculous.

This is fucked! This is the second blog I have tried to write about the end of school and both times I have been interrupted. The first one I tried to write ages ago and then Andrew rang me and said that we are going to the show, so that was interrupted and now Saf is saying that we have to go to Carmen’s and get drunk. Come on ref, let me write my blog.

The slightly sexist blog about IKEA.

Have you ever thought that maybe, just maybe you don’t have enough pencils. I know I do quite often, and by quite often I mean not really ever. As I sit here, licking my teeth and finding little sections of flavour that taste like one dollar hot dogs, listening to Lily Allen and still laughing about what just happened at dinner... It has to be Thursday. I look forward to most days, Friday’s are Fridays, and they are just great. I have the most lessons on a Friday but I just love knowing that it is the end of the week and it is pretty much party time. Saturday is up there as the best day because it is Saturday, it is much like Friday but there is a better chance of a party happening and there are no lessons at all. Sunday are kind of shit, I am normally asleep all day and then just get up, write one of these, play some Xbox then get to bed. Monday and Tuesday are pretty shit, as in there is nothing special about them; I guess shit is a bit harsh. Wednesday is amazing; the whole day is revolved around indoor soccer. School is pretty shit on Wednesday’s, I mean there’s that boring double free, then the worst thing ever; double art and tech graphics. Thursday’s though are a day that can only be described in awesomeness if I were with you as we saw a legendary bird Pokémon and then you catch it, and then I said that is how awesome Thursday’s are, the best day ever.

Thursday’s generally get kicked off with early health, and by that I mean I sleep in, go to home group and go to double English. Double English generally consists of pure awesome, whether it is us crowded around Linou’s laptop having amazing photo booth sessions that everyone hates except for us, or just have amazing chats about something random...why am I typing this, I already have an entire blog on English... anyway, then I have that awesome triple free that today I spent at Linou’s house playing Guitar Hero 5 which is... just... words can’t describe the awesome, kind of imagine how good you felt when you caught the Red Gyarados in Pokémon Silver. Or Gold if you didn’t have Silver because you weren’t awesome enough... Now I don’t want to get into a debate about which Pokémon was the best because that would be silly, and everyone knows it is Silver anyway, so let’s just move on.

After my amazing triple free I find my way back to school for Tech Graphics, unless I decide not to go and in that case Mr. Whaites normally rings me, asking why I am not there and I get all scared and make up some excuse, then I hang up and realise that it was Whaitsey, not an actual teacher so I just tell him the next day what I was actually doing, which is normally something like playing Xbox, sleeping or that one time that he called when I was taking a poo. Thursday is also one of the only days that I do homework. I normally get home and realise that there is some assignment due the next day that I have either not started or I have to fix up a draft or something. More often it is the first one though. I thought a week or so ago, and by that I mean I heard Mr. Watts say it and I thought it was fairly good, he said that they might as well set assignments the day before they are due, because we will do them the night before anyway. It made me laugh.

The amazing Thursday is all topped off at around six or seven at night when anyone who’s awesome goes for dinner with the Thursday Night Dinner crew. This consists of anyone who wants to go, but yeah, I don’t know what I was going to say here, but I still want to keep this sentence going for one more little comma bit, and that was the comma then. We normally go to Cafe De Villis but today we decided on, we being Kendall, going to IKEA instead. Meb picked me up with a car full of people singing songs that I have never heard of, or songs that I know but don't know all the words and all that, you know how it is. I am normally one to get right into car sing alongs but I felt rather out of place when I didn't know every single word to Cry Me a River. I knew there was a restaurant at IKEA but I thought people just ate there when they wanted to go and buy a new cupboard or something, but going there for the food is the best idea ever. It isn’t like it is the best food ever, I mean the hot dog was a bit cold, and I swear that one of the chicken nuggets was a crumbed chicken neck and the chips were kind of shitty but what do you expect when the food is so cheap? The hot dogs are a dollar, one fucking dollar, amazing! My chips and nuggets kids’ meal was just under three dollars and if you have already bought an adults meal any kid’s meal is a dollar... amazing.

Three people that have never attended a Thursday night dinner before are Chrisman, Heinicke and Brett Aitken. You are probably thinking ‘Cosma, I have never been to one of these Thursday night dinners, why am I not one of those three people?’ and I will get to that, just calm down... Jesus... anyway, so unless you actually have been to one of the amazing Thursday night dinners, you were probably thinking that, and the reason I brought those three up is because they came tonight... see why I didn’t mention you, you moody prick? Now I know what you’re thinking, ‘Cosma, I know that you’re not talking to you’re not talking to me directly but I don’t appreciate you calling me a moody prick when I am reading your blog!’ and if you were thinking that, then can you please stop thinking things and just read the blog, because the more you stop and think the longer this will take to read.

