The 50th blog.

Fifty one days ago, if someone had told me that in fifty one days, I would be writing my fifty first consecutive blog of which I have written one every day over fifty one days, I would probably tell them that there are too many uses of the number fifty one in that sentence. You’re probably asking yourself right now, why is he saying fifty one days? This is his fiftieth post isn’t it? And the answer to that question that is sort of two questions because it has two question marks but it is still just the one question but kind of rephrased, anyway the answer is... I missed the second post because I was drunk with footy players after their grand final, but you would know that if you read my blogs as passionately as some awesome people.

It isn’t often that a movie really makes me want to do something as drastic as write around about five hundred words of bullshit every day as a test to see if I can replicate Owen Wilson’s character in a movie. In fact it is so un-often that it has only happened once. Over the last fifty days, I have talked about some of the most random shit ever, I have talked about how much hotter chick’s look when they wear berets, a fight night that hasn’t happened yet and I am still doubting whether it will ever happen, how stupid some Facebook applications are, the evolution of our amazing indoor soccer team featuring the victory over lumberjacks, the inconvenience of black watermelon seeds, my amazing English class that is majority of why I still go to school, T-Bag getting the internet, the memoirs of one of the most amazing people I have ever met, how dancing is my favourite thing in the world, I talked about my piss turning green after I had too many energy drinks and I thought I was going to die, a heated race war that has developed at my very own school due to party hats and probably my most successful blog, or at least my favourite drawing, Chris Tankosic being an absolute, and utter, uncircumcised pulled back penis.

I initially started writing this so my friends could read it and have a bit of a laugh, but I had no idea that people I have never even met would read my blog and find it funny. I have had people come up to me at parties and telling me that my blog is awesome, people that I have either never met or just seen once or twice, I have had people that I have not talked to in ages or never talked to in my life but I have added on Facebook for some reason message me telling me how funny my blog is. I have had people saying that they want to start their own blog because of mine.

I have considered changing it to a weekly blog, that way I don’t have to become all anti social when I am at someone’s house and I realise I haven’t written today’s blog, so I camp in their computer room for a good half hour while I type up some bullshit. I don’t know how much longer I can keep this up, but I think that the positive reinforcement from awesome people that read my blog and tell me how much they laugh when they read it is enough to keep me going for at least another fifty.


m e b Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ says:
cosma everyone reads your blogs
n i c k c o s m a says:
do that many people actually read it?
m e b Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ says:
yeah todya I said something about it and everyone was like hahah it's so funny
n i c k c o s m a says:
that makes me so happy lol when i started this i was like 'yeah im gonna do it forever' but my mindset was 'yeah ill give up in a week or so' i didnt realise so many people read it so happy
m e b Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ says:
yaaaayy even Caitie reads it now
n i c k c o s m a says:
hahahaha i also didnt think that randoms would like it
m e b Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ says:
hahahhahaa you're amazing we were talking about it today in homegroup Tahlia was like, how cool would it be if people payed to read his blog and he got famous from it
n i c k c o s m a says:
that would make me cry
m e b Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ says:
hahaha
n i c k c o s m a says:
i would get up in the morning and cry and then write a blog and then cry and then buy something because i would have money
m e b Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ says:
hahahahhahahaaha that's awesome
n i c k c o s m a says:
i love doing it though, thats the thing.
like if this was my job i would be so happy.
m e b Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ says:
hahaha

The mini fight night.

Fight Night still hasn’t happened if you are wandering, but Heinicke was awfully keen to fight me last night. We were chilling at the Brettodome and when the topic of boxing came up, Heinicke wanted to have Fight Night right then and there. I don’t see the point of fighting him unless we can get the crowd that we originally wanted, and just between you and me, I don’t even know if Fight Night is going to happen, and by you and me, I mean just you, you are the only one who is reading this because I made it a private blog so yeah, don’t tell anyone!

What we decided to do was put all of our names in a hat, and the first two drawn fight each other, the other two drawn fight each other and because there was an odd number of us, the left over name in the hat didn’t fight, they had to ref. The first name drawn was Chrisman, at this stage I didn’t know what I was thinking, I was pretty sure that Chris would beat the shit out of me in a fight, but I know that I would be better off fighting Chris than the others that were there. The second name drawn was Heinicke, this was kind of a letdown but also, kind of a good thing, because this way if Fight Night ever happens, I have seen how Heinicke fights. The third name drawn was Ben Geytenbeek, or Bubs. This scared the fucking shit out of me, there were only two more names in that hat and if mine is drawn next, I would have to fight Bubs, and get the shit kicked out of me like you wouldn’t believe. The last name was drawn, and by some divine miracle, the name on the sheet of paper was Brett Aitken, this meant that I didn’t have to fight, I could just ref and I was off the hook for the night.

Nathan was also there but he didn’t want to fight, so he filmed the fights and I was the referee. The first fight was between Chrisman and Heinicke, and although Heinicke started off looking promising, Chris soon got a punch on him that locked his jaw so bad that he couldn’t even close his mouth. After the first round, I could tell that Chris felt bad because I guess he thought that he had actually damaged him or something, but Bubs said that Heinicke was just making up excuses and being soft so the fight continued into the second and final round. In this last round, Heinicke was running on rage and when I got a glimpse of his face, it didn’t even look like he knew he was fighting Chris, he looked like he was Mel Gibson in that movie Ransom or something and he was beating the shit out of that guy who kidnapped his son or something. Chris soon got another shot onto Heinicke’s jaw and by the end of the second and final round it was clear who the victor was, and Chris was declared the winner by unanimous decision.

The second fight for the night was between Bubs and Bretto, and this fight was much more... boxingy. It involved allot less random, wild swings and more dancing around each other and all that, it just seemed more like boxing. It was a pretty heated first round and who was doing better was harder to tell than trying to tell the difference between those ranger twins in year nine or something. However, Bubs shined through the second round and despite a few illegal blows to the back of the head, Bubs was declared the victor by unanimous decision.

Like I said, I am not entirely sure when Fight Night will happen, or if it will even happen but after seeing that, I don’t know if I am more or less pumped, but all I can say is footy.

The Chantel.

When you ask someone what their favourite car is, their answer will most likely be something like an Aston Martin or Lamborghini or if they are into tuning cars something like a Skyline or something... when someone asks me what my favourite car, I like to get more specific, and by specific I mean the actual individual car. Probably one of my favourite cars ever is Quire’s car, I don’t know if it has a name, but it has to be one of the most fun cars in the world to be in. The speakers in that car are so loud that people doing tests in that maths room next to the study centre get distracted as he pulls into the car park. Jack’s Holden station wagon is another favourite car of mine. I am not exactly sure why, but I think it’s because I have permanent shotgun in the front whenever Heinicke and I are both in it at the same time. I don’t know if either of Chris’s cars are ones that I would rank amongst my favourites though, Heinicke has permanent shotgun in the red one which is pretty annoying, and all we do in it is argue over which song should be the car’s song. His blue car is great, but it sometime’s gives me and Kenny headaches. Pee Wee's Prelude is another favourite of mine, and so it T's station wagon for obvious reasons.

By far though, my favourite car in the world is Chantel; Saf’s car. Chantel is a 1986 Toyota Corona, I would like to say that it could possibly be the world’s best conditioned ’86 Corona but that would be a lie, especially considering that it might even be the worst kept car in the world. Chantel has the dodgiest front passenger window ever, it has a really nice looking window handle thing that you use to put the window down, but if you roll it down, it will get stuck somewhere, so the window handle thing is pretty much just for show. Also, if you close the door too hard, the window just falls down into the car door, so you need to take good care when you are in the front.

