The Fembula.

It was unlike anything you have ever seen before, unless you have seen world war first hand. The Germans were turning on each other, the Greeks and Serbs were watching as the Australians got involved with the Germans but Greece couldn’t help but watch Serbia crumble to the might of Germany. If you don’t know already, I am talking about this morning when Jack, Andrew, Brett, Chris and I were fighting in Brett’s pool; it was an all out slaughter between nations that you would never expect to see fighting like this. Once the battle ended, we all relaxed, sat in the corner of the pool together and it was almost as if there was a temporary truce between nations. We were talking about the battle; we even started talking about Primary School, reminiscing about simpler times.

Brett asked me if ‘do you reckon that this would start a pool fight?’ and after he said what probably didn’t need the if back then, he pushed me in the face, launching me back ever so slightly. I pounced, pushed him back and tried to put his head under water, drowning him and thus winning the war. I was expecting Brett to turn my attack back onto me and then I would tap out, hell I was even expecting me to win the fight more than what actually happened. What ended up happening was I jumped at him, grabbing his neck and I pulled the two of us under water, I went to bend my lag and wrap it around him so he couldn’t get out but my leg was just stuck. I tried again to bend my leg, realising that if I tried any harder my entire bottom half of my leg would simply snap off.

Instead of making up names for all the parts of my bones like I had originally planned to do, I thought I would grab a diagram of the lower half of the human body showing you the bones so I could show you what was actually happening. So instead of the ‘dick and balls to leg bone’ as I was originally going to call it, it would now be referred to as the hip joint, as seen in the above diagram. Okay so what was happening was that my leg was completely straight, and if you can look at where the femur is on the diagram, and then look down to where the fibula is; that entire stretch of leg was joined and it felt like it was just the one bone that went right down from the top part of my leg to the bottom, and I didn’t even feel like I had a bloody patella, because I couldn’t bend my leg at all.

When attempting to bend my leg, I actually felt like I was bending bone, and if I did anymore than what I was doing it would snap off completely. I used my normal working arms and pulled myself over to the steps of the pool, as I look at it I realise that I may never be able to walk again. It’s not like I’m an elite athlete or anything but not being able to walk would mean that I can never do my favourite thing; party. I stretched out my leg completely, rubbed it all down and then slowly started to bend it. I could feel the bone strain and just when I thought that I was getting it back to normal, I hear the biggest crack ever, and I look down at my leg to see my bone sticking completely out of my leg, with blood seeping into the pool.

Okay, so that didn’t actually happen, that last bit was a lie, what actually happened was it just bent back into place and then I swam around. My leg was still sore for like a good hour afterwards but it was nothing that will stop me from partying, and I am just happy that my leg didn’t snap open because it would just be fucking, nah it would actually definitely be the shittiest thing ever, and probably one of the, nah it would definitely be like, the most painful thing ever. After Jack stopped crying of laughter, he asked me if it was just a cramp, and there was no way that it was just a cramp, I mean I thought I would never walk again, I was imagining life without one of my legs, but then I thought that maybe it was just a really bad cramp, but then I realised that what actually happened is my patella was temporarily removed and my femur and fibula morphed into one bone; the fembula.