The drunken messages.

I don’t remember a whole lot. I remember trying to steal drinks with Christie, I remember dancing for a few songs, mainly when Wolfgang Gartner came on and Jack and I actually went ballistic. I remember Delwyn’s strip tease and I remember having to look after Tallulah for like, an hour or so. The theme of the party was to dress up as whatever it is that you want to be when you grow up, so I thought that I should go as a journalist type guy and I thought, how do I do that? After Dad’s amazing idea of getting one of those journo hats and putting the little press card thing in it like back in the forties and all that, I think it worked well. I also brought a pad and pencil so I could report on the night and that got me thinking that surely if I did that I would remember the night, yeah? Well that really didn’t work... every single page is full of illiterate scribble that was my attempt of drunken reports through the night, or at least I can only assume that. Amongst the pages though are messages from the people or the public as a journalist such as myself should call them. I thought that seeing as though I have written everything I remember down, I should just put down all the messages from people that were readable, so here they are, the rest of the night catalogued via drunken messages; enjoy.

HEADLINE:

Andrew

Isn't

Stoned!!

Jack Sanders

< 3s

Christie Brook

so much he is

the best, I

LOVE HIM!!

But I love cosma

too. Im drunk

and this writing

feels funny.

Christie Brook

< 3's Nick Cosma, Jack

Sanders, Tom Wilkin, Chris

Tankosic, Brett Aitken, Andrew

Heinicke!

We're defs getting drunk

before I go away!

wednesday!

Jack Sanders, "what a

weird tip to serve, Caviar,

You'd think it would be

Tziaki or Cheese &

Chives."

"Thats Beautiful!"

I like

Free hugs!

and I kissed

Jack for ages.

Christie is a

better ninja than

Kenny!

HEADLINE:

MINI Cheats

on

HEINICKE!

ASH HOOKS UP

WITH MINI

+MINI AND JACK HAD

A NIGHT OF PLEASURE

INCLUDING 20 HEADJOBS

To Cosma

This is a dick sum1

else drew

but yeah

< 3 Nikki

P.S Calvin Harris

AMAZING

hey second BFFL.

have a lovely night,

xx

DANCE

FLOOR

IS

RATED

A

SUCCESS!

It is true

Baby Spice took off

her shoes and

Love Cosma he

is pretty cool maybe

as cool as calvin harris

LOVE

Baby Spice

(Lauren)

xxx

Tbag

did birdman,

Tom brown's

GF bleeding!

Haha!

love from

Christie

MINI

BREAKS

ANDREW'S

HEART!

"Fuck You" Quotes

Andrew

< / 3

Hey T!

I have something

really important/secret

to tell you!

OMG TellMe! NOW!

I sexed Tom Wilkin

LAST NIGHT ;)

Dont tell anyone

OMG I SO WON'T!!

But guess what?

SIM? YOU WISH!

NO!!! oh you don't

realise

The love of my life.

Whether it is just the worst ringing that has ever rung my ears or it is actually a blown eardrum I am unsure of, but what I am sure of is that even if this damage was permanent, it was fucking worth it; Big Day Out was the best thing ever. When Brett and I had to leave Lily Allen to go to the boiler room, we almost had tears forming in our eyes. I think Brett loves Lily more than I do but after hearing her third song we knew that we needed to go to the boiler room and try and get to the front. In my day plan I didn’t comprehend that Lily would actually have been that good, dancing around on stage to Smile, it was actually one of the hardest things to walk away from. Once we got to the boiler room, there was a massive crowd watching DJ Sam La More, who was actually amazing, probably the best DJ in the world if you want to take my word on it. Getting to the front was easy because everyone was dancing, not watching, and once we got to the front of the stage I knew that I wouldn’t budge for the entirety of being in the boiler room.

I was making jokes about how I am going to be at the actual front in the boiler room, I was saying how I am going to be holding onto the railings and be within a metre of the stage, but I didn’t think it would actually happen. Brett and I had probably the best spots in the world, and as we watched this amazing DJ, I didn’t even think to dance or anything, it was if I was saving myself for something better. One of the stage workers walked over to the DJ and patted his watch three times and then stuck his hand out with all five fingers up. My mind started to work and the way I saw it, the tapping on the watch symbolised time, and the five represented the time that was left, so I think that he was trying to tell him that he has five minutes left before he has to get off and make way for the next act.

What was approximately five minutes passed since the gesture and it seemed as though the DJ was wrapping up, the song seemed to be entering the fake ending before he yelled out ‘one more time’ and everyone went nuts. Whether the people were going nuts over him or whether they were actually there for him at all I don’t know. Once DJ Sam La More finished, he made his way off stage, and from where Brett and I were standing, we could kind of see through this small gap, and through that small gap we could see what was probably the best thing I have ever seen, ever; Calvin Harris. He downed a beverage that I don’t know, like it could have been something that I know but I couldn’t make it out, he slammed it down and ran onto the stage after his band. The crowd went absolutely nuts, I mean I was more nuts but they were going fairly nuts. He jumped to this spot on stage with this keyboard slash DJ kit and just fucking went nuts, it was probably the best thing I have ever seen ever.

You could say that I was maybe, like, maybe just a little too close to these giant three subwoofers but yeah, I didn’t really seem to notice at all when it was happening. To say that Calvin Harris live was the best thing that has ever happened ever would be an understatement, he was actually unbelievable. I mean, pretty much everything was good, Kasabian were great, Passion Pit were amazing, Dizzee was, well I thought he was incredible but no one else seemed to think so, but Calvin Harris was actually the greatest thing I have ever seen slash heard. As a crowd, we went wild, probably the best crowd in the world, just going off because of the amazingness that oozed from every single thing that Calvin did.

You’d think that the best thing about Calvin Harris was Calvin Harris, and in thinking that you would be right, but if you thought that the second best thing about Calvin Harris was also Calvin Harris, you would be wrong. You see there was this fucking hot ass girl that was next to me, as in next to me on the right was Brett, but next to me on the left was this hot ass girl who was just fucking great. There were these guys walking around handing out water to people near the front because it was just so hot in there, but every time they did this girl would always get water, and she would always offer me a sip, which I, for some reason, said something like ‘no that’s okay’ but she wouldn’t have heard me but I’m sure my body actions and facial expressions showed her that I wasn’t interested in her water. It got to the third time she asked me if I wanted any water and I thought, I’m not really that thirsty but I should probably just drink some of her water, I mean she wasn’t offering it to anyone else, just me, so maybe that was a sign that she was in love with me.

There were times where we were singing the lyrics to Calvin’s music, looking into each other’s eyes singing ‘I’ve got love for you, if you were born in the eighties, the eighties.’ Then there were the times when she just looked at me smiling, then looking away when I noticed her looking at me and I looked at her and you know, that little awkward thingy. I don’t know why I didn’t do anything, but I realised at this point that she was the one for me; the love of my life. She had it all, she liked Calvin Harris... that is all that I know about her, that is actually like it... I didn’t know what to do though, and I wasn’t drinking or anything so I just felt kind of weird if I tried to get with her or something. She then looked like she was dying or something, like she was dehydrating, I mean that probably wasn’t it, she had like eight cups of water but, wait maybe she just really needed to go to the toilet... yeah that must have been it... anyway whatever it was, she ended up just jumping over the railing and being escorted away by the security guard. It was the last I ever saw of her, the last I ever saw of the love of my life, the girl with no name, the girl who loves Calvin Harris.

