The kings of the dancefloor.

Pretty much every Sunday’s blog is about what I did on Saturday night. Even if I have barely any recollection of the event I will scrap together a few memories and I will write something about them. I have absolutely no recollection of last night; I remember nothing, not one thing. It is almost like my memories are setting up Chrisman’s house for the party and then my next memory is waking up this morning, well not this morning, it was like one in the afternoon but still, I have no memories of last night, and by that I mean I have one memory, but it is less of a memory and more of a discovery so I will get to that now, and by now I mean after this word.

Every party I have ever been to, I have ripped up the dance floor. I get up first or, you know, firstish and don’t stop dancing until the party is over. For some reason, last night I didn’t feel like dancing all night. It hit around eleven at night and I just thought to myself I am pretty keen to go to sleep. Here is where my discovery kicks in; I can’t not dance at a party, no matter how hard I try not to dance someone will find me and get me up and make me dance. I was lying in Chrisman’s bed under the covers trying to sleep and Josh Breda and Josh Blake run in and use their duel Josh powers to get me outside on the dance floor. I wasn’t feeling it so I bailed into the back where the bon fire was and Jack grabs me and says that I have to dance with him, we make our way to the dance floor and I soon realise that I don’t want to dance so I lie down on the couch and then Brie starts slapping me and she tells me that we have to dance.

It seems that I have set up some feat for myself as the best dancer in the world and no matter how hard I try to not dance, someone will find me and make me dance with them. I love dancing, it is probably my favourite thing to do in the world but I really have set myself up to be that guy who is always on the dance floor and I just can’t take breaks anymore, and if I do then yeah... I can’t... Whether I had a good time or not I don’t remember, whether it was a good party or not I don’t remember, whether there is anything that happened worth mentioning I don't remember but I am sure about is that I have used the right whether in all of those examples.

Josh Blake
COSMA!!!!
hey man hope you pulled up alright this morning, so good hitting up the d-floor last night with you haha. i was thinking last night as i crashed on my bed that i should definately make my first blog refrence in todays blog :) since you, me, ...tony and delwyn were definately the kings of the d-floor last night; i mean cumon we were on there for 90% of the night, when everyone else was being gay. anyway gotta get back to my hw for today, cya tomorrow man xx
5 hours ago · Comment · Like · See Wall-to-Wall

The word count.

Today Tom Wilkin and I were sitting at Chris’s house wandering how much I have actually written. We thought that it would be at least twenty thousand words, but instead of pondering about the amount, I decided to... I mean, we decided to paste the entire blog onto Word and do an official Cosma’s Blog word count. Let’s just say that if it was all homework, it would have been enough to finish all of my assignments from the beginning of reception, even though the assignments in reception were like finger painting and using those paste glue things but if those assignments, that weren’t really assignments, were somehow converted into essays, it would still be enough. As of Friday, the ninth of October I have written over thirty five thousand words. Which, mind my language, is a motherfucking shit load of words. Microsoft Word is telling me that when it says ‘words’ before, there should be a question mark instead of the full stop that I correctly put there. It isn’t a question, so leave me alone Microsoft Word.

Sorry to completely change the subject but I don’t know what else to say about that, so I’m just going to leave it at that and say that I have written more words in fifty nine blogs that you have probably written ever, ever. Time to change the topic, we are currently at Chris’s to watch the soccer but I kind of lost interest and made my way to the computer with Tom and yeah, here we are. But Tom just left and now Andrew is just lying on the bed playing some game on Tom’s iPhone where you land planes or something and yeah, he hasn’t let me play it yet but out on a limb...whim? No limb and say that it is good fun. Anyway, moving on again... we have all jumped in the pool at one stage today, except for Chris who is a pussy but yeah, it was the coldest thing since that other time that I said it was really cold, I don’t know what it is but I remember recently writing about something that was really, really cold.

Tom just came back and is now sitting in the spot that he was before and I for some reason feel more at home. Anyway, to say that Bubs is an amazing pool player would be the truth, so to put that sentence in a more proper sentancy way...sentancy? Bubs is good at pool, and he proved that today when he beat Milan Tankosic who is also amazing at pool. This game of pool however had a rather amusing bet surrounding it, and that bet was that the loser had to jump into the pool, not the pool table, the swimming pool. Bubs ended up beating Milan in the most exciting game of pool that as ever been, and seeing Milan jump into the pool with his red undies on was the pinnacle of the whole night.

