The 1st Annual Cosma Awards.

2009 has been the best year of my life, but as does everything good, there are always best parts. Being a kid walking out of the movie theatre, I would always have a 'favourite part' to the movie. Whether it was the funniest bit, the most violent bit or the bit where you saw tits, it was always something that I would remember for a long time, or at least until I saw the next movie that I saw and had a new favourite bit. I thought that it would be too hard to sum up how good 2009 has been in a normal blog, with one picture and then a thousand words of text, so I thought that I would have to start a tradition much like the Oscars, only better, and that would be The Cosma Awards. This being the first one, and assuming that if I am somehow still doing this by this time next year that I will probably do another one, this will be The 1st Annual Cosma Awards. So I thought that in a blog about good times, I would have to kick this award ceremony off with the best times, and the best times would surely have been had at the best party.

Best Party

It’s the only party that people still talk about nearly six months after it happened. It’s the only party of the year that got me so drunk that I thought that going onto the roof with Christine James to chew on spilled weed would be a good idea. The party was of course Josh Jacob’s House Party, and to say the least, it was amazing. In a year full of amazing parties, this was definitely a tough one to call but Josh Jacob’s House Party just seemed to get everything right. It had the amazing music going at the perfect volume throughout the whole night; it had the strobe doing its blinding magic which ended up churning out some, at the time regrettable drunken acts but things that I now see as funny, good and drunken times. It had to be the only party of the year where the dance floor started on a high and ended on a high, there wasn’t a moment of dead dance floor and the only time that I wouldn’t have been found on the dance floor was when I was exploring the mansion that is Josh Jacob’s house, and it was a mansion.

Funniest Moment

This year has had me falling to the ground laughing too many times to count. It seems that every time I do anything I end up telling the story of the new 'funniest thing ever' but really, there was only one thing that happened this year that warrants being the funniest thing of the year. If I was to say that this was a tough decision, I would be blatantly lying because honestly, I have never laughed like this before. I thought I was dying, that is how much I was laughing, and if you have ever seen one of your mates scull a cup full of piss, then only you would understand. Many things happened over the schoolies weekend, but there is only one story that I make sure I tell everyone. To put a long story short, Kenny got so unbelievably drunk at schoolies one afternoon that we actually led him to believe that a cup full of my very own piss was beer. After his first sip that he spat out due to it being warm, we convinced him that it was just hot beer because it had been sitting in the sun all day, so he continued to scull the entire cup. The sound of his sculling was soon silenced by the sound of everyone else on the balcony screaming and laughing at the same time. If you ask Kenny how it was, his reaction will be that 'it wasn't that bad', but I'm sure that if he was giving out awards like this, he wouldn't give it beverage of the year.

Best Album

This year has probably been the best year for music that I have ever lived through. There have been countless new artists and amazing albums coming through that, yeah, it has just been an amazing year to be into music. When Calvin Harris first released 'I'm Not Alone', I was sure that it was the best song that I would ever hear. I got 'Ready For the Weekend', his latest album and listened to it all through once. I knew it was good, but I don't think that I comprehended how amazing it was within that first listen. Fifty six listens later and it was obvious to me that this wasn't just album of the year, but it is probably my favourite album ever. When Muse's 'The Resistance' came out I was more excited than I have ever been, really ever. I bought it on the first day that I saw it on shelves and listened to it through in the first free hour that I had. It was amazing, I thought that it would be album of the year for me, I mean Muse are my favourite band ever, and this was their new album, and it was amazing. As amazing as 'The Resistance' was, 'Ready For the Weekend' was so much better, and, well, I'm listening to it right now for what, the fifty seventh time and I am just so happy, I couldn't recommend this album any more than this, it is simply the best.

Best Movie

I think this one has actually been the hardest one for me to decide. I mean there have been so many movies that have seen this year that have just been incredible. Inglorious Basterds was the main runner up for this one, and I actually wanted to make this one a tie, but then I thought, come on now, there has never been a tie in the Oscars before, and this is even more official than that is, so no ties. I have had people telling me that I should make this movie of the year or action movie of the year or something and then have funniest movie of the year, and give that to The Hangover. Well, if I had a funniest movie of the year category, which I don't, The Hangover wouldn't get it, this would, and if I had an action movie of the year, this would also get it, so I just thought that making separate categories for the same thing would be silly, and I decided that this was the best movie of the year. I have never heard a movie theatre sound like they did whilst watching this movie, people were screaming of laughter, it was almost as if everyone had just seen Kenny drinking piss, but they hadn't, they had just seen a guy kill a zombie. This movie is the perfect middle ground between Shaun and Dawn of the Dead. Where Shaun of the Dead was too much humour and not enough zombie killing, and Dawn of the Dead was too serious and didn't have enough humour, this movie finds that perfect balance in between and makes what might be the best zombie movie ever, yes, maybe even better than Dawn of the Dead.

Best Day

People said that muck up day was an overrated day, a day not even worth going to. Maybe I should learn that Andrew is just a negative person and will say things like that when he actually doesn't know. According to the date on Ash Danh's pictures from muck up day, it was the twenty second day of October, and it was just the most fun day ever. It was the day after the last ever day of school, and the day before graduation. Due to being at Southport the night before, I was running on no sleep at all, but for some reason I wasn't tired. For me it was the first day of school to ever have pre drinks, so I didn't want to miss it. Dajana and Nathan picked me up at like five thirty in the morning or something and we made our way to Tahlia's house. I decided not to drink that morning after trying what Tahlia was drinking; goon and juice. I can sometimes drink goon and juice, I mean Andrew makes a great goon and juice, but Tahlia's seemed to be like, ninety percent goon, ten percent juice, only that the ten percent that was juice dissolved into the goon, somehow, making the mixture one hundred percent goon. From Tahlia's we made our way to school, in this journey we water pistoled many, the most memorable being the guy I shot in the face when he was driving and had his window down. I don't think he will ever forget my face as he looked back with murder in his eyes. Muck up day was amazingly fun, it was a shame that it got shut down when people were running around tomato saucing people but hey, it didn't stop me from getting the non participating Tim Edmeades in an act that could only be described as Facebook revenge. From school we made our way to Charlotte's for amazing barbecue times where I, for the first time ever, got drunk during the day time. It was a weird feeling but it was great fun, and to cut a long story shorter than being very long, Tom and I decided that it was just the best day ever.