Calvin Harris a few songs after the love of my life left, finishing with the incredible ‘I’m Not Alone’ which actually went off unlike anything I have ever seen before. Leaving the boiler room into the hot sun was actually like walking outside of a heated room into the snow, the boiler room, although not even a room, like it was just a big tent, was still the hottest and sweatiest thing in the world. I was drenched in my and everyone else’s sweat, but it couldn’t have been a better crowd to be a part of. Whenever Calvin Harris had everyone’s hands in the air, the room smelt of BO, but it wasn’t disgusting, it was fucking amazing, because the smell was blown away by the subwoofers in, no I can’t explain the awesome of Calvin Harris. The only other thing I realised when walking out was that I couldn’t hear anything at all, Brett was saying things but everything that he said went in one ear and out the other, wait not even... it just hit my ear and bounced off. I could hear that he was talking, but whatever it was that he was saying will forever be a mystery, much like it is right now. All I can hear is the ringing in my ear, oh and Neon Rockets by Calvin Harris, that’s playing right now aswell.

The Big Day Out.

I have never found it this hard to string a few words together making the first sentence for one of these, but then again I have never been this excited in my entire life. Unless you have been living under some kind of media blocking rock which you have because in your universe it exists for some reason, or you live in another state and not under a rock, you would know that Big Day Out Adelaide is today; and fuck me am I excited as all fuck! It’s almost like every single one of my favourite bands and artists are playing at the same place on the same day and I have my hands on one ticket; the necessary amount to get one person in, and I am one person. My plan has advanced from what it was and I now have a full day of awesomeness to attend to starting at eleven in the morning until eleven at night, and seeing as though now is nine in the morning, it’s just getting closer and closer.

My neighbours must hate me, I mean it is four past nine in the morning and right now, Lily Allen is being played on full blast on my relatively loud iPod dock, well it isn’t loud enough to do for a party but as far as nine in the morning goes, it goes just that little bit better than alright. Never in my life have I gotten up at, well just before eight in the morning, waiting for people to come to mine so I wouldn’t feel like an alcoholic when I start drinking, but if two thousand and nine taught me anything, it was that pre drinks are an essential part of any outing, well almost any outing. It’s not like I really plan to get ‘paro as’, I mean I intend on enjoying but also remembering today, but I think that being a little bit tipsy would assist in my enjoyment, maybe?

Actually, I really didn’t know what I was going to do today. I said originally that I was going to go sober, but then again I first thought that Big Day Out was a dry zone. Dry zone or not, I am seventeen so I wouldn’t be able to drink there without bearing the risk of getting kicked out and yeah, that would be so shit. I would probably have to actually kill myself if I got kicked out, I mean first act through to the last one, everything that I have planned to see is something that I couldn’t bear to miss. Regardless of whether I was intending on drinking or not, people are arriving here with their booze, ready to drink, and fuck being left out. I’m going to go and drink, leaving this blog half as short as the rest, but I’ll be back tomorrow just fucking, so happy, surely with stories to tell... surely.

The Fear.

I went into the bathroom to; you know, shit, at like eleven thirty at night last night. For some reason all of the toilet seats were down, so I lifted up the first one and sit down on the one that you are meant to sit on. I sit down without checking the inside of the toilet, I mean I am a much more grown up person than I was ten years ago when every time I sat on the toilet I had to check for toilet monsters first. There is of course that childhood fear that started, yeah probably again, like ten years ago, and this is one of those fears that come and go, like it is never on the top of my mind, but whenever I see them I just remember the thing that happened so long ago that will forever keep me scared of them... and that is when I saw an earwig crawl from under my bathroom sink and make its way under the bathroom bin.

I remember a time long ago when I was playing at lunch time in campus two at Unley Primary School. I wouldn’t have been any older than seven years old, and the thing to do wasn’t Poke’Mon, no not yet, for the season was bug catching season, and all we wanted to do was catch caterpillars in the school garden and bring them back into the classroom and put them in the caterpillar tank which we actually had for some reason. I had an ice cream container than I was putting all my caterpillars in; I probably had like, thirty caterpillars in the single container so I was actually dominating beyond belief. I got further into the schools garden and then I found this bug crawling around that I had never seen before. It looked like a long ant, but on the end of the long ants tail was like this pincer thing. I picked it up from its pincer and it didn’t bite me or anything, but I didn’t want to put it in with the caterpillars because it might kill them or something, who knows? I ended up putting the earwig in my left shirt pocket for safe keeping so at the end of lunch I could go into class and ask what kind of bug it was.

Before I could take a few steps in my desired direction, I felt a throbbing pain in my left nipple that I have never felt before. It hurt like an absolute motherfucker but being the retarded seven year old that I was, I didn’t think it was the earwig that I stupidly put in my left breast pocket, or shirt pocket or whatever it is called. I kept walking before I felt it again, but this time I felt the actual grip it had on my nipple, my poor seven year old hard nipple. I pulled it out of my pocket and threw it away, it bit my finger this time before it let go and went into the garden. I looked down my shirt to see that my left nipple was much, much redder than my right nipple. Not only that, but my nipple was actually bleeding a little bit.

For around a week after that, my nipple was swollen and in immense pain, now if that isn’t enough trauma to warrant a life time fear of earwigs then I don’t know what is. It is that kind of thing that I will never forget, a memory that will be forever embedded into my memory, much like when I sliced my leg open in reception, but that is a story for another blog. Anyway, back to me shitting with the earwig just in front of me, hiding behind the bin. So I did my shit, did my wipe and got up to wash my hands. I looked to the left to see the earwig hiding under the bin, so I lift up the bin and move it over a metre away from where it previously was, leaving the earwig with no cover; no place to hide. It scurries over to the corner of the room, less hiding and more playing it safe. It knows that it couldn’t be attacked from behind this way so the only place it could get attacked from was in front of it, and that is where I was; it was ready for me.

As I look at the earwig in the corner, I think to myself that if I killed it, I would be no better than that earwig that clamped my nipple all those years ago, I thought to myself that I should just let the earwig go, let it be. Then I thought to myself ‘fuck that’ and I rammed the bin into the corner of the room. Unfortunately for me, the bin had rounded edges, but the bathroom didn’t, and the bin did nothing but probably make the earwig shit itself, but it didn’t smush it like I had intended. This is when I actually thought that, I should just let it go. Then I went back into my room, went back on Facebook and realised that I had gotten over my fear of earwigs, I am better than them. At least I thought that until I went on Google Images to find a picture of an earwig for this blog and then I thought that, they are fucking scary as... I really should have killed that fucking thing, god knows where it is now... fuck.

The cold.

For the last week or so Brett has been telling me of his sickness, his highly contagious sickness that is commonly referred to as the common cold. Despite seeing him every day, I haven’t yet contracted his cold, but it was just the other day when we were talking about general things and Brett said that you are more likely to catch someone’s contagious disease by shaking their hand than by kissing them or something like that. I then put my hand out to shake Brett’s hand, just to see if it was true. Although this test isn’t really an actual test, like I could have caught his cold just by being around him or by being in the vicinity of his sneezes or maybe the cold that I would catch wouldn’t even be his, but regardless, we shook hands, potentially spreading the common cold that Brett had.