I should probably go out and watch the rest of the Adelaide game, I mean that’s why I am here but yeah, okay I’m off. Oh, and Tom’s high score was forty six in that plane game and Andrew just got fifty. Maybe he will stop playing and let me have a game, but knowing Andrew that would just be wishful thinking...

The Xbox days.

I used to play a lot of Xbox back in the day, but I had a feeling that my gaming would take a break while I was in year twelve. I thought that I would be too busy doing homework and studying to have any spare time playing games, and I was sort of right. Not about the studying, god no, but I was right about not playing as much Xbox. I don’t know why I haven’t been playing anymore, it isn’t like I don’t have any spare time, I mean, I do have a blog that I write every single day, but it’s almost like I have better things to do at the moment. There were a few games that I really wanted to get this year, the new Halo was one of them; Halo ODST. I really wanted Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2 and Fallout: Vegas. Now if you asked me about a year ago about what games I wanted, I would know when all of them come out, I would have them already pre ordered and paid for and I would be prepared as shit for playing them. As of those three games, I have no idea when they come out. I am pretty sure that Halo ODST is already out but I just don’t have any money so I can’t buy it and I have no idea about the other two.

Looking back on things, I really don’t know how I could ever afford games. I used to buy heaps of games and it’s not like I had a job or anything. I just had money somehow, I had money from my birthdays and Christmas’s that I didn’t spend and I used the money on games. Right now I have twenty dollars and that will probably go towards a four pack of Pulse or something for the weekend. I could always not drink this weekend and put that money towards a game or something but that won’t happen. As I type this though, I really do realise what a waste of money alcohol is, I mean do I really need it or will I still have a good time if I party sober. Especially seeing as though I will blow that twenty dollars, get a bit drunk, dance around and that’s the end of my night, or I could put that twenty dollars towards a game and that is like a quarter of a brand new game.

I have been playing a little bit of Xbox lately though, mainly FIFA 10 because my brother has recently bought it but I have also been playing some demo’s that I download from Xbox Live and just seeing what I have been missing out on in my year without games. I played the new Need For Speed game today and it was great, I remember the Need for Speed games really going downhill at one stage but I really think that they have lifted their game because this game is bloody good fun. I also downloaded the demo for Brutal Legend which is a game that is made by Jack Black, or at least he is the main character, it is probably one of the funniest games I have ever played and it just seems like it would be good fun to play every now and again, I laughed quite a bit when I was playing the demo and I even had a coughing fit at one stage because I was laughing so much and I didn’t want to wake my mum in the next room, I mean it is like four in the morning as I write this.

I also played the new Guitar Hero game at Linou’s house and it was the best thing ever. Yes I am overhyping it probably but fuck it, it was amazing. It has an amazing soundtrack, it tells you which songs are the hardest on which instruments and all that, you can make your own guy and make your own songs and have four guitarists going at once or four drummers or four singers or whatever you want, it is great.

Year twelve has definitely made me play fewer games but it isn’t because of the work flow, not for me anyway, it is just because I am always out doing something else. I would love to get back into playing games again after year twelve, after all the partying is over I mean seriously, I am not eighteen until July, everyone will be hitting town and that all the time and I know it might sound pretty lame but I am so keen to just play some games again like I used to.

The pickles.

There is quite a few things that I could be writing about, I mean quite a bit happened last night, not anything close to that three thousand word epic over the last two days but it was stuff worth putting in here nonetheless. I could write about getting our Sealio tops from the place and how amazing they look and feel, I could write about how we beat Absolutely Cut six goals to four despite my own goal, I could write about how one of their players elbowed me in the face and how my jaw still feels like shit, I could write about how we brought Sealio back to life last night and how he will be at the game next Wednesday... but instead of writing about those things, I thought I would write about this random McDonalds situation that Chris put us through.

