The sore throat. (2)

It was sometime on Wednesday night that I started developing this sore throat. I thought that if I slept on it, I would wake up with an immaculate throat, without any soreness or anything, ready to digest and swallow all the food and drink that I would want to eat and drink. I was wrong when I woke up Thursday morning with a throat even sorer than it was the night before. I had some Panadol and some gargle that is supposed to clear any bacteria or viruses or whatever that is in my throat and mouth, but it didn’t do anything. Mum then bought this other gargle called Biotene or something, and when I poured it into the measuring cup, it looked like Jager. When I picked it up and smelt it, it smelt like Jager, and when I put it into my mouth to gargle, it didn’t really taste that much like Jager but all I could think of was Jager so as far as I was concerned it was like gargling the thing that I hate most, all around my mouth, then at the back of my throat and yeah, it was gross. It also didn’t work.

I had a doctor’s appointment at five thirty that day, I wasn’t looking forward to it, I mean I would have to sit there and wait in the waiting room and then he would take me to the other room where you think the waiting is over but you actually sit there as he types stuff in the computer and asks you stuff that won’t help with the diagnosis but it is really just bullshit small talk to cover up that all you are doing is sitting in another, smaller waiting room without Women’s Weekly and Who Magazine to keep you entertained. I never actually read them, I don’t think anyone does. I usually flick through the pages and rate every woman in it out of ten... it keeps me entertained until I get called into the other waiting room. Anyway, none of this happened because I got a phone call from mum saying that my brother broke his arm or wrist or something at indoor and she is going to take him to the hospital and there would be no Who Magazine for me.

I was pretty devastated. Not about him breaking his wrist, I found that kind of funny, but I was devastated that I couldn’t rate all the women in the magazines, and of course find out what was wrong with my throat. As my parents come home with fish, chips and a boy in a sling, I turn off my Pokémon Yellow game that I am really into and go to the dinner table. I reckon I ate about three bites of fish and like five or six chips before the pain of digesting food became too much and I stopped, washed my hands, made my way back to my room and turned my Pokémon back on. I had just beaten the fourth gym leader, the one in Celadon City and I was pretty happy about that. Mum soon walks in to tell me that she has called those doctors that come to the house because there are no more appointments left to... apointise? Yeah, that sounds good enough... at the normal doctor place.

They got here at around eleven at night and I couldn’t tell where the guy was from. He was a Jewish looking man but he also looked Greek, and it freaked the hell out of me what he actually was because I really couldn’t tell. I didn’t want to ask because it would just be weird. He had this other guy with him, a taller one that looked Australian. The first thing they did was get this thing, and put it into my mouth as I opened wide, before my mouth was even that wide, they knew there was something wrong. It worried me enough when the intern said ‘wow,’ but when the doctor said ‘yep, that’s a good one’ that is probably when I was a little worried.

He said that he can’t tell whether it was glandular fever or not, but he said that it easily could be. It was then that I knew that he was Jewish. I mean he looked just like Ben Stiller’s dad in Meet the Focker’s, but more Jewish, and he was Jewish... what was his name? Dustin Hoffman, that’s it... it looked like a less attractive and more Jewish Dustin Hoffman. I mean, this guy wasn’t unattractive, but he was no Dustin Hoffman. Dustin recommended, I mean prescribed this liquid medicine thing that will get rid of the virus. By that I mean, he said that if it gets rid of the virus then that is it, I can go party again, but if it doesn’t get rid of the virus then it is glandular fever.

They then left and my dad went off to the chemist to grab this medicine thing. I went to my room and dominated Team Rocket in Celadon City, then I made my way to that ghost tower thing in Lavander Town I think it’s called, then I just dominated it. I am pretty happy with my Pokémon game right now. It has like ten or eleven hours of playtime and I have probably the greatest line up of Pokémon in the world.

IVYSAUR Lv: 27

PIKACHU Lv: 29

CHARMELEON Lv: 30

GOLEM Lv: 31

WARTORTLE Lv: 32

MEW Lv: 36

Dad came back after I beat that dead Cubone’s mother that was a ghost or something and he gave me the medicine. It was probably the nicest thing I have ever drank, I thought it would taste like absolute ass, but when I did the old sniff test it smelt like strawberry ice cream topping. I shot it down like a tequila shot, only an amazing, strawberry tasting one. Then I found myself licking the inside of the medicine cup because it tasted so amazing. It’s the kind of thing that I would buy just to drink if it didn’t cost twenty three dollars or something. I guess I’ll just buy normal strawberry topping.

I then made my way back to my room, still licking the inside of my mouth because it tastes like strawberry ice cream topping. I then swallowed the saliva, as you do every now and again, and it hurt. So I guess the medicine hasn’t done its job yet. It is now twelve thirty two on Friday night, but I am hoping that I will sleep all day tomorrow and then I will be all better, then I can go on my play date with Sheri that I had to post pone due to my highly contagious disease that I may or may not have. I’m going to schedule this blog for like noon or something tomorrow, because I can do that, and hopefully I sleep through it all. Goodnight.

The sore throat.

Last night was Thursday night, meaning that today is Friday, meaning that last night I attended a Thursday night dinner. I don’t regret going, I just regret eating. We went to Villis again, and I got a pie and chips meal thing. It was bloody nice, but it was really painful, because I have one of those really bad sore throats where it hurts to swallow, but I think that this is the worst one that I have ever had, or maybe even that anyone has ever had, because not only does it hurt to swallow food, saliva or drinks, but it also hurts to breath and talk. It’s shit. Last night it didn’t hurt to talk or breath, it got a bit better as the day progressed so when I got to Villis, I was socialising, but as the day progressed again, into late night, it hurt to talk and breath so I stopped talking again but then it got better so I started talking again... weird disease.

So I didn’t eat anything all day yesterday, and I wasn’t getting hungry, I don’t know why but I just wasn’t. Then when we went to Villis with the smallest turnout ever, there were only like five people there, it was Alena, Tahlia, Cam, Breda, Meb and her friend from Renmark. Oh and me... so yeah, seven people, not five. I wasn’t hungry but I just thought to myself that it would feel weird coming here and not eating, so yeah I got pie and chips meal that I mentioned before. It hurt to get down, and I thought that I would need something to drink to get it down, so I bought a vitamin water or something and that also hurt. So I spent around about ten dollars on pain... I regret it.

We then went to the bay and went for a walk around; this is when it started to hurt to talk, so I didn’t talk much. This is when we lost Meb and her friend from Renmark I think it was when they went to get frozen cokes or something, and we just kept walking up the jetty. Then we walked back to the cars and headed to Breda’s for a swim. It felt weird walking through the backyard of which I nearly killed a guy, but it was great reminiscing on things that I somehow remember. I thought that when I walked in, his sister would recognise me and be like, ‘are you that guy who was wearing a toga and passed out’ or whatever she would say but she didn’t, but she did look at me with some sort of awkward look that you would only give someone if you saw them wearing a toga and nearly dying in your backyard.

The swim was meant to cool us down because it was such a hot night, but it was way too cold. Chances are it made me sicker than I already was because I now think that I am dying of this sickness. Mum and dad were telling me before that it is because I am running myself down, but I am pretty sure that this is a disease, and not my lack of fitness catching up with me and the shit I have been doing. Pretty sure that the English muffin I just made that I thought would be the best thing in the world is the worst because it is just as painful as Villis was, if not more so. You’d think I would learn my lesson but fuck I am just hungry.

I think this is the shittest I have ever felt. Wait, is shittest a word? It is underlined in red and the only suggestions are whitest, shortest, shiftiest, shirtiest and hottest. Unless it is shittiest... yeah that’s a word, but why wasn’t that a suggestion? Fuck nah now I am just really confused. Now I’m just going to sit here for five hours and wait for my doctor’s appointment... good times today.

The Lucky Reds.

If you don’t know that I have lucky red undies, then you do now. I don’t wear them all the time, obviously, because that would just be gross. I generally wear them on Wednesdays for indoor soccer and then I make sure they get washed by the weekend so I can wear them if there is a party or something. Now lately I have been wandering if they are even lucky, so I have been doing some tests. The first test was to go to a party without them, that party was Josh Breda’s eighteenth, the one that I was in a toga and yeah, that didn’t go down too well. Passed out by nine thirty and got sent home before ten. Mum got angry at me because I didn’t admit that the reason I passed out was because I downed a bottle of Jager in under an hour, but I said the reason was because I wasn’t wearing my lucky undies. I wore my lucky undies the next weekend and had one of the best times of my life at Carmen’s eighteenth.