It isn’t only the food at IKEA that’s cheap though, everything about the place just felt... cheap. I realised it right away but after Tahlia pointed out that the place doesn’t actually have a roof, I really started realising things like how... just everything felt cheap and imported from Sweden I think, or some other country that is similar. I just did a Wikipedia search on IKEA and yeah, it is Swedish so that was a good educated guess, or estimate as year five maths taught me. I thought that when I put my cold hot dog in the microwave labelled ‘Family Heating Centre’ all the lights would dim because it can’t handle the concentrated power to convert into heat... but it didn’t.

Andrew Heinicke has had goes at me before because I have been on my period a couple of times. Now before you say that I don’t know anything about periods and I am all wrong don’t stress because it’s true, I actually know nothing about periods. As far as I know, a period is when a woman is angry, and if that’s sexist then I’m sorry, but I’m not really sorry because I don’t know any better. Anyway, there was this one night where I was in the worst mood of my life, and Andrew and the rest said that I was on my period which was fair enough but today, if Andrew wasn’t, and sorry for maybe being sexist, but if he wasn’t bleeding out of his vagina I don’t know what is because he was such a moody little period woman. Sorry... He wouldn’t sit with us, he didn’t say goodbye and as he left he threw some unknown sauce at us that ended up getting a bit in my hair, a bit on Tahlia’s jumper and a lot on Alice’s, and I think that Alice’s jumper is stained now, probably isn’t but I’m just going to say that it is to make you feel worse!

We then made our way to the place where IKEA has their child hats which they sell apparently and we were trying them on and we all bought one each for muck up day, which should now be awesome and thanks to Dajana who always has money I am now going as a chicken or something... As we made our way out Rhys and I made it our mission to take as many of the free IKEA pencils as we could, and I ended up with maybe one too many but let’s just say that right now, I am looking at a margarine container that is very neatly filled up with smallish IKEA pencils. Today was amazingly awesome fun, and I didn’t think anything could top it, until I saw some amazing persons Facebook status.

Georgia Guerinet feels like reading a Nick Cosma blog!
36 minutes ago · Comment · Unlike · Remove tag

The boredom.

The following was written on the 29th of September during the most boring period of time that I have ever experienced ever. I wrote this and saved it for a moment where I have nothing to write about or whatever, but I do have stuff to write about, but it will have to wait until tomorrow because I need to actually do some homework.

I have been sitting here, on my laptop for hours. I have been sitting in the same position for so long, that my knee that has been leaning on this little indent thing on my desk now has this huge indent on it. It looks weird but it feels good and I want to see how much more indented it can get so I want to put it back to the indent bit but I can’t find the same spot on my desk to do so and now it is sitting on some other random bit, hopefully making a bigger better indent. This is the most boring night of my life.

I am finding myself clicking on Facebook every few seconds, hoping for something interesting to pop up, but it never does. I keep opening up messenger hoping that someone that I want to talk to will be on but they never are, and I put my music really loud but there is no one to dance with. That awesome new Prodigy song just finished and now my iPod is playing some random other song, I look for my remote to put it back, because I am so awesome that my iPod Docker has a remote, and now it’s on repeat so I now have less to do when the song finishes in one minute and forty seven seconds... wow I am so bored...

Sometimes I envy people with homework, because on nights like this they can be like ‘oh man I can do that Biology assignment now!’ or whatever subject’s smart people chose. I mean I could do one of my assignments, I have that Health one due after the holidays some time, and then I have my second English app that I guess I should be doing and all that art that I haven’t done but I just can’t be bothered because I hate art so much. Then there’s Tech Graphics that I think I have finished for the year or something besides that skills test or something but yeah, all done.

So I just realised that my iPod Docker won’t go any louder, which is really shit because I can still hear the sound of my fingers mashing the keyboard, and that just means that my music isn’t loud enough. I have been told that unless I mention someone or something funny that my blogs are shit, but then I have also heard from other people that the ones where I talk about life in general are the best ones. Well I guess that this is the first one where I have talked about absolutely nothing, but I have stretched it out to four hundred and fifty words now.

I think there might be some settings on my iPod that I didn’t know about that make it louder or something but I don’t know how to change them, and now I can’t find that spot where my knee was sitting on ever so comfortably and getting that awesome dent, and now I think that the dent is gone, or at least I can’t feel it. I am so devastated right now; this is the most boring night ever. But I guess I can think about it this way, I am writing this now, obviously... but now is what, Monday I think, or Tuesday. Yeah it is Tuesday now, but I won’t be putting this up for a while, so I can just save this for when I have nothing to put up. It is now the 29th of September, and I hope you are having a good time in the future, and I hope you aren’t as bored as I am right now, and I also hope that by the time you read this, I am less bored and I am back to having awesome times.

