The disappointing pub meal.

Yesterday was my mum’s birthday, and we decided to go to another one of the restaurants that mum had a coupon for so we could get one of the meals for free. I didn’t know whether it was a restaurant or a pub, I mean it looked fancy but the menu was full of stuff like schnitzel and chips, fish and chips and all that, so I just assumed that it was a pub. I felt kind of out of place walking in, I mean I was wearing the same shorts that I wore to New Years and they had like, beer stains on it I think, and I was wearing just, just a tee shirt. I felt like the restaurant and or pub was better than me, but I didn’t really care, I just wanted to eat.

In an attempt to make myself really hungry before dinner, I hadn’t eaten anything all day, and this did work, but I was actually starving. I normally don’t eat the bread and butter when it comes out, but last night I have never in my life been so keen for bread and butter, or any type of food for that matter. I ordered what has been my favourite pub meal ever since I can remember; beef schnitzel and chips, and it couldn’t come soon enough. I was waiting on the bread though, the last bread and butter I had from a pub was unbelievable, easily the best bread I have ever had in my life, and I was just so keen, like, catastrophically keen, if that makes any sense; probably doesn’t.

I got to the stage where my stomach was eating itself because it was so hungry, this was around the forty minute mark, and this was when I realised that bread wasn’t coming. After we had been waiting for maybe an hour and twenty minutes, the meals started to come through. When I got mine, it think it might have been the happiest I have been in a long, long time. The first bite into the beef was, as much as I would like to say unbelievably and undeniably amazing, I have to say it was fucking disgusting. The beef or veal or whatever in the schnitzel was red roar, but I was at that hunger level where I did not care and I was not in the mood to take it back as they recooked it for another hour.

The chips were a really odd bunch, some were good, some were overcooked, some were undercooked and then some were like, overcooked but parts of the chip were undercooked, it was fucked. As I made my way further into the schnitzel, I was growing an accepting nature for it being undercooked, I thought that maybe it wasn’t even undercooked, maybe it was just fucking disgusting, either way, it was doing the job of filling me up. This entire acceptance that was growing on me for the disgusting red veal changed when I got around half way through and the red roar veal turned into the brownie, oh, more greyish colour that it is meant to be. I uncovered the crumbs to discover that there was an almost straight line down the middle of the schnitzel that had half of it being red roar and the other half being grey good.

I finished the red and grey striped zebra schnitzel to realise that I wasn’t full; I didn’t feel like eating anymore. I think that the red and grey zebra schnitzel put me off food or something, but now, seeing as though I haven’t eaten since then, I am fucking hungry again... Oh well, at least when I left the festy ass restaurant pub thing that doesn’t even have bread and butter like every other place in the world, Tallulah and Sam Pratt wrote a story for me based on true events. Instead of writing the true events that we had with Tallulah and Sam Pratt, I decided to write about the restaurant, but in case you are curious, here is the story, based on true events.

A short story for Nick Cosma <3

trixie and Debbie joe are two amazing people who went for a stroll in the secret garden. This was a magical time, until they heard gang members in the near by carpark.

they sprinted inside, after being cuddled by the tiger.

they tried for hours to keep away from the gang members who had just visited the local brothel and were not angry.

eventually, after tackeling tigers, calling for help, having a bit of dp and updating a few status' Brett, cosma, and tom came to the rescue, while chris stayed at home, waiting for Alice <3