More recently, as in the most recent weekend that I can refer to, I wore my lucky red undies on the Friday of graduation and it was one of the best days of my life. I had an amazing time at graduation, and the after party was just amazing fun, then the next day I went to Nikki’s eighteenth in fresh, but less lucky undies and had one of the shittiest times of my life where the highlight of the night was taking a piss.

I have also worn my lucky undies to every indoor soccer game this season, and we have only lost one game. Last night I thought that maybe I could test the luckiness of the lucky red undies once again. We were playing one of the worst teams in the league, and we were expecting to win by an insane amount so I thought to myself, maybe I should not wear my lucky undies and see what happens. I wore some other, not lucky undies and the game that we were meant to win one hundred to nothing, we ended up drawing three all.

Moving on from lucky undies, but keeping on the topic of indoor soccer, so we are kind of moving on and kind of not moving on but yeah, let’s just say, speaking of indoor soccer... yeah, so speaking of indoor soccer, we have had a few refs that have really annoyed us or just been shit and not known the rules or whatever, but this guy last night was an absolute dick head. He wasted the first two minutes of the game giving us a lecture about how he is the ref and whatever he says goes and all this, I didn’t really hear him, well I did but I wasn’t paying attention. I was paying more attention to the clock as it drained to the sound of his annoying voice.

We were awarded a penalty sometime in the first half and he actually wasted a further five minutes explaining what a penalty is. He had to make sure that the goalie was standing exactly in the middle of the goals and that Chris knew exactly where to kick from and all this, it was bloody ridiculous. At half time I walked over to him because I saw that Pooni was talking to him, and with Pooni’s temper this could only be a funny thing. I don’t think that I have ever said anything bad to anyone after the game, but I couldn’t help it when after the game Pooni walked past the ref and he said ‘you should never be allowed to ref again’ and the ref looked around and pretended that it was meant for someone else, I then said ‘yeah he was talking to you’ and then he lectured me but yeah. I was pretty fucking angry, like I was ready to kill a small animal or something, but then Breda gave me Pokémon Yellow Version; this not only cured my anger, but also my boredom. Now I am going to play some Pokémon, bye.

The Pokémon.

A few days back, or maybe a bit longer I don’t know but I was talking about how I was really keen to play The Sims again, well I turned it on and pretty much turned it off straight away, I really wasn’t having any fun at all and yeah. It was sometime today when I decided that I really wanted to play Pokémon, and it wasn’t just me, Andrew actually wanted to come over so we could crank the shit out if it and just sit there all night playing Pokémon. I remembered that I had Pokémon Silver but the game was all fucked and corrupted, you could play it but you just couldn’t save it so I would have to play it and never turn it off, which would be fairly shit and it would waste a fuck load of batteries. Andrew said that he had a few spare Gold Versions which I was pretty satisfied with, I mean Silver was way better, but I could settle for Gold if I had to.

After searching his house for quite some time, we came across two copies of Gold, and I was bloody ecstatic. We rushed to mine to get right into it and have a mad Pokémon session which started with Andrew taking a shit whilst playing his version of Gold. I soon discovered that the other Gold didn’t work and it had the same problem that my Silver did, so I was fairly devastated. I looked through my draw and discovered that I had Pokémon Crystal, which is like Gold and Silver but just better, and I was so happy, I mean I didn’t even know I had that game, it made me so happy. Tom Wilkin soon came with his GameBoy and his Pokémon Gold and it was when this happened that I knew it would be an amazing night, I mean I just saw us up all night playing Pokémon, and it was just going to be amazing.

Before we all got too into it we decided to check if all our versions work, so we all picked a different starting Pokémon so that we could all swap and uncover the whole PokéDex and all that, and after we did that we saved the game, and then turned off our GameBoys and turned them back on. As we loaded back the games, I remembered when I got Crystal and how happy I was, but then I put it in and it didn’t work. I was afraid that it wouldn’t work but as it loaded the main menu, I clicked on continue and it loaded, and I was so happy. I look over at Tom and his face was so happy, then I look at his screen and his game has loaded, then I look over at Andrew only to see sadness on his face, he looks back up and even before he said anything, I knew that his game was corrupted. Tom and I laugh at him, but before we could even get up to the first gym leader Tom’s game froze and corrupted, he was so angry and it just left me playing my Crystal version, and I was so happy. I remember when I played Pokémon as a kid I always used to name my rival something funny, something rude. It never got old knowing that every now and again, someone with a rather vulgar or inappropriate name would want to battle. This time around, wait hold on, ARSEFUK wants to battle...

Tom was lying on my bed playing The Sims on my laptop as this character that he made that looked like Barack Obama and Andrew was playing Flight Control on Tom’s iPhone. I was so happy that I didn’t have Gold or Silver and I was playing Crystal because obviously Gold and Silver, although great games, were just poorly made or something because pretty much everyone’s in the world are corrupted or fucked in some way. Mum then walked in and said that she was going to bed and we could go into the other room, so I saved my game, turned off my GameBoy and walked over to the living room or TV room as we call it.

I turned back my GameBoy pumped as all hell to play Pokémon again, I was thinking about how awesome it will be when I get all two hundred and fifty Pokémon in the game. I have never caught all the Pokémon in any Pokémon game before, and I just had that feeling that I would this time because I was so into it, even though I had only been playing for like two hours. I skip past the opening scenes and load up the game, click continue to find myself reading a message that read ‘The save file is corrupted!’ and then that little flashing arrow pointing down, indicating that there would be more to read when I press A, so I pressed A and then it just went back to that screen where it says continue, new game or option. I click continue again and the same message comes up. I didn’t want to tell them that my game had fucked up because it would just be too embarrassing, I mean I really made it sound like I had the best version of the game in the world, the only one that wouldn’t corrupt and then, it just died, just like that.

I looked up at Tom and Andrew and just said, ever so casually, ‘yeah, my game corrupted,’ and they just started laughing. They hadn’t gotten as into it as I had, I had already gotten the first badge and I was carving the shit out of those fisherman on route thirty one or wherever I was, I was so into it and just like that, it fucks up. I don’t know what kind of sick person would release a game that just fucks up like that, they didn’t seem too annoyed by it all but as much as I tried to stay calm, I was so angry... fucking Pokémon...

The fluff.

Have you ever had one of those moments where you don’t know whether to do something or not? One of those situations where you really think about the positive and negative outcomes of doing whatever it is that you are about to do? I know I did today. If you have a penis, you would know that you get fluff, not necessarily in it but definitely around it, I don’t know about circumcised penis’s because they are a whole other species but my normal un-butchered one gets fluff caught in it, and around the pee hole. Some of them are just little black specks that would just come off in the shower or fly off when taking a piss. You come across the odd big bit of fluff that when taking a piss, it starts coming off with the streamline into the toilet or where ever it is that you piss, but it doesn’t come off and it just dangles there, pressing up against the streamline and you think to yourself, ‘man I could so grab that without getting piss on my hands’. After a huge amount of contemplating, you will probably decide to try and grab it, so you slowly, millimetre by millimetre bring your hand closer and closer to it, and you grab it, get rid of it and you realise that it wasn’t that hard at all. Or, you fuck it up and get piss all over yourself.

Right now I have two options of what to do. I could record my oral presentation for my English Application and then hand it up in the morning which means I would have completed my schooling for good, besides all that art but I’ll worry about that later, or I could just keep writing this. I am the only person awake in the house, and if I record my oral now, I might wake someone up. I could always write this in the morning when I have something more interesting to write about, but I am up and not tired and I have nothing to do and I just took a piss and saw the little bit of fluff flying in the stream of piss and I thought to myself ‘man that is great, I bet that happens to everyone with a penis, I am writing a blog on that’. I always wanted to write a blog on shit that guys do, but I don’t know what kind of reaction it would get. I could imagine all guys reading it loving it, and girls reading it and either finding it funny or be like ‘what the fuck?’ or of course there is always that other option where it turns out that it doesn’t happen to just guys, it’s just me and it is some weird problem or something.

It was just the other night though at Linou’s grad party that I realised how great it is to have a penis. I wanted to take a piss, and I was inside, so I walked over to the bathroom but there was a line to get in and then I realised, that I had a penis, and that I don’t need to line up. I leave the line of girls and a guy or two and make my way to the backyard. I didn’t even bother undoing my fly, I just pulled my package up and above my belt and took the piss. I didn’t even realise you could do this, I don’t know why I tried but I was fairly drunk, and I couldn’t be bothered figuring out my belt and fly and all that so I just did it and yeah, I was quite happy with myself.