Best Night

Schoolies was by far the best weekend of my, and many other people's life. It is easy to just call schoolies the best weekend ever though, the hard part is pinning down which night would have been the best. Friday was good fun, Saturday was better but Sunday was by far better than Saturday, but the best night of schoolies wasn't even schoolies, it was the Thursday night. There must have been something in the air that night, and that something must have been like, fucking, bloody, like cocaine or something because after three beers, we were all fucked, and it's not like we were drinking them fast or anything, we were just casually downing them, enjoying them, relaxing, but once we got up, we were absolutely fucked. It's the best feeling when you are just fucked like that off such a little amount of alcohol, because it generally means that you can just save the alcohol for another occasion, but instead, what we did was just, keep on drinking, and it worked. The Thursday night of schoolies is just another one of those black splotches in my memory, I reckon that everything I remember is extremely distorted or something, but there are memories from that night. I remember meeting up with these Immanuel people and they were amazed at how drunk we were even though it wasn't even schoolies yet. I remember partying on the beach and throwing Christine in the water and then she got really angry at me and then after she was like 'we should go back in the water, that was so fun'. I remember showering with Brett and Jack and Christine kept running in. I remember going for a nudey run where we met up with the same Immanuel people, and I just remember it being, probably one of the most fun nights ever, and as far as 2009 goes, I can't think of a better night.

Best Single

I don't know if earlier in this little award thingy I said something like 'this was by far the hardest award to call' but if I did, I take it back, because this really was. 2009 has been the year for amazing song releases, and it has been actually impossible to pick just one. By impossible, I mean very hard, but I did do it. I had to resist from picking Shooting Stars because I don't know if it will be one of those songs that stick or if it will be one of those fad songs, like Sexy Bitch. I know that if I did pick Shooting Stars, I would get people like 'you only picked that song because you like it now', so that is why I decided to pick one of the only songs that came out a while ago but has stuck as a great song, and probably the party anthem of 2009. I had a lot of songs to consider, but the main ones really were this and Warp. The only reason I picked this over Warp is because I did not like Warp the first time I heard it, I thought it was weird, I liked it but at the same time I didn't like it. When I first heard Bonkers, and I was actually one of the first people to hear Bonkers, or at least I say that I was, I loved it. I heard Bonkers when Channel [V] did their first ever playing of it on TV, I remember showing people on YouTube after and some people loved it, some people hated it, everyone knew it.

***

After giving out the final Cosma award, I didn't know how to end this blog, so I thought that what I would do would be to send it to someone and let them read it and be like yeah you should end it like this or like that. The only person that I was talking to at the time was Meb, and seeing as though she has proof read my blogs on several occasions before this and seeing as though she is my best friend, I thought that she would be an ideal person to send this unfinished final blog of 2009 to. I sent it to her, and after however long it took her to read it, she said that it was good but I need to end it. Just... did not help at all, but then I thought, why don't I just write about thinking of how to end it, that could be maybe good or something? After writing this, it seemed that there should be an actual ending, not just to the blog, but to the year, so I decided to write my little farewell message to the year that was 2009, or if you are reading this still in the year 2009, the year that is 2009, but soon will be the year that was 2009.

I normally welcome new years, I see them as a... a new year. I normally think ‘oh that year was pretty good, let’s see how this next one can top it’ well I don’t actually, I don’t know what I am really saying in this bit so I am just going to go and say the next bit which is the bit that I actually wanted to say which is; 2009 has been the best year of my life, and as sad it is that it has to come to an end, I knew it would at one stage near the end of December slash start of January. School is over and even though I like... failed, it’s not like I am going back. Year twelve has been the best year of my schooling life and I am going to go out on a wim or limb or either or and say that there won’t be a year that beats it, at least for a while, and by a while I mean like, forever. Goodbye 2009, I love you, and I always will love you.

The thirtieth of December.

It is weird knowing that tomorrow is New Years Eve, and that two thousand and nine is nearly over, but it is much weirder not knowing what I am going to be doing going into two thousand and ten. I can simply assume that I will be partying, but with the party that I was meaning to attend in the state of maybe-not-going-to-happen but to say that I am not keen for whatever is going to happen tomorrow night would be a lie. This year has been one of those years that one word can’t describe, unless there is some word that is like, amazing and awesome mixed into the same word or something, but I don’t think there is.

My other main concern is that I just spent the last of my Christmas money, so I don’t have any money to party with this New Years. I didn’t realise that the money I used to buy Call of Duty with was the last of my money, and now I am sitting here with DJ Hero and Call of Duty; two rad games, but no money left over to party with. I can see why people have jobs, it seems like a good thing to have, I mean you make money so you can do things, but all my life I have just waited until Christmas and my birthday to make an income, but this Christmas I blew the money that I got within a week.

I don’t even know where the money went; I mean I had like three hundred dollars I think, all up from all the family. One hundred for DJ Hero, another hundred for Call of Duty, like twenty five for Flight of the Conchords; where did the rest of my money go? If I had a job I wouldn’t even care, but then again if I had a job I wouldn’t even care about Christmas, I mean all I get for Christmas is money, I don’t get presents any more, but if I had a job, the money I got wouldn’t really feel like anything, you know? Then the small amount of Christmas spirit I had would be gone along with the rest of it.

Every year it seems that I tell myself that the year went by so quickly, much quicker than the previous year, but this year actually went by so fast. It actually feels like high school went by so fast, I mean I feel like we were in primary school forever, but it actually feels like just a few months ago when we were in year eight, just getting started, but primary school felt like it went for like twenty eight years. As quickly as the year has gone by, it is still hard to sum it all up in the one blog, but that is something that will be done. Tomorrow’s blog will be two thousand and nine in a nut shell, and today’s is really just about not having money, but I’m going to leave it here because I just really want to play some Call of Duty.

The DJ Hero.

I remember the first time I ever played Guitar Hero. It was back in two thousand and six, and it was the first Guitar Hero game, back on Playstation two. Going down the songs that were available on the game, I picked the first song that I saw that I knew; Iron Man by Black Sabbath. I picked the Easy difficulty and the game continued through to the loading screen. I prepared myself as the game loaded, putting my fingers in place by the coloured buttons. The game started, and the guitar neck got close to the screen, fading off into the distance. It was scrolling down, ever so slowly. The first note came down, a red one, and it was a long one. It was a circle that stretched out into a line behind it, so I assumed that I had to hold it down. I was nervous, but I hit the red button just as the red circle on the screen hit the bottom of the guitar neck. For some reason, I missed it, and the stroke of guitar that is played at the start of Iron Man was missing from the version playing through the speakers. The red line wasn’t red, it scrolled down the screen in this dull grey colour. Even though I pressed red at the right time, the game thought I missed it for some reason.

I could see the second note coming down, it was the exact same thing, it was another red one coming down, a long one, I placed my finger over the red button and pressed it but the game thought I missed it, again. This was when the crowd started booing, and it wasn’t soon after this when the audience hated me so much that they kicked me off the stage, I looked behind me at the people watching me, laughing. I was so sad, I was so excited to play the game but I failed. The next person grabbed the guitar from my failure hands, he pressed retry song. I should have told him that the guitar was broken or the song was broken, but I didn’t, and I watched him, and I knew that his fate was to fail, just as I did. The first note comes down the screen, that same red one that I should have hit, as it hits the bottom, he hits it, making the sound that I should have made it make. I look at him, stunned; I look at his guitar and watched the second red note, watching to see what he does differently. As the second note hit the screen, he held down the red button and pressed down on this black thing on the head of the guitar.