***

When the rain started falling on the corrugated iron roof, it was falling heavier than anything that has ever fallen before. The rain was so heavy that the sound of the ball bouncing and being kicked couldn’t be heard over the sound of the rain coming down hard on the roof. We were up by a single goal, and it felt like the end of a movie or the final boss of a video game where it starts to rain and you know that it is serious. All I could think about was my ‘to do list’ and scoring the goal so I could just go back and defend and never have to worry about scoring ever, ever again. There were four minutes left on the clock and it was the final half; we were playing on the blue court, the court that we have never won on, ever. Jack took the shot which deflected off the keeper and went out for a corner, and from my defensive position that I have been cemented in for the entirety of my indoor playing life, I came out to the other half, ready to shoot.

Whenever I came into the other half; the attacking half, I always felt out of place. I am a defender, but I am not the kind of defender that will go into the other half, ever. I feel uncomfortable going into attacking territory when I know that the defence is where I am meant to be. Regardless of how uncomfortable I felt, I made my way to the attacking half of the court, and where I was placed in that half was amazing. There was a clear cut path from where Brett was taking the corner and where I was standing, and before I could call out for the pass, Brett had already passed it straight to me, and from there I kicked it straight into the goals, it went past the keeper and went over the line... well at least I thought it went over the line, apparently it didn’t.

I have never been so sure in my life of a ball crossing a line but apparently I was wrong. The keeper picked it up just before it went over the line, in my eyes he picked it up after but in the refs it didn’t; absolutely devastating. I yelled out that it was a goal, and the ref shook his head and I yelled out something along the lines of ‘fuck off’ and by that I mean, that is exactly what I yelled. It was by far the angriest I have ever been, ever I think. Maybe not ever, but I was so angry. I yelled so loud that it could be heard over the rain, and then the rain got heavier. In my rage I ended up hacking at one of their players and then hacking at a second, like, they were obvious frees and I felt bad for just kicking their legs out deliberately but the ref seemed to show a blind eye to it, kind of like my goal. They ended up scoring another goal, equalising to five all and then within the last thirty seconds, they scored again with this miracle header that was just, no I was so sad.

Luckily enough, the other team was disqualified for using a player that they were told not to use. See, Sealio FC, as in our team is in C grade, and the player that they used was like, the best A grade player that there is. Because they were told not to use him by the two ‘in charge’ people at Life Be In It, we ended up winning ten nil by default. When you think about it though, we nearly beat a team using the best indoor player at the thingy, so that is just fucking great. We left Immanuel High School feeling fucking awesome, I mean if I score I would have felt much, much more awesome but you know, we played fucking great. The rain wasn’t as heavy walking to the car, but it was a great, light rain to cool us down after sweating that hot ass flood that came from our heads.

***

When I got home I really needed to blow my nose, for like, the seven thousandth time. I have a cold; I can’t take a breath without sniffing up the snot that is running down from my nose. This is what I don’t know though; did I get this cold from shaking Brett’s hand? I will never know, so I don’t know why I am even thinking this. I mean I have seen Brett every day since I first shook his hand, so did I get the cold from shaking his hand, by being around him and his sneezes, or did I get it from being in the rain? Not only will I never know, but I really don’t care, so I think that this is the point where I stop writing and just... stop.

The Australia Day.

I’m not really a fan of the radio, but I am especially not a fan of Triple J. I listen to the radio sometimes, but that is only when I leave my iPod somewhere and when I get sick of my laptops low quality speakers. When I do listen to the radio, I listen to anything from Triple M and Mix FM when I am looking for my old rock fix, and then I listen to Nova or SAFM when I want my new hits fix, then there’s just Fresh FM which I listen to when I just want to party. My lack of listening to the radio, especially has led me to be oblivious that there is a Triple J top hundred songs of the year that plays on Australia Day. Now just so you know I am less of a hating on Triple J kind of guy and a more hating on Triple J people kind of guy if you know what I mean, and if you don’t, let me explain in the next paragraph that you will see after I press enter, and then press it again for a second time; breaking the page into two sections.

If you haven’t noticed already, people who exclusively listen to Triple J are dick heads who think they are better than people who listen to any other station. I remember back in the day where I went to school, as in last year, as in two thousand and nine. We were in art, my most hated class of all classes ever of my life ever. The station being listened to was something that wasn’t Triple J, like it was a normal station that was playing Katy Perry, so my bad mood that I was in because I was in art with Ms Moore had been slightly elevated due to the high level of awesome that comes out of Katy Perry and her music. It was just as the song was hitting the chorus, also known as the best bit of pretty much every song before I heard the sound of radio station static as someone was changing the station. I look up to see Salome changing the radio station, changing the sound of Waking Up In Vegas to the sound of static. Salome then looked up at Catherine Story and called out asking her what the station is for Triple J, then the static changed to some shit ass Aussie Hip Hop song that sounded like absolute ass to microphone crap and I was just so mad.

I then recall Catherine saying that that song was shit, and then I told her that she should put it back to whatever it was on before because I was in agreeance with her, and then she had this huge ass go at me about how I am a loser because I don’t listen to Triple J. Well I’m sorry for not being a try hard alternative person, but sometimes I just fucking like to fucking party, and Aussie Hip Hop and a guy screeching over the sound of his shit ass sounding guitar just doesn’t cut it. Triple J people are the most arrogant of people; sometimes they play great music on that station, but most of the time they just play the most random shit that I wouldn’t even call music, like that one time that they played this so called song that was just like, animal noises over the sound of a guy playing some instrument; what the fuck kind of a person can get enjoyment out of listening to that?

Anyway, I wasn’t going to get this into talking about Triple J people but that is my reason for not listening to Triple J, just because I hate the people. I hate most of the music that they play as well but mainly the people that listen to it and think they are alternative and radical and shit; fuck off. Today is Australia Day though, and over the day I managed to hear a good amount of the top hundred and I was enjoying it. I actually knew most of the songs, as in like, vast, vast majority of the songs were just great songs that I know and love, with the occasional acoustic guitar muffled by animal noises over the top but sometimes you just got to love that… not really…

This post was, as in this blog was meant to be about Australia Day, but it really turned out being about the music that I listened to whilst I did my Australia Daying, and a little bit of hatred towards people who listen to Triple J… as in actually most of this was but sometimes you just have to hate people and then write about it and just see how it goes. Honestly, I fucking love that I live in Australia, it has to be the best country in the world, and I know that because I have been overseas once and it was to Vanuatu, and Australia was fucking so much better than Vanuatu, so by the process of elimination, Australia is the best country in the world and I hope that you had a fucking great Australia Day, because you are fucking awesome.

The thinking blog.

Well it is eleven thirty four and I haven’t written today’s blog yet, so I am kind of cutting it fine, but yeah… I really started writing one like, eight hours ago but it was just not anything, so I deleted it and then went out. Didn’t realise that I wouldn’t be back until this late and now I am isolating myself in Brett’s computer room typing this up instead of having good times with the rest of everyone else, and it really has me thinking; why do I do this? Okay, it isn’t like I am really missing out on anything by being in here, like, they are all just playing Call of Duty out there, but the thing is; I have missed out on things before by just sitting in a room typing instead of being outside and playing with my friends.