I am listening to the 3OH!3 album, and by that I mean that I am listening to that one song that I like from it over and over again, and because I lost my iPod dock remote I have to get up off my chair to click the skip back button every time the song finishes, it is quite annoying. My chair is rather squeaky as well so not only is my music probably loud enough to wake someone up but the squeaking of my chair is really loud, even louder than the music. The music isn’t that loud though, but seeing as though mum and dad’s room is the next one over I am sure that it is enough to wake them up.

I remember a while back, I took a really nice shit, I don’t know how to explain it but it was just great. Then I wanted to write a blog on it but all the guys I asked said that they would love it but girls might find it gross or something. I then asked Meb what she would think of a blog about shitting and I think that she was so repulsed by the idea that she lost some respect that she had for me. I don’t think that this blog is that gross at all, I think it is just one of those ones that I write when I am really bored and to be honest, I just wanted to let guys know that if you get fluff in your penis and it follows the stream of piss as you piss, you are not the only one.

The loss of a friend.

Have you ever met one of those people that just seemed perfect? They could do anything, they looked attractive, they were social, awesome and fun to talk to and be with, but then they go and fuck everything up and you kind of feel bad for not sticking by their side in their time of need but in a way, it was all their fault and really. I had a friend like that, and their name was Facebook.

When I first made a Facebook, I thought it was shit. I made a Facebook back in the Myspace days, back when Myspace was still fairly popular but Facebook was kind of taking over, slowly. I thought that Myspace was so much better, so I stuck by his side, but then he crashed and burned when it tried to be too much like Facebook. Myspace introduced statuses, that were really shitty, and you could comment them but no one really did because they were just crap, and then Myspace had that little chat thing down the bottom, kind of like the one off Facebook that they copied, only shitter. Facebook chat is flawed enough as it is, but the Myspace one didn’t even work. Myspace was the cool, social kid, but they fucked themself up, and I soon fully converted to Facebook, of which I had no regrets.

Facebook was perfect; it had everything from Myspace, only done better and much, much more, and because I jumped on the Facebook band wagon late, everyone was already on it so I had like one hundred friends on my first day of Facebooking. I didn’t know how to use it at first, it just seemed so much more confusing than Myspace, but as I got it going it just got better, and once I worked everything out, it was so amazing, that it even took over Google as my home page. I soon became an addict and wouldn’t spend a moment letting a new post not be on the wall, always refreshing the news feed, and I would always be doing some irrelivent quiz to find out what the initials of my next love will be, or which flavour Cruiser I am. I then learned the annoyances of what I was doing, and became a more professional Facebooker, I didn’t publish all the quizzes I did because I realised they just cluttered everyone’s news feed with shit that they didn’t care about, and I didn’t post links to every slightly funny video that I saw on YouTube, I was on it a fair bit, but I wasn’t constantly doing things.

I remember thinking; will there be a next step on from Facebook? Everyone moved from Myspace to Facebook, what’s from stopping people from moving on from Facebook to the next thing when everyone gets sick of it, and what will that next thing be? I thought, and hoped, that there wouldn’t be a new thing and that Facebook would always be the social networking site that people use. I dreaded the day that, and I still do, when people start converting over to whatever the next thing will be, I mean Facebook is just so good... or should I say, was so good. I don’t exactly know when, but it was sometime Saturday morning I am pretty sure, but I got on Facebook and it seemed, just different. I thought it was kind of cool how I didn’t have to load the new posts on the news feed with this new thing called live feed, but what I didn’t realise is how atrocious this actually was, and it was then when the hatred of ‘New Facebook’ occurred.

I have been trying to upload around one hundred photos from my graduation on Friday since around Saturday afternoon, but it doesn’t work. It just takes forever to get to a little pop up thing that says that my upload has failed and my only option is to try again. I have done this around ten times now I think, and it is just fucking annoying. You would think that the day where the news feed isn’t bombarded by quizzes and new high scores in Facebook games would be an amazing one, but instead, my news/live feed is now covered in people that I know becoming friends with people that I don’t know, people becoming fans of things that I don’t care about and people joining groups that I don’t care about. There was a time that all I wanted was for Facebook to have a dislike button, and then it would be perfect, but I was wrong for wanting to improve it, because by taking away what it used to be, I realised that it was perfect, and for being so ungrateful we are left with this monstrosity that even Myspace is better than. I just hope that they change it back, but I really hope that they don’t change it even more.

The shit party.

It seems that every party I go to now, people say that they better be in my blog the next day. I always say ‘yeah, I’ll put you in’ but I usually forget because I get too drunk and then I just end up writing about the few memories I have about the night. Last night, for some reason, I did not have a good time. Maybe it was because I was tired from the grad party the night before, maybe it was because the playlist consisted of the same ten songs; some of which weren’t even good to dance to, or maybe it was because I wasn’t drunk enough, but when I did get drunk enough it wasn’t that good dancy drunk, it was that drunk feeling where you just think about shit, and you don’t really want to do anything. I don’t know why, but last night, for me at least, was shit.

When I got there, I had no alcohol. It was the only party I have ever been to where I hadn’t had anything to drink, but I figured I might as well save my money and get some booze for the next party. I was talking to Kiah who was the designated driver for her group for the night, and it made me think, ‘why should I do what Kiah is doing, she doesn’t look like she is having much fun... I’m not driving, I might as well get something to drink,’ so I borrowed money of Linou and bought another Heineken Keg, which did a bloody amazing job at the grad party. For some reason, it didn’t do its job, and even at times where the dance floor was going off, I would find myself just sitting there drinking and talking to people instead of dancing like I should have been.

I then walked over to take a piss with Tom Wilkin, which was probably one of the highlights of the night, we aimed for this high pond thing, and I got it in and he didn’t. Now if that was one of the highlights, I think that is a good example of how shit last night was. When walking back from the highlight reel worthy piss, I walk past Jay Pozniak, Sam Pratt and Tallulah Thurnwald. They all seemed fairly drunk, not as drunk as they were the night before when they were playing with these little animal toys or something but they seemed like they were drunk enough to be having a good time. A lot of people ask for mentions and then they don’t get them because I forget or something but yeah, Sam Pratt was almost greedy with it, she wanted the whole blog about her which I thought was a bit ridiculous seeing as though I don’t think I have ever talked to her before.

Kiah also wanted a mention, but I sort of owed it to her because she earned it a while back but then I forgot to put her in it because I was too drunk. Kiah and I were talking for ages about how I could drop her name in the blog, she didn’t even really want anything big like Sam Pratt, and she just wanted her name in it. I actually spent more time talking to Kiah than I did dancing, and another highlight was probably that. I don’t know why, but I had a shit night. Everyone asked me what was wrong and there wasn’t anything wrong, and it was weird because I was in such a mood to party before I got there, but when I got there I just wasn’t feeling it. It is the last party for a while though I think, and it is a shame that I had such a shit time at it, I wish that my party life just took its break on a high, after Linou’s.

The drunk blog.

hey internet, how are you? i am drunk and i am with jau, and kahli and tim. i always wanted to writght a drunk brlog, but i never was drunk enbough, butr now i am FUCKED and i am writbhting a drunk blog and i LOVE IT and christine says i lover her waitm, i made her cry cos i said i hate her, but i actually lover her more than hannah caon. christine is awesome and i feel bad for makinbg her cry cos i dont hate her even i tho i said i did, but yeah i think ehses awesome, even more so ytnan hannah caon. now she is asking for the key to outside and i cant heklp but think wow, her voiced is awesome and i dont hate her. tim is reading this aloyd as i ttyuope oit hahahaha PPPPPPPPPPPPAAAAAAAARTTTTTTYYYYYYY!!!!!!!1 tim saud i have ti write a bout the oparty but i dont remember dso i am lol tom brown got dum[ped by pia tim just told em rachel sayd its mean but i think its fucking funny hahahaa iu hate tim edemeades but i did hug him tioday, well he hungged me but i dont hate him now, and all these people, ben zegler said he said ghe failed his year 12 cos he read my blog so much and i was thinking how the fuck do ytou thinki feel i write this shit mnotthrfucker, i mean fuck me, man i cant waiut for poeople to read this fuck me i am FUCJKED! hahahahah aaron just said he goes to bed at 7 lol before graduation or something kahli said this is trhe longest blog ever but she hasntr read my 3000 word one obncviously ghahahah trachek said aaron drove her drunk, oh linous bench broke cpos kermo and jess asrower broke thebench cos they broke the thingm the plank. kali jis a b itch she \]0lo8[i-;0]90 she was making fun of me scso i donjt turn 18 tiul 8 months or something ut so does tom wilkin so kali can piss off. kalhi doesnt say im a dfick head antyomre so were all cool. ok new sentance, i will be JAY hold on ill be back ill type more 2morro wen im sobverm brb lol xx