I was so sad, surely someone could have told me that I had to press down on that thing and at the same time press the coloured button that the screen told me to press, but no. The second time I played Guitar Hero, I tried the same song, Iron Man by Black Sabbath. I get ready for the red note, I have my finger over it ready to press, and at the same time I have my right hand over the black bar ready to press it downwards so it makes the right sound, not the clunking of failure that I heard. The red note hit the bottom of the screen, and I held the bar down as it came past, and I pressed the red button, keeping it held down, the note played through, and I hit my first ever note in Guitar Hero. The second one came down, it was the same red one again, and I got it perfectly again. In my eyes I was getting good, but this was only the beginning. It was when other coloured notes started coming down the screen that I started to miss them, the clunking sound of failure came back to haunt me again and the audience, again, booed me off stage.

As bad as I was at Guitar Hero, I had fun with it; and the more I played it the better I got, and the more notes I hit. The first song I passed wasn’t Iron Man; it was More Than a Feeling by Boston. It was a song even harder than iron Man, and I passed it. It took me around about eight tries before I finished the song in full but I did it, and the first time I passed that song, it was probably the most fun I had ever had when playing a video game. I felt like Guitar Hero was a game custom built for me, I mean I loved games, and it was a game, and I loved rock music, and the game featured nothing but rock music. It wasn’t long after this first encounter with it that the second Guitar Hero came out, and it was called Guitar Hero II. It wasn’t soon after the release of this game that I ended up buying an Xbox 360, and then it wasn’t long after that when Guitar Hero II came out on Xbox 360.

The year is two thousand and nine, and music games have gone crazy trying to implement new things into Guitar Hero games. Guitar Hero five, the latest one lets you play Guitar, Bass, Drums and you can sing. I thought that music games wouldn’t get any more expensive than when I first bought Guitar Hero II at one hundred and thirty odd dollars, but now the games are coming with drums and guitars and microphones and can cost upwards of three hundred dollars. It was also in this year when the newest music game came out, and it is called DJ Hero. DJ Hero is made by the Guitar Hero people, but instead of it coming with a guitar or drums, it comes with a turntable, the only downside to it all is that it costs one hundred and eighty dollars; two hundred and eighty dollars if you want the deluxe edition.

Boxing Day sales are meant to be amazing, I mean they are like Christmas sales, but even cheaper because they didn’t sell out of it all before Christmas so they mark it all down extremely to get rid of everything and get in new stock. I mean, like, that’s what I think or assume, I don’t actually know really. I saw that DJ Hero was ninety eight dollars at EB Games, and I was extremely excited, that is a mark down of like eighty dollars, and I had just played the game at Dick Smiths and it was extremely fun. I went home and got my Christmas money, only to realise that the shops were closing. I went on the internet and did some research, only to find out that the two hundred and eighty dollar version of the game was also on sale, and it was down to ninety nine dollars.

Skipping to the present, as in present times, as in like skipping to now, I currently have DJ Hero, and it is actually amazing, I am having more fun with it than I was having with Guitar Hero when I first got that, and I was having too much fun with Guitar Hero. I am currently playing DJ Hero on hard mode and I am getting good at it, five starring most songs. I almost feel like the music game genre is built around my likings, I mean I am growing old of rock music and I am enjoying listening to dance and techno a bit more now, and as soon as that happens, DJ Hero comes out, full of techno and dance beats. Words can’t describe how much fun DJ Hero actually is, so instead of using words, I am going to use nothing, stop writing this and go back and play some more DJ Hero.

The party on minimal sleep.

I have never partied on such little sleep; actually I don’t think I have ever had such little sleep before... I mean I have had none, but this might be the smallest amount of sleep I have had and then just had a day where I do things and I just wasn’t tired, it was fucked. Boxing Day sales can make a man do wild things, especially when that man is me, and I really want DJ Hero and it is ninety eight dollars at EB Games. Ninety eight dollars for the game and DJ Turntable controller thingy, marked down from like one hundred and seventy, amazing price for it. I went to Linou’s place, and the plan was to stay up all night and go to the shops when they open, at like nine in the morning, run in and grab DJ Hero and then go home for sleep. The plan kind of happened, but it kind of didn’t. We went to EB Games at Marion, I got DJ Hero, I got home and because I was in one of those excited ‘new toy’ moods that you might remember having when you were like six years old, anyway I was so excited that adrenaline kicked in and fun won over sleep.

I ended up playing DJ Hero right up until party time, and I was even considering not going to the party because I should sleep. I mean it’s not like I was tired, but I just should have been. I probably racked up like an hours sleep over the night just falling asleep while we were watching movies and that but nothing major that I would count as actual sleeping. I went but I said to myself that I won’t drink, that just changed when I remembered that I still had some beers in the fridge, and that I had enough to get me quite drunk. Luckily, lightweight Cosma was the persona that I went as, and after the seven beers I was actually gone, like just above the perfect level. I was so happy, and I didn’t sober up until the end of the night somehow, probably the happiest I have been, and by that I mean it wasn’t the happiest I have ever been, but I was just happy.

I thought that, if I got drunk, I would be the drunk that is just tired and falls asleep or passes out or whatever, but I really wasn’t. I was up and partying and socialising and yeah, it was just a great party where great times were had. The party was definitely missing something though, I didn’t know what it was but I do now, and that was Ash Danh. Without Ash Danh, the entire responsibility of photo’s being taken were left up in the air, and luckily Tallulah picked up the camera that was somehow still in the air after Ash left it there and she got some great photos, but you see, right now, if Ash was there last night, she would have already put the pictures up onto Facebook and I could use one of them as the picture, but right now there are no pictures from Emily Chartier’s party and, yeah...

You are probably wandering why the picture for this blog was a picture of that woman. There are many other pictures that I could have used, why this one, what’s so special about it? Well, seeing as though there were no pictures from last night, and I didn’t really want to use a picture from a previous party because I always just get that one person that says, ‘why is that the picture? That’s the wrong night,’ and yes I know that, but maybe I wasn’t in any pictures that night or maybe the pictures weren’t up because I wrote it even before Ash Danh was awake or whatever, but the reason I used this picture, because I did a Google image search on ‘Emily Chartier’s Party’ and the first thing that came up was... her.

The Sherlock Holmes.