I am glad you didn’t ask for any examples of times where I have missed out on something due to writing this, because I can’t think of any, but if you actually did ask your computer screen for an example or two, as in you actually said aloud ‘can you please give me an example or two?’ then you are fucking retarded, like that is just weird, but still; sorry, I have no examples. Recently I have had like, double the amount of people that I normally get coming up to me and asking me if I actually enjoy doing this, and the answer is that I do, but I don’t enjoy the fact that I do one every day. I started doing this to see if I could, and this is like the one hundred and sixty somethingth blog, so I am pretty sure that I can do it if I actually wanted to get a job in doing this, but I don’t even know if I want to before.

Well it is eleven forty one, and I have written three hundred and twenty five words, so if I keep this progress going then I won’t lose just yet, but really, I don’t give a shit if I do lose. I always tell people that I am going to stop writing these everyday because I have proven to myself that I can, but they do involve the odd blog about actually nothing. Then again, you could argue that every single one of my blogs are about nothing, like all they are about is what I do with my life, and you could argue that I do nothing with my life… I have crossed one thing off that to do list so far and that one thing was to get into the top hundred in the world on any song in DJ Hero, and really, I don’t see that as something to be proud of. I mean I do, I am proud kind of but I would have been happier if I just never crossed that one off ever, and the first thing I crossed off was getting a job or something.

Five hundred and six words down and I have sixteen minutes left. I should really give myself some more time to like, you know, put it up and get a picture and all that, but I don’t even know what the picture should be for this blog, I mean this is really just the blog where as I write, I realise things and write them down, so this is every single thought that has come into my head since I started writing back fifteen minutes ago now. So Andrew just came in and talked to me for two minutes, wasting valuable writing time, picture thinking time and yeah, just time. I’m going to have to wrap it up here but yeah, this has been a good think for me, and I finished this blog in eighteen minutes with twelve to spare, so fuck you, internet! Oh yeah, and try and figure out that Wheel of Fortune one... it isn't really a half birthday, so here is a better hint. The answer is what that picture was to this blog... yep that will probably not help you. Good luck.

The Three Corner Jack.

I think I would rather have my legs get torn off and then fed to trained carnivorous earwigs whilst still connected to my body so I still felt the pain as they ate my legs, like it was just connected by this one strand but the strand was connected to my hip well enough for me to still feel every bit of pain that I was put through from my leg being ripped off and the earwigs eating it, yeah so I would rather that than be woken up at ten thirty in the morning after being out until like four in the morning, then being taken to lift wood onto a different, far away pile of wood for one and a bit hours. At least that’s what I thought when I first woke up, and it was actually the scariest thing ever waking up, I mean I had a dream where I was in school, like I can’t remember my dream at all so I don’t know if I was at school or talking about school but the dream had a theme of school. When dad walked into my room, turned the light on and said ‘okay get ready,’ I was almost sure that I was getting up for school... it had to be one of the scariest things ever.

Luckily it only took me like four, maybe six seconds to realise that I actually didn’t have school, but I was still dead asleep as I was getting up, walking towards the clothes of which I would put on to go and lift wood. I stumbled into the kitchen and nearly hit myself on the fridge when I went in to get some cold water, and mum got angry at me because she thought that I was still drunk, even though I didn’t even drink last night, and I think that explains how tired I actually was. I soon realised that what I was doing was assisting me get into not only a normal sleeping pattern, but also when I start working at wherever it is that I one day start work, getting up at this time might be something that needs to be done. Once I got over my tiredness, I came to realise how happy I was that I was up and moving around and, almost working, I just felt like a normal person.

Taking back what I said before about the carnivorous earwigs, whilst working I found out about something that is much, much worse than getting woken up mid dream when you haven’t had enough sleep. I generally don’t wear shoes, I would like to but I always take them off, leave my socks around the world and then I, let’s just say that I don’t have enough socks to wear shoes every day, so I need to spend my socks tactically if you will; save them for parties and just go barefooted everywhere else. I decided that I would use two of my socks today seeing as though I would need to wear shoes because I am lifting wood and that, and if I dropped big things of wood onto my shoe enclosed feet, the pain would be much less painful than if I was barefooted. I mean I would still bleed, maybe cut my toe nail off and possibly break my toe but you know, it wouldn’t be as bad...

By the end of the working session, I could feel this painful prick in the back of my foot, like in my Achilles heel bit thingy on my foot, you know. I stopped walking, because every time I took a step it would dig in deeper to my thingy, so I lifted my foot up and picked out this little thingy with like, four spikes sticking out of it. I then check the front of my foot and there was another one just under that bit of the shoe that, as a child, I was told to refer to as the tongue of my shoe but if TV has taught me anything, it says that the mouth of a shoe is the front of it, where your toes are, so there is no reason that the tongue would be sticking out there, it is more of like, its brain sticking out after he got shot or attacked by zombies. Moving on from somewhere we didn’t even need to go, after pulling out the second one I showed dad and asked him what this thing was that was pricking me in the back of the foot.

His response, as all of his to me are these days, was the answer and then a kind of not at all subtle insult at me for not already knowing what the answer to my question was. He said that it is a three corner jack, but I didn’t hear him so I asked him again and he said that it was a three corner jack. Dad told me to look at the bottom of my shoe and pick off all of the three corner jacks that were on my foot, I didn’t bother asking him why the three corner jacks have four spikes, but I looked at the bottom of my shoe and started to pick off the four cornered three corner jacks. I noticed that there were actually like, fifty of those motherfuckers stuck to the bottom of my shoe, and these things were fucking sharp as, like they actually hurt just to pull out of my shoe with my bare hands because there wasn’t a part of them that I could grab without touching a spike.

It got me thinking that I should really just wear shoes; I mean if I walked through there with no shoes on, I would have been picking those fucking things out of my foot, and that would actually be one of the most painful things ever. I was scared though, I mean we are going to be moving into this place soon, and I hate wearing shoes. I don’t want to live in a place where I have to check my every step just in case, outside, my feet get fucked up by these three corner jacks with four spikes; that’s fucked! We are going to have a pool in this new house, I mean it’s not like I am going to wear shoes for the journey from inside my house to the pool which is outside just so I don’t step on those things... the excitement that I had for moving into the new house was replaced with fear, but then the feeling went back to excitement when he said that the reason we were moving the wood was because we are paving the backyard so it isn’t like the jungle that it is now, and once that is done there won’t be any four cornered three corner jacks... so excited!

The early night.

Everyone knows that you have to get to a party after it starts, like, you have to give it at least an hour or so after the starting time before you actually get there. It was a weird feeling having to get there at eight or you won’t get in, but I guess that’s how parties in town work for some reason; or at least this one. Walking in, the first thing I noticed was how everyone was just sitting around, not partying, but then again it was like eight, on the dot, so everyone would have just gotten there and probably still sober. Still sober is something that we weren’t, I mean Tom had already vomited all over the bus stop and I felt like absolute shit after sculling that last Elevate before getting onto the bus. Tom and I made our way to the toilets where I pissed all over him because I wasn’t looking at what I was doing; I think that this is when I realised how drunk I actually was.

I made my way back out to see Meb and Hayden calling me over, for what I thought would be the usual hello greeting. What I got was the usual hello greeting, as expected, but then Hayden bought me a beer, so I was probably the happiest I have ever been, ever. This assisted in my paroness, but then GG also assisted in my paroness when she told me that she didn’t want to do the shot that she had just bought, and she insisted on me doing it, so I did. I was so happy, I was paro as and drinks were just being handed to me wherever I went, and this is when I walked over to the bar and Jack bought a round of shots, of which I had one. Stumbling into the casino, I remember drinking some of Aaron’s jug of whatever it was, and at this point I could barely stand up.