There have been many good memories with Chantel. We have gone out late at night sign stealing until early morning. Finding construction site’s taking speed signs, detour signs and roadwork ahead signs to put up as decoration around our rooms. I haven’t put mine up yet though, my room just has signs scattered all over the floor and leaning up against my wardrobe. There was also the time that Chantel got egged right out the front of my house. Instead of being angry, Saf was just happy that he got egged, it was a good time and a half. I thought that because of this he wouldn’t mind if I egged his car as a joke. I threw a single egg at his car, it was a great throw and splattered all over the driver door and window, but he seemed to mind because he beat the shit out of me later that night.

The best thing about Chantel was, she was a shit-box. Saf would drive into traffic cones and small signs and shit just to see what would happen, because if Chantel got damaged in any way, it isn’t like you would notice because it was already covered it dents, scratches, and mysterious markings that no one could explain... not to mention that Saf engraved Chantel on the side of the car.

Chantel’s life was cut tragically short on the 24th of September when I was cranking David Guetta so loud that we couldn’t hear that Chantel was dying. When the song ended, we could hear the last signs of life from Chantel as she broke down for the last time. It was one of the saddest moments of my life, and I can’t help but feel partially to blame, and by I can’t help it, I mean that it is hard to think otherwise when Saf keeps telling me that it is all my fault. I love you Chantel, you will be forever missed.

The toga. (2)

I don’t think I have ever written a blog and then forgotten something so majorly huge that I had to write a part two, but I don’t see this as something I forgot to mention, I think that this is just new information. So if you can remember yesterday’s blog, which was just the four memories I had from Friday night, you would probably remember my fourth memory which was something along the lines of Heinicke ringing my mum and getting her to pick me up just before ten o clock. Well, let’s just say that there is a major thing that I forgot to put in there that may change your perspective on alcohol, or at least your perspective on big gas heater things.

The first thing that happened when we got there, well it was probably like the second or third thing but not soon after the arrival to the party, this guy introduced himself to me. He seemed like a really nice guy, not the kind of person I would consider murdering or anything, and yeah. I don’t remember his name, which is understandable considering I was already unbelievably drunk, but he said he knew Breda through Lacrosse or something.

Now as Heinicke was telling me this, I was in shock, I was so sure that this didn’t happen, but as the information sunk in, I seemed to remember, so I know this isn’t bullshit like all that other shit that I was told about other times. Heinicke walked up to me and said that I had to go home, and he has already rang my mum and she was already on her way. I was really angry, I hadn’t even gotten do dance yet and Bonkers had just started playing, I really wanted to dance and I was so angry. Bonkers is one of my favourite songs to dance to at the moment, it is probably one of my favourite dance songs of all time and whenever it comes on at a party, not to sound corny or anything but I go bonkers. Heinicke wouldn’t let go of my arm because he knew that I would just run away if he did, so I told him that it was okay and I wanted to go home, as he released my arm I ran away as fast as anything has ever been. I ran through the dance floor and knocked over one of those tall gas heater things, and it fell straight into that really nice random guy’s head. Luckily, some other guy who I don’t know either caught the gas heater just before it killed that guy who I didn’t want to die.

Heinicke then caught me and took me to my dad’s car because they just got there to pick me up. I was heaps angry that I didn’t get to see Tom Wilkin at all because he was supposed to have this amazing Bogan wig and I was really keen to see it but yeah, I guess that I left before he even got there or something. I then found out that I was talking to Tom Wilkin for an extended period of time, I just don’t remember. Oh and you know how I said I would quit drinking forever and become a dancing Victorian Catholic woman? Well I haven't drank anything yet!

The toga.

I awoke at nine in the morning with a spinning head ache, rolling around in my own bed. All I could taste was those cheap Superman drinks and Jager, and all I could smell was the vomit that I threw up all over my bed at ten at night when I got home. I only remember four things, which actually isn’t that bad seeing as though I was only there for like an hour and forty five minutes.

My first memory was getting to Josh’s place at eight. The party started at eight, and I really do not know why we got there so early. I was already fucked though, I had eight Jager bombs at mine as my mum watched me, weather she was impressed or not I wouldn’t know, but I think she was too busy taking photos of us to tell me to slow down. My second memory was seeing Seb from primary school. I felt kind of bad because I couldn’t understand him when he was like ‘Hey, Cosma, do you remember me?’ or whatever he said, it was something like that.

Something I don’t remember was how much I drank. I didn’t think I had that much to drink, that’s why I was so surprised that I was so gone, but I think I found out how much I had to drink when I got up this morning and mum told me that I vomited all over my bed in my sleep and she wants me to wake up so she can clean it. Then I got in the shower and took a slash for a full minute, the streamline did not stop for a full minute, and then I vomited some more.

My third memory was seeing Meb, then I think she said something but I have no clue what it was, then I hugged her then she walked off and I fell over and stayed on the floor for a few minutes, longer than my piss would you believe, and then I got up to dance and I fell over on the dance floor like five times. I don’t know whether I was falling so much because I was so drunk or because I kept on tripping over my toga, but I’m going to say that it was a combination of the two.

My fourth and final memory of the night was Heinicke coming up to me (Microsoft word underlined this and said that it should be I but I think me sounds better. Just thought I’d let you know) and telling me that he has rung my mum and she is coming to get me. I asked him why and he said it is because I was falling on people on the dance floor or something, then I told him that I wasn’t that drunk but my mum and dad were already there so I went home and yeah. This was all at like nine forty, so I was partying for just under two hours, and it hadn’t even gotten good yet. I think, I’m not really sure about anything last night.

Right now, I have the head set that I never want to drink again. Carmen’s eighteenth is this weekend and I doubt that I will drink. Not only did alcohol ruin what could have been one of the best nights of my life, I mean I was in a toga, but it also nearly killed me in my sleep. I could have died if I was facing the wrong way when I vomited. Fucking alcohol, you used to be my friend but now I hate you, you used to be my second best friend, you used to go hand in hand with dancing, my other best friend and make my nights awesome but now you fucked everything up and I never want to see you again. I can't wait for next weekend though, it's just gonna be me and dancing. I feel like Caitlin now, all Catholic and shit... Footy time.

The Tomato Sauce Incident.

Sheridan Lee Grigg, you earned your blog mention more than anyone has ever before. You were pestering me today about not yet having a mention, about how you should be in my blog, and then you go off doing something that I can’t explain the funniness so I’ll just have to try and probably fail but it will be funny anyway. You probably already know of my amazing English class, weather you read the blog about them or have seen the one hundred and thirty one photos that no one appreciates but the people that are in them, you would know that they are amazing, and if you don’t, you do now! Unless you aren’t reading this, but you are, aren’t you?

Moving on, so the plan was to go to Cafe De Villis with the amazing people from English and anyone else who wanted to tag along, so it ended up being (in alphabetical order of course) Josh Breda, Kendall White, Sheridan Lee Grigg, Safeer Ahmad, Marie Elaina Bakas, Alena Duykers, Alex Linou, Tahlia Fairlie, Rhys Wood and the person with the shortest name I have ever met, Stevy-Nevada Davenport-Handley. So here’s how the story goes, we all wanted to hear this bit of gossip from MEB but she wouldn’t tell us, then she went to take a poo or something and Alena was the only other person who knew I think. Stevy pointed the tomato sauce bottle at Alena and said that she had five seconds to say what the goss is or she would fuck her up, Sheridan also had her hand grasped around the bottle. They counted to five, or from five down to zero... one of the two, or a combination of, I don’t really remember but the point is, they said five numbers and Alena didn’t really say much, so sauce flew from the bottle all over Alena’s jumper. Now at this point, I didn’t really know what was happening. I was already laughing almost as much as I was when Tom Wilkin was doing his dance, I had already reached that point where I needed to stand up because I was laughing so much and then I nearly fell over the chairs behind me.

