Like everyone in the world who sleeps I suppose, I hate waking up out of a good dream. Especially those dreams that you think are real, like those ones where something great happens and it feels just as real as reality, and you wake up to find that the reality of awesomeness was just a dream when you look beside you and see that the double bed with that hot babe in it that you had sex with is actually the wall that my single bed is pressed up against, because I was lying in a single bed with no hot babe in it; absolutely devastating.
I have noticed that a lot of the time that I am dreaming, I know that I am dreaming, so I tell myself to do something that I normally wouldn’t do in reality so that I can test myself out in this dream world that my head has placed myself in. For some reason, dream Cosma doesn’t listen to me all the time, and as much as I tell him to do whatever it was that I was telling him to do, he was just being a dick head and just, not doing it. Although the say that I have over dream Cosma is very, very limited, as he is a disobedient dick head, I still think that the acts that he puts himself through are real. Even when the acts involve impossible things such as flying, fighting off giant spiders and buying things with the money that I don’t have, I still wake up thinking that they happened, and then find myself devastated when I realise that they didn’t happen.
My most recent dream that I thought was real started with me sleeping for fifty six hours and then waking up realising that I have missed two days of blogging. This dream is impossible for a few main points, one being that there is no way that I could sleep for that long, and if I could, surely within those fifty six hours my mum would have checked on me to see if I was alive or something, or my phone would have rang or something or bloody, something would have happened to wake me up. Also, I don’t think that the thing that would have been top on my mind would be the fact that I have missed two back to back blogs, but maybe that I slept for so long, and how bloody weird that is... actually no, I would probably be too devastated about the missed blogs to care about the irregular extending sleeping.
The dream didn’t stop there though, it continued to see me wake up, see this is where the reality came into it because I woke up in my dream, I went outside and mum was just like ‘yeah you have been asleep for two, nearly three days,’ but she didn’t seem fazed by it whatsoever, like she thought it was good or normal or something, I don’t know. I walked out of the house and just went for a walk or something, now this raises a few more impossible points that should have shown me that this was just a dream. First of all, I didn’t need to piss or shit or anything, now if Austin Powers taught me anything, which it did, it was that if you are asleep and or frozen for a long period of time, you will need to take a piss, and probably shit. Another was that I wasn’t hungry or anything, I mean I have not been getting as hungry lately as I used to, but I think that if I woke up two, nearly three days later, that I might be keen for some food.
During the walk, around about four steps from my front door I saw this hot ass chick and she was like ‘yeah you missed some blogs’ or something and then I was just telling myself, ‘yeah this is a dream, you should fucking, try and get in there dream Cosma,’ and then he did and failed, and this is when I was thinking... bloody dream Cosma never listens to me, but he did just then, maybe this isn’t a dream, maybe this is reality. I mean I listen to me, but dream Cosma doesn’t, but whichever Cosma that was just then, he listened to me. Then I told dream Cosma or whichever it was to go and write a blog, I mean he whichever Cosma this was he needs to write something, I mean he is well overdue for one of these. I feel like I am describing my experience with The Sims or something, talking about telling Cosma to do stuff, but anyway, I went to make a blog and then there was this disclaimer that said that my blog had been shut down due to inactivity. Now that was utter bullshit, I mean I have not written a blog for three days once, like I wasn’t logging in and writing blogs over schoolies but when I got back there was no inactivity message.
I knew it was a dream, but it didn’t feel like one of those real feeling dreams, it felt more real than that, it felt really, really real, just as real as real life, if not even more real, and realer than real life is just fucking way too real to even comprehend, even with the over usage of the word real in this sentence you still don’t understand how real it felt. Unless you yourself are real and then you would probably know how real reality is, and that is how real it was, maybe more, definitely not any less real than the realness of that reality. I woke up again, as in it wasn’t the original waking up in the dream after nearly three days of sleep but it was the waking up after the dream, and this is when I found out that it was actually a dream. The only thing that confuses me is that if that dream felt that real, how do I know how real this is?
I have always been a fan of thinking about (1) who we are, (2) what we are doing here and (3) where we came from, I mean the obvious answers to them are (1) human, (2) having good times and (3) a vagina, but really, life is fucked. It is fucked how we are even a thing and what will happen after we die, or what happened to us before we were born, were we anything? Were we a soul looking for a body or were we just nothing, waiting to be born, and if the answer is nothing, then does that mean that in the end that is what we will all become? Whenever I start thinking about things like this I get scared, because I can’t comprehend the fact that if there is nothing after death, then I will become nothing, like I will be nothing, just a black nothing floating round nowhere, but not even that, like there would be nothing to even comprehend...
Although I get scared when I think about these things, I just remind myself that I am being a fucking retard and that I should just stop and bloody live life, because that is all we can do right now; live life and have good times. As far as I know, that is what we are here for and that is all I want to do, and all that I am doing.
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