I walked out of the Casino to see Brett, and he jumped slash tackled me down to the couch as, well I thought he was hugging me but before I knew it he was giving me the most painful hickey ever on my neck. We went over to the dance floor and partied because before we knew it, everyone was on the dance floor, and the DJ was just carving up, it was great. It was at this point when I felt patting on my right shoulder, I turned around to party with whoever the person was but then I saw that it was a security guard making this little sign with his hand. The sign looked like he was holding a card, but there was no card where the card that he was holding would be, but then I realised that he was asking for my ID. I used the same excuse that I use every single time I ever get asked for ID anywhere, and I say that I have lost my wallet, look all sad and run off looking for my wallet.

Now this has got to be the best excuse ever, it has never failed ever, and I have tried it on at least ten different occasions. This time the guy was like ‘where did you lose it?’ and he followed me around as I looked for it. I knew that I wouldn’t find it; I mean my wallet was in my pocket, but the ID that was in that wallet said that I was seventeen. I made my way to the toilet looking for my wallet, and luckily the guy didn’t follow me that far. I met up with Steve Malavazos in the toilets and he gave me his ID so that I could show the guy and then I could just give Steve his ID back. I look nothing like Steve but I had heard that any ID has been working; they just want to see that you have one and they don’t even give the picture a second glance.

I walk out and show the guy and he gave it so many looks before he said that it wasn’t me, I said that, ‘nah that is me, Steve Malavazos?’ and he asked ‘when were you born, then?’ and I just looked at him and told him that I couldn’t hear him. I could hear him fine and then he just went, ‘you don’t know when you were born do you?’ and I kept saying that I couldn’t hear him. I mean we were nowhere near the speakers but still, I could hear him fine though... I changed my story a further two or three times before he realised that he had wasted like, forty five minutes talking and listening to my bullshit, he kicked me out and this time I stayed out. I was having the best time inside, carving up the dance floor but the end of my night came up much quicker than I thought it would, just before eleven at night.

The shit system.

Sometimes you just have to love shit systems. Most parties that I have been to at clubs or places where you have to be eighteen to drink give eighteen year olds like, wrist bands or like, you know, something like that... mainly wrist bands. Last night at Alena’s eighteenth, they were asking people at the door if you balls I love dick were eighteen or not, and if you were they would let you in, and if you weren’t then they would put a cross on your hand, and that cross meant that you were not allowed to buy drinks at the bar, and if you were caught drinking then you would get in some kind of trouble, I don’t know what kind of trouble but you know, there would be some kind of trouble I’m sure, probably getting kicked out or something.

Walking in I wasn’t remotely fussed about having the ‘you can’t drink’ marking on my hand, I mean I was already paro as from Brett and Andrew’s Fucking Party Day. Walking up the stairs to get into Star Bar, IO was looking at the mark on my hand and really just thinking, this was just a silly idea, I mean surely this would just rub off or something? I reach the top of the staircase to see Linou and he asked me if I got the x on my hand, and I said that I had, and then the next question he asked was whether I had rubbed it off or not. I then realised that my paroness was slightly decreasing, but then I also realised that I had ten dollars.

I walked up to the bar with my hand with no mark on it, but red due to the rubbing, I asked for a ABC shot, I mean it was ten dollars and I have been told about how fucked they are, and the woman serving didn’t even ask to see ID or my hand to see if I had one or anything, so yeah, I don’t know. You know when you shot tequila, your mouth and throat burn or sting or whatever you want to call it? When you do an ABC shot, you can feel the burn go right through your entire body, well at least I did. It fucked me up even further than I already was, and just so you know how drunk I already was at Brett and Andrews, I drank piss, and I got pissed on, and I felt like Kenny at schoolies.

You know you are drunk when Andrew’s mum Karyn and Andrew’s sister Laura were filming me dancing to Calvin Harris and as I looked around the room, I discovered that I was outside and it wasn’t even a room like I thought it was, but everyone was looking at me, it was kind of fucked. It might have been the most drunk I have ever been, ever, or at least second to Josh Breda’s eighteenth, I don’t know... definitely top three though. This is probably my night of the least memory that I have ever had, ever I think, as in the whole day, I remember nothing at all, and I guess that is why I am going to stop writing and yeah, I mean I can’t write about what happened, can I?

The Fucking Party Day.

You could say that right now, I am keening up for what will probably be the best day ever. It is nine minutes into Brett and Andrew’s Fucking Party day and to say that it’s going off would be like, well it’s not that it’s not going off, but so far it’s just Brett, Andrew and me, but Andrew is asleep so I guess so far it’s really just Brett’s Fucking Party Day. It’s now twelve minutes in and I thought that the first guest just walked in but it was just Brett again, coming in with all this bread and stuff. Seriously though, today is gearing towards being the best day ever, ever, ever. I had to use three evers to show how fucking amazing today will be, I mean… okay, so Brett and Andrew’s Fucking Party Day until like eight tonight, and then Alena’s party from eight thirty to like, three.

My plan for yesterday was to go to sleep at like midnight, get in a bloody good like, nine hour sleep and then wake up to come to party day early, help set up and all that and then party all day and all night, like that song my the Black Eyed Peas that slightly encourages partying all the time… you know, the shit one. Anyway, that plan, as I assumed, just didn’t happen. We came to Brett’s after indoor and sat around, doing the usual nothing, but we just didn’t go to sleep. Everyone ended up leaving Brett’s at like four in the morning, I mean people were leaving slowly one by one, sometimes in twos, but like at four was the time when everyone was gone. I really just assumed that I would sleep at home but I ended up sleeping at Brett’s again, third night in a row, and yeah… we just didn’t get enough sleep.

I know I have partied on no sleep before but I think having a little bit of sleep is worse, because if you had none you are just like ‘oh I didn’t sleep, fuck it’ but when you have a bit, it’s just such a tease. Andrew just got up so yeah, Brett and Andrew’s Fucking Party Day is looking that little bit more promising now, but we are forty six minutes in and still, it’s just us. Maybe that’s just what happens when you start the Facebook Event at ten thirty in the morning. I remember my party… well not really, like I actually don’t remember it at all, but I remember knowing of people coming like, a half hour after the starting time was. That did start at like eight thirty at night though, not like, ten thirty in the morning…

Well, my favourite part about setting up a party just happened, just tested the speakers… fucking, so happy. Bloody Jason Derulo, Watcha Say comes on, first song in the mix, and it just, we had it on like a fifth of how loud it can go and it was just great. I am going to have to keep this one short, because I don’t think my helping for like one and a bit seconds and then running back in to write some blog is really being appreciated by everyone… everyone still being just Brett and Andrew, but yeah, I’ll leave it here and let’s just see how this party day goes.

One more thing, I have mentioned comments on this blog before and really all I get are anonymous people abusing me, but like I know who it is so I don’t even know why they still do it, and then the occasional person commenting on the actual topic. I check the comments on this pretty much everyday, and I was kind of, I don’t know if shocked should be the word but like, it was just fucked up. It was on yesterdays Adventureland blog and yeah, just look at the comment and you know, comment back to whoever the fuck that was or you know, see what you think.

The Adventureland.