Fuck me, I remember writing that but yeah I didn’t know what I typed and I just read it back to myself and that is great. I always said that there are two things that I really want to do for this blog; one of them was to go on holiday and have a post before saying something like ‘and I won’t be posting anything for two weeks because I am going t be out of the country’, like I would love to do that one day, I can’t wait. The other was to write a drunken blog, which I guess did last night. It wasn’t that long though, wasn’t a full blog but yeah, it was kind of short and it was mainly like one big ass sentence but I am pretty happy with myself. I read it back to myself and it all made sense to me, not sure if it will to you but I was pretty much just typing anything that happened and yeah, then Kahli was abusing me because I don’t turn eighteen until like January, I mean July, don’t know why I typed January... anyway, and then I made Christine cry because I said I hated her then I spent an hour and a bit convincing her how much I don’t hate her but she didn’t believe me but yeah, now Chris is trying to make me feel bad for making her cry but yeah.
I don’t really know what to type now, and everyone is too busy socialising so I feel weird for sitting here, so I am going to wrap this one up soon. Last night was amazing, I love you Linou, thanks for having us and thanks to your awesome mum and dad and your yai yai. Sorry for not staying and cleaning but I had to stay with Christine because she said that she would hate me if I didn’t come with her. I’m still finding out what happened last night from my gossip girls and now I don’t even know what I am typing about, I am getting really side tracked and this is kind of like a, hold on Emma just made me put music on while I was one a role and I forgot what I was saying, I’m just going to read that last bit again, hold on. Yeah, I don’t know whether this is a message to Linou or to you, the public but yeah, I love you, whoever you are, I’ll type some more tomorrow.

The graduation.

Have you ever been in one of those moments where you really try your hardest to hold back the tears, and then you are sure that you have held them back and you think that you’ll be okay but then something worse happens and then you start to cry, not too much but just a little bit? I know I did today. I graduated from Unley High School today, and no matter how many pedestrians I yell it at, it doesn’t seem to sink in that I have actually graduated, as in my schooling is finished, done. The graduation ceremony was held this morning, and I thought it would just be boring, like it was in year eight and I watched it and I then decided to bludge all the other years, but this year I went, probably because it is my turn to graduate... no that is definitely the reason.

Standouts were the speeches by Charlotte, Jordan, Quire and Iggy. I loved Charlotte and Jordan’s speeches because they were nothing but the truth, Quire’s was amazingly funny, just what I expected and Iggy’s was the one that made me cry that little bit. I also had tears forming in my eyes after Ellis Dolan’s performance of Halleluiah because he is just amazing, remarkable, awe-inspiring, astonishing, miraculous... special thanks to Microsoft Word synonyms for those words.

The highlight though, sorry, that should be in capitals to emphasise that I am talking about the best highlight, so THE highlight was definitely walking on stage to get my graduation certificate. It is weird to think that I have been at Unley High School since year eight, but I have never been in front of the whole school I don’t think. It was my first and last time in front of the entire school that decided to attend and the guests which were pretty much the parents of the graduating class. When I walked up to get the certificate, I had to remember that I needed to get the award from whoever was giving them out, I don’t remember, then shake the hand of Ms. Eckert and then smile at the audience. All of this was thrown out the window when I walked on stage and someone yelled out ‘Cosma’ and there was a squealing applause for me. I was the first person called up to get such an applause which made me feel godlike, like Owen Wilson, and yeah, I pretty much forgot what to do, and I just ended up taking the award from that person, shaking Ms. Eckert’s hand and walking off, I forgot to smile but I think a lot of people did. It was the first time I have ever been on stage in front of the whole school, but it was also the last.

We then went off to the court yard for that morning tea, but I was too busy getting photos with teachers and students, some of whom I might never see again. As in I was too busy doing that to eat so yeah, I didn’t really wrap up that sentence nicely at all, and now this all seems irrelevant. It still feels weird though, and I don’t think that it has sunk through that there is no more school, and no matter how, like I said, no matter how many people I yell it at, it won’t sink in for a while. I really am going to miss the place though, it has been the best time of my life, and even as I write this, I am getting that same feeling of holding back the tears, but I won’t cry, because I am at Linou’s house, and I am ready to PPPPPPPAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRTTTTTTTYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The muck up day.

Have you ever gone on a road trip type thing when you know that you should be doing English or something instead, and by or something I mean just English. I really need to finish my English application, but instead of doing so last night, Brett, Dajana, Chrisman, Andrew, Tom Wilkin, Nathan and of course, myself went to Southport just for the hell of it and decided to park our cars up there and just chill. We decided to sleep in the cars up there but of course it wasn’t the most comfortable bed in the world, and definitely not the safest. Luckily before we dozed off I said it would be a wise decision to lock the car doors so that no one could break in or whatever. Luckily we did, because half way through the night Chris was awoken by someone knocking on Dajana’s window who, quite reasonably was assumed to be a homeless person or something, because, well I don’t know if that’s what he saw but that’s what they said this guy was, just a bum or something. Dajana cried, Chrisman chased the guy away or something and I missed it completely because I was trying to sleep in the other car, it was pretty fucking weird I guess, wait not guess, yeah it was but yeah, nah that was fucked.

Instead of trying to spend the rest of the night sleeping in the cars at Southport, we made the wise decision to drive back home and let everyone sleep in their own bed where the chances of getting attacked or something by a homeless person is much lower. Tom Wilkin drove me home and when I got home, I could not sleep. I don’t know why, but I just couldn’t. We had planned pre drinks for muck up day at six thirty in the morning at Tahlia’s house, and it was already like four in the morning so I thought that I might as well just stay up for two hours and then get ready to have awesome times at muck up day. I looked at my school polo top from year eleven and thought that it was too plain for muck up day, especially seeing as though other people are converting their uniforms it masterpieces. I cut my sleeves off so it was like a wife beater, if you don’t know what a wife beater is it is like a tank top or sleeveless tee shirt or whatever, not a man who abuses women physically and verbally. I then wrote all over it, just things that we have said over the year, and it looked fucking mind blowing to say the least.

Daj and Nathan then picked me up to go to Tahlia’s and get our drink on at the respectable time of six thirty in the morning, but after the first sip of Tahlia’s goon and juice mix, I decided not to drink anymore that morning. We spent the rest of the morning getting Facebook photos, making our outfits look even more amazing and of course, filling up water balloons and water guns. On the way to school, we were shooting pedestrians and the like with our water guns and Sheri and Hannah and that were ahead of us, and there was some guy in the car next to them screaming at them. He was going straight and we were turning right and we both had red lights, and we got the green light first to turn off and as we passed him, he looked at me all mean like and I squirted him in the face. Not like, porn squirt like you are probably thinking if you are fucked in the head, but water pistol squirt, of water. He lost his nut, he went absolutely ballistic screaming and that, and I thought that he was going to turn off anyway and chase us like that guy who Punda picked a fight with that time but he didn’t thank god and we just went to school.

The water fight at school for muck up day was good fun, and by far the highlight of it was getting Tim Edmeades in the face. I got a lot of people in the face, but he wasn’t even participating, he was just sitting on the sidelines, and in this single shot, that was amazing, I got my revenge for everything dicky that he has ever done on Facebook and in real life ever, as I shot him in the face, I ran off yelling ‘Now who’s the stupid man on Facebook, motherfucker?’ Whether he appreciated the gesture or not I don’t know, I can assume that he didn’t but fuck me that was the best thing that I have ever done, I was so happy.

After that we made our way to Charlotte’s house for after Muck Up Day Barbeque that started off with like five people, but then developed into awesomeness. We were all having great times with such a small group, but the great times turned into awesome times when the group of five multiplied by another five which everyone knows is twenty five, and god I hope that is right or I am going to seem like a bloody idiot. The pool was one of the main features of the day and of course, the barbeque was also quite the attraction, but what I have realised is that everywhere I go, people are doing things to either get a mention in here or they just tell me that I haven’t ever mentioned them before or I haven’t mentioned them enough.

Jay Pozniak was telling me today that I have only mentioned him that one time and it was nowhere near good enough as what he deserves. Well Jay, here is two full sentences all about you, treasure this moment because I don’t know how long they will last, and by that I mean that they will end now. Another highlight of the day was when Meb gave me her camera and told me to take some photos. Of course, I went nuts taking amazingly awesome photos that I think actually, are amazingly awesome. Overall it was an amazing day and yeah, well actually an amazing day and last night, I have not slept and when I started writing this, I actually started falling asleep and it was kind of fucked. I am glad that I am wide awake now somehow, so I can stay up a bit longer and get an amazing sleep in nice and early.