The McDonalds pickle is not eaten by many, most people ask for their burgers without the pickle or they just pick them out when they get their pickle infested burger but not Chris. Whether he loves the actual pickle or he just loves stirring shit with people I don’t know, but what I do know is that a cheeseburger comes with pickles and the six cheeseburgers that Chris bought were lacking the ingredient that he desired most, and that ingredient for some reason was the pickle. I didn’t really want anything to eat, so I just watched Jack, Andrew, Tom and of course Chris mung down their cheeseburgers, without pickles. As Chris opened the last one up, he realised that there was no pickles in the burger and he felt ripped off. He reverses all the way back to the window and starts beeping the horn, they didn’t realise that he was there so he drove around back to the drive through and demanded that they fix up our wrong order.

I thought that they would do one of two things, either replace the order and actually make another six odd cheeseburgers with pickles which would probably be the best thing that could have come from it or just give us like a piece or two of pickles in like the box that the double quarter pounder comes in. I didn’t think that there would be a better, more amusing option that the McDonald’s man would think of, but he thought of it and he did it. He gave us one of those little containers that salads and shit come in full to the brim of pickles. We went nuts, it was fucking insane and let’s just say that the McDonald’s man noticed our happiness and waved at us as we drove off with all the pickles in the world.

Jack decided to fill the remaining cheeseburger with pickles, and it turned out being two thin buns, a piece of meat, cheese and whatever else was in the burger was overpowered by the pickles and I was not keen to try it, I mean I don’t even like pickles but I assume Jack must have if he did that to the burger. He said that he felt like shit afterwards and he felt like he had a pickle overdose, not that I can blame him really, the pickle infested burger looked gross. Now that I look back on it, writing about one of those other things that happened last night would probably be much more interesting but I just wrote five hundred and eighty words about pickles and I am not deleting that.

The longest blog ever. (2)

In case you didn’t notice by the number two in the title of this post, this is the continuation from yesterdays because so much worth putting into a blog stuff happened and I couldn’t fit it all into one. Well I could have but it would have been like double the length of the nutshell one that I felt was way too long. So now I am going to pick up from where I left off which was after we left Brett’s and headed off to Nathans. We got there and I was fucking drunk as, I had already wasted all my credit texting people again and I had decided that Caitlin is my official drunk texting buddy, she seemed keen on the idea, either that or she wasn’t keen and I was so drunk that I thought she seemed keen, either way I don’t really know, I was drunk.

Everything that happened was amazingly funny, and I mean fucking funny. I hadn’t seen Jack all day so I just assumed that he was at home or with Anna-Lisa or something. Tom Wilkin was in Nathan’s bed texting someone and Shez and I walked in. He wouldn’t tell me who it was so I got his phone off him and saw that his most recent call was Sav (Jack’s sister) I think, I don’t really know how to use an iPhone so yeah, I wasn’t sure what I was doing. He then told us that he and Sav had a thing and we could never tell Jack or anyone and that we were the only two people that knew now. I didn’t know whether to ask him what happened or just not believe him because it sounded kind of fishy, but yeah, I guess I had to believe him. Then Jack sent Tom a message saying ‘Fuck You’, and Tom went nuts at us because he thought that we had already told Jack somehow, I don’t know how we would have but he was just all antsy.

Andrew was then outside and I didn’t want to let him in so we just started singing that shit Bodies song by Robbie Williams and pretended we couldn’t hear him, we turned the lights off and I hid next to the bed on the floor while Shez and Tom hid under the covers. Then I felt someone breathing on me from under the bed and whispering, ‘Cosma,’ and I just freaked out. I lifted up the bed frill things but I couldn’t see anything under because it was so dark, then I used the light on my phone to see under the bed. What I saw was Jack with his face smushed under the bed and I think he said something like ‘don’t let Sheri know I’m here’ or something, but I just freaked out and had a laughing fit. I thought I was going to die because I was laughing so much but it was in my top five funniest things I have ever seen, ever.

I knew that Jack was in on this whole thing and Tom didn’t get with Sav but I don’t think Shez quite knew they were in on it when she came up to me later and said ‘do you think that Jack and Tom will stay friends now that he knows?’ Once Shez said that I lost it again, I laughed but I laughed so hard that a huge bit of snot propelled from my nose and onto this little pocket on my shirt. I assumed that she didn’t see as I casually wiped it off my shirt but I knew that she saw when she started crying of laughter.