You know how every movie that you would have seen before has that guy who likes that girl but she is with this guy but her and this guy don’t really work and then she falls for that guy that likes her and then that’s the end? Adventureland is really nothing like that at all, and I think that’s why I enjoyed it so much. Thinking about the movie in a nutshell though, it really is the same as that stereotype of romantic comedies, but it is one that does it in a way that you don’t think it is happening. Everyone that I talked to about Adventureland said that it was good but slow, except for Lauren who said that it was slow, boring and not even worth watching.

Now I don’t know if I am just a patient movie watcher or if I like slow movies or whatever, but I think that every time someone tells me that a movie is slow and that I shouldn’t bother watching it, I always end up really enjoying it. Adventureland is one of those perfect balance movies, the balance being funny and serious. You get those movies like Superbad; who is by the same guy just so you know, but you get movies like that where it’s just funny, like there is pretty much no seriousness to it, and it is just joke after joke after joke. Then you get those movies like Gladiator where it is really serious and there isn’t a single joke in it. Why I brought up Gladiator I don’t know, it was just a really serious movie that I can’t remember being funny like, in any way, but what I am trying to say is that Adventureland is a really serious funny ass movie… like Juno.

Now I have never, ever seen Juno, so bringing that up might be even more of a regret than bringing up Gladiator, but from what I have seen in trailers and heard from people, Gladiator, no I mean Juno, is a really serious comedy, and that is the same vibe that I got from Adventureland. There were the scenes that had me cacking myself laughing, like, you know, nearly dying and stuff, but then there were just those moments where you, ah, you just feel like you just want to help the fucking awkward guy who is like Michael Cera but he isn’t, it’s the guy from Zombieland. That’s the other thing about this movie, it is just full of people from big movies but I just don’t remember their names for some reason. You have that teenager guy from Zombieland, that main chick from Twilight, the other cop from Superbad, the one that isn’t Seth Rogen, you have that guy from Two Guys, a Girl and a Pizza Place; which I am surprised that I even remember that it existed, and then you have that girl from Saturday Night Live who was in that one episode of Flight of the Conchords.

In a world of easy to predict romantic comedies like, well, all of them, Adventureland really stands out as being less predictable. I mean it is kind of predictable, but there was just something about it that left my opinion on what is going to happen open. Normally I can pick who will end up with whom within the first five minutes, or even by looking at the front cover, but Adventureland is a really different one, and that is why I just enjoyed watching it so much… oh and the movie is set in nineteen eighty seven, so the soundtrack is bloody great. The only thing that wasn’t good about this movie is that it ended at five, nearly six in the morning, so it fucked up my sleeping pattern even more… something tells me I am actually going to just, have to work night shift because there is no not being nocturnal for me.

The track. (2)

As happy as I am to say that I have already crossed something off of my to do list, I am kind of sad that it wasn’t one of the good ones, and if you know me you can probably just assume which one I have already done. I was just playing some DJ Hero the other night, playing that great Dizzee Rascal remix that I just love like, too much, and then I realised that I got a score that was like, eighty thousand points better than my other score. I thought to myself that maybe, just maybe I was in the top hundred in the world or something. I quit out of the thingy and went into the leader boards to find that I was ranked fifty eighth in the world at that one song; so happy!

When I showed some other people the list, mainly when I showed Tom, wait it was only when I showed Tom, but he just said to me that I could do the entire list in like a week; well besides get my P’s. I thought that maybe I should add some things to my list, things that will like, take the whole year to do or at least things kind of like that? You probably have no idea what I mean, like one of the things I thought of was, because my room is always messy and I hate it being a mess but I am too lazy to clean it, but I was thinking that I could put something on it like, ‘clean my room and maintain it being clean for’ like, ‘the whole year’ or something. It’s just the little things like that that I would like to do, not like that ridiculous list that I made earlier in the year, as in last year.

It was like mid last year I think where I made this list of twenty five things I need to do by the time I am twenty five. It was just stupid, like actually fucking retarded. I did some of the things on it, but there were things on it that just, will never happen. I am trying to remember the shit that was on it, like there were things on it like, ‘run through Rundle Mall naked’ and all this shit, I mean I could do that, but I just won’t. I ended up doing some of the stuff on it, like there was ‘eat a double pounder’ which if you don’t know, is just festy as, like it’s four double quarter pounders from McDonalds stacked on one another and yeah. It ended up costing me like twenty four dollars or something and it was just a highly regretful act of mine. I mean if I had twenty four dollars right now, I would go and buy like, a bloody half case of beer or something, not a big ass burger...

This list will most likely grow, like it is right now, but yeah, I intend on no matter how many things are on it, like actually finishing it. Today I haven’t done anything to come closer to my goal of finishing it but yeah, what did I do today? Like, I got up and then I went to Tallulah’s, and then Brett got there and we went to the thingy... the physio with her grandma and then we got back here and now she is drawing a picture for me to put on my wall and yeah, not closer to my goals at all but hey, I have a whole year to watch some movies and get my P’s... surely this will happen. Oh I know a good one for the list, score a goal in indoor soccer... I mean that was on the old list and I did it, but I haven’t done it this year, so yeah... might not even happen but hopefully it does or you know, I did not finish my two thousand and ten to do list.

Look at me, already doubting myself... nah this list will just have to work its way around my year of good times, I mean there is no way I am not having a great year because of this list getting in the way, I want to get my life on track but there is no way I am taking my life of the good times track, I just need to find a way to get like, one of the wheel on the good times thingy; track, and the other wheel on the actual track, the one I was talking about yesterday with you know, the nine lanes or something; the running track in the picture. Now I need to completely rethink my metaphor, I mean there are no wheels on the running track... fuck it, I need to get this day on track, it’s like six thirty and I haven’t showered or anything. I need to shit as well, I just feel more comfortable doing it in my own home, and Jack rang me before telling me that he wants to shit in his house at the same time as I shit here at mine, so he is probably holding it in for me so yeah, I’ll just leave it here.

The track.

It was just then when I was in one of those thinking moments that I thought to myself that a new year’s resolution wouldn’t be enough for me, because I really need to get my life back on track, and by that I mean I need to get it on the track in the first place. I knew from day one of school that the it wasn’t going to be a place that I did well in; it being school. Now that that’s all behind me though, I really need to stop and think where I want my life to go, and whichever way that is, that will be the way this goes. What I am saying is that this blog is either going to go downhill and just be about nothing over and over again, talking about the shit that I do. I won’t contribute to society or anything and this will be a really depressing spiral into my suicide thing to read. Of course I don’t want that to happen because not only will this be a shit thing to read, but I will end up killing myself, just like I said in the last bit of that sentence.

Instead of that, I am going to turn this blog into the journal of how I am getting my life back on track, and if My Name is Earl taught me anything back in the day that I used to watch TV, I need some kind of a list in order to get my life back on track, or like I said before, on the track to begin with... well not begin with but you know, I just want to get the fuck on that track. I have noticed that whenever I get into one of those ‘where is your life going?’ conversations with mum, I always get out of it by just saying that I am no different than anyone else my age, and by that I mean that I am out all night and sleeping all day. I think that the first thing that this list needs is something that needs changing about me probably the most, and this is something that differentiates me from pretty much everyone else my age. Unlike pretty much everyone else my age, I cannot drive, and by that I mean that I am so lazy that I don’t even have my learners.