Oh yeah and today was the first time that I have got to that perfect drunk level during the day time, it was just a shame that it was a barbeque and not a dance party, and also I think The Sims is shit, I don’t know what came over me yesterday but I am not finding it fun at all, I guess that Sims mood was just shit and yeah, dinner time.

The Random Shoes.

The third and final day of Muck Up Week happened today and it was nowhere near as much fun as the first two. Day one was cross dressing day, which was amazing, day two was geeks day which I thought wouldn’t be that great but it turned out awesome and today was random shoes day, which was quite average because most people just wore casual ‘non school’ shoes. Mr. Ellis, instead of cracking a fit, joined in and wore odd shoes or something, and some people thought he was great because of it, and others thought he was a inconsistent periodic man and were very discombobulated. Anyways, the random shoes went all day, and it ended up being quite fun, at least for the people that went over the top.

I was originally going to just wear thongs or something mild, but I thought that I might as well do something better and more memorable, so I wore tissue boxes that I stole out of my brother’s room on my feet as shoes, which were actually really comfortable and I wrapped duct tape around my feet and all that so they stayed on. Looks like my brother will need to get some more tissue boxes before his next self ejaculation.

I just asked Tom Wilkin what else happened today, and he replied with a simple, ‘party in the car park, kicked the footy,’ which is pretty much it, spot on, I don’t know how I can even extend on that because he really hit the nail on the head and put the whole day in a really tight and small nutshell. We also found out that Stevy isn’t having the graduation after party, I was pretty angry, and by pretty angry, I mean that I was going to consider killing someone, because we would have nothing to do after Friday but my murderous rampage was stopped when my fellow year twelves all said that they would all ask their parents and try their hardest to have a party, bloody hell I was so happy that I even said I would try and have the grad party here at my house but I didn’t really try and I just asked mum and she said no and I said oh okay, damn.

My tissue box shoes worked extremely well, and lasted all day before they started dilapidating around lunch time and they started dispensing tissues all over that little grass reserve bit in between where the awesome year twelves hang out and those year nines, like my wanker brother.

Remember when I first started this blog, you probably don’t, but if you actually have read the first one, you would know that I started this just about the time that I got sick of playing The Sims because my guy was amazing and was like level ten on everything and there wasn’t anything to do. I am really in the mood to play The Sims again right now, like I cannot wait until I stop typing because I’m just going to load up The Sims and play that until indoor, and then after indoor I will probably go and drink somewhere and get pumped for muck up day and graduation and all that but if nothing happens, I’ll just come back home, and play The Sims.

The Dark Side of the Moon.

Have you ever done something that you thought was so normal that you didn’t tell anyone that you did it? Because you just thought that it was a normal thing that isn’t worth mentioning because it is so normal? But then you tell someone a few years later and everyone thinks that you are fucking weird? I’ll get back to that later, but yeah, today was a great day.

Muck Up Week continued today with the second day where everyone dressed as geeks. This meant impeccable uniform, from head to toe. White shirts, ties, pants or shorts pulled right up above the belly button and your pants tucked into your socks. Oh, and weird glasses, most of which were the 3D glasses that you get when you see UP. I thought that Mr. Ellis would kick the shit and go nuts, but instead he was pretty calm about today’s theme, he thought that it was much better than yesterdays. The standout’s would have to be Delwyn who looked like Tim Robbins from The Shawshank Redemption and with those Mickey Mouse glasses that are like normal glasses but then fold up into sun glasses or something, pretty amazing. Christie Brooks was another one, looked like all my uncles in one, and Tim Summers with his propeller hat.

The day went well with amazing photo’s being taken, all of which I posed with an amazing geek smile and year twelve DVD skit which went pretty well I think. We got some awkward stares from people in other years or the year twelves who weren’t cool enough to dress up, but all in all it was an extremely fun day.

After school we made our way to Chrisman’s for a swim which is, still going I guess. I am just cramped in his bedroom with Raman writing this because it has to be done. Much like my English Application, which is probably more important but I’ll get on that later. We had good times swimming, pushing people like Dajana and Stefan into the pool because they refused to go in and watching Brett jump off the fence, and roof just so he could get a mention in today’s blog. Everyone else wants a mention also, so I’m just going to say that Andrew, Nathan, Aaron, Tom Wilkin and... That’s it I think, yeah, they are here.

They were all standing poolside wile Andrew’s ass was exposed, and they were talking about something like ‘have you ever seen your own ass’ or something, and then I just come in with the casual comment, ‘yeah, like when you get the mirror and put it between your legs and bend over and have a look’ and I then followed that with the corresponding action of what you would do, of which I thought was rather calm. Everyone thought it was the most fucked up thing that has ever happened ever, and by everyone I mean everyone except Dajana, Brett and Nathan of whom were getting hot chips at the time. Well I think they are back now, I’m going to go eat some hot chips and see what they think of my actions.

The fans, and the dress.

Do you know what it is like to have fans? It is fucking great, especially when your mum walks into your room and gives you a note that was in your letter box that, despite the few grammar errors, is the greatest thing that I have ever held in my own hands. Not that I have ever held anything better in someone else’s hands, but whichever hands I was using to do the holding of whatever was good, it wasn’t as good as this. Except maybe when I got Guitar Hero II, that was just the best day of my life, besides this. Now I know how much I have probably confused you right now, so I’m going to scratch everything I just said and say that the note I received made me so unbelievably happy, but also suspicious. Andrew and Chris were over, and I am going to start calling Heinicke Andrew from now in because it is easier to say, and I am calling him Andrew a lot more recently so whenever I say Andrew, it is Heinicke.

The note, that you can see above is most likely to be written by a female, and obviously someone that isn’t doing well in English because they say we are a huge fan when that means that one of them is a huge fan or it is some conjoined fannage or something, or maybe they are both average fans but together they are a huge fan, either way, they seem to know of my blog, but they also know where I live. Chris said that it might have been Sheridan and Dajana, who were together today, like most days recently and they both agreed that it looked a lot like Dajana’s handwriting. I haven’t seen Dajana’s handwriting and if I have I don’t remember it so I don’t know, but they seemed fairly certain that it was her. When we left to go to Meb’s house to get my dress we saw Jess Brown and Pia walking down my street, because Jess lives on the other side of my street, and I thought that maybe one of them did it, or both of them because the note implies that two people are the one fan or something.

I don’t know who actually wrote the note, but whoever you are that did, if you are reading this, which you should be because the note said that you read my blog every day, I fucking love you. You are my favourite person ever, maybe not ever so I’ll take that back but you two fit nicely into maybe the sixth or seventh spot in my favourite people ever list, of which I have not officially done yet. I always say ‘oh yeah, he/she is one of my favourite people ever’ but I don’t actually have the list. One day I will make the list and I’ll put it up here, but as of now I just need to find out who these people were. In fact, once I find out who they are, then I can complete the list and yeah, I’ll put it up. So you better come forward, fucker! Sorry for calling you a fucker just then, I got carried away somehow, I don’t know how I am not even angry or anything but yeah, come forward because I love you.

On a more cross-dressing note, I can comfortably say that I look absolutely amazing when wearing a girls dress. Now if you don’t go to my school, you were probably confused enough when I mentioned before that I went to Meb’s house to get my dress, so let me elaborate. I don’t know if people in other schools or other states or other countries or however far out people read this blog, but I don’t know if you have it, but at Unley High School, there is a day called muck up day where all the year twelves come to school and have a huge ass water fight. Two amazing year twelves, of whom will remain nameless so they don’t get in trouble for doing so thought it would be an amazing idea to have a muck up week as a lead up to muck up day to piss off the teachers. Now when Emma Pearce and Brett Ellis, the two organisers told me of this, I was pretty pumped. Today was day one and the theme for the day was for all the guys to wear the girls uniform and for all the girls to wear the guys uniform.

Now to say that today went well would be a fairly bold overstatement, because it, oh well I don’t know, I’ll tell you what happened and you make up your mind. Now I knew that Mr Ellis would do one of two things, either laugh and let it go or crack a fit and be really, really angry and send everyone home or something like that. I have never seen him this angry, all I really wanted to do today was to hand up my Health assignment and then chill in my dress all day with all the other boys in dresses and girls in shorts and pants and the like.

