Moving away from footy, the continuation of Tom Wilkin’s memoirs continues. Like all footy players, and don’t give me shit about stereotyping all footy players liking to party because I asked them all and they all said they like to party, even Kepler Bradley, and he suffers from a serious mental disability. Tom has been partying since year ten, and amongst all those years arose amazing stories, that are going to make an amazing chapter for this memoir, now let’s memoir.
The first time that Tom got really drunk was one time at Jack’s house. Jack and Tom had nothing to do, and Jack’s brother and all his friends were getting drunk in his backyard. They decided to venture out into what could have been Narnia but was more realistically Jack’s backyard and joined them. As soon as they got out there, they started yelling at them saying that they were going to get them smashed by the end of the night, and that’s exactly what happened. Now Tom doesn’t remember exactly what he drank, but they were playing assorted drinking games that he doesn’t really remember. By the end of the night, Tom was crying in Brett’s front yard because Brett wasn’t there and Jack was freaking out because he couldn’t feel his hair, and because he thought that Tom’s dog that was forty kilometres away was chasing after him. The two drunkards returned to Jack’s to vomit all over his backyard after the attempted sculling of three UDL’s.
The first real big party that Tom went to was the Unley High School Semi Formal after party, which was a night that few remember. Tom drank three quarters of a bottle of Jim Bean and doesn’t remember anything. Tom returned to school on Monday to find out that he got with Nikki McConnel, Carmen Da Silva, Alice Thomas, Leah Daw and that Eleni girl from Germany. Tom is not sure if any of this even happened, but he likes to believe it anyway, because if it is true, it would easily pass as one of the best nights of his life.
What could pass as the most fucked Tom has ever been would be Charlotte’s seventeenth. Tom started drinking at Heinicke’s house at about four in the afternoon; he drank six beers during the soccer where Fabian Babiero scored the most amazing goal from outside the box that put Adelaide United into the final for the A League. After playing a game of soccer with a tennis ball in the backyard, they headed off as Tom had another six pack. When he got there, he did the usual partying which he doesn’t remember beside’s leaving his bag behind the back shed because Aaron told him to. He then did two Woodstock’s from a beer bong, and then he was fucked. He just sat there for the rest of the night on a chair telling everyone who came near him to fuck off, including Charlotte’s mum. After everyone pissed on Tom and covered him in leaves, he then started vomiting what looked like black tar according to everyone. People wanted to call an ambulance but then Tom’s dad just appeared from nowhere and took him home to save the day.
The last party that we will talk about in this memoir will be Tom’s incident at my own seventeenth earlier this year, forever known as Tom’s incident. Tom had two yaeger bombs at the footy club with his drinks vouchers he received for being best on ground; he then made his way to Nathan’s for pre drinks which included another four yaeger bombs, and a full bottle of Jim Bean that was shared with Brett Ellis. Tom has no recollection of getting to mine, but when he did, he tried to get with every single girl that was around, by the way this is his official apology to all the girls he tried to get with. He then tried to start a fight on his best friend, Jack; he punched him in the head several times before Jack finally swung back and split open Tom’s lip. Tom then started yelling out that he is better at footy than Jack and that was the only reason that Jack wanted to punch him. Tom then walked home.
There are many more drunken times but as you can probably see, this is already fairly long. The memoirs of Tom Wilkin, as usual will continue soon, so keep an eye open.
The first time that Tom got really drunk was one time at Jack’s house. Jack and Tom had nothing to do, and Jack’s brother and all his friends were getting drunk in his backyard. They decided to venture out into what could have been Narnia but was more realistically Jack’s backyard and joined them. As soon as they got out there, they started yelling at them saying that they were going to get them smashed by the end of the night, and that’s exactly what happened. Now Tom doesn’t remember exactly what he drank, but they were playing assorted drinking games that he doesn’t really remember. By the end of the night, Tom was crying in Brett’s front yard because Brett wasn’t there and Jack was freaking out because he couldn’t feel his hair, and because he thought that Tom’s dog that was forty kilometres away was chasing after him. The two drunkards returned to Jack’s to vomit all over his backyard after the attempted sculling of three UDL’s.
The first real big party that Tom went to was the Unley High School Semi Formal after party, which was a night that few remember. Tom drank three quarters of a bottle of Jim Bean and doesn’t remember anything. Tom returned to school on Monday to find out that he got with Nikki McConnel, Carmen Da Silva, Alice Thomas, Leah Daw and that Eleni girl from Germany. Tom is not sure if any of this even happened, but he likes to believe it anyway, because if it is true, it would easily pass as one of the best nights of his life.
What could pass as the most fucked Tom has ever been would be Charlotte’s seventeenth. Tom started drinking at Heinicke’s house at about four in the afternoon; he drank six beers during the soccer where Fabian Babiero scored the most amazing goal from outside the box that put Adelaide United into the final for the A League. After playing a game of soccer with a tennis ball in the backyard, they headed off as Tom had another six pack. When he got there, he did the usual partying which he doesn’t remember beside’s leaving his bag behind the back shed because Aaron told him to. He then did two Woodstock’s from a beer bong, and then he was fucked. He just sat there for the rest of the night on a chair telling everyone who came near him to fuck off, including Charlotte’s mum. After everyone pissed on Tom and covered him in leaves, he then started vomiting what looked like black tar according to everyone. People wanted to call an ambulance but then Tom’s dad just appeared from nowhere and took him home to save the day.
The last party that we will talk about in this memoir will be Tom’s incident at my own seventeenth earlier this year, forever known as Tom’s incident. Tom had two yaeger bombs at the footy club with his drinks vouchers he received for being best on ground; he then made his way to Nathan’s for pre drinks which included another four yaeger bombs, and a full bottle of Jim Bean that was shared with Brett Ellis. Tom has no recollection of getting to mine, but when he did, he tried to get with every single girl that was around, by the way this is his official apology to all the girls he tried to get with. He then tried to start a fight on his best friend, Jack; he punched him in the head several times before Jack finally swung back and split open Tom’s lip. Tom then started yelling out that he is better at footy than Jack and that was the only reason that Jack wanted to punch him. Tom then walked home.
There are many more drunken times but as you can probably see, this is already fairly long. The memoirs of Tom Wilkin, as usual will continue soon, so keep an eye open.
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