Obviously the next step from getting my L’s would be to get my P’s, and once that happens I won’t be that guy who I hate being; the guy who needs a lift everywhere. I know what you are thinking now though, ‘sure, you can get your P’s and drive and that, but petrol costs money, and as I can find in this blog, money is something that you never have’ and that is why the next thing on this list will be to get a fucking job. I often talk about getting a job, but surprisingly enough, and by that I mean it is not very surprising at all, but I haven’t really looked for a job or anything at all. Life isn’t all work though, I mean remember in The Sims, like the first one, when you bought that genie and when you rubbed his lamp or whatever he asked if you wanted work or leisure benefits from whatever it is that he would grant you. This list needs something that I can do that will be good fun or leisure as the purple (I think) genie in The Sims calls it.

I haven’t talked about DJ Hero since I had that blog that was really just about it, and in case you don’t know, I am getting fucking good at it. I used to be really good at Guitar Hero, I mean I did beat Guitar Hero II on Expert, all songs five starred, but I think that my skill from that is being transferred over to DJ Hero because I am just, I am just getting good at it. Before I got the game, I would watch videos on the internet of people playing the game on Expert and I would think to myself, ‘fuck, that game looks impossible, I will never, ever be that good,’ but really, it was only matter of time, and also a matter of having antisocial isolation days where I just sat in my room playing the game before I got good enough to play on Expert, but not only play, but also five star the songs that I play.

I was playing DJ Hero just before and I beat one of the Dizzee Rascal remixes on expert, and I got a fucking good score for it, like, I was amazed at how well I did. I then went over to the leader boards to see what I was ranked in the world for that song and I was like, four hundred and something in the world... so I was just thinking, I should really get to be the best in the world on at least one of these songs in this game by the end of the year. Then I realised that it would be pretty much impossible to do that, so I should aim to get into the top one hundred in the world at a song, I mean that is not only impressive, but also possible.

That is enough leisure, I mean the purple genie can only give so much before he starts to get things wrong and fuck up your wishes... there is another thing in my life that I would love to fix, and that is this fucked up sleeping pattern that I have gotten myself into. I mean right now, it is two fourteen in the morning, and I am not tired at all. I am more concerned of what movie I am going to watch tonight than going to sleep, and by the time a movie finishes and I get to bed it will be like four, maybe even five in the morning. Then I will go to bed, and I will sleep tomorrow until like three in the afternoon, and then the cycle only repeats, every single day.

There is also one other thing that I can’t deny any longer. This is another one of those things that has separated me from most other people, not only my age, but I think like, everyone. I have never watched all of the Star Wars movies, same with Lord of the Rings. I mean I say that they are shit, but I don’t know how I can honestly say that when I have not given either of them a fair go. I tried watching Lord of the Rings the other week when we were living at Andrew’s but I kept falling asleep, so I think I need to watch it when I am not tired at all, and watch them all. Star Wars I don’t know about though, I mean I might have seen them but I am not sure, I know I have seen some of them but I don’t know which ones, so I think that the only fair thing to do would be to watch all three of them, and by that I mean all six of them.

I think that so far, this is a good start to getting my life on the track of normality that I want it to be on. If you are thinking that the blog will be changing into some sort of life helping program or some shit, don’t worry, as the blog will still be what it is. Hopefully though, this list will help me become a better person... I mean probably not like the DJ Hero one and like, watching Star Wars and that but you know, they are just things that I want to do, things that I think need to be done... well not really... but I am sure that when I do them I will feel some form of accomplishment... well maybe not really but I am just going to stop typing now because yeah, I am going to go watch a movie... I’ll put the to do list on the right hand column thingy so you can see where I am up to in life, and yeah... movie time.

The planning.

So I have spent the last week or so looking at the Big Day Out timetable, just trying to contain my excitement, but I think that the containment blew right open when Brett and I were watching Chanel [v] last night and there was an ad for the big day out, and it said that there was seven days to go (not in Adelaide, in like, wherever the first Big Day Out is). We really just exploded with excitement and I am sure that his ex stripper neighbour heard the squeals of excitement, but seriously, I have never been this excited for anything. I am an extremely unorganised person, but I am so ready for this that I actually have planned out my day already, and fuck me, if this day goes to my plan, it will just be the best day ever.

My Big Day Out plan starts at two in the afternoon with Kasabian. I really only heard of this band when their first single off their latest album played on Chanel [v] that time when it was their Ripe Clip of the Week. The first song I heard of theirs was Fire and it was actually amazing. I don’t know what genre they would come under, but according to Wikipedia they are an alternative rock, neo-psychadelia, indie rock, neo-Madchester, Britpop, Electronic... whatever that means. I listened to their album and discovered that I like pretty much all of their songs. I mean I haven’t listened to their older albums but this recent one is just great, and I actually can’t wait to see them live.

After Kasabian, there was this one hour and forty minute wait until the next act that I wanted to see, so I spent ages looking through the acts within that time to see if there was anything that I wanted to see, but there really just, wasn’t. I was having a talk to Sam Pratt a week and a bit ago about Big Day Out. She said she isn’t going, well that she hasn’t got a ticket yet, but she said that if she went, it would really just be so she could see this band called Passion Pit. She told me to listen to some of their stuff, so I got home and used my internet powers to download their album; Manners. The album has eleven songs on it, but every single one of the songs on it is like, amazingly mindblowing. Luckily enough, and by that I mean like, this is actually a miracle, they are playing during that blank slot, they start playing ten minutes after Kasabian finish... so happy.

Passion Pit end at quarter to four so then I have until four thirty to get back over to the main stage to see Dizzee Rascal. From here on out I am just too excited, I mean Dizzee Rascal is just fucking great, I actually love his music so much, and I think that everything off his latest album I just love, and everything else of his that I have heard is just great. As far as YouTube has taught me, he is even better live than he is in the recording studio, so he is definitely one of my top acts to see.

Straight after Dizzee Rascal leaves the main stage, Lily Allen takes over in what would probably be one of my most memorable performances, if it wasn’t for clashes. There has always been dispute over who my favourite female artist is, and I actually don’t even know. Sometimes it’s Katy Perry, sometimes it’s Lily, sometimes it’s Little Boots or Ladyhawke, but really, it is probably Lily Allen. That’s why it is so shit that I am only going to see like a half hour of her because of the mad rush I will be in to leave her to go and see who is by far my favourite male artist; Calvin Harris. I have actually been having dreams about seeing Calvin Harris at the Big Day Out, and I have also had dreams about sleeping right through the entire Big Day Out, but really I don’t think either of the two will happen. Now that I think about it though, there is a good chance that I will be at Lily and that I will forget to leave her to see Calvin, and such an act will most likely cause me to kill myself. Yes I am serious.

Devastatingly enough, Calvin Harris is on at pretty much the same time as Ladyhawke, but chances are that after I see Calvin Harris live, I will not feel any regret at all from choosing him over her, and at least, if he finishes on time this is, I will be able to see twenty minutes of Ladyhawke before I make my way back over to the main stage. When Ladyhawke ends at seven thirty, I will watch Powderfinger which, to be honest I don’t really care about but I do like some of their songs, so I’ll end up watching them until they end at eight thirty, and then that’s when Muse will take the stage in just, what will probably be the best thing about Big Day Out for me anyway. I mean I think that I like Calvin Harris more than Muse, but I don’t know, fucking, I am just way too excited... Muse!