When Mr Ellis first came over, now if you don’t know Mr Ellis is out year level coordinator, he said that every boy in a dress or skirt or any incorrect uniform has to go home and get changed, or go home and not come back at all. Instead of going home, I went to Hannah Altschwager’s house with Tom Wilkin so he could get his dress. As we pulled into the student car park, it seemed as though everyone was their either changed back into their normal clothes, getting changed or just chilling there in their cross dressed outfits. The second time he asked me to get changed, I had my pants and I wasn’t going to get changed but I just told him that’s what I was about to do so he didn’t have a go at me and do that thing where he looks at you really mean, but with no emotion but you know he is really angry. I then walked through the school in my dress, and I felt as amazing as I felt hot. I mean sexy hot, not temperature hot, but it was like thirty degrees or something so yeah.

I got told six times to get changed, six or seven, and it got to the degree, I think it was at three where Mr Ellis said that he would do more than just suspend me if he saw me again and I replied with a simple ‘what’ but to clarify my confusion that he thought I had but I didn’t really have, he said that he will have no problem expelling me from Unley if he saw me again. Lucky he wasn’t the teacher that told me off the other times or else yeah, I would have found out if he was bluffing or not. Either way, it was an amazing day. I ended up handing up my Health assignment, Mr Whaites told me that I passed that big tech graphics assignment that is worth like, sixty percent of the course and I got to feel how amazing it is to wear a dress.

The surprisingly good day.

Don’t you love it when you are really not looking forward to a day because you know that nothing is on, and then it turns out to be an awesome day that involves things that you didn’t know where on until they happen? I know I do, and yesterday was one of those days. I got up at around two in the afternoon to some promised hot chips of which were delivered and were great. I then remembered that it was that Saturday that nothing was happening on, everyone who was eighteen was going to go into town and everyone who wasn’t eighteen was just not awesome enough to plan anything, so nothing was going to happen. I smelled awful but I didn’t bother to shower because I didn’t think that anything would happen. I was watching a countdown of the best number one’s of this decade, of which Umbrella by Rhiannon was number one, and I received a text from Chris that said to call him. I called him, as you do when you get a text from someone that stingy and asks for you to call them and he said that Olly was having a thing for his eighteenth; I jumped in the shower, scrubbed the essentials and got dressed ready for awesome times.

My dad dropped us in and awesome times were had, including the most brutal games of table tennis and probably one of the nicest barbeques ever. I hate first impressions, because you can’t have another one. When Olly’s mum came up to me to introduce herself, she said her name and I said mine and then there was this awkward silence where she kept looking at me. I thought that she asked a question that I didn’t hear so I said pardon or what or something and she just said pardon back. I didn’t know what to do from there and then I think she laughed and walked off. I will never get to meet her for a first time again so yeah, that was pretty disappointing I must say. Jack then raised a point that really made me think, if you are scared half to death twice in one day, would you be dead? If you are scared half to death, then that means that you are half way to dying after the one scare and the second scare would surely kill you if it was scary enough to warrant a whole other half of fear. Just think about it.

Kenny then took me home and we chilled, then I finished yesterday’s blog which was interrupted when Saf messaged me asking if we wanted to go and get drunk at Carmen’s, of which I obviously did. I thought that the day was over at like eight or whatever it was but yeah; the night had pretty much just begun. As we got there it seemed as though they had only just started drinking, but the beers I had at Olly’s had already warn off and I didn’t have enough money to buy any more booze and after the terrible mix that Carmen made me I thought that I might just quit sober. Carmen always seems to draw the most random bunch of people to her house when she has a gathering, and last night was no exception, this is the part where I list everyone that was there but I can’t really be bothered doing that and really, if you were there then you would know who was there and if you weren’t I don’t think you would really care. You might not even know me and you just read this for some other reason and me listing all these names would mean nothing to you. Yes I know that by now I could have listed everyone if I just skipped all this rambling but maybe I made my choice already and I don’t want to list them so there.

Whenever someone is sober at a piss up or party they always tell me how shit of a time they had because everyone was drunk and they just sat there or whatever, but I don’t know what they were talking about because taking care of all those drunkards last night was one of the funniest things that I have ever done, and one of the funniest things ever happened. Mini and Heinicke were looking for something to eat, and Mini found a meat patty that was in a Tupperware container in the fridge. It was cold and clearly needed some heating in order to taste good, but Mini didn’t really know how to go about cooking it. He first put it in the microwave which wouldn’t turn on because the power was out or something, and after trying and failing with that, he tried the gas oven which would work because it was gas not electric. He puts the Tupperware container in the griller or the oven or whatever and closes it and sets it to two hundred degrees, at least that’s what he said aloud. Heinicke freaked out and thought that it would light a fire or something, which it probably would have but then Mini took it out and thought of another way of heating it; the kettle. I don’t know what he thought he could do with the kettle and neither did he I think because he gave up awfully quickly and then he just decided to eat it cold, he ripped it into four pieces, handed one to Heinicke, Iggy and I but I didn’t really want it because it looked kind of feral but Iggy really liked it and took my piece.

Then we made our way to Carmen’s room and sat on the couch slash bed thing as Jay took photos of us. Heinicke was so fucked that he thought the flash of the camera was lightning and thunder, so whenever Jay took a photo, he got scared. The night ended soon after that when Saf took me home and yeah, then I played some Xbox, checked the Facebook and wrote this all while listening to that Bulletproof song by La Roux on repeat. Oh and Nathan wanted me to put in a smiley face or something, I don’t know why but yeah. :)

The interruption.

It is almost weird to think about how school will be over by the end of this week. All we have left is Monday through Wednesday, and then Thursday is muck up day and Friday is graduation, but as sad as this week is, I can imagine it being one of the best weeks of my life. I am going to miss school like you wouldn’t believe; I mean there is nowhere else in the world that you can go and see so many awesome people just to chill with. Year twelve has been so amazing; I would give pretty much anything to relive it. As the year has progressed, the workload has gotten tougher and it has even gotten to the degree where I have been needing to make these shitter and shorter or just extremely half assed because I have been doing homework. As the work load has been getting tougher, the good times have also become much more ‘good timesy’.

There isn’t much work due anymore; I just have my two thousand word Health assignment due this Monday and my English application due the Monday after graduation. Oh and all that art but yeah, I don’t really count that. Whenever I hand up a piece of work that just passes or is obviously rushed, teachers ask me why I don’t spend less time on my blog and more time on my homework. Let’s just say that if there was a one hundred percent assignment due on Friday and it was Thursday and I hadn’t done a blog yet, I would write my blog first. That is just how committed I am to this, and also, people would find more enjoyment out of this than my homework. I guess that everything has come crashing down on me because of this but you know how it is when you have to write a blog every day because you aspire to be as good as if not better than Owen Wilson’s character in a movie that changed your life, surely.

I really am going to miss school though, people have been telling me that they might even cry at graduation and I was just like ‘come on’ to them all but yeah, I really am going to miss the place. I don’t know whether I will cry, I mean it won’t be as sad as Marley and Me but I will probably get to that feeling where you are swallowing a lot of saliva because you think you will cry and then you act like you have something in your eye. Fuck me this blog is going up late. I put up the first paragraph before because we were in a rush to go and that is all that I had down so I published it and yeah, but now I am home and now Saf is telling me that I have to hurry up so we can go get drunk... again. I have been interrupted twice now, and I don’t even know if I should publish this. It was meant to be about the end of school or something, but I can’t even remember and scrolling up would waste even more time and I need all the time that I can have in order to do this, now Saf says we really need to go... this is getting ridiculous.

This is fucked! This is the second blog I have tried to write about the end of school and both times I have been interrupted. The first one I tried to write ages ago and then Andrew rang me and said that we are going to the show, so that was interrupted and now Saf is saying that we have to go to Carmen’s and get drunk. Come on ref, let me write my blog.

The slightly sexist blog about IKEA.

Have you ever thought that maybe, just maybe you don’t have enough pencils. I know I do quite often, and by quite often I mean not really ever. As I sit here, licking my teeth and finding little sections of flavour that taste like one dollar hot dogs, listening to Lily Allen and still laughing about what just happened at dinner... It has to be Thursday. I look forward to most days, Friday’s are Fridays, and they are just great. I have the most lessons on a Friday but I just love knowing that it is the end of the week and it is pretty much party time. Saturday is up there as the best day because it is Saturday, it is much like Friday but there is a better chance of a party happening and there are no lessons at all. Sunday are kind of shit, I am normally asleep all day and then just get up, write one of these, play some Xbox then get to bed. Monday and Tuesday are pretty shit, as in there is nothing special about them; I guess shit is a bit harsh. Wednesday is amazing; the whole day is revolved around indoor soccer. School is pretty shit on Wednesday’s, I mean there’s that boring double free, then the worst thing ever; double art and tech graphics. Thursday’s though are a day that can only be described in awesomeness if I were with you as we saw a legendary bird Pokémon and then you catch it, and then I said that is how awesome Thursday’s are, the best day ever.