The canister of urine.

Have you ever been in one of those situations where you aren’t sure whether a friendship will last though it? Like a situation that is just so fucked that you and your friend have such a disagreement or bad fight over it that you actually think that it will leave the friendship in the shits? I know that I had one of them a few days ago, and it was with my best friend Chrisman. Once upon a time, and I wasn’t there for any of this really so I am just going by word of mouth from Aaron, but Mark Stewart pissed on Aaron’s car one day, so Aaron thought that he needed to get back at him in a piss kind of way. He had one of those sour lolly spray canister things so he pissed in it and left it in his glove box, assuming that one day Stewie would go through his glove box, find it and spray it on his tongue. Turns out that Jack was the one that found it and sprayed it on his tongue but that’s another story, even though it is this story sort of but that’s beyond the point because it isn’t relevant in the story I am telling, so all you need to know is, Aaron has a piss spray thing in his car.

We were at Subway yesterday and the canister was brought to the table because we all wanted to see it. I knew right away that this was a bad idea, because I just assumed that someone would spray it on someone, and I just assumed that it was going to be me getting sprayed with piss. We had already opened it and looked in it and all that and the piss had gone so off that it was red, and it smelt like death, and yes we smelt it. Chris then received a text message that isn’t relevant to the story, but it angered him so much that he decided to pick up the canister and spray it on me on the arm; that was his first mistake. His second mistake was putting the canister back in the table and running away. I of course picked up the canister and walked after him. Chris was the one who drive us there, so he would have to drive us back, meaning he would have to take me back to school, the only problem is that he didn’t want to be anywhere near me if I had the canister.

I then gave the canister to Punda, who gave it to Andrew who was sitting in the front seat. Turns out that Andrew gave the canister back to Punda and Punda gave the canister to be while we were in the car. We were nearly at school when I decided to spray Chris’s jumper that was sitting over his chair. I then sprayed it another seven times, and all over the jumper were these blotches of off, red urine. I then sprayed Chris’s shoulder but he didn’t even realise that I got him, which was a good thing because it let me get one final spray which was on the top of his head. I knew he would notice, I mean it was piss on his hair, but he went nuts. He kept saying that we were even and this was the end but then he found out that I had already sprayed the shit out of his jumper and he went ballistics, as far as he was concerned, we weren’t even.

We got to the school car park and before Chris can bring the car to a complete stop I have already gotten out of the car, ran over to the Urrbrae fence and thrown it over. Chris pushed me into the fence, punched me a couple of times and yeah, was quite angry. I have never actually seen him this angry, and it didn’t even look like he was kidding at all. I really thought that something worse would come from this, but despite a lunch full of him trying to cut my hair, and a few successful attempts, I think that it is all over and he isn’t angry anymore. I have to say though; it was one of the funniest things ever knowing that Chris’s jumper had piss on it, and eight sprays of it. I remember Bubs saying after I got sprayed once that it wouldn’t come off in one wash, god knows how many washes it will take Chris to get rid of the eight sprays.

The thing that Lauren is a fan of.

If you don’t know Lauren Simpson, then you do now. Well, you don’t but you will probably look her up on Facebook or something to see who she is because I am sure that you are now at least a little bit curious, at least a little bit. Lauren is a girl that goes to my school that came to Australia in year ten from Scotland and although the sixty three pages that Lauren is a fan of on Facebook may be misleading, she isn’t a fan of many things. I don’t think that I have ever mentioned her before in this blog, so this may seem like a rather large first mention but then again, Tom Wilkin’s first mention was his first memoir and look at him now in the double digits of mentions.

I don’t have many status updates on Facebook, maybe one or two a day maximum which I guess is a fair bit but you know, what I am trying to say is that I am not one of those people that have a status update every minute or so. Whenever my status is something food related, there will be a good chance that Lauren will get in the first comment on it and that comment will usually read something like ‘not a fan’. I am fairly fussy with my foods, I don’t like a lot of things but Lauren seems to be the Optimus Prime of fussiness, or not fussiness but not fanningness and yes, I did just make up a word and add it to my dictionary.

Last night, and I am writing this on Sunday the eleventh so last night was Saturday the tenth obviously... anyway last night, as in Saturday one of the most shocking things happened and yeah, I could have put it in the blog about last night, not last night but Saturday night but I thought it was so shocking that it warranted its own blog post thing so yeah, here we are. Let’s just say that Chris’s mum; Toula made me an amazing Iced Coffee that, as the previous adjective stated, was amazing, it even had ice cream on the top. I offered sips all around and everyone said it was great, then Lauren asked for a sip and I thought to myself, is it worth letting her try it? I mean she would just turn around and say that she isn’t a fan and it wasn’t nice but that’s when the most amazing thing ever happened. She tried it, and she liked it. I asked her if she was a fan, and she said that she was.