As you can probably predict, Alena then grabbed the bottle and sprayed the shit out of Stevy, but this is where the story gets interesting. Who actually squeezed the bottle in the first place? Alena was wearing Sheridan’s hoodie, so you would think it wouldn’t be her, but the added information is that Sheridan only realised it was her hoodie AFTER the sauce had been squirted all over it, so she could have been the one who did it, but she claims that she didn’t because it was her hoodie, and she uses the ‘why would I do that to my hoodie’ argument.

Stevy said she didn’t do it, which is her entire argument. Who do I believe, I don’t know. Stevy’s argument seems much more believable but when I think about it more carefully it seems like they were both lying. Perhaps they both squeezed the bottle, or maybe no one did, maybe the air surrounding it just thickened and squeezed the bottle for them? Either way, Alena got covered in sauce, and then Stevy did, and then the Villis people walked outside and saw us and were not impressed. I don’t think we are ever welcome back there again, but we will be there next Thursday because it was awesome.

The blue haired brawler.

Over this last week there has been an insane amount of tension between everyone, the main being between the wogs and the Aussies but that has kind of died down because there haven’t been any over the top birthday celebrations lately. I have been so pumped for a fight and today, my dreams came true for a split second. I am completely oblivious to why they were fighting but today, Harley Lee Hall’s little sister and that blue haired chick got into some sort of a disagreement and there was going to be a fight at lunch. Everyone makes their way to the footy oval expecting to see one of the best fights in the world, or more realistically they were expecting to see a big crowd form and then teachers break it up before anything even remotely awesome happens. Of course, the second, less awesome scenario is the one that came true and there was no fight.

Word spread that after school there would be a fight at down the lane. My initial thoughts were that there would be a fight by the lane, but I am unsure whether these thoughts were because I was actually thinking them or because they were in my head because I had just heard the news. I let a few seconds pass to see if my thoughts changed but they hadn’t, if anything I was more pumped to see some fighting. Just as school had finished, we started to make our way to the lane, we met up with everyone else in the world, because everyone else in the world was going to see this fight and we made our way down to the lane. There was a thick circle full of people surrounding the two girls, but nothing came from it for a long time. They were yelling at each other for a good five minutes, and by good five minutes, I mean it wasn’t good, it was fucking boring...

The fight then took a turn from rude language to a more fight style thing, when the one without blue hair pulled the blue hair of the one with blue hair. Then the chick without blue hair got spat on by heaps of guys standing around her, it was as revolting as it was hilarious. The yelling started to get louder and then teachers came and everyone ran away. Like an antelope from The Lion King, I followed but I don’t really know why, it’s not like I can get into any trouble for being there. I stopped running, as did a few other wise antelopes, and we just walked back. Mr Ellis started approaching us and I thought that he was going to try and get us in trouble but he just asked Quire if he had written his graduation speech yet. The rest of the teachers didn’t even bat an eyelid at us; we just walked past them and made our way to the car park.

I was really hoping that I could start today’s blog something along the lines of If you weren’t down the lane after school then you missed the greatest fight in the history of mankind but I guess that I can’t. Well I could, but that would just be a blatant lie. This week feels like it has just been a huge build up, tomorrow will either have the best fight in the world or, it just won’t. Either way, I’m pumped for the weekend!

The Memoirs of Tom Wilkin. (4)

Moving away from footy, the continuation of Tom Wilkin’s memoirs continues. Like all footy players, and don’t give me shit about stereotyping all footy players liking to party because I asked them all and they all said they like to party, even Kepler Bradley, and he suffers from a serious mental disability. Tom has been partying since year ten, and amongst all those years arose amazing stories, that are going to make an amazing chapter for this memoir, now let’s memoir.

The first time that Tom got really drunk was one time at Jack’s house. Jack and Tom had nothing to do, and Jack’s brother and all his friends were getting drunk in his backyard. They decided to venture out into what could have been Narnia but was more realistically Jack’s backyard and joined them. As soon as they got out there, they started yelling at them saying that they were going to get them smashed by the end of the night, and that’s exactly what happened. Now Tom doesn’t remember exactly what he drank, but they were playing assorted drinking games that he doesn’t really remember. By the end of the night, Tom was crying in Brett’s front yard because Brett wasn’t there and Jack was freaking out because he couldn’t feel his hair, and because he thought that Tom’s dog that was forty kilometres away was chasing after him. The two drunkards returned to Jack’s to vomit all over his backyard after the attempted sculling of three UDL’s.

The first real big party that Tom went to was the Unley High School Semi Formal after party, which was a night that few remember. Tom drank three quarters of a bottle of Jim Bean and doesn’t remember anything. Tom returned to school on Monday to find out that he got with Nikki McConnel, Carmen Da Silva, Alice Thomas, Leah Daw and that Eleni girl from Germany. Tom is not sure if any of this even happened, but he likes to believe it anyway, because if it is true, it would easily pass as one of the best nights of his life.

What could pass as the most fucked Tom has ever been would be Charlotte’s seventeenth. Tom started drinking at Heinicke’s house at about four in the afternoon; he drank six beers during the soccer where Fabian Babiero scored the most amazing goal from outside the box that put Adelaide United into the final for the A League. After playing a game of soccer with a tennis ball in the backyard, they headed off as Tom had another six pack. When he got there, he did the usual partying which he doesn’t remember beside’s leaving his bag behind the back shed because Aaron told him to. He then did two Woodstock’s from a beer bong, and then he was fucked. He just sat there for the rest of the night on a chair telling everyone who came near him to fuck off, including Charlotte’s mum. After everyone pissed on Tom and covered him in leaves, he then started vomiting what looked like black tar according to everyone. People wanted to call an ambulance but then Tom’s dad just appeared from nowhere and took him home to save the day.

The last party that we will talk about in this memoir will be Tom’s incident at my own seventeenth earlier this year, forever known as Tom’s incident. Tom had two yaeger bombs at the footy club with his drinks vouchers he received for being best on ground; he then made his way to Nathan’s for pre drinks which included another four yaeger bombs, and a full bottle of Jim Bean that was shared with Brett Ellis. Tom has no recollection of getting to mine, but when he did, he tried to get with every single girl that was around, by the way this is his official apology to all the girls he tried to get with. He then tried to start a fight on his best friend, Jack; he punched him in the head several times before Jack finally swung back and split open Tom’s lip. Tom then started yelling out that he is better at footy than Jack and that was the only reason that Jack wanted to punch him. Tom then walked home.

There are many more drunken times but as you can probably see, this is already fairly long. The memoirs of Tom Wilkin, as usual will continue soon, so keep an eye open.

The race war that never was.