I have only ever walked out of a movie once in my life to go to the toilet or something and come back. The movie was Ice Age, and I was just a kid, or however old I was when Ice Age came out. I walked out, took out my hairless balls which came out with my small child penis and took the piss that I needed to take. When I got back, sat down in my seat, I missed a lot, and it was only a kid’s movie. I mean it’s not like I missed valuable plot points or twists or anything, but I arrived just as there was a scene with someone in a spa with these two other things and I was just sad because I didn’t even know who these two new characters were in the spa with the character that I was familiar with before my piss.

That was the first and last time I have ever left the cinema, regardless of how brief the leaving was, to do anything. Expect for when I went and took a piss during Transformers 2, but that was different because that was the fourth time I saw it at the movies... anyway, I went to see Sherlock Holmes last night, and I know what you’re thinking, ‘oh bloody hell Cosma, you left the cinema to piss didn’t you... or shit?’ and the answer to both of them is no, and now I know what you’re thinking, ‘Cosma, if you didn’t leave the cinema last night to piss or shit or something, then why are you even talking about that?’ and if you actually were thinking that first thought and then the second one, then just calm the fuck down, like I am getting to it, just chill.

If you don’t already know, Sherlock Holmes came out last night, but instead of waiting until cheap Tuesday like I normally would, I was kind of pressured into seeing it seeing as though Linou had already bought the tickets for everyone and we couldn’t really not go. It was a great movie though, but it was really one of those movies that you need to pay attention to every little thing that happens if you want to understand what’s going on completely... this is probably the reason that my enjoyment of the film was less than it could have been due to me being so tired that I fell asleep during a minute or so of talking and woke up with no idea what was going on.

I awoke and asked Saf what I just missed out on in the last minute or so, and he said like, a lot... so I don’t know if I slept for the minute in the film that just, like, shit went down or something and they just explained everything or the minute that I fell asleep for was actually like, eight minutes. Either way, I just felt like I did back in the Ice Age days, there were even these new people that I have never seen before, that everyone else in the cinema seemed to be best friends with but he just seemed like a fucking random ass guy to me. It was the exact same situation that I got myself into all those years ago, back, even before I had pubes, the situation that I swore I would never be in again... but then again, I was fucking tired.

When the movie ended, I was pretty sure that I knew what had just happened over the last two hours and that the story that I saw made enough sense for me to be happy with my movie watching abilities, even when asleep. The movie was really good though, I mean I guess my opinion can’t compare to the reliability of someone’s opinion that remained awake for the entirety of the film but still, I thought it was a great movie that I would one day like to watch again, when I am less tired.

The Boxing Day Texts.

I can keep secrets, especially if they are things that shouldn’t get out. If the secret is something like, what this person is getting that person for Christmas, but that person knew that I knew what this person was getting them, and then that person just kept pestering me to tell them what this person was getting them and just didn’t stop, I would most likely cave and just tell that person what this person was getting them. However, if that person really didn’t want to know, and this person was keeping it a really good secret, I wouldn’t go and tell that person what they were getting, especially after this person had kept the present a secret for six months, and especially eight hours before Christmas.

Lauren had kept the secret of what Brett’s Christmas present was for six months. Brett didn’t know what it was, and he didn’t want the surprise ruined, especially because it was so close to Christmas. He knew that I knew what it was though, and he wasn’t really making guesses but he was just asking if he would like it, if I would like it, if Andrew would like it, just all these questions to assist him in, not really finding out what it was, but I think just so he knew if he would like it. I guess that the initial ‘yes you would like it’ wasn’t enough for him though, like he just had to keep on going. I went home that night with the secret still, as far as my secret leaking goes, un-leaked. Like it was still in the secret thingy, and Brett didn’t know what he was getting.

The time between what was now at the time but is now then and Christmas was thinning, and Brett still didn’t know what he was getting. Somehow, with eight hours before Christmas, Chris somehow leaked to Brett that Lauren had gotten Brett a Big Day Out ticket for Christmas. Like, I don’t know how he did it, I wasn’t there, but Brett was fucking angry. I’m the kind of person that likes to know what I am getting for Christmas, or birthdays, but I have really reached the point in my life where I’m just not getting presents anymore, I am just getting money. Although, I guess that if I had left myself from finding out what I was getting for Christmas for six whole months, and then just being told by Chris with eight hours to go, I would be fucking angry.

It isn’t really the thing that would warrant a huge revenge plot, but getting Chris back would be something that was on Brett’s mind, I’m sure of it. Something tells me that Chris didn’t even mean to do it though, I mean he is just fucking retarded, so he probably just included it in his regular everyday speech but then leaked it somehow, just because he is fucking retarded. Early this morning, and by that I mean like, two in the morning, we were just chilling at Tom’s, playing his Wii that he got for Christmas, when I hear the inane laughter of revenge coming from the room next to me. I make my way there to see what was going on and I see that Brett had sent a message to ten girls on Chris’s phone. What the message said I didn’t know, but the names I saw flash up on the screen under the picture of the envelope with an arrow on it and the word sending were names that, well they were names that would be funny to message of Chris’s phone.

After the series of names stop flashing, Brett goes back into what the message was in the sent box, and it read something like ‘Hey, I’m horny. What are you doing tonight?’ Now really, I mean, it wouldn’t surprise me if Chris actually has sent that to someone, I mean he is fucking retarded, but it is nothing that a simple ‘yeah sorry about that, my mate grabbed my phone and started texting people’ can’t fix. Chris, being as fucking retarded as he is, just got really sad about it. As the replies came through, somehow, the people that got the message were taking it a little more seriously than I thought they would, and the laughter erupted from the house that was meant to be quiet because Tom’s mum was asleep.

Brett had gotten his revenge, I mean it’s not like revenge was even a necessary thing but still, I’m not complaining, I got a good laugh out of it; a bloody good laugh. Brett clearly ended up winning this little revenge story though, I mean all he lost was the surprise of getting a Big Day Out ticket, what he ended up getting was a great laugh and a great story to tell people, oh and he still got his Big Day Out ticket. Chris didn’t really get anything out of it, except for some awkward phone calls to the ten girls after explaining why they got a message asking what they were doing from a man that was supposedly horny. Let this be a lesson to you though, don’t ruin someone’s well deserved Christmas surprise, especially if it is someone that will seek revenge.

The twenty fifth of December.

So it’s Christmas and it just doesn’t feel like it is for some reason. I don’t know why, but it just feels like any other day really, then again, I guess it is. The clock hit midnight and mum called me and my brother in to the living room as it would formally be called, or TV room as it is called in our house. Brett and I were talking today about Christmas and what we would want if we could just have like, everything that we wanted or something like that, and I just had this vision of waking up on Christmas morning and there actually being a Christmas tree. Under the Christmas tree would be all these big boxes, all with my name on it. The first one I opened was DJ Hero, so happy. I played this game at Dick Smiths the other day and it was actually amazing. I thought it would be so shit because, I don’t know, it just looked appalling. Playing it is a different story though and it was the most fun I have had playing a game since the first time I ever played Guitar Hero.

