The Three Corner Jack.

I think I would rather have my legs get torn off and then fed to trained carnivorous earwigs whilst still connected to my body so I still felt the pain as they ate my legs, like it was just connected by this one strand but the strand was connected to my hip well enough for me to still feel every bit of pain that I was put through from my leg being ripped off and the earwigs eating it, yeah so I would rather that than be woken up at ten thirty in the morning after being out until like four in the morning, then being taken to lift wood onto a different, far away pile of wood for one and a bit hours. At least that’s what I thought when I first woke up, and it was actually the scariest thing ever waking up, I mean I had a dream where I was in school, like I can’t remember my dream at all so I don’t know if I was at school or talking about school but the dream had a theme of school. When dad walked into my room, turned the light on and said ‘okay get ready,’ I was almost sure that I was getting up for school... it had to be one of the scariest things ever.

Luckily it only took me like four, maybe six seconds to realise that I actually didn’t have school, but I was still dead asleep as I was getting up, walking towards the clothes of which I would put on to go and lift wood. I stumbled into the kitchen and nearly hit myself on the fridge when I went in to get some cold water, and mum got angry at me because she thought that I was still drunk, even though I didn’t even drink last night, and I think that explains how tired I actually was. I soon realised that what I was doing was assisting me get into not only a normal sleeping pattern, but also when I start working at wherever it is that I one day start work, getting up at this time might be something that needs to be done. Once I got over my tiredness, I came to realise how happy I was that I was up and moving around and, almost working, I just felt like a normal person.

Taking back what I said before about the carnivorous earwigs, whilst working I found out about something that is much, much worse than getting woken up mid dream when you haven’t had enough sleep. I generally don’t wear shoes, I would like to but I always take them off, leave my socks around the world and then I, let’s just say that I don’t have enough socks to wear shoes every day, so I need to spend my socks tactically if you will; save them for parties and just go barefooted everywhere else. I decided that I would use two of my socks today seeing as though I would need to wear shoes because I am lifting wood and that, and if I dropped big things of wood onto my shoe enclosed feet, the pain would be much less painful than if I was barefooted. I mean I would still bleed, maybe cut my toe nail off and possibly break my toe but you know, it wouldn’t be as bad...

By the end of the working session, I could feel this painful prick in the back of my foot, like in my Achilles heel bit thingy on my foot, you know. I stopped walking, because every time I took a step it would dig in deeper to my thingy, so I lifted my foot up and picked out this little thingy with like, four spikes sticking out of it. I then check the front of my foot and there was another one just under that bit of the shoe that, as a child, I was told to refer to as the tongue of my shoe but if TV has taught me anything, it says that the mouth of a shoe is the front of it, where your toes are, so there is no reason that the tongue would be sticking out there, it is more of like, its brain sticking out after he got shot or attacked by zombies. Moving on from somewhere we didn’t even need to go, after pulling out the second one I showed dad and asked him what this thing was that was pricking me in the back of the foot.

His response, as all of his to me are these days, was the answer and then a kind of not at all subtle insult at me for not already knowing what the answer to my question was. He said that it is a three corner jack, but I didn’t hear him so I asked him again and he said that it was a three corner jack. Dad told me to look at the bottom of my shoe and pick off all of the three corner jacks that were on my foot, I didn’t bother asking him why the three corner jacks have four spikes, but I looked at the bottom of my shoe and started to pick off the four cornered three corner jacks. I noticed that there were actually like, fifty of those motherfuckers stuck to the bottom of my shoe, and these things were fucking sharp as, like they actually hurt just to pull out of my shoe with my bare hands because there wasn’t a part of them that I could grab without touching a spike.

It got me thinking that I should really just wear shoes; I mean if I walked through there with no shoes on, I would have been picking those fucking things out of my foot, and that would actually be one of the most painful things ever. I was scared though, I mean we are going to be moving into this place soon, and I hate wearing shoes. I don’t want to live in a place where I have to check my every step just in case, outside, my feet get fucked up by these three corner jacks with four spikes; that’s fucked! We are going to have a pool in this new house, I mean it’s not like I am going to wear shoes for the journey from inside my house to the pool which is outside just so I don’t step on those things... the excitement that I had for moving into the new house was replaced with fear, but then the feeling went back to excitement when he said that the reason we were moving the wood was because we are paving the backyard so it isn’t like the jungle that it is now, and once that is done there won’t be any four cornered three corner jacks... so excited!