I don’t know about every school in the world, but I am going to pretend that I do, in saying that; Unley High School is a lot like every other school in the world. It is like every other school in the way that there are different groups; a lot of these groups of coarse are divided by race. You have the Asians who don’t really get along with anyone but other Asians, and they kind of stick with each other and don’t really say much to anyone else, they mind their own business and stay out of everyone else’s. I’m not going to bother getting into the little groups, just the other two big ones. You then have the wogs, who are what they, are, guys and girls from all over the world, and by that I mean they come from Greece, Italy or Lebanon... oh, and Rick is from Germany. Then you have the Aussies, which consists of pretty much everyone else. They are the three racial groups, unless you want to call rowers a race, which I guess they are in a way but technically they aren’t.

So there have been quite a few birthdays recently, a lot of people turning eighteen and the only way to celebrate a birthday is to get party hats and those annoying blowie horns, yes? Well the wogs don’t seem to think so. On Anna-Lisa’s birthday last week, the wogs went absolutely nuts when the annoying blowie horn things, which I’ll just call blowies from now on, and while the Aussie’s think it’s all well and good to blow a blowie to celebrate someone’s birthday, the wog’s think that lunch time is a time for them to sit peacefully and talk about rims or something, I don’t know. On Anna-Lisa’s birthday, the wogs went absolutely ballistic and raged at the Aussies for distracting their lunch time and to put it mildly, they really take things too far.

Today was Dajana’s birthday, I decided to go out of my way to buy her party hats and blowies to help everyone get into the party spirit and yeah, it all went pretty well. By pretty well, I mean that one of the wogs threw an apple at one of the Aussie benches, it completely missed and then Punda threw an apple that hit Rick right in the side of his face, which was found amazingly funny by everyone except for him. He got up and was ready to smash Punda before Henri put a stop to his German rage. Even Big Bustly Bubs was keen on getting involved on this race war, but before anyone knew it, the crowd was disbanded by teachers and the race war that could have been, didn’t go ahead.

Even though T-Bag (professional internet user) pointed out that party hats don’t hurt anyone, as of today there is a ban on party hats and blowies. It is devastating that some angry wogs had to put an end to what was meant to be a birthday celebration, but all I can say is I’m keen for Cam’s birthday tomorrow.

The Bet.

As Chris and Heinicke are having this ridiculous fight on my bed, I am thinking about what to write about. My wheelie computer chair is swaying because Chris’s leg is in my face and Heinicke is moving him in what could be considered a form of break dance fighting. It is hard to think and harder to type, it’s even harder to get them to shut the fuck up but yeah I’m not all that fussed. Every time I look over at them, I can see the lamp sitting on my bed, slowly making its way off my bed head. Heinicke is being Darth Sidious and Chris is being Mace Windu, I don’t know how this escalated from a simple misunderstanding about who is better at FIFA but they are really going at it now. I should be stopping them, but my blog commitment is just too great, and it is really interesting watching this fight... I guess I should move my lamp, but I won’t.

The fight seemed to be over, but Chris just saw that Heinicke posted up on his Facebook something that makes Chris seem like a homosexual, it was then when the rage built and Chris started up the fight again. They seem to be using lightning powers or something and it just got unbelievably intense, they are shooting lightning at me now and trying to get my involved but I am pretending not to notice so I can stay out of it. Okay, so the fight just finished because my dad got home and I don’t think his appreciation level of them squealing and hitting each other and probably breaking something would be necessarily high. In fact he might be so unappreciative that he would be disappointed to a degree.

The fight ended with Heinicke on top holding Chris down. If you ask me, Heinicke is the winner, and if you ask Heinicke I’m sure his opinion would be the same as mine. Chris thinks he won, he just yelled ‘I did win!’ but then they both agreed to a game of FIFA and whoever wins won the fight, and is better than them at everything for the next twenty four hours. Heinicke is now up three nil and it is not even half time. Chris is already begging for a rematch and making excuses like ‘It’s just not my FIFA day, I have a hangover,’ when he doesn’t have any form of a hangover, ‘I really do’ he just said, when he doesn’t.

It is now a few seconds into the second half and Chris has his first shot on goal, one on one with the keeper and fucked it right up. It is now the fifty seventh minute and Chris just got a red card, and Heinicke just scored, so I’m just going to go out on a limb and say, oh wait, Heinicke just scored again. Yeah so I was going to say I’ll go out on a limb and say that Heinicke has pretty much won this game. Chris scored a goal and he was saying ‘did you put it in the blog?’ pretty much just after Chris regained his breath from what he said, Heinicke scored a cracker, so yeah I did put it in Chris, along with Heinicke’s you Serb. That Serbian guy just scored again but there is like five in game minutes left, which means there is like one actual human minute left and Chris is now down by four goals, so I don’t see why it is worth mentioning. Yeah the game just finished and Chris is going to shit again, he always seems to shit when he comes over, and this is his second shit today, both have been here in the last hour or so. I guess there’s no need to think of what to write about now seeing as though I just wrote all that.

Christopher Tankosic (Manchester United) 2 – 6 (Arsenal) Andrew Heinicke
5’ E. Adebayor (Heinicke)
15’ R. Van Persie (Heinicke)
23’ R. Van Persie (Heinicke)
63’ R. Van Persie (Heinicke)
66’ E. Adebayor (Heinicke)
75’ D. Berbatov (Tankosic)
77’ E. Adebayor (Heinicke)
85’ C. Ronaldo (Tankosic)

The durnk tiems.

I think I have mentioned this before but just to make sure that everyone knows, I have never vomited from alcohol. Well, until last night. It wasn’t because I was more drunk than I have ever been or anything, I was nowhere near as bad as I was at Linou’s, when I was crying and pissing all over his bathroom, but I was pretty fucked. I think what did it wasn’t the amount I drank, but what I drank. We were playing Kings, for anyone that doesn’t know it’s a drinking game where each card means you do a certain thing, and there are all these cards in the middle of the table surrounding a big glass, and whoever breaks the a line in the cards has to drink whatever is in the jug, and the jug has been slowly growing with bits of everybody’s drink throughout the game. So that was a really poor description of the game but just look it up if you actually want to know, but anyway, I broke the cards and had to drink the contents of the big cup, which was absolutely gross. It consisted of vodka, red label, pulse, beer, another type of beer and a third type of beer. To say that it was the hardest thing in the world to drink would be an understatement, because it tasted worse than anything i could imagine.

No one believed me about how bad it was, besides Nathan who actually tried it, everyone else just said it couldn’t be that bad and called me a pussy for taking so long to drink it. Anyway, I got about three quarters down before I felt like vomiting, I got outside and vomited, and this is when I started to think. Why the hell do people vomit when they are drinking and then say something like ‘oh man, I feel so much better now!’ After I vomited all I could taste was vomit in my mouth for a good hour. I don’t know how that is better, because I definitely felt worse after I vomited but hey, I vomited for the first time so I accomplished what I wanted to accomplish for the night. Now I am just going to try and never do that again... as in never vomit, not never drink.

I have only ever had two hangovers, both were on occasions when I went to bed tipsy, but I have been to bed absolutely fucked twice before, and I woke up still a little bit drunk. Last night was one of the two times that I woke up drunk and then I sober up and didn’t get a hangover, probably the best feeling in the world. I have actually had a pretty good stretch of good days in a row, since Monday I have just been having awesome times and nothing has really gone wrong. I don’t really remember last night but I don’t think anything went wrong. I guess what happened will all come back in texts and pictures. Naheim!