As happy as I was, it was kind of sad because I had a broken Xbox. Until I got a new Xbox, all I could really do was spin the DJ Hero turntable and pretend I was playing the game, and I don’t know how much fun that would really be, and how long the fun; if there was any, would last. I opened the second box, and to turn things around completely, it was a brand new Xbox 360, and the new Call of Duty. Unfortunately, none of this actually happened, like I said, it was all this vision that I kind of had and then Brett and I just talked about how amazing that would be. When mum called me to the TV room, I just thought to myself, maybe that vision wasn’t just wishful thinking, maybe it was an actual future vision. I looked at the space where the Christmas tree was last year to see that there is no Christmas tree, and the presents that are sitting in front of the fire place are still not for me.

There was something for me though, something stuffed into my stocking, and it was DVD shaped. I opened the wrapping to find out that it is actually the thickness of two DVD’s. I open the wrapping more, like, enough so that I could actually see what the DVD’s actually were. The first one was Role Models, which I was happy about because it is just fucking funny, and the other one was Max Payne, which is just, like, it’s not a good movie. I was so happy though when mum said ‘if you don’t want one of them, don’t open it and we can take it back’ but it was almost before she finished talking when I said that ‘yeah, I don’t really want Max Payne’ but I think I said it a bit nicer than that. Mum said that she would go and take it back and get Transformers on DVD... so fucking happy.

I thought that maybe I should do something special for the blog today, I mean it is Christmas, but I just didn't know what to do. I decided on not really doing anything at all, just writing this and yeah, publishing it. I was really excited to have a sentence in this blog that was something like 'and my present to you is' and then something that I could just do, but like, it would just be nice or something but I just didn't think of anything. Despite not getting a present from me, whoever you are reading this, I hope you have an amazing Christmas, have an amazing day, get all the presents that you wanted and just continue to have great times like I hope you are. If you are reading this though, I actually fucking love you, and yeah, okay there it is, this is my present to you this Christmas, I actually genuinely love you! Merry Christmas, and enjoy that picture of Katy Perry wrapped in Christmas lights and wearing a Santa hat.

The Avatar.

The choice to see movies in three dimensions or the regular two that we are all used to is becoming a harder and tougher one to make. I remember a day when seeing movies at the IMAX theatre in three dimensions were just amazing, even if the movie was just like, that documentary on fish that my dad took me to see that time, it was just amazing how it was in three dimensions... who cared what the guy was saying about the fish, it fucking was right in front of me. Recently, more and more films are being released in 3D, but you can also go and see the normal versions of the movie for much, much less. A normal movie ticket is like nine to twelve dollars, but 3D tickets are like sixteen to eighteen dollars, and whether it is worth what is nearly an extra ten dollars for one more dimension is something that I don’t know.

My mum has these seven dollar tickets to the Capri theatre, and at the moment they are showing Avatar, but they aren’t showing it in 3D, they’re just showing it those regular old two dimensions that I am almost getting sick of. If I wanted to see Avatar in those two dimensions, but also with an amazing third one, it would actually cost me an extra eleven dollars to go and see, and whether that is worth it or not I, yeah, I just don’t know. It was the hardest decision of my life, well not really, but it was up there. Back in like, August I think it was when Up came out, I just really wanted to see it. I didn’t even consider seeing it in normal, so we went and saw it in 3D, and it was great. The movie that is, the movie was actually amazing, but whether the third dimension was worth that extra ten dollars I still don’t know.

Up wasn’t really an action packed war movie though, and it wasn’t the kind of movie where there were bullets and arrows flying across the screen and people dying all over the place and all that, but Avatar is. We decide to go and see Avatar yesterday using my mum’s seven dollar tickets at the Capri, and yeah, it was just in those two old dimensions. Jack was telling me about how, apparently, in America, fifteen people on average had to walk out of the cinema and go home sick due to the third dimension in Avatar being too much for them. After hearing him say that, I was more keen to just watch it in those two dimensions that, I guess I said I was getting sick of them but really, it’s just what I am used to, like, they have never treated me badly, I have never been not keen to see something because it just had two dimensions, but then again, 3D just sounds like it would be better.

Avatar, for me at least, had a fuck load of hype up and around its blue ass. I mean there were just those days where you could just scroll down the Facebook home page news feed or whatever you call it and there would just be like, every second thing was someone saying how great Avatar was. Everyone that had seen it before had said that it was just amazing, or sad, but also amazing... I mean except for Hayden who said he fell asleep at the ending but yeah, everyone else said it was amazing, so I was still keen to see it. During the movie, it just seemed like one of those movies that thought it was amazing, and it knew it was, but it only kind of was. It almost seemed like, like if a movie could ever be up itself, it would be this. The screen was just full of itself being awesome, and it is almost like the screen was just all ‘hey look at me, I’m just fucking great! I cost two hundred and thirty seven million dollars to make, and just look at how good I look!’

As I read that last bit back to myself, I am being a little harsh, and really, I shouldn’t be harsh at all to this movie, because walking out of this movie, I just had a feeling. It was that feeling that you get when you walk out of an air conditioned building and into forty one degree heat. It was fucking hot, like really hot. Seriously though, Avatar was great. Avatar was one of those movies that is just constantly entertaining, and even when nothing’s happening, and they are just standing around talking, being blue and shit, you just look around and just look at how amazing the world of Avatar looks. I stop writing this every now and again to just, stand up and talk to Andrew, because he is right there, and I was just thinking, was Avatar the best looking movie ever? Like, did it have the best special effects ever? I remember walking out of Transformers 2 thinking that it had the best special effects ever in a movie. There was that scene where that bridge exploded when the transformer like, barged through it and I was just thinking wait, did that bridge actually just blow up or was that CGI?

However, Transformers was like, seventy five percent real and the other twenty five animated. Avatar was like ninety percent animated and the other ten was real. I mean that’s just Andrew and I’s numbers that we pulled out of our non blue asses but they are probably roughly right. Whether Avatar is the best movie of the year or not I still am unsure of, but I don’t think it was. It was the most epic, and I think it had the most unique storyline and the creatures that inhabited the world of Pandora were the most unique that I have seen since Pokémon, and the action was just amazing. How Hayden fell asleep through the ending is beyond me because I was actually making those sounds of excitement that I make through it all. Avatar, you can stick your head as far up your blue ass as you want, you can overhype yourself as much as you want because you are genuinely amazing, and you deserve the hype that my Facebook friends gave you.

The twenty third of December.