You could also tell that she wasn’t just saying she was a fan just because she wanted to fit in, because she was licking her lips after she had it and really looked happier, then she asked for a second sip, and you wouldn’t ask for a second sip of something that you just said you were a fan of so you could fit in wouldn’t you? She also said that she doesn’t even like Iced Coffee, it is just Chris’s mum’s iced coffee that she is a fan of, so let’s just say that in Lauren’s case, it’s a Toula Tankosic Iced Coffee, or it’s nothing.

The eight hour nothingness.

Do you have any idea how long eight hours actually is? I have got myself into a ridiculous sleeping pattern over these holidays where I have been going to bed at like three in the morning up until like eight in the morning and I have been getting up late in the afternoon or sometimes just in time for dinner. Saturday night I had Chrisman’s eighteenth, then I ended up getting up at like one on Sunday which was a fair effort and yeah, I just thought that I would be able to get to sleep early and get up for school and it would all be good. I went to bed at eleven on Sunday night, which I thought was decent. I wasn’t really tired at all, but I thought that I would fall asleep soon enough. Hours passed and I wandered when I would fall asleep, when it reached twelve I was sure that I would fall asleep soon enough, when it reached one I was flabbergasted that I hadn’t fallen asleep yet but it was when the time clicked over to two in the morning that I realised that I might never fall asleep.

Throughout the night my dog was always walking in and out of my room, jumping on my bed, finding a good spot to sleep then jumping off and leaving. Then he would come back and decide that he would rather be under the covers and I would let him and then he would come back out and yeah, it was a cycle that annoyed me and also didn’t assist in me falling asleep. The next thing that didn’t assist in me falling asleep was when thunder and lightning happened, I wanted to use a better verb instead of happened but I didn’t really know what to use, I am too tired to think of a verb so happened will have to do. Anyway, so then I thought of reading, and I had that new Hyper magazine just sitting there that I haven’t even looked at yet, so I had a quick look over it. I read up on a few games, and then I heard mum walking out of her room. I don’t know why but I thought that she would get angry if she saw me awake that late at night and she would probably think I was on the laptop or something and she might take it away or something but anyway, I freaked out like someone who was I don’t know... high? And I turned the lights off and put my magazine back on my desk.

I know that reading is one of those things that is meant to make you more tired or get you to sleep or something but then I remembered that counting sheep is another thing that normal people do to sleep, and by normal people I mean people in movies and TV. I imagined a sheep jumping over a fence or something because I remembered it from The Simpsons I think it was, but then I realised that what I was imagining wasn’t a sheep, it was a dog. I spent the next hour trying to remember what a sheep looks like and this really didn’t help me get to sleep. My head was thinking at hyper speed, thinking of all these different animals and one by one ticking them off as not being a sheep. The closest thing to a sheep that I could think of was a fat furry black dog for some reason so I imagined it jumping over a fence, and I counted how many times it did so.

My head was still boggling over what a sheep looks like, and it didn’t help that I couldn’t remember what number came after seventeen, so I stopped counting and grabbed my phone. I started reading all the messages in my inbox just for something to do but none of them were really worth reading; I mean they are just messages. Some of them made me smile or whatever but yeah, I guess that I wasn’t sleeping. It then reached five in the morning, I was hoping that I would fall asleep so I could get at least a few hours sleep before school, but as I sat there for another two hours I realised that it wasn’t going to happen. I heard all the members of my family get in and out of the shower one after the other, then my brother walked up to my door, knocked and told me that I had to get into the shower and get ready for school and the like. It was then when I realised that I had been lying in my bed for eight hours, and I got no sleep at all. It was the longest stretch of time that I could imagine; I just wish that I had got some sleep before school.

I got to school to my first and only lesson for the day, which was my beloved English. I made my way to the spot where I always sit and sit next to Punda. He tells me, and I quote, ‘Your blogs are getting worse, they aren’t as good as they used to be. They aren’t appealing as much to the public, and I speak for the entirety of the public.’ It took me quite a while to understand what he was really on about but I found it really funny, mainly because of the part when he said that he speaks for the whole of the public but also probably because I was running on the sleep that I got on Saturday night which was really bad, ringing in ears and developing hangover sleep. I don’t know how I can describe how long eight hours actually is, but can you just imagine watching all three of the Lord of the Rings movies but without the picture or sound, so you are doing nothing for eight hours? I don’t know why I brought Lord of the Rings into this, I mean I haven’t even seen them, so I’ll use The Matrix instead, but it doesn’t really matter which movies I use, because you aren’t watching them, you are doing nothing, for eight hours, and I am very, very tired. I just hope this appeals to the public, and by public I mean Punda.