Wednesday, October 14, 2009

The canister of urine.


Have you ever been in one of those situations where you aren’t sure whether a friendship will last though it? Like a situation that is just so fucked that you and your friend have such a disagreement or bad fight over it that you actually think that it will leave the friendship in the shits? I know that I had one of them a few days ago, and it was with my best friend Chrisman. Once upon a time, and I wasn’t there for any of this really so I am just going by word of mouth from Aaron, but Mark Stewart pissed on Aaron’s car one day, so Aaron thought that he needed to get back at him in a piss kind of way. He had one of those sour lolly spray canister things so he pissed in it and left it in his glove box, assuming that one day Stewie would go through his glove box, find it and spray it on his tongue. Turns out that Jack was the one that found it and sprayed it on his tongue but that’s another story, even though it is this story sort of but that’s beyond the point because it isn’t relevant in the story I am telling, so all you need to know is, Aaron has a piss spray thing in his car.

We were at Subway yesterday and the canister was brought to the table because we all wanted to see it. I knew right away that this was a bad idea, because I just assumed that someone would spray it on someone, and I just assumed that it was going to be me getting sprayed with piss. We had already opened it and looked in it and all that and the piss had gone so off that it was red, and it smelt like death, and yes we smelt it. Chris then received a text message that isn’t relevant to the story, but it angered him so much that he decided to pick up the canister and spray it on me on the arm; that was his first mistake. His second mistake was putting the canister back in the table and running away. I of course picked up the canister and walked after him. Chris was the one who drive us there, so he would have to drive us back, meaning he would have to take me back to school, the only problem is that he didn’t want to be anywhere near me if I had the canister.

I then gave the canister to Punda, who gave it to Andrew who was sitting in the front seat. Turns out that Andrew gave the canister back to Punda and Punda gave the canister to be while we were in the car. We were nearly at school when I decided to spray Chris’s jumper that was sitting over his chair. I then sprayed it another seven times, and all over the jumper were these blotches of off, red urine. I then sprayed Chris’s shoulder but he didn’t even realise that I got him, which was a good thing because it let me get one final spray which was on the top of his head. I knew he would notice, I mean it was piss on his hair, but he went nuts. He kept saying that we were even and this was the end but then he found out that I had already sprayed the shit out of his jumper and he went ballistics, as far as he was concerned, we weren’t even.

We got to the school car park and before Chris can bring the car to a complete stop I have already gotten out of the car, ran over to the Urrbrae fence and thrown it over. Chris pushed me into the fence, punched me a couple of times and yeah, was quite angry. I have never actually seen him this angry, and it didn’t even look like he was kidding at all. I really thought that something worse would come from this, but despite a lunch full of him trying to cut my hair, and a few successful attempts, I think that it is all over and he isn’t angry anymore. I have to say though; it was one of the funniest things ever knowing that Chris’s jumper had piss on it, and eight sprays of it. I remember Bubs saying after I got sprayed once that it wouldn’t come off in one wash, god knows how many washes it will take Chris to get rid of the eight sprays.

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