The stub.

Life is not worth living, especially when stubbing your toe is something that can happen. I have stubbed my toe too many times to remember, and it normally happens in my own house, where I should know where all the furniture is and where I should know all the locations where stubbing your toe is an actual possibility. Still, although knowing where it can and can’t happen, I still manage to find myself walking into toe stubbing territory as I smash my toe up against the coffee table or the cabinet, causing immense pain that circulates through my entire body and it makes me think that maybe, just maybe, if I killed myself, the pain would go away... that is how bad it can feel sometimes.

I remember a time as a kid where I stubbed my toe so badly that my entire big toenail was actually ripped open and off, and it had to be the most painful thing that has ever happened. The worst part about it was that mum and dad weren’t even home, and we had my cousins babysitting us. I would have been like six or something, maybe younger but I can still remember the pain... the pain of putting on socks the next day for wherever it is that I had to go, I don’t think that there will ever be a pain that bad in my life ever again, it was quite easily the worst pain I have ever endured. Every time that I remember that moment in my life I think to myself, how grateful I am that it hasn’t happened again, because when I was a kid, all pain was the same pain, I mean I cried when I grazed my knee, but now I’d be like ‘oh that’s shit’. Now though, I think that if I pulled off my entire toenail in some unbelievable toe stubbing accident, god knows how much it will hurt.

It was Tuesday night, like midnight, so the phones were telling us it was Wednesday but they couldn’t fool us in the knowing of the truth, and that was that it was Tuesday night still. Tom, Tallulah, Sam Pratt and I had just been to On the Run where the devastation of no green pepper pies haunted me throughout the night. We then went to the Saint Mary’s On the Run where they, again, only had one pie. It was a plain beef pie, which really doesn’t cut it compared to the peppery goodness of a green pepper pie or a pepper steak pie. Anyway, the devastation of the lack of the pies was rivalled only by the devastation of the lack of strong iced coffees. It is almost like the world had a shortage of things that I like, so I settled for a regular strength iced coffee and a regular beef pie.

We bought some Cadbury Rocky Road chocolate for Brett because he paid for it I guess, and I tried my hardest to stop Tallulah and Sam Pratt from having any, and I guess that my hardest was good enough because they didn’t end up having any by the time we got back to Brett’s. I kept on saying how this was the dawn of the worst day of my life, I mean there was no strong iced coffee, no pepper pies, green or regular they had none, and I was just so sad. It was the worst day of my life so far, if not the worst day of anyone’s life. Tallulah and Sam ran in to Brett’s to give him the chocolate and as they ran back out, I heard the screaming of Tallulah, and it sounded like she was in immense pain. Turns out she stubbed her toe, and I of all people, like all people I guess, know the pain of stubbing your toe.

Unlike most toe stubs, this was the worst one that has happened since the one that I had as a kid. Her entire toenail wasn’t off, but it was cracked down the middle and there was blood and puss everywhere, it was fucking disgusting. This is where I kind of had to stop complaining about how my day was so bad, and how it was the worst day of anyone’s life ever, I mean I just had to settle for subpar food compared to my regular likings, where Tallulah had her toenail torn to shreds. I helped try and clean it up but the blood had already hardened over or something so the alcoholic wound rubbing thing that Tom had was really just stinging her and bringing more pain to her already immensely painful situation and not really helping at all. She then wrapped all of the bandaids in the world around her toe and built a cast for it out of bandaids.

Waking up, I stubbed my toe on Tom’s cupboard or whatever kind of furniture it was, and it was fucking painful. I complained for a second before Tallulah looked at me and she just had that face that said ‘are you fucking serious? I fucking stubbed my toe to the fucking degree of fucking bleeding and pussing and you are complaining over that? Fuck off!’ and yeah, it was a very emotive face, and this is where I stopped complaining, and endured the pain of stubbing my toe. Tallulah’s lucky though, at least she didn’t have to put on socks.