I’m not the world’s most learned man, I know this may shock some of you but I really don’t know everything, but I know a fair bit about drinking and hangovers and how it all works... well at least I thought I did. I normally get hangover’s when I go to bed still drunk, because I then wake up all hung-over, I don’t know but you know what I mean, as far as I knew, you had to sleep before you can get a hangover. Somehow, I had a hangover when I was awake, as in I got a hangover without even going to bed. It was so shit, everyone was still all drunk and all happy and shit and then there was me, with my head pounding and with every heart beat it feels like someone was hitting me in the back of the head with something that isn’t really heavy or anything but enough to make me feel like shit.

I couldn’t keep drinking, I knew the best cure for a hangover is to keep drinking but surely that would just postpone the inevitable and I would just get fucked over again when I sober up. So what I ended up doing was, trying to get to sleep, but I couldn’t really sleep because they were all making too much noise so I decided to go outside and sleep on the trampoline. It was the coldest I have been since that time we all jumped into Bretto’s pool at like three in the morning. I couldn’t really move because whenever I moved my head hurt more, so I just stayed there. Sheridan Lee Grigg who I thought was mean because she threatened to put me in her pussy books if I didn’t keep drinking turned out to be the nicest person in the world that night. She came out and gave me this amazing hoodie that was Nathan’s and then I ended up leaving it at Bretto’s so yeah Nathan if you are reading this which you should be, that’s where it is. Then she stayed out there with me to make sure I was okay and then she had a fairly bright idea that I don’t know how I didn’t think of it before but she said that I should sleep inside in Nathan’s bed.

She then took me inside and tucked me in and then stayed with me and we talked and then she spooned me to sleep. Then Andrew came in and he told us a ghost story that I have heard before but he said it in much more detail and it was fucking great, as in scary, but great. We were still spooning at this stage, all three of us and then Shez decided to outdo my disgustingness with the laughing snot thing by farting on Andrew, as she said and I quote ‘I just did a pop on your penis’. She then turned the other way and did a pop on my penis, it was quite disgusting but it made the bed much warmer so it was good.

Then they left me so I could fall asleep but all I could think of was this little girl with no eyes standing outside of Andrew’s bedroom for forty five minutes and I couldn’t sleep, so I got back up to go mingle with everyone and then I realised that my hangover was sort of gone and my head felt a lot better. Then I realised that it actually hadn’t and it was much worse and that was shit. When I got out there I was forced to skull a beer or else I would be put into Shezza’s pussy book, I tried and failed and it made me feel so sick. She didn’t put me in the pussy book I don’t think, and I am really starting to doubt whether there is an actual book or something but I am also thinking that it might just be something that she made up on the spot.

Chris and the rest were supposedly at some Black Eye’s Peas after party and they were going to meet them. I was pretty devastated that I couldn’t go but it isn’t like I was that big of a fan of them so I wasn’t too fussed. I sent what would probably be the best text message that I have ever sent to Quire, the message was.

Did will i am drop the
beat now?
Sent: 5-OCT-09
10:35pm

I was so proud and I was so pumped for a response. Shez was so happy with the message, she couldn’t stop hi fiving me, and I just wanted a response. Quire came to Nathan’s after town and I asked him if he got my message, he said that his phone broke so he didn’t get the message obviously, and it was the most devastating thing that has ever happened... well not really but I was pretty devastated. Then we all watched as Quire, in all his drunkenness willingly asked for his had to be shaved. I don’t know why but... yeah, it was pretty funny.

We then made our way to Brett’s house to watch the Man City game; we said our goodbyes to Nathan and Shez as Chris, Brett, Andrew and I walked to the Brettodome. Andrew was walking much faster than we were, he was houses ahead of us and we didn’t know why, he said that he wanted to go home because he hasn’t slept at his house in four days. It’s not like he has a bed or anything, he says that his room is haunted so he sleeps on his couch so I don’t see why it matters where he sleeps but I guess four days...