Thursday’s generally get kicked off with early health, and by that I mean I sleep in, go to home group and go to double English. Double English generally consists of pure awesome, whether it is us crowded around Linou’s laptop having amazing photo booth sessions that everyone hates except for us, or just have amazing chats about something random...why am I typing this, I already have an entire blog on English... anyway, then I have that awesome triple free that today I spent at Linou’s house playing Guitar Hero 5 which is... just... words can’t describe the awesome, kind of imagine how good you felt when you caught the Red Gyarados in Pokémon Silver. Or Gold if you didn’t have Silver because you weren’t awesome enough... Now I don’t want to get into a debate about which Pokémon was the best because that would be silly, and everyone knows it is Silver anyway, so let’s just move on.

After my amazing triple free I find my way back to school for Tech Graphics, unless I decide not to go and in that case Mr. Whaites normally rings me, asking why I am not there and I get all scared and make up some excuse, then I hang up and realise that it was Whaitsey, not an actual teacher so I just tell him the next day what I was actually doing, which is normally something like playing Xbox, sleeping or that one time that he called when I was taking a poo. Thursday is also one of the only days that I do homework. I normally get home and realise that there is some assignment due the next day that I have either not started or I have to fix up a draft or something. More often it is the first one though. I thought a week or so ago, and by that I mean I heard Mr. Watts say it and I thought it was fairly good, he said that they might as well set assignments the day before they are due, because we will do them the night before anyway. It made me laugh.

The amazing Thursday is all topped off at around six or seven at night when anyone who’s awesome goes for dinner with the Thursday Night Dinner crew. This consists of anyone who wants to go, but yeah, I don’t know what I was going to say here, but I still want to keep this sentence going for one more little comma bit, and that was the comma then. We normally go to Cafe De Villis but today we decided on, we being Kendall, going to IKEA instead. Meb picked me up with a car full of people singing songs that I have never heard of, or songs that I know but don't know all the words and all that, you know how it is. I am normally one to get right into car sing alongs but I felt rather out of place when I didn't know every single word to Cry Me a River. I knew there was a restaurant at IKEA but I thought people just ate there when they wanted to go and buy a new cupboard or something, but going there for the food is the best idea ever. It isn’t like it is the best food ever, I mean the hot dog was a bit cold, and I swear that one of the chicken nuggets was a crumbed chicken neck and the chips were kind of shitty but what do you expect when the food is so cheap? The hot dogs are a dollar, one fucking dollar, amazing! My chips and nuggets kids’ meal was just under three dollars and if you have already bought an adults meal any kid’s meal is a dollar... amazing.

Three people that have never attended a Thursday night dinner before are Chrisman, Heinicke and Brett Aitken. You are probably thinking ‘Cosma, I have never been to one of these Thursday night dinners, why am I not one of those three people?’ and I will get to that, just calm down... Jesus... anyway, so unless you actually have been to one of the amazing Thursday night dinners, you were probably thinking that, and the reason I brought those three up is because they came tonight... see why I didn’t mention you, you moody prick? Now I know what you’re thinking, ‘Cosma, I know that you’re not talking to you’re not talking to me directly but I don’t appreciate you calling me a moody prick when I am reading your blog!’ and if you were thinking that, then can you please stop thinking things and just read the blog, because the more you stop and think the longer this will take to read.

It isn’t only the food at IKEA that’s cheap though, everything about the place just felt... cheap. I realised it right away but after Tahlia pointed out that the place doesn’t actually have a roof, I really started realising things like how... just everything felt cheap and imported from Sweden I think, or some other country that is similar. I just did a Wikipedia search on IKEA and yeah, it is Swedish so that was a good educated guess, or estimate as year five maths taught me. I thought that when I put my cold hot dog in the microwave labelled ‘Family Heating Centre’ all the lights would dim because it can’t handle the concentrated power to convert into heat... but it didn’t.

Andrew Heinicke has had goes at me before because I have been on my period a couple of times. Now before you say that I don’t know anything about periods and I am all wrong don’t stress because it’s true, I actually know nothing about periods. As far as I know, a period is when a woman is angry, and if that’s sexist then I’m sorry, but I’m not really sorry because I don’t know any better. Anyway, there was this one night where I was in the worst mood of my life, and Andrew and the rest said that I was on my period which was fair enough but today, if Andrew wasn’t, and sorry for maybe being sexist, but if he wasn’t bleeding out of his vagina I don’t know what is because he was such a moody little period woman. Sorry... He wouldn’t sit with us, he didn’t say goodbye and as he left he threw some unknown sauce at us that ended up getting a bit in my hair, a bit on Tahlia’s jumper and a lot on Alice’s, and I think that Alice’s jumper is stained now, probably isn’t but I’m just going to say that it is to make you feel worse!

We then made our way to the place where IKEA has their child hats which they sell apparently and we were trying them on and we all bought one each for muck up day, which should now be awesome and thanks to Dajana who always has money I am now going as a chicken or something... As we made our way out Rhys and I made it our mission to take as many of the free IKEA pencils as we could, and I ended up with maybe one too many but let’s just say that right now, I am looking at a margarine container that is very neatly filled up with smallish IKEA pencils. Today was amazingly awesome fun, and I didn’t think anything could top it, until I saw some amazing persons Facebook status.

Georgia Guerinet feels like reading a Nick Cosma blog!
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The boredom.

The following was written on the 29th of September during the most boring period of time that I have ever experienced ever. I wrote this and saved it for a moment where I have nothing to write about or whatever, but I do have stuff to write about, but it will have to wait until tomorrow because I need to actually do some homework.

I have been sitting here, on my laptop for hours. I have been sitting in the same position for so long, that my knee that has been leaning on this little indent thing on my desk now has this huge indent on it. It looks weird but it feels good and I want to see how much more indented it can get so I want to put it back to the indent bit but I can’t find the same spot on my desk to do so and now it is sitting on some other random bit, hopefully making a bigger better indent. This is the most boring night of my life.

I am finding myself clicking on Facebook every few seconds, hoping for something interesting to pop up, but it never does. I keep opening up messenger hoping that someone that I want to talk to will be on but they never are, and I put my music really loud but there is no one to dance with. That awesome new Prodigy song just finished and now my iPod is playing some random other song, I look for my remote to put it back, because I am so awesome that my iPod Docker has a remote, and now it’s on repeat so I now have less to do when the song finishes in one minute and forty seven seconds... wow I am so bored...

Sometimes I envy people with homework, because on nights like this they can be like ‘oh man I can do that Biology assignment now!’ or whatever subject’s smart people chose. I mean I could do one of my assignments, I have that Health one due after the holidays some time, and then I have my second English app that I guess I should be doing and all that art that I haven’t done but I just can’t be bothered because I hate art so much. Then there’s Tech Graphics that I think I have finished for the year or something besides that skills test or something but yeah, all done.

So I just realised that my iPod Docker won’t go any louder, which is really shit because I can still hear the sound of my fingers mashing the keyboard, and that just means that my music isn’t loud enough. I have been told that unless I mention someone or something funny that my blogs are shit, but then I have also heard from other people that the ones where I talk about life in general are the best ones. Well I guess that this is the first one where I have talked about absolutely nothing, but I have stretched it out to four hundred and fifty words now.

I think there might be some settings on my iPod that I didn’t know about that make it louder or something but I don’t know how to change them, and now I can’t find that spot where my knee was sitting on ever so comfortably and getting that awesome dent, and now I think that the dent is gone, or at least I can’t feel it. I am so devastated right now; this is the most boring night ever. But I guess I can think about it this way, I am writing this now, obviously... but now is what, Monday I think, or Tuesday. Yeah it is Tuesday now, but I won’t be putting this up for a while, so I can just save this for when I have nothing to put up. It is now the 29th of September, and I hope you are having a good time in the future, and I hope you aren’t as bored as I am right now, and I also hope that by the time you read this, I am less bored and I am back to having awesome times.

The canister of urine.

Have you ever been in one of those situations where you aren’t sure whether a friendship will last though it? Like a situation that is just so fucked that you and your friend have such a disagreement or bad fight over it that you actually think that it will leave the friendship in the shits? I know that I had one of them a few days ago, and it was with my best friend Chrisman. Once upon a time, and I wasn’t there for any of this really so I am just going by word of mouth from Aaron, but Mark Stewart pissed on Aaron’s car one day, so Aaron thought that he needed to get back at him in a piss kind of way. He had one of those sour lolly spray canister things so he pissed in it and left it in his glove box, assuming that one day Stewie would go through his glove box, find it and spray it on his tongue. Turns out that Jack was the one that found it and sprayed it on his tongue but that’s another story, even though it is this story sort of but that’s beyond the point because it isn’t relevant in the story I am telling, so all you need to know is, Aaron has a piss spray thing in his car.