Were you drunk last night?
From: Caitlin Leech
8:50am 20-SEP-09

Yeah lol why?
Sent: 20-SEP-09
11:56am

Caz you called me 3
times at 3 am ! Haha
From: Caitlin Leech
12:08pm 20-SEP-09

Lol well i dont remember
any me that i can assure
you... Nah i still feel
drunk, im gonna wright
todays blog, ill be sure
to mention you lol
Sent: 20-SEP-09
12:09pm

The Memoirs of Tom Wilkin. (3)

You may have thought that Tom Wilkin’s life really warrants three days worth of blogging, but I have some news for you... we are nowhere near done. Today’s issue is all about the sporting achievements of Tom Wilkin. Starting his soccer career at Belair Primary School Under eights, well, I don’t know why I said that because there is no recollection of any primary school... anything. Moving on, he then played for Adelaide Hills Hawks, of course, nothing exciting happened then either. After playing for the Hawks for a few years, Tom realised that nothing interesting was really happening. It was then when the life changing decision was made to put all his efforts into footy. Wilkin’s first game was against Urrbrae High School towards the end of year eleven. He was only on for three minutes in the last quarter, but in those three minutes displayed a miracle. Urrbrae kicked the ball out of bounds on the fall in the back pocket. Andrew Heinicke picked it up and Tom Wilkin made what could be called the greatest lead in footy history and secured the mark through a beautiful kick from Andrew Heinicke. I know what you’re thinking, what happened next? Did he score? No, but it was his first ever possession, and by telling this story Andrew Heinicke get’s his first mention in these memoirs.

Tom’s next game was in March 2009, Unley versus Henley, open knockout. How he made the open knockout team is still unknown. Tom came on at the start of the last quarter, already beating his previous game time and was welcomed by huge applause. The game was lost already, seeing as though Unley were down by over seven goals but, footy. Tom racked up a few disposals and did some pretty good stuff for his second game. This next moment was so much more of a miracle than the last miracle that I’m considering not even calling the last one a miracle. In fact, this is the miracle, not the last one, so get ready! Coming on the field to tag onto Wilkin was what some would call an ogre, but bigger than Shrek who you are probably thinking of right now, like imagine something fucking huge, like that dragon in Shrek, it was like that big. The ball came into Henley’s forward fifty, where Tom was stranded with three other players, including the dragon from Shrek, but not as nice, it was like the meanness of Shrek with the size of that nice dragon, you know the one that gets with Eddie Murphy. So the ball floated in and Tom Wilkin soared like an eagle, went over all three players and took the mark at the top of the pack, coming down like a tonne of bricks. Got up, and took the kick, straight into a Henley player of which they scored a goal from, but that last bit is irrelevant, it was a miracle.

Tom Wilkin’s first goal is less of a miracle and probably one of the funniest things that has ever happened. Brett Ellis was running in while getting tackled but still running even though he was getting tackled and running in because he is amazing and he is Brett Ellis. Tom was running alongside him for the hands, of which Brett Ellis obliged. Wilkin now had the ball, running in towards the goals on a forty five degree angle, he ran to about the thirty, arched his back, swung out onto his left foot, and slotted it through the big sticks, gun barrel straight! It was probably the most excited feeling in his lifetime, and he then yelled the loudest anyone has ever yelled on that oval, or in the world... but because Unley were up by so much, no one seemed to care. There was then a very awkward silence, but this silence was then broken by the continuation of Wilkin’s screaming and the laughter of a few spectators.

This is the end of part three, but not the end of Wilkin’s footy career. Although at times we seem to be digging deep looking for something to mention, there is still more to talk about in the amazingly flawless life of Tom full of epic times and achievements, keep tuned for part four, footy.

The 408.

Year twelve finishes really soon, like... in three weeks or something, and as much as I am looking forward to finishing school and all that, I really am going to miss it. There are some things I will miss more than others though; I am not going to miss my art class at all. I always dreaded it but I think it was when Ms Moore said to me, and I quote, ‘I want you to drop out of school so I never have to acknowledge you again,’ when I thought that maybe, just maybe I am not her favourite student, probably not even the top ten or anything even close. It is a pretty harsh statement I think, she could have just said something a little more encouraging and maybe make me want to do my work but she is such a bitch to me that I won’t even give her the gratitude of dropping out of art class, I need to stay in that class or I can’t get my SACE and then I won’t pass year twelve and I am not going to do year thirteen, so yeah, fuck you Ms Moore.

A class I will miss though is English. It’s not like I am doing particularly amazing in this class or anything, but I am not doing particularly amazing in any of my classes, but when I have English, it is generally the highlight of my day. When we aren’t doing English work, we are generally having amazingly awesome photo booth sessions, drinking free FUIC’s, talking about awesome shit, making new BFFL’s, listening to some of the best music that the music industry has to offer (such as Bossy by Kelis), writing amazing raps for graduation or just checking out Mr Hafer in a totally non perverted or weird way.

My English class consists of, in alphabetical order, Alex Linou, who brings his laptop that we do all of our photo booth sessions on. Alena Duykers, who has the amazing talent of rapping of which got us all enthused to start this amazing rap. Tim Summers, who I need say no more because you all know him from Myspace. Andrew Curzons who generally has his iPod on so loud that it is easier to make out the song he is listening to than it is to do work. Marie-Elaina Bakas who because of English has become my BFFL for the time being, I mean for life... Tahlia Fairlie who brought to everyone’s attention what a minx Mr Hafer is, like we all didn't know already... Charlotte Viner who brings the FUIC’s and of course Mr Hafer who supplies eye candy and logical opinions on any bullshit we come up with. Oh and Raman on occasion but he isn’t in our class so he is like a sub member of the awesome English clan.

My Thursday is just double English, well it is actually early health which no one ever attends, then double English and then Tech Graphics all the way in lesson six after my triple free, but it’s not like we do anything in that. It’s not like we get anything done in English either I guess so my Thursday has to be the most unproductive day in the world, but I wouldn’t miss another Thursday if my life depended on it. I love you English class!

The rise of Sealio FC.

Winning the final game of the season, RAC United has become favourites for the 2009-2010 season of indoor soccer. RAC United had a rough start to the season but has recently been drawing the crowds and winning their matches, the most recent being yesterday’s game against UNCLES. RAC United dominated the UNCLES in a game that in the beginning had fans worried but RAC pulled out in the end with an 9-5 victory, not even pulling in head prefects could help them against the unbelievable force of RAC United. With an estimated crowd of twenty; which is unbelievable for an indoor soccer game, RAC played one of the best games they have ever played, maybe even as good as the game against the Lumberjacks.

Next season couldn’t look more promising, although RAC United are no longer, instead they are calling themselves Sealio FC in memorial of one of the best friends the team has ever known. Sealio lived his life as a fielder whenever backyard cricket was played at the Brettodome. Sealio has caught countless balls and was an amazing fielder, even with his problems, such as not being able to move in any way unless caught in a gust of wind or something. Unless you haven’t gathered yet, Sealio is a rubber... was a rubber seal, and died not too long ago. No one knows why or how he died, he was supposedly found popped in the Brettodome one morning and everyone claims to have no idea how.

When Sealio passed away, RAC United knew that Sealio had to be avenged, and the only way to do this was to name the team after him and get the name across, and make sure everyone knows of Sealio. Sealio would be proud of last night’s game, we played it for him and we won it for him. Unlike RAC United, where the uniform consisted of a white top and shorts, we are going full out for Sealio FC and buying a Sealio strip with the logo on it, which is still in high dispute which one will be used, and of course a number and the name of the player on the back of the top. Of course, this is all being paid for by our sponsor Port Road Chicken and Chips which serves what has to be some of the best food in the world.