We got to the Brettodome and the Man City game had already started and Aston Villa were already one nil up. I just grabbed a blanket and tried to get to sleep on the couch in front of the television. Andrew for some reason decided to stay at Brett’s, not that it surprised me at all but yeah, he thought he could just take my blanket because I was asleep and I went fucking nuts. I chased him down the hallway and beat the shit out of him but he wouldn’t give it back, then Meryl woke up and I felt really, really bad. On the same day that she was telling us how she hates it when people roam around like it’s their own house and shit, I was running around fighting Andrew at six in the morning.

I was so worked up because of the fight that I couldn’t get to sleep so I decided to walk home. I thought that Brett lived fairly close to me, which he kind of does... when you drive. You don’t really notice how fast cars drive until you are walking. It takes about three or four minutes to drive to mine from Brett’s, and it took me forty minutes to walk. I was looking at each passing car hoping that one of them would for some reason know me and stop and give me a lift but it just didn’t happen. I got home at exactly seven in the morning; I hadn’t been asleep since around noon the previous day and I was so pumped to go home to my own bed and sleep, on the best bed in the world, and not have my blanket stolen from anyone. I was still hung-over and I thought that sleeping would... I don’t know, make me not hung-over? To say that it didn’t work would be around the truth, because I woke up still hung-over, but its okay because I am fine now, and that was the longest day of my life, and the longest blog I will ever write, ever.

Word Count: 3,087.

The longest blog ever.

Just so you know, this will probably be the longest blog that I will ever write, I don’t know if it actually will be because this is the first thing I am writing but last night was so epic, and so eventful that I really don’t think that I can skip out on anything, if it isn’t the longest blog ever then I will delete this first paragraph here I guess but if this is still there by the time you are reading this, then that means that this will be the longest blog in the world, written by anyone, ever. Normally I start these blogs in some random middle ground of the story I am trying to tell and then work my way around what has happened before that but I don’t really know where the middle of this story would be, and I don’t really know how long this will take to type out but yeah, let’s just say that you are going to have to put away an entire evening if you intend on reading this all.

Yesterday was my best mate’s eighteenth. Now before you try and remember if it was you that turned eighteen yesterday and to see if you are that best mate of mine that I am referring to, that person is Chrisman and sorry to crush the hopes of anyone who isn’t him. Anyway, he turned eighteen yesterday and he had a few people over for drinks and then if you are eighteen or have an ID or whatever then you can head into town. I being seventeen just came along for good times and thought I would use this as an excuse to get my drink on, much like every occasion. I arrived at Chris’s at three thirty in the afternoon and opened up the fridge to help myself to a beverage, now the text message that Chris sent me and I guess anyone else who received it reads the following.

Hey guys come round to
mine tomorrow for drinks
and food for my bday!
Come at 3 then later on
we can hit town. I will
supply drinks also but
byo if u wanna drink
more.
From: Chris Tankosic
3:37pm 4-OCT-09

I assumed when it read that he would supply drinks but bring your own if you want more that it meant he would have like a case or two of beer and if you want to get really fucked then you can bring more drinks to assist you in your good times. Chris’s fridge was full to the shit of different kinds of beers and cruisers; it was so full that there was a further case of beer being stored in the freezer because it wouldn’t fit in the fridge. I didn’t bring any extra drinks because I just thought to myself that I would drink what’s there and not really get that drunk, but after seeing the contents of the fridge, all I wanted to do was get fucked off cruisers because I have never been drunk off them before.

I started out with a Heineken which went down quite nicely. After that I couldn’t resist the temptations of the cruisers and I ended up having one of each flavour, and now that I look back on it, none of them were really nice, they were kind of easy to drink but they were really shitty, but every time a drink was finished, the label was ripped off and stuck onto my shirt, except for some of the beer labels that wouldn’t come off easy enough and they just tore so yeah, we didn’t bother really. I ended up making a collage on my shirt with every single cruiser label that was there and a few beer ones, and a Coca-Cola label. It ended up looking amazing and I kept it on my shirt and I even considered somehow laminating it so it was the shirt, but then I thought about how hard it would be to wash and shit so yeah, didn’t really bother.