Well, it’s the eve of Christmas Eve and for some reason my Christmas spirit is still low. Normally I know what I am getting and it is under the tree and I would have peeled away at the edge of the wrapping, at least a little bit, just so I could make sure it was the present that I knew I was getting, then I would fold the peeled flap back over, place the sticky tape back where it was and wait until Christmas before I can start playing with whatever it was. I think that the last Christmas that I actually had a proper present under the tree was three years ago, in 2006. We had just gotten an Xbox 360 and the two games that came with it were Dead or Alive 4 and Project Gotham Racing 3. Dead or Alive was a fighting game that was pretty shit, like, it can’t hold a shit up to Tekken before Law back flips it to death, and Project Gotham was a racing game, like one of those really realistic racing games, and I was just never any good at those.

I told mum that I wanted to trade in those two games and get Gears of War instead, because Gears of War was the game the reason that I bought the Xbox at that time. Back in 2006, I was still in that stage of my life where if my parents said no, the answer was no. Like, there was no changing their opinion at all, and the more you nag or beg or plead, the worse it would end up in the end. They said that I can wait until Christmas before I get the new game, and I can play the two games that came with the Xbox until then. I don’t know why, I mean I knew that it was Gears of War that was under the tree, wrapped in whatever colour wrapping it was in with that little tag thing that was on it that read ‘To Nicholas, Love from Mum and Dad’ or whatever it said, I mean it probably said something like that but it’s not like I remember exactly. Like I was saying, I don’t know why I had to carefully peel open the corner of the present until I was sure that it was Gears of War but I just did, I mean what if mum bought the wrong game or something?

This Christmas, I will actually be surprised if I get anything on the day. I mean I am fairly sure that my entire Christmas present was the money that mum gave me for Schoolies and my Big Day Out ticket, which is already a fuck load more than I would have gotten under the tree, so I am not complaining. I just remember a Christmas, now this would have been a long time ago, but I remember there being so much different shit under the tree for me, and it was all great. Then again, I also remember a Christmas where all I got was Star Wars on VHS, and all my brother got was Space Jam on VHS. I was so sad, I mean I loved Space Jam, and I didn’t even know what Star Wars was at that age. I remember recently, and I don’t know how it got brought up or anything, but I remember mum saying that she won Star Wars on VHS in a competition or something, and I was like ‘no you didn’t, you gave it to me for Christmas that year, I remember’ and mum just laughed or something. Turns out that she won it in a competition and then just wrapped it up and gave it to me, and I am still angry.

I don’t think that the reason I have no Christmas spirit is because of the lack of presents, I mean I have had no presents on the day before, like last year I am pretty sure I didn’t get anything on the day or something. No, I think it’s because there is no Christmas spirit in this house, there isn’t even a tree or anything; the presents for other people that should be under our tree are like, sitting in front of the fire place. Also, we normally have Christmas lights every year, recently we have anyway, and this year there just, isn’t. I just went out there and confronted my parents about all this, I asked why there isn’t a tree and, well mainly I just reminded them about when they got me that copy of Star Wars that they won in a competition and then dad didn’t really say anything, mum then changed the topic and said ‘have you heard about the joke about the man with his penis in custard?’ and I said no, because I haven’t, and then she said, ‘the waiter walks up to the man in the restaurant who has his penis in custard and the waiter asks ‘what are you doing?’ and the man replied with, ‘I’m just fucking disgusted’’. Now admittedly it did take me a while to get the joke, but just in case you don’t get it, he is fucking disgusted, fucking this custard, yep. Seriously though, what kind of mum says that to their child, I mean I am seventeen but still, and this close to Christmas? I thought she would be hearing all these Christmas jokes and be telling them instead but no, she’s still on the custard fucking jokes... it was kind of funny though.

The Paranormal Activity.

Recently I have gotten into the habit of seeing a new movie and writing about it the next day, or if I haven’t done a blog that day, I would just write it for that day. I saw Paranormal Activity a few days ago; I think it was on Thursday, so it was more than a few days ago, but yeah, I saw it. Recently I have just been in a real horror movie mood, because I realised that I love watching them but they just never scare me. I have jumped, I have had shivers sent down my spine, but I have never had sleepless nights before, and I have never had nightmares about a movie or anything like that. My excitement for Paranormal Activity was sky high, all my friends have been telling me of their sleepless nights they have been having after they saw it and Facebook status after Facebook status talking about how scary or amazing it is has just made me want to see it.

After I got eleven dollars in change together, I told Andrew that I want to go see it. He has already seen it but he always told me how he wants to see it again because it’s ‘so fucked’. Dajana hasn’t seen it so she came along as well. I remember being a kid, hearing of The Exorcist from mum, hearing about the sleepless nights that she had from seeing it, will this be the movie that freaks the fuck out of me, giving me sleepless nights? I hope so. Dajana was scared from the second we walked into the movie foyer, I was excited, I wanted to be scarred for life, I wanted this movie to fuck me over completely and turn me into a psychopath who is afraid of sleeping... at least for a little while.

If you didn’t already know, Paranormal Activity is one of those movies that are filmed like The Blair Witch Project and Cloverfield was. Luckily, the camera isn’t as annoying as the one from those movies, but the shit part is that the two characters in the movie are more annoying than when that guy or girl that you don’t want to talk to on Facebook says hey on chat. You don’t want to delete them, that would just be mean, but you don’t want to talk to them. Fifty percent of the movie is just footage of them doing whatever it is that they do during their day, eating, sleeping, cooking, watching TV, swimming, playing guitar, just usual things that you would do to try and build suspense. I found it hard to take this suspense seriously though, because whenever the girl was in trouble or whenever she was scared, she would scream for her boyfriend by the name of Mika. So whenever I heard Mika being called from wherever she was, the only thing that was going through my head was ‘we are not who you think we are, we are golden, we are golden!’

Unfortunately, the movie is just eighty minutes of suspense, and then some scary shit happens at the end. There are some fucked things that go on throughout the movie but nothing that I lost any sleep over. Or at least that’s what I thought... and I was right. The end of the movie is fucking scary, like not the end, but the thing that happens before the end. I thought the ending was silly and I was just like, ‘oh fuck off’ and I think I actually said it out loud so yeah, sorry to anyone who was in the cinema if I ruined your experience completely. I started to get up after the movie and I was just like, ‘that was fucked’ because it was, then when Andrew told me that it actually isn’t a true story, all the positive things that I thought about that movie just went away. I was so happy that something like that actually happened, like that is just fucked up, that’s great because that means that there is actually something after death, but that movie is not even true.

There was one part where my entire body had shivers going through it, but that is really it. There was that one fucked scene but that is really it. I got home and went to bed, then I just got up and I was not tired or something. I wasn’t scared, but I just thought that I would be better off if I stayed awake til daylight and then went to bed. I stayed awake until like six in the morning and then mum got up and said that I was ridiculous for still being awake so I went to bed. I was kind of scared of something happening, but then I remembered that I am not being followed by a demon, so I slept more than peacefully and I have been ever since. Really though, the movie was just a teenage dream of a teenage circus, and the demon was just running around like a clown on purpose. I did not really give a damn about the family that they came from, but that demon wasn’t giving up just because they were young because he just really wanted some, like he just wanted to kill them or something because they weren’t who he thought they were, they were golden.