Sealio FC start their journey into the indoor soccer world very soon. The expectations are high and the opponents are worried, well... probably not because I doubt they know who Sealio FC is, but they will know after the first few games I’m sure, because we will be dominating.

SEALIO, SEALIO, SEALIO!

The Memoirs of Tom Wilkin. (2)

This is the continuation of the memoirs of Thomas Wilkin; we will pick up where we left off, Tom has just met Hannah, he drank his iced coffee along with many more, but this is where the story takes a turn for the worse. The canteen stopped selling things that were considered bad for you, such as chocolates, lollies, soft drinks and of coarse... Iced Coffee... for some reason they still serve pies and sausage rolls which I am pretty sure are bad for you, probably worse than Ice Coffee but that’s a story for another day. To be honest I will probably not mention this again but...okay back to the memoirs.

Moving on from Ice Coffee and onto a more positive note, Tom had made a new friend, and one that will stick with him forever... or at least until today, and maybe a few more days.m and his name was, and still is, Jack Sanders. They always caught the same bus to and from school but were never properly acquainted, until the 2006 World Cup started. Every morning from then on, they would talk about the results from the previous night, and especially the results of Australia. After the World Cup finished they continued to talk about soccer until Tom invited him over for a game of FIFA. They were in Tom’s bedroom playing FIFA when somehow they decided that showing each other their penises would be a good idea for comparative reasons. They were both very impressed and continued to be naked together.

One faithful Saturday night, Jack and Tom were sitting at the computer desk at Jack’s house. No one was home, so of course they were naked. Tom was playing with his brand new camera phone, no this is not a metaphor, he had a new camera phone, which was pretty amazing back in year ten. Tom decided to take an experimental photo of his lap, which of course included some genitalia. He made the seemingly meaningless decision of giving the camera phone to Jack to have a look at the quality of the picture. This is where what seemed to be a meaningless decision to hand over the camera phone became a regretful one, and this is where the stories can change depending on who you ask. If you ask Jack, he accidently kept on pressing the middle button which sent the photo to Aaron because he was first on the phonebook, but many believe he indeed did it on purpose, knowing that Aaron would show everyone. The truth is unknown, either way it is fucking funny. The photo got to Aaron, and from there it went to everyone. By Monday, everyone with eyes had seen Tom Wilkins penis. His nickname Tiny Tom caused humorous one liners from many. Including, ‘Oh, no wander they call you Tiny Tom’ or ‘Hey Big Tom’.

There is still much more to mention in the life of Thomas Wilkin, but there just isn’t enough time to fit the rest into this one. I am going to say to tune in tomorrow but chances are I won’t have it done by tomorrow, because that’s what happened last time. But just keep in mind that some time in the next few weeks, there will be a third part to this. Who knows, it might even be tomorrow, but more realistically it won’t be.

The FUIC*.

Today was one of those days that make me happy to be where I am, everything just seemed to go well right from the start, so I’ll take you back to the start so you can see how good the day actually was. I woke up for my early English lesson, which is my most beloved lesson of all, not early but English, it’s the best lesson in the world, I won’t get into that now because I am sure that one day it will just be about how amazing English is so I’ll just leave it at footy. Anyway, so I got up and got in the shower... normally when I go in the shower that early in the morning I just stand there and forget I am in there because I am so out of it and I let the water pound that bit under the neck but above the back, I think it’s called the lower neck quadrant... anyway, so normally I am in there for so long doing nothing and then mum just walks in, bangs on the door before I can really do anything and then I rush through washing my hair and cleansing the rest of me. This morning though, I get out of the shower just as mum is about to bang on the door, great times!

I then made my way to my bedroom and put on the new Muse album, which I could talk about for the rest of this thing but I won’t because I know that not all of you like Muse... which means that some of you are my enemy but hey, footy. Moving on from footy, I know I said I usually put on dance music and get into some naked dancing but this morning I was feeling all Musey. Then we go to school and in early English, the most amazing thing happened, I got a free FUIC* from Charlotte, which is probably one of the best things that has ever happened to anyone, ever.

Then in double Health I finished my advertisement assignment for English, which was an advertisement for the blog which was awesome because I got to use the logo I made for the assignment on the blog now so everything just looks heaps footy. I am not even sure what we are doing in Health right now, I think there is some two thousand word assignment due soon that I don’t really know what to do but I think I am writing about Marijuana or something... So already today I have finished my assignment, got a free FUIC*, had a well timed shower and listened to the new Muse album again. I then went to Wendy’s, which is probably one of the best places in the world because the people there love me so much they just give me shit, so today I got a large shake n dog for seven dollars instead of the eight or whatever it is and then they gave me a new card thing for free shake n dogs, not my best Wendy’s effort but still, awesome.

Then I saw one of the funniest things ever, I don’t know how to explain it but when you tense all your face muscles it sort of looks like you are going Super Saiyan or something. Not everyone can go Super Saiyan but Aaron can do it so amazing that it made me laugh more than I have laughed since the last time I watched Anchorman. Then we drove back to school just in time for Anna Lisa’s birthday do, which was similar to Rachel’s but instead of party hats, we had those blowy things that make annoying as all fuck noises. Great times! Then we went back to Mitcham but in Quires car, which means David Guetta on insane volume which sounds amazingly...loud on his speakers, and then back to school and then I went home instead of going to art.

The day was perfect, I accomplished so much and put in such little effort, but then the perfect day was ruined when Ms Moore rang my mum asking why I wasn’t in art... god damn it...

*Farmers Union Iced Coffee

The Party Hats.

Today was Rachel Dodman’s birthday, that girl that broke Chris’s heart. I thought that I would put away my hate for her for this one day at least while we celebrate her birthday, and to say that party hats were in order would be an understatement. Well it wouldn’t be an understatement but let’s just say that we took party hats to the next level.

We had a bet to see who could wear a party hat for the longest. In the bet was Chrisman, Heinicke and myself, the bet wasn’t for money though, this was a dick suck bet. The only way you can lose if you take the party hat off yourself or if it falls off by something natural like falling off in the wind or falling off while you run or something. If someone knocks it off your head or someone takes it off you don’t lose, you just put it back on and you’re okay. I was almost sure that Chris would be the first to crack, he kept giving us different scenario’s and see if you can take it off then, like in the shower or when shaving or if you were to get a haircut. I don’t know if Dajana was in on the bet but she had her party hat on for quite a long time so yeah, footy.

The party hats took us to Mitcham shops where we got some awkward looks from everyone in the world (yes, everyone in the world was in Mitcham shops this morning), but that didn’t stop us from wearing our party hats. There was one other rule though, if someone other than yourself breaks your party hat you just aren’t in it anymore, you don’t owe any dick sucks but you are just shit and everyone can just say how shit you are for the rest of the day, or until eight o’ clock at night as we randomly and officially said.

Now just so you know how a dick suck bet works, all you need to know is that they generally don't mean anything. It just means that the other person owes you a dick sucking. I owe Chrisman two I think, I don't remember what for but I do. I doubt that I am ever going to suck his dick but yeah, if he ever wants it I guess I have to do it for him.

I normally don’t go to Health because it is just a waste of time, but today I was forced to go in so I did... I sure do regret that though, Chris and I walked into Health just to have Ollie and Christine break our amazing party hats. In a way, it was great because I didn’t have this irritating as all fuck itch on my neck and under chin bit but yeah... and we didn’t lose, we were just shit for the rest of the day, no dick suckings in order... and Andrew Heinicke, if you are reading this and are still wearing your party hat, please take it off, you have won.