The most random thing ever.

It isn’t often when the most random thing in the world happens. Actually, it happens so un-often that it only really happens once, and that once was last night at ten, on the fifteenth of January. We came to Brett’s house expecting a usual night full of good times, playing Xbox, swimming in the pool and of course, backyard cricket; which I won for the first time ever. What we got was Xbox, me winning backyard cricket for the first time ever and a swim, so yeah, everything just went to plan. Oh wait, and then there was that girl who jumped Brett’s fence because she had drunk two litres of goon and three shots of… I don’t remember what she said. She was fucked, what she wanted really we don’t know, wait yeah that’s right; all she wanted was a cigarette.

It was the only time ever that every single person who was there just came to me, one by one, telling me that ‘nah Cosma, this has to be in tomorrow’s blog’. She kept insisting on getting a cigarette, but she wanted a tailor made one, so Nath’s rolled up ones didn’t cut it for her. It then got to the point where she wanted us to walk her home, but the main reason he did was because she stole Crum; Brett’s dog. It was less of a steal and more of a giving if I can remember correctly; I mean she asked for the lead for her so she could walk her back to her house, and Brett really just gave it to her. We started walking her back home and she was telling us about her past, how she used to be a stripper, how she has an eight year old son, how she came to Brett’s house once and abused his mum because Brett was being too loud.

The more she talked, the clearer it became to us that she hated us. She was so drunk that I don’t think she knew that she was letting us know the hatred she had toward us. She was telling us stories about how she was still up at four in the morning when she had work at six in the morning, she was being kept up by the partying of Brett and that and yeah, she was just fucking hating on us. The hate really diminished when she stopped telling us of her hatred for us and she started asking us questions like ‘which of you guys are single?’ and ‘which of you guys are virgins?’ and probably my favourite, ‘which of you guys have had sex with a twenty six year old before?’ After that one, it really just went silent after we all said that none of us had, the next question though was definitely my favourite, ‘would any of you guys would be keen for an orgy with a twenty six year old?’ and after that one, none of us even answered, I mean we could have said no and hurt her feelings, or we could have said yes and she would have laughed in our faces.

We got back to her house and her friend was there, and she fucking hated us so much more than the stripper did, sorry, ex stripper. Apparently she rang the cops because she thought that the ex stripper had died when she fell of the roof, and at this point it was all clear to me. This girl was bringing us back to her house for an orgy that of course we would tag along with, from there, she would tie us up and then reveal to us that she wasn’t even drunk, and that her friend didn’t actually ring the cops. She would then kill us one by one, because we were in a horror movie. Of course I was completely and utterly wrong, but you can see where I was coming from. She didn’t bring up the orgy any more so I think we all assumed that the offer was off the table, or she was kidding, but it really didn’t stop us from talking about it.

The friend was really being a bitch towards us, I mean she wanted us to leave, which is really what we were trying to do, so she could have said ‘yeah no offence but could you guys please like, leave or something?’ but instead she went for the full on ‘did you guys just want to fuck off or something?’ so our instant opinion of her was that she was just a fucking disgusting bitch. The night started off as being ‘up there’ as I put it, as one of the most random nights that has ever happened ever, but it really got so far up there that it just got to the rank of first in the ladder of, just like, the most fucking random things that have ever happened to anyone ever. Walking home, I was thinking in my head what would happen next; most of the scenarios involved us getting back home to find her climbing back into Brett’s yard, and then we just had an orgy with her, so as you can probably just assume from what I just typed, the scenarios that were playing through my head were rather unrealistic, but seeing as though what had happened before that, it wasn’t out of reach. Just in case you are still confused, no we did not fuck her.

This is pretty much where the night ended. We made our way back home with Crum in hand, rescued from the twenty six year old stripper who hated us and then wanted an orgy with us and then I thought wanted to kill us but really ended up just being fucking paro as. I walked inside, went straight to the computer and just started typing, and here we are right now, midnight, just sitting here, hoping that one day, something just as fucking random happens… no, we should have fucked her.

The fifteenth day.

It’s that time of year where the start of a new school year is on the horizon, and shops everywhere have got in a ridiculous amount of new stock, boxes full of pens, pencils, books to write in, books to draw in and whatever else you need for school because now is the time where Adam Sandler, that guy who I think I hate but I don’t even know if I do because he has some funny movies says ‘back to school’ in one of his movies that I actually like. Of course it is that time for everyone else, except for me, and I guess except for everyone else who has finished school or doesn’t go to school anymore, pretty sure I am not the only one, like, in the world who doesn’t have school. For me though, it is the start of something that I would like to call endless freedom, but in fact has a new name, and that name goes something like looking for work.

I said that I would start to look for a new job at the start of the year, I said that I just wanted to party until New Years and starting January first I would get off this chair that I am sitting on right now and get up, hand out some resumes and hopefully get a call back for some amazingly easy slash well paying job. None of this has happened yet; I have spent the last half of this month doing nothing, just playing Xbox, having good times and just yeah, writing this I guess. The thing I don’t know is, I don’t know where to start looking for a job, because I don’t know where I want to work. Whenever anyone asks me where I want to work I just reply with ‘yeah anything, I just want money’ but this really isn’t the case. I would hate to work at McDonalds or Hungry Jacks or something, I mean I have never worked there before, so it’s not like I know how bad it is and I don’t want to work there but I just don’t want to.

If I were to get a job at like, JB Hi Fi or EB Games or something, fuck me would I be happy. Honestly though, I am not really fussed at all where I work, I would just hate to work somewhere that I didn’t feel like I was doing anything, as weird as that sounds. I used to work at Mitre 10; back a few years ago, I think it was like in year ten actually. I stocked shelves Wednesday nights and I just felt like I wasn’t doing anything. I mean I had only just started but I felt like I was slowing down the shelve stacking progress of the people around me, asking where to put every single item that I picked up from the pile of things that needed to be stacked. I got nothing out of working there, I was working there for like a month, working one day a week, I ended up making like one hundred and seventy six dollars before I quit. The reason I quit was because school was getting in the way and I couldn’t get all my work done, well that’s what I told the boss when I rang up. The actual reason I quit was because I wasn’t doing anything, and I just thought it would be awkward if I stayed there for longer, not doing anything, because I think that after a while of not doing anything they would have realised that I wasn’t doing anything and yeah, they would just think that I was fucking retarded.

Looking back on the whole Mitre 10 thing though, quitting that job was one of the most stupid things I ever did. I mean I was working there for like a month; I could have stayed and surely learnt where things go, and yeah, get good at it. Then I would have had that feeling of doing something that my heart for some reason desired and then I would have stayed there and maybe today I would have a job still, who knows? Everyone around me is either looking for work, working, going to uni or going to TAFE, besides the odd few that are just doing what I am doing; nothing, I feel like I should be doing something with my life. There are parties coming up that I don’t want to miss, but if I don’t have any money then I might as well miss them because it will just be shit without my good friend; alcohol. I think that starting tomorrow, not today because it is too late already, but starting tomorrow I will go out in the world, handing out my resume to every single place in the world, and hopefully, I’ll get a bloody job.

PS. Good luck to my best friend Meb who has a trail tomorrow at Cafe Luna Rosso tomorrow, don't be nervous; it's only two hours of cafe-ing. Love you. Xx