The twenty first of December.

It is the twenty first of December. If this was seven, eight years ago, I would be at the stage where I was waking up every morning bright and early so I could open up the next day on my advent calendar and get the day’s little chocolate piece... actually, by now the box would have broken and all the chocolate would have gotten down to the bottom so mum would have opened it up and put all the chocolate pieces in a Tupperware container and I would wake up and eat a piece from the container. I would know exactly how many days until Christmas because of how many pieces of chocolate were left. December was the only month of the year that I always knew what the date was, except for after Christmas when I had nothing to look forward to.

Now, it is the twenty first of December and I only know this because it is the day after my Dad’s birthday. The only chocolate in the house isn’t advent calendar chocolate; it is just this cheap stuff from like, those discount bins at Coles. I actually think there is some good chocolate in the fridge, like Cadbury or something, but I am pretty sure I recall mum saying that I can’t eat it because it’s dad’s or something, I don’t remember exactly but I am just going to steer clear of it. When I was a kid I always looked forward to Christmas because I knew what I was getting. I remember the Christmas when I knew that I was getting Pokémon Silver Version; I woke up at like five in the morning or something and started playing it straight away. Mum said that I could get up and play it, but only if I was quiet. I was as quiet as possible, but I had to wake up mum again when I asked her if it was daylight savings time or not because my mum in Pokémon needed to know so the time in my PokéGear was accurate.

Now I don’t think I am getting anything from my parents for Christmas. They said that my Big Day Out ticket was my Christmas present, which I am more than fine with, it’s just sad that I have nothing to look forward to when I get up on Christmas morning... or hopefully afternoon. I am looking forward to going to my aunties though, I mean I love seeing my cousins and aunties and uncles and all that but I just like sleeping in. As a kid I always used to go to bed ridiculously early on Christmas Eve because the earlier I went to bed, the earlier I would wake up and the earlier I could get up and start to play with my presents. Also, Santa wouldn’t come if I was awake and I didn’t know what time he was going to come, so I would make sure that I was in bed from like six at night through to six in the morning.

Now it is four fifteen in the morning, I am sitting here in my underpants and a T-Shirt finishing a bottle of water because I am just really thirsty and I am technically nocturnal. Recently I woke up to Mum walking into my room asking if I was okay. I replied with ‘yeah, why?’ and she said that it was like four in the afternoon and I was still asleep and she thought I was like, dead or something. She wouldn’t have used those words but they are the words that I used just then so they are the ones that stick. If I keep up this sleeping pattern until Christmas, which I am sure that I will because I doubt I can change my sleeping pattern within the next few days, I will probably be up and awake by the time that Santa comes. It might be a bit of an awkward visit, partially because I don’t believe that he exists but I’m sure that if he is like, you know... existing, and in front of me, I would believe in him again.

I don’t have a job or any kind of income. Dad is really pressuring me to get a job, but I have said more times than I could count on the hands of every kid in the world who celebrates Christmas and probably a few that don’t that I am going to wait until after New Years before I start looking for a job. I am just so excited for Christmas because, well, I don’t have a job or any money or any income, but on Christmas day I will be seeing all my uncles, aunties and all those other people that give me presents that I don’t know how I am related to but I just am in some way. The money I get should tie me over at least until I get a job, so I am just so excited... and I know the first thing I’m going to buy... some bloody advent calendars so I can eat some amazing tasting Christmas tree shaped chocolate.

The pre-drinks.

I used to be the kid who came to parties like half an hour in, sober as a Muslim who isn’t Safeer but then proceed to get drunk during the party. By the end of the party I would be fucked, I would make my way home, sleep and have a good chance of getting a hangover. It was sometime this year when pre-drinks were discovered, and they just seemed like a good idea. I mean every party that I had been to, I would always be like ‘yeah the start was shit but it got better,’ but then I realised that the start was never shit, I was just sober, and that’s why it was shit. Since then I have evolved and now I am the kid who misses like, half the party because I am busy having pre drinks. It is good fun, but I can’t help but worry about what I am missing at the party. Oh well, at least there’s no shit part to it.

It was getting to the stage where the party had been going for an hour and a half and we were still pre-drinking. You could only drink inside if you were over eighteen so I had to down all my drinks before we got there, and this was hard seeing as though pre-drinks were at mine, and my mum, dad and all their friends were over for drinks. I remember when I asked mum if we could have pre-drinks here and she said ‘no, Scott and Sue are coming over for drinks, you’re friends aren’t going to want to drink with them,’ and I thought to myself, how perfect this was. It would be so much fun getting drunk with my parents and their friends. Everyone was having a good time, Tom came up to me telling me that it was the best pre-drinks ever, but I wasn’t feeling it. Probably because mum was watching my every sip, asking how much I had, how many was left, and asking how many I would leave here. I wasn’t going to leave any at home, ‘I only have a six pack’ I told mum ‘I need to get it down fast so I’m fucked,’ and after saying that, Mum wasn’t impressed, Sue was though.

I was receiving messages asking when I was coming, it almost sounded like the party was ending or something and it was only ten o ‘clock. Then I remembered that the party ends at twelve, so I was just really sad. We made our way in and we only had two hours to party, so I really made the most of it I think. I say I think because this was just one of those nights where my memory has these huge black gaps where there is just nothing, and I can’t really fill in the whole night. I remember saying hello to everyone, quickly going upstairs doing the lap of the place making sure I said hello to, you know, at least like eight people. After I reached my eight, I started to make my way back down to the dance floor. Luckily it was at The Underground; the same place that our formal after party was, so I remembered how the place was set out, which was odd because I have no recollection of the formal after party. I didn’t think about how that works too much though, I was just happy that I didn’t need to ask where the toilet was.

Because I knew, I started to make my way to the toilet, but I got side tracked because the dance floor was in-between me and the toilet. I was dragged onto the dance floor and partied for like an hour before I remembered that I was meant to go to the toilet like an hour ago, so I went in and just and had one of those amazing pisses. I walked out and realised that there was only an hour left to party, and the worst part was that Shooting Stars hadn’t even played yet. I found Jack and he looked so sad, I assumed that it was because of the lack of Shooting Stars. I told him that it hasn’t played yet and he said that I should ask for it to be put on. I walk over to the DJ with someone who I can’t remember, just some big black blob as far as my memory goes, and we asked for shooting stars. The guy knew what I was talking about, because I remember him being like ‘Bang Raiders?’ and I said ‘yes’ or ‘yep’ or something like that.