The naked dancing.

I don’t really believe in routines or anything, but whenever I get up, it feels like I do the same thing every morning. My routine generally takes me to shower once I have gotten out of bed, but once I am there my routine differs each day, sometimes I get in and out of the shower in like seven minutes and feel heaps accomplished and environmental, sometimes I spend upwards of twenty minutes in the shower letting the water rain down on my back like amazing footy weather... so I guess it is less of a routine and more of a...nothing... okay, so after the shower I dry myself and then make my way to my bedroom, when in there the routine kicks in again and I do what I do every morning, put my amazing dance music on full blast and dance while getting dressed, I can dance and get dressed at the same time because I am that awesome, but that’s a story for another day.

So this morning I was naked in my room dancing, I had a shower to go to the footy and watch Mini play but I’ll get to that later. Anyway, so I was naked... yeah, naked and dancing and the music was so loud I couldn’t hear anything, The Rain by Calvin Harris was on which is a great song to dance naked to, then I grab my underpants and incorporate putting them on into the dancing, it looked awesome I assume. Anyway, the second I pull the undies up T Bag walks through my door... that is fucked! If I took a little bit longer to do anything, T Bag would have walked in on me naked dancing. I just can’t get over it, it is fucked. Then once T Bag walks in he just says ‘oh,’ and then Lehmann walks in and he says, ‘footy!’

I could go on to talk about the footy, or the old lady that I yelled footy at on the way and I think she shat her pants, or the idea’s we had about remixing Riverside with T saying ‘Egging’ and some other stuff that happened today but I am just astonished at the amazing timing that...just wow...okay I’m going to have another power nap, just wow...so yeah, looks like I won't get to the footy later, nap time.

The pondering.

This has to be the dullest weekend in a while, usually on weekends I can at least write about what I have done or what I am going to do but nothing is on, and compared to the last three party filled weekends this is just dull... Last night, Chris, Linou and Jadon were chilling at mine and me unless you didn’t already gather that I was there. Nothing at all was on, like, nothing, we were just sitting there watching my brother play the FIFA 10 demo, which is the exact same thing as 09 by the way, not a single thing even remotely changed as far as I can tell. Anyway, we went for a drive to see if that would cure our boredom and it sort of did I guess. We decided to drive around and we made our way to Unley High School, it’s a great place to just go walk around and yeah, anyway, I don’t really know what I am talking about so I’ll skip to the good bit.

Unless you don’t know, it is illegal to be at a public school after eleven at night, they just assume that by you being there, you are going to break shit and burn the school down and raid lockers and steal shit and anything else that you can possible do that would be bad. So as we drive down that road to the car park that has the amazingly fast speed limit of ten going even faster, we must have been going at least twenty, if not twenty five. Thinking that we were going to die, Jadon yelled for us to slow down in a mad panic attack and then he lent on the wheel and honked on the horn. I thought to myself, ‘man, cops always get called whenever we make noise at school this late, honking that horn is probably not the best idea of all time, wouldn’t be the worst, but not the best. Then again, what really is the best idea ever, and whatever it is, surely it can’t be beaten by a random idea.’ As I was ridiculously side tracked by thinking of the premise of thinking about what the best idea ever would be, we pull into the car park and see a car. My trail of thoughts then pondered over to who it would be, and then my thoughts turned into words when I saw that it was a security car and those words said something like ‘let’s get the fuck out of here’.

Just a word of advice, do not get Linou as your driver if you ever go egging or if you want to kill a man and get away or if you want to rob a bank or anything that involves fast evasive driving, this security guy was chasing us and Linou was going like forty until he just pulled over...imagine if you did that after you egged a guy, he would fuck you up. Anyway, this guy talked to us and yeah, that’s it for that half of the story. Then we were thinking about which other schools we could go to and just walk around, we decided on Saint John’s which if you don’t know is up near like, Blackwood or some shit... anyway, so we went over to Saint John’s and the gate was closed so we just started driving off and made it to some petrol station to see if the car was okay, it smelt like the clutch exploded, anyway... as we are ready to drive off, we see a security car pulling into the petrol station and my mind begins to ponder again, not as much as before but there was definitely pondering, ‘fuck me, that is so the same guy!’

It was, he walks over to us and asks, ‘are you those guys that I kicked out of Unley High?’ but that doesn’t matter, you probably won’t find this that amazing but the same guy was all the way up in Blackwood after we saw him at Unley...amazing, weather it was just a coincidence that we were in two completely random places together or he followed us, it was still fucking awesome, and of coarse the second this happened, my mind pondered... ‘yes, I was hoping something would happen tonight that is worth writing about!’

The truth behind Facebook.

Facebook seems to have this unbelievable power over people. If it is in someone’s status update then people think it must be true, someone is only in a relationship when Facebook says they are, if someone isn’t tagged in any photos then chances are they don’t exist. Some of my good friends know my Facebook password, but they never log in to do anything, that would just be dog. Leaving your Facebook on though, that’s a whole other story. If you leave your Facebook logged in and unattended to for a second around people like Chrisman (the guy who was a dick and then he changed and now he isn’t a dick but he is still kind of a dick when he wants to be) and Saf (just some Arab friend of mine) your Facebook will get fucked up!

I left my bedroom to get beverages for my two guests, Chris and Saf because I am just such a nice guy. I return to see my Facebook status that reads, ‘i love massive cock in my mouth’. The quite obviously false status not only get’s two people to like it, but a further four comments, but then Saf’s car got egged so I guess Karma got him back.

This is far from the worst case though, just the most recent. Last weekend we had pre drinks at mine and Chris left the computer logged into his Facebook, he left it logged in and the computer on and when I got back from the party at like, four in the morning my computer was still on, and he was still logged in. Without thinking, I make his Facebook status ‘feels like shit. man, i shouldn’t have got with that guy’. This was a much more believable status and it got more attention, including comments from chicks that he added because he thought they were hot that read, ‘Are you gay?’

When leaving my Facebook logged in for longer, I have had my relationship status changed to ‘In an open relationship with (the first person they saw on my friends list that would be funny if I was in an open relationship with)’ And countless status updates saying random shit and messages sent to people that I had to later explain wasn’t me.

You may think that we are dicks for doing this, but as I like to think of it, it’s like someone taking a huge shit in a toilet and then not flushing it. You have to flush it for them when you go in and chances are you are going to be fucking disgusted by this. So when I go on my laptop and it says that I am logged into the Facebook of whoever was just on it, I have to log out for them, which is disgusting. So while you’re there, why don’t you pick up their shit and smear it in their face, or more realistically, change their Facebook status for them. The only rule is that you can’t delete your status, no matter what it says, it has to stay there because you are a the kind of disgusting person who shits in a toilet and leaves it there, and you deserve to have a gross Facebook status.

The Lumberjacks fall.

It was the best game we have ever played; RAC United beat The Lumberjacks (they aren't actually called that but they had big beards) eight goals to five. We finished fifth on the final ladder and the top four are the teams that play in the finals to decide who is the best team I guess. We could have cheated but neither of the two idea's I previously had really came into play. We didn't hide the team sheet from them and we didn't kill any of them, pretty devastating, really.

