It isn’t often when the most random thing in the world happens. Actually, it happens so un-often that it only really happens once, and that once was last night at ten, on the fifteenth of January. We came to Brett’s house expecting a usual night full of good times, playing Xbox, swimming in the pool and of course, backyard cricket; which I won for the first time ever. What we got was Xbox, me winning backyard cricket for the first time ever and a swim, so yeah, everything just went to plan. Oh wait, and then there was that girl who jumped Brett’s fence because she had drunk two litres of goon and three shots of… I don’t remember what she said. She was fucked, what she wanted really we don’t know, wait yeah that’s right; all she wanted was a cigarette.
It was the only time ever that every single person who was there just came to me, one by one, telling me that ‘nah Cosma, this has to be in tomorrow’s blog’. She kept insisting on getting a cigarette, but she wanted a tailor made one, so Nath’s rolled up ones didn’t cut it for her. It then got to the point where she wanted us to walk her home, but the main reason he did was because she stole Crum; Brett’s dog. It was less of a steal and more of a giving if I can remember correctly; I mean she asked for the lead for her so she could walk her back to her house, and Brett really just gave it to her. We started walking her back home and she was telling us about her past, how she used to be a stripper, how she has an eight year old son, how she came to Brett’s house once and abused his mum because Brett was being too loud.
The more she talked, the clearer it became to us that she hated us. She was so drunk that I don’t think she knew that she was letting us know the hatred she had toward us. She was telling us stories about how she was still up at four in the morning when she had work at six in the morning, she was being kept up by the partying of Brett and that and yeah, she was just fucking hating on us. The hate really diminished when she stopped telling us of her hatred for us and she started asking us questions like ‘which of you guys are single?’ and ‘which of you guys are virgins?’ and probably my favourite, ‘which of you guys have had sex with a twenty six year old before?’ After that one, it really just went silent after we all said that none of us had, the next question though was definitely my favourite, ‘would any of you guys would be keen for an orgy with a twenty six year old?’ and after that one, none of us even answered, I mean we could have said no and hurt her feelings, or we could have said yes and she would have laughed in our faces.
We got back to her house and her friend was there, and she fucking hated us so much more than the stripper did, sorry, ex stripper. Apparently she rang the cops because she thought that the ex stripper had died when she fell of the roof, and at this point it was all clear to me. This girl was bringing us back to her house for an orgy that of course we would tag along with, from there, she would tie us up and then reveal to us that she wasn’t even drunk, and that her friend didn’t actually ring the cops. She would then kill us one by one, because we were in a horror movie. Of course I was completely and utterly wrong, but you can see where I was coming from. She didn’t bring up the orgy any more so I think we all assumed that the offer was off the table, or she was kidding, but it really didn’t stop us from talking about it.
The friend was really being a bitch towards us, I mean she wanted us to leave, which is really what we were trying to do, so she could have said ‘yeah no offence but could you guys please like, leave or something?’ but instead she went for the full on ‘did you guys just want to fuck off or something?’ so our instant opinion of her was that she was just a fucking disgusting bitch. The night started off as being ‘up there’ as I put it, as one of the most random nights that has ever happened ever, but it really got so far up there that it just got to the rank of first in the ladder of, just like, the most fucking random things that have ever happened to anyone ever. Walking home, I was thinking in my head what would happen next; most of the scenarios involved us getting back home to find her climbing back into Brett’s yard, and then we just had an orgy with her, so as you can probably just assume from what I just typed, the scenarios that were playing through my head were rather unrealistic, but seeing as though what had happened before that, it wasn’t out of reach. Just in case you are still confused, no we did not fuck her.
This is pretty much where the night ended. We made our way back home with Crum in hand, rescued from the twenty six year old stripper who hated us and then wanted an orgy with us and then I thought wanted to kill us but really ended up just being fucking paro as. I walked inside, went straight to the computer and just started typing, and here we are right now, midnight, just sitting here, hoping that one day, something just as fucking random happens… no, we should have fucked her.
It was the only time ever that every single person who was there just came to me, one by one, telling me that ‘nah Cosma, this has to be in tomorrow’s blog’. She kept insisting on getting a cigarette, but she wanted a tailor made one, so Nath’s rolled up ones didn’t cut it for her. It then got to the point where she wanted us to walk her home, but the main reason he did was because she stole Crum; Brett’s dog. It was less of a steal and more of a giving if I can remember correctly; I mean she asked for the lead for her so she could walk her back to her house, and Brett really just gave it to her. We started walking her back home and she was telling us about her past, how she used to be a stripper, how she has an eight year old son, how she came to Brett’s house once and abused his mum because Brett was being too loud.
The more she talked, the clearer it became to us that she hated us. She was so drunk that I don’t think she knew that she was letting us know the hatred she had toward us. She was telling us stories about how she was still up at four in the morning when she had work at six in the morning, she was being kept up by the partying of Brett and that and yeah, she was just fucking hating on us. The hate really diminished when she stopped telling us of her hatred for us and she started asking us questions like ‘which of you guys are single?’ and ‘which of you guys are virgins?’ and probably my favourite, ‘which of you guys have had sex with a twenty six year old before?’ After that one, it really just went silent after we all said that none of us had, the next question though was definitely my favourite, ‘would any of you guys would be keen for an orgy with a twenty six year old?’ and after that one, none of us even answered, I mean we could have said no and hurt her feelings, or we could have said yes and she would have laughed in our faces.
We got back to her house and her friend was there, and she fucking hated us so much more than the stripper did, sorry, ex stripper. Apparently she rang the cops because she thought that the ex stripper had died when she fell of the roof, and at this point it was all clear to me. This girl was bringing us back to her house for an orgy that of course we would tag along with, from there, she would tie us up and then reveal to us that she wasn’t even drunk, and that her friend didn’t actually ring the cops. She would then kill us one by one, because we were in a horror movie. Of course I was completely and utterly wrong, but you can see where I was coming from. She didn’t bring up the orgy any more so I think we all assumed that the offer was off the table, or she was kidding, but it really didn’t stop us from talking about it.
The friend was really being a bitch towards us, I mean she wanted us to leave, which is really what we were trying to do, so she could have said ‘yeah no offence but could you guys please like, leave or something?’ but instead she went for the full on ‘did you guys just want to fuck off or something?’ so our instant opinion of her was that she was just a fucking disgusting bitch. The night started off as being ‘up there’ as I put it, as one of the most random nights that has ever happened ever, but it really got so far up there that it just got to the rank of first in the ladder of, just like, the most fucking random things that have ever happened to anyone ever. Walking home, I was thinking in my head what would happen next; most of the scenarios involved us getting back home to find her climbing back into Brett’s yard, and then we just had an orgy with her, so as you can probably just assume from what I just typed, the scenarios that were playing through my head were rather unrealistic, but seeing as though what had happened before that, it wasn’t out of reach. Just in case you are still confused, no we did not fuck her.
This is pretty much where the night ended. We made our way back home with Crum in hand, rescued from the twenty six year old stripper who hated us and then wanted an orgy with us and then I thought wanted to kill us but really ended up just being fucking paro as. I walked inside, went straight to the computer and just started typing, and here we are right now, midnight, just sitting here, hoping that one day, something just as fucking random happens… no, we should have fucked her.
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