We were at Subway yesterday and the canister was brought to the table because we all wanted to see it. I knew right away that this was a bad idea, because I just assumed that someone would spray it on someone, and I just assumed that it was going to be me getting sprayed with piss. We had already opened it and looked in it and all that and the piss had gone so off that it was red, and it smelt like death, and yes we smelt it. Chris then received a text message that isn’t relevant to the story, but it angered him so much that he decided to pick up the canister and spray it on me on the arm; that was his first mistake. His second mistake was putting the canister back in the table and running away. I of course picked up the canister and walked after him. Chris was the one who drive us there, so he would have to drive us back, meaning he would have to take me back to school, the only problem is that he didn’t want to be anywhere near me if I had the canister.

I then gave the canister to Punda, who gave it to Andrew who was sitting in the front seat. Turns out that Andrew gave the canister back to Punda and Punda gave the canister to be while we were in the car. We were nearly at school when I decided to spray Chris’s jumper that was sitting over his chair. I then sprayed it another seven times, and all over the jumper were these blotches of off, red urine. I then sprayed Chris’s shoulder but he didn’t even realise that I got him, which was a good thing because it let me get one final spray which was on the top of his head. I knew he would notice, I mean it was piss on his hair, but he went nuts. He kept saying that we were even and this was the end but then he found out that I had already sprayed the shit out of his jumper and he went ballistics, as far as he was concerned, we weren’t even.

We got to the school car park and before Chris can bring the car to a complete stop I have already gotten out of the car, ran over to the Urrbrae fence and thrown it over. Chris pushed me into the fence, punched me a couple of times and yeah, was quite angry. I have never actually seen him this angry, and it didn’t even look like he was kidding at all. I really thought that something worse would come from this, but despite a lunch full of him trying to cut my hair, and a few successful attempts, I think that it is all over and he isn’t angry anymore. I have to say though; it was one of the funniest things ever knowing that Chris’s jumper had piss on it, and eight sprays of it. I remember Bubs saying after I got sprayed once that it wouldn’t come off in one wash, god knows how many washes it will take Chris to get rid of the eight sprays.

The thing that Lauren is a fan of.

If you don’t know Lauren Simpson, then you do now. Well, you don’t but you will probably look her up on Facebook or something to see who she is because I am sure that you are now at least a little bit curious, at least a little bit. Lauren is a girl that goes to my school that came to Australia in year ten from Scotland and although the sixty three pages that Lauren is a fan of on Facebook may be misleading, she isn’t a fan of many things. I don’t think that I have ever mentioned her before in this blog, so this may seem like a rather large first mention but then again, Tom Wilkin’s first mention was his first memoir and look at him now in the double digits of mentions.

I don’t have many status updates on Facebook, maybe one or two a day maximum which I guess is a fair bit but you know, what I am trying to say is that I am not one of those people that have a status update every minute or so. Whenever my status is something food related, there will be a good chance that Lauren will get in the first comment on it and that comment will usually read something like ‘not a fan’. I am fairly fussy with my foods, I don’t like a lot of things but Lauren seems to be the Optimus Prime of fussiness, or not fussiness but not fanningness and yes, I did just make up a word and add it to my dictionary.

Last night, and I am writing this on Sunday the eleventh so last night was Saturday the tenth obviously... anyway last night, as in Saturday one of the most shocking things happened and yeah, I could have put it in the blog about last night, not last night but Saturday night but I thought it was so shocking that it warranted its own blog post thing so yeah, here we are. Let’s just say that Chris’s mum; Toula made me an amazing Iced Coffee that, as the previous adjective stated, was amazing, it even had ice cream on the top. I offered sips all around and everyone said it was great, then Lauren asked for a sip and I thought to myself, is it worth letting her try it? I mean she would just turn around and say that she isn’t a fan and it wasn’t nice but that’s when the most amazing thing ever happened. She tried it, and she liked it. I asked her if she was a fan, and she said that she was.

You could also tell that she wasn’t just saying she was a fan just because she wanted to fit in, because she was licking her lips after she had it and really looked happier, then she asked for a second sip, and you wouldn’t ask for a second sip of something that you just said you were a fan of so you could fit in wouldn’t you? She also said that she doesn’t even like Iced Coffee, it is just Chris’s mum’s iced coffee that she is a fan of, so let’s just say that in Lauren’s case, it’s a Toula Tankosic Iced Coffee, or it’s nothing.

The eight hour nothingness.

Do you have any idea how long eight hours actually is? I have got myself into a ridiculous sleeping pattern over these holidays where I have been going to bed at like three in the morning up until like eight in the morning and I have been getting up late in the afternoon or sometimes just in time for dinner. Saturday night I had Chrisman’s eighteenth, then I ended up getting up at like one on Sunday which was a fair effort and yeah, I just thought that I would be able to get to sleep early and get up for school and it would all be good. I went to bed at eleven on Sunday night, which I thought was decent. I wasn’t really tired at all, but I thought that I would fall asleep soon enough. Hours passed and I wandered when I would fall asleep, when it reached twelve I was sure that I would fall asleep soon enough, when it reached one I was flabbergasted that I hadn’t fallen asleep yet but it was when the time clicked over to two in the morning that I realised that I might never fall asleep.

Throughout the night my dog was always walking in and out of my room, jumping on my bed, finding a good spot to sleep then jumping off and leaving. Then he would come back and decide that he would rather be under the covers and I would let him and then he would come back out and yeah, it was a cycle that annoyed me and also didn’t assist in me falling asleep. The next thing that didn’t assist in me falling asleep was when thunder and lightning happened, I wanted to use a better verb instead of happened but I didn’t really know what to use, I am too tired to think of a verb so happened will have to do. Anyway, so then I thought of reading, and I had that new Hyper magazine just sitting there that I haven’t even looked at yet, so I had a quick look over it. I read up on a few games, and then I heard mum walking out of her room. I don’t know why but I thought that she would get angry if she saw me awake that late at night and she would probably think I was on the laptop or something and she might take it away or something but anyway, I freaked out like someone who was I don’t know... high? And I turned the lights off and put my magazine back on my desk.

I know that reading is one of those things that is meant to make you more tired or get you to sleep or something but then I remembered that counting sheep is another thing that normal people do to sleep, and by normal people I mean people in movies and TV. I imagined a sheep jumping over a fence or something because I remembered it from The Simpsons I think it was, but then I realised that what I was imagining wasn’t a sheep, it was a dog. I spent the next hour trying to remember what a sheep looks like and this really didn’t help me get to sleep. My head was thinking at hyper speed, thinking of all these different animals and one by one ticking them off as not being a sheep. The closest thing to a sheep that I could think of was a fat furry black dog for some reason so I imagined it jumping over a fence, and I counted how many times it did so.

My head was still boggling over what a sheep looks like, and it didn’t help that I couldn’t remember what number came after seventeen, so I stopped counting and grabbed my phone. I started reading all the messages in my inbox just for something to do but none of them were really worth reading; I mean they are just messages. Some of them made me smile or whatever but yeah, I guess that I wasn’t sleeping. It then reached five in the morning, I was hoping that I would fall asleep so I could get at least a few hours sleep before school, but as I sat there for another two hours I realised that it wasn’t going to happen. I heard all the members of my family get in and out of the shower one after the other, then my brother walked up to my door, knocked and told me that I had to get into the shower and get ready for school and the like. It was then when I realised that I had been lying in my bed for eight hours, and I got no sleep at all. It was the longest stretch of time that I could imagine; I just wish that I had got some sleep before school.

I got to school to my first and only lesson for the day, which was my beloved English. I made my way to the spot where I always sit and sit next to Punda. He tells me, and I quote, ‘Your blogs are getting worse, they aren’t as good as they used to be. They aren’t appealing as much to the public, and I speak for the entirety of the public.’ It took me quite a while to understand what he was really on about but I found it really funny, mainly because of the part when he said that he speaks for the whole of the public but also probably because I was running on the sleep that I got on Saturday night which was really bad, ringing in ears and developing hangover sleep. I don’t know how I can describe how long eight hours actually is, but can you just imagine watching all three of the Lord of the Rings movies but without the picture or sound, so you are doing nothing for eight hours? I don’t know why I brought Lord of the Rings into this, I mean I haven’t even seen them, so I’ll use The Matrix instead, but it doesn’t really matter which movies I use, because you aren’t watching them, you are doing nothing, for eight hours, and I am very, very tired. I just hope this appeals to the public, and by public I mean Punda.