There was one third option that I didn't even consider though. I guess the reason I didn't consider it is because there is nothing we can do about it, it is just something that may happen and if it happens then we make finals by default. If a team has any outstanding fines or owed money to Life Be In It they cannot play in the finals. So to put things even more bluntly than I already have, we have moved into fourth spot due to one of the teams in the top four not paying their fines, and that is fucking great!

What was once a dream that would never come true has become within reach, RAC United have a chance to win the grand final, all they have to do is win two more games. In front of a record breaking audience for court one (11) we demolished the lumberjacks, not even their terrible diving skills could get them enough frees to come back. If we can play like that for just two more games, the dream will become a reality.

On a less sporting note, I have killed two birds with one stone by making a banner for the blog as my English Advertising Assignment and that way I can replace that old ugly picture that used to be up there. Plus, this way, no matter what one you are reading, there will always be a picture of Chrisman with the foreskin on his head pulled back, and of coarse, a sexy beret.

The Superman.

I have been told how bad energy drinks like Red Bull and Mother are for you, but I have never really believed it. I mean, it's not like it's going to be good for you, no shit, but it can't be that bad for you. There was this thing on Sixty Minutes not too long ago about how bad they are for you, and I am not exactly one to trust television. I don't watch television at all anymore, I used to watch it sometimes but nothing interests me. Whenever I am in the room with my mum or dad when they are watching like A Current Affair or Today Tonight or one of those shit ass shows I get angry because it just looks like everything they say is such bullshit, anyway, so naturally, I didn't believe that energy drinks were that bad for you.

I don't drink that many energy drinks due to the fact that they cost way too much, not because they are bad for you or anything. I mean hell, I had like four Red Bulls in like ten minutes on the cruise, I didn't even get any high off it or any effect or anything I don't think. When I go to parties or an occasion where I am going to get my drink on, I love those alcoholic energy drink type things, like Pulse or Hi NRG or Elevate and the rest, there's heaps of them, and they are all fucking awesome.

Normally it is cheaper to buy a four pack of Pulse or something than to buy a four pack of Red Bull and a bottle of vodka and do it yourself... normally. There are these new energy drinks out, I don't know if you know of them or if you have ever had one but they are called Superman. They taste great, just like a Red Bull, but for some reason or another, they are insanely cheap. Now Chrisman and I had just bought a bottle of tequila, I have already gone over most of this story in my dancing post but I will just skim through it now. Anyway, long story short, a four pack of Superman was three dollars. Without thinking why they would be so cheap compared to the same tasting Red Bull which goes for like fourteen dollars a four pack or something, Chrisman bought a four pack... and I bought four four packs.

We mixed them with tequila and yeah, like I said before, it was fucking awful. We probably should have gotten vodka or something instead of tequila but yeah, I learned a valuable lesson from that. Anyway, we still had two four packs in my fridge and Chris was over wanting to watch a movie or something. We crack open the first four pack and put on Anchorman, what I now realize is one of the funniest movies ever made. We had two each and then opened the next four pack, we had one each and then the movie was over so he left and I went to bed.

I awoke the next morning needing to urinate, as you do when you drink three energy drinks and then go straight to bed without pissing. I took my clothes off and got completely naked... I know, erotic... I got in the shower and began to bathe, then I started to pee, and what do I see flowing from Little Cosma (my penis)? Fluorescent Green Urine, that literally glowed. My reactions to the piss; in order, were the following.

Oh Jesus Christ my piss is actually green.

I am going to die.

I am never going to drink another energy drink ever again.

This must be why they are three dollars a four pack.

Oh nice, I have something to write about in my blog. Green piss!

I should probably go and buy some more of these before they go back up in price.

The fireworks.

Catching up on a botched child hood is hard, but not impossible. I used to go to the show every year, then in year five, we went to the Gold Coast, went to all the worlds and such...then mum just said that there is no point going to the show anymore because it is nothing compared to the worlds. Of coarse, being the little year five kid that I was, I believed her and we stopped going to the show. That is where my botched childhood begins, I have not been to to the show since year five, I am now in year twelve and I went to the show yesterday...all I can say is...it was the fucking greatest thing in the world... besides dancing of coarse.

It's almost weird talking to people about the show that have been to the show every year, people are like 'how are the new rides?' and of coarse I don't know which rides are new, I only went on two rides. I went on this ride called Breakdance or something which was fucking insanely awesome. It plays awesome dance music as it spins you to shit, so I went on that three times...yeah...three... Then I went on this Allabama ride or something, not sure what it was called but it was something Arabic like Safeer. Anyway, that one was okay, but it got kind of repetitive but still a rad ride. The ghost train was fucking awful, I don't know why we went on it, it like got stuck or something and yeah, there were two guys that jump out to scare you, the first one I screamed at him and said he was a dick after I shat my pants a little, and the second one I didn't even see jump out.

So I ended up spending, what...seven dollars a ride, three times on the Breakdance and then like one on the Arabalobama and then that ghost train...shit man, I spent fucking like thirty five dollars on rides... Then where did that other seventy five go...I bought an amazing laminated Transformers poster for fifteen, a sour showbag thing for six dollars but because I am awesome and I am acquainted with Laura behind the showbag thing she put a Wonka showbag in the sour one, which is a total value of eighteen dollars worth of showbags for six dollars, win! Then I bought what has to be the greatest purchase of the night, if not...my lifetime. A raver's hoodie with blue monkey's all over it, now when I go out to a party, I will look like a chav!

When it came to the fireworks, I was pumped, I mean... fireworks! The announcer really did make a big deal about how good they will be, and let's just say that they were just fireworks. I don't know what I was really expecting, but it really was not anything amazing, just fireworks. I am going again tonight with Chrisman so he can get his own chav hoodie, ever since I got mine it has been all I have been talking about, so naturally, Chris wants one. Plus, they are ten dollars, why wouldn't you get one, I mean, come on...chav!

Heinicke said that if I can write this whole blog without mentioning him he would be impressed, but I would feel like a bit of a dick if I did, and I am actually surprised I have made it this far without mentioning him. Andrew Heinicke is the reason that I went to the show and the reason that I went on the amazing Breakdance ride that didn't change my life, but it came close. Well, I lied, it didn't change my life in the slightest bit in any way but yeah, it was fucking rad. My botched childhood is over now, I am going to resume my life the way I am currently living it, awesome style, unlike a chav, but with a chav hoodie.

The Four Day Weekend.

The four day weekend is pretty much over and it was really fun, but as I write that, it makes me think about how year twelve is nearly over and how that has been really fun. In a way it has just been a more awesome version of year seven, which was easily one of the best years of my life, and if this year has been even more awesome than that, then this has been without a doubt one of, if not the best years of my life.

When I was a kid, I was told my my older cousins and my parents, uncles and aunties, pretty much anyone that I knew that was older than me that your schooling years are the best years that you will ever have. I never believed them, but now I do. I don't know if everyone else in year twelve realizes this yet because they are so caught up in doing assignments and studying for tests and exams but this year has been amazing.

This year I have danced more than I have in my entire life, eaten more maccas than I have in my entire life, consumed more alcohol than I have in my entire life, spent more time on the internet that I have in my entire life and...done the least amount of school work...

I hate to cut it short, well I don't actually because this will save alot of time but Heinicke just called me and it looks like we're going to the show...well...now, I haven't been to the show since year five so this is epic, this should be an awesome conclusion to the four day weekend. Okay, so be right back, I'm going to have a shower and go on some rollercoasters... and by be right back I mean I'll be back tomorow, I don't know...okay thanks bye!