You may have thought that Tom Wilkin’s life really warrants three days worth of blogging, but I have some news for you... we are nowhere near done. Today’s issue is all about the sporting achievements of Tom Wilkin. Starting his soccer career at Belair Primary School Under eights, well, I don’t know why I said that because there is no recollection of any primary school... anything. Moving on, he then played for Adelaide Hills Hawks, of course, nothing exciting happened then either. After playing for the Hawks for a few years, Tom realised that nothing interesting was really happening. It was then when the life changing decision was made to put all his efforts into footy. Wilkin’s first game was against Urrbrae High School towards the end of year eleven. He was only on for three minutes in the last quarter, but in those three minutes displayed a miracle. Urrbrae kicked the ball out of bounds on the fall in the back pocket. Andrew Heinicke picked it up and Tom Wilkin made what could be called the greatest lead in footy history and secured the mark through a beautiful kick from Andrew Heinicke. I know what you’re thinking, what happened next? Did he score? No, but it was his first ever possession, and by telling this story Andrew Heinicke get’s his first mention in these memoirs.
Tom’s next game was in March 2009, Unley versus Henley, open knockout. How he made the open knockout team is still unknown. Tom came on at the start of the last quarter, already beating his previous game time and was welcomed by huge applause. The game was lost already, seeing as though Unley were down by over seven goals but, footy. Tom racked up a few disposals and did some pretty good stuff for his second game. This next moment was so much more of a miracle than the last miracle that I’m considering not even calling the last one a miracle. In fact, this is the miracle, not the last one, so get ready! Coming on the field to tag onto Wilkin was what some would call an ogre, but bigger than Shrek who you are probably thinking of right now, like imagine something fucking huge, like that dragon in Shrek, it was like that big. The ball came into Henley’s forward fifty, where Tom was stranded with three other players, including the dragon from Shrek, but not as nice, it was like the meanness of Shrek with the size of that nice dragon, you know the one that gets with Eddie Murphy. So the ball floated in and Tom Wilkin soared like an eagle, went over all three players and took the mark at the top of the pack, coming down like a tonne of bricks. Got up, and took the kick, straight into a Henley player of which they scored a goal from, but that last bit is irrelevant, it was a miracle.
Tom Wilkin’s first goal is less of a miracle and probably one of the funniest things that has ever happened. Brett Ellis was running in while getting tackled but still running even though he was getting tackled and running in because he is amazing and he is Brett Ellis. Tom was running alongside him for the hands, of which Brett Ellis obliged. Wilkin now had the ball, running in towards the goals on a forty five degree angle, he ran to about the thirty, arched his back, swung out onto his left foot, and slotted it through the big sticks, gun barrel straight! It was probably the most excited feeling in his lifetime, and he then yelled the loudest anyone has ever yelled on that oval, or in the world... but because Unley were up by so much, no one seemed to care. There was then a very awkward silence, but this silence was then broken by the continuation of Wilkin’s screaming and the laughter of a few spectators.
This is the end of part three, but not the end of Wilkin’s footy career. Although at times we seem to be digging deep looking for something to mention, there is still more to talk about in the amazingly flawless life of Tom full of epic times and achievements, keep tuned for part four, footy.
Tom’s next game was in March 2009, Unley versus Henley, open knockout. How he made the open knockout team is still unknown. Tom came on at the start of the last quarter, already beating his previous game time and was welcomed by huge applause. The game was lost already, seeing as though Unley were down by over seven goals but, footy. Tom racked up a few disposals and did some pretty good stuff for his second game. This next moment was so much more of a miracle than the last miracle that I’m considering not even calling the last one a miracle. In fact, this is the miracle, not the last one, so get ready! Coming on the field to tag onto Wilkin was what some would call an ogre, but bigger than Shrek who you are probably thinking of right now, like imagine something fucking huge, like that dragon in Shrek, it was like that big. The ball came into Henley’s forward fifty, where Tom was stranded with three other players, including the dragon from Shrek, but not as nice, it was like the meanness of Shrek with the size of that nice dragon, you know the one that gets with Eddie Murphy. So the ball floated in and Tom Wilkin soared like an eagle, went over all three players and took the mark at the top of the pack, coming down like a tonne of bricks. Got up, and took the kick, straight into a Henley player of which they scored a goal from, but that last bit is irrelevant, it was a miracle.
Tom Wilkin’s first goal is less of a miracle and probably one of the funniest things that has ever happened. Brett Ellis was running in while getting tackled but still running even though he was getting tackled and running in because he is amazing and he is Brett Ellis. Tom was running alongside him for the hands, of which Brett Ellis obliged. Wilkin now had the ball, running in towards the goals on a forty five degree angle, he ran to about the thirty, arched his back, swung out onto his left foot, and slotted it through the big sticks, gun barrel straight! It was probably the most excited feeling in his lifetime, and he then yelled the loudest anyone has ever yelled on that oval, or in the world... but because Unley were up by so much, no one seemed to care. There was then a very awkward silence, but this silence was then broken by the continuation of Wilkin’s screaming and the laughter of a few spectators.
This is the end of part three, but not the end of Wilkin’s footy career. Although at times we seem to be digging deep looking for something to mention, there is still more to talk about in the amazingly flawless life of Tom full of epic times and achievements, keep tuned for part four, footy.
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