I then walked up to Jack and told him that it was coming up, I was so happy, he was so happy, then I saw Hayden and I was just so happy. He asked where Meb was and I had no idea, I mean I had seen her, she was one of the eight people that I initially greeted, and I was so happy when I saw her that I lifted her off the ground I think, you know, in one of those ground lifting hugs. We looked around for her but then I lost him and I just made my way around, by around I mean the toilet, which was the place where I needed to empty myself. I never understood the whole ‘breaking the seal’ thing, I mean I hadn’t drank anything since I got there, and since I pissed last, but I still had like, the same amount of piss to piss out this time, bloody ridiculous.

As I flushed the toilet I made way back to the toilet, I mean, not as, but like, after. Anyway I walked over there and I saw Hayden there and he was with Meb, so I danced to their direction and tap Meb on the back and tell her that Hayden is looking for her, then Hayden looked at me and I told him that Meb was there and he was pretty happy with me, I’m sure. I looked at my phone and there was like eight minutes left. I kept telling myself that Shooting Stars would play, but I just had that deep down feeling that it wouldn’t. I went up to the DJ thing with Jesse; the birthday boy, I mean surely the DJ would listen to him. You’d think that, but no. Amongst the devastation, I did realise that it was an amazing party and good times were definitely had. As excited as we were, Tom and I especially, for Tim Summers’s random Myspace girls, we did not have any success. It was after the party that I found out the most devastating news that you could ever find out, ever; that Shooting Stars had already played, it played at like the start of the night before we got there... pre-drinks made me miss the one song that I wanted to hear... Lack of Shooting Stars and random Myspace hook ups aside, Tim and Jesse, your joint eighteenth was fucking great.

The Actual Fight Night.

I was getting ready to go to bed. I was picking up my phone, ready to put in onto silent so no one could wake me through the night. As I move my finger over to the button on the phone that adjusts the volume, I can feel the phone vibrating, it said that there was an incoming call from Chris Tankosic coming through, so I opened the phone before the ringtone starts playing, walk over to my door and shut it so mum doesn’t hear me and wake up. I say ‘hello’ very quietly only to be shut down by the screaming of whomever it was on the other end. Over the screaming I could hear Chris shushing everyone, and once they were all calmed down Chris just said the words ‘fight night’ over and over again with barely any explanation.

Now in case you didn’t know, I lost a penalty shootout with Andrew two months ago and because he won the shootout, his prize was that he can call fight night on me whenever it is that he wants, and unless I have an unbelievably valid excuse, I wouldn’t be excused and I had to go to wherever it was that it would be held and fight Andrew. Now if you actually know me, or you have read all my blogs, or you have read the Fight Night blogs that I wrote back when I actually started writing this, you would know that fight night is something that should have happened a long time ago. As tired as I was, this was not a valid excuse for not having fight night. They said that they were already on their way to mine, and because my excuse was completely and utterly invalid, I tried to get un-tired and get into a fighting mood.

It was earlier in the night that Meb kind of had a go at me because I had never had V before, so I went to On the Run after that and bought myself two V’s for five dollars. I drank one of them and put the other one in the fridge. While trying to get into a fighting mood and be less tired, I remembered that I still had a V in the fridge and I thought to myself, ‘what’s better for waking someone up than a bloody energy drink?’ and the answer that I answered myself because I was the only one there and it was all in my head was, ‘nothing.’

I made my way out to the street where I was drinking V and running on the spot, punching the air, getting pumped. The V had completely revitalised me and I was more awake than ever, I finished it off and put it down on the curb. I continued punching the air when I saw a car turn onto my street, I started running towards it and when I reached it, I got in the car to see that it wasn’t Chris’s car. Luckily it wasn’t just some random’s car, it was Jack’s car, and from there we made our way to Edwardstown Primary School (EPS). The V had done its trick, I was so keen, I was ready to fight, I was ready to win.

Despite being ready to win, and despite being ahead in the first two rounds, I did not win the fight against Andrew. By the end of it I was more tired than I have ever been before, I was completely exhausted and I actually found it hard to breathe. It was a fucked up feeling, but I actually thought that I was just going to collapse, I was breathing as heavy as bloody... a guy who just did something very, very tiring. The points showed that I was winning for the first two rounds but I lost it in the third, and I knew it as well, because in that last round, I just stopped trying, my unfitness caught up with me and smashed the fuck out of me, and that wasn’t really unfitness, it was Andrew, because those last few hits really hurt.

On the car ride home I still felt fucked, like I still felt like I was going to collapse or faint or fall out of consciousness or something. I didn’t though, and during the car ride home, somehow, we got onto the topic of energy drinks, and how bad they are for you. I believe it was Brett that said something like ‘yeah my coach always said that energy drinks are the worst things ever, like especially before sport or something,’ or something, and that really scared me. I got out of the car and made my way to my room to feel my heart beating at a completely irregular way. I normally can’t feel my heart beating unless I stop doing what I am doing, sit there and actually try to hear or feel it. I could hear it, feel it and everything, and it felt like I was dying.

I fell into my bed and started to think of what would happen if I actually died just then. I mean what would I do? Probably nothing, because I was dead, but who would I blame? Would I blame Andrew for getting me so tired that my heart actually had a heart attack and killed me or something? Would I blame Meb for making me feel like a six thumbed, eight eyed lizard monster freak for never having tried V before and making me buy it in the first place which is really what got me into this health situation? Would I blame Brett for giving me the information that made me think so hard about it that it probably made it worse for me because it was all in the mind? Or do I just, not blame anybody because I didn’t die and because this all happened two days ago and I’m still not dead... no, I’m going to blame Chris.

The Zac.

As much as I like to emphasise it in my blog, I can’t deny that my life isn’t just good times. I mean I try my hardest to indulge myself in good times only, but every now and again something bad just happens; it’s the way life is. We were sitting at McDonalds, it was a typical night, Jack was in the front seat eating his food, I was in the front because I have permanent front in Jack’s car and Aaron and Andrew were in the back. In case you don’t know, Andrew has three dogs, Molly, the youngest, Cooper, the one in the middle and Zac, the oldest. Ever since I have known Andrew, I have known Zac as the old dying dog. I mean, when I first met him, he was like half blind, half deaf and struggled to move around. As of late Zac is fully blind, fully deaf and... Yeah, I honestly don’t know how he knows where he is going when he struggles to walk about, I mean he can’t see or hear anything, and supposedly his sense of smell is gone too. Now whether his sense of smell is actually gone or I just assumed that and made it up, it doesn’t really matter because yeah, the dog is just old.

I heard the default Nokia ringtone ring coming from the backseat and I look back to see Andrew pick up his phone. It was Karyn (his mum) calling him, but I couldn’t hear her at all. I couldn’t hear the tone of her voice or even who it was at first but I figured it out along the way of the conversation as what Andrew was saying made it more and more obvious who