Chris and the rest of the eighteen year olds headed into town leaving us seventeen year olds at his house, we indulged ourselves in Milan’s (Chris’s awesome dad) chicken that he brought home from his shop which tasted amazing. It was then time for us to head off; it was Daj, Shez, Punda and I chilling with Chris’s awesome family as they were watching Watchmen. I felt kind of bad because they were missing it and they hadn’t seen it yet, and it is amazing. Nathan then came and picked us up and we headed to Brett’s because he said that they were going back to his house after Chris’s.

On the way to Brett’s, we hit a red light and stopped, as you do. We were on Marion road turning left and a car pulled up next to us who wanted to go right. This guy was just a guy, he had a beard, he looked like he was forty five, maybe fifty years old and he was by himself. Daj started telling the guy through the window that she hasn’t been out in ages because she has had the chicken pox and the guy, I don’t know if he couldn’t hear her or what but he replied with a simple ‘what?’ I think. Punda then screams at the guy, ‘don’t you fucking talk to my girlfriend or I’ll fucking smash you!’ and the guy who looked like a grandpa completely changed into some sort of killing machine as he got out of his car and wanted to fight Punda. Punda then opened the car door and was keen as for a fight but the light went green and Nathan turned left. This guy who was in the lane to go straight then cuts through and chased us down whatever street we were on, I think it was Winston and this guy was going fucking nuts. He was right up our ass and despite Punda’s request to pull over so he could fight him, Nathan kept driving. The guy then just left and it was pretty fucked up, but yeah, it was... it was just fucking random, it escalated from nothing to a vendetta.

Then we got to Brett’s and they knocked on the door and Meryl (Brett’s mum) was the only one home. We were talking to her about how people are always at their house now and she doesn’t really like it how people treat her house like their own then leave and don’t clean up after themselves, so this if you are reading this and you do this, clean the fuck up after yourself! Most of my blogs are around five hundred words but this one is already over a thousand words and I am only half way through the story so I am going to stop it here and part two of this fucked night will go up tomorrow.

The provider of chicken.

If you're a human, then chances are you like eating chicken. Unless you are a vegetarian or vegan of course, but even then I’m sure that you really like chicken you just don’t admit it. You probably eat chicken but don’t tell anyone, then floss the shit out of your teeth to cover up the fact that you had chicken because you would disappoint all the other vegans, even though they also eat chicken. Instead of hiding that you eat it, why don’t you all just admit to each other that you eat chicken and make it the exception of meats that you can eat, because chicken is bloody awesome. Then again, steak is awesome too, and so is lamb and... Actually, I think that all kinds of meat are awesome, there are probably a few bad kinds, well not bad but I wouldn’t feel good if I knew I was eating it, like dog or human or something.

I guess that all I am trying to say in that ridiculous paragraph that got side tracked is that chicken is great, there isn’t much in this world that I love more than I love chicken, but of course something that I love more than chicken, is the provider of chicken, and a lot of the time, that provider is Safeer Ahmad. Now I know what you’re thinking, ‘That was a pretty long sentence and you had quite a lot of comma’s in there, surely you could put a full stop about half way through and make it two sentences?’ Well if you are thinking that, then that was a bloody good guess on my behalf, and don’t worry about grammar, we are talking about chicken here.

When Saf started working at KFC sometime this year or last year, I forget, I didn’t really comprehend the amount of chicken that I, a friend of Saf would get. When I was a kid, I didn’t get much KFC. It was always so much more expensive that McDonalds and Hungry Jacks so whenever we got take away it would never be KFC, but when it was it was like some sort of miracle descended down from the heavens as I indulged in the amazingly unhealthy chicken that as I said, even vegans love. I believe that the first time I got chicken from Saf was sometime this year; we were waiting in the car for about an hour before I got a text that said ‘I have hit the motherload! Be patient!’ around about half an hour later, we see Saf walk out of KFC with five boxes full to the top of different kinds of chicken. It was one of the best things that I have ever seen.

Saf has now brought what was once considered a miracle into my weekly diet, and is that a bad thing? Well it probably is, but who cares, free chicken is the best thing in the world, you don’t understand until it happens, but I think that even though it happens more often now that it did when I was a kid, when I get that phone call saying that he has chicken, it is just such a miracle that I feel like shouting out to the heavens, or at least over the phone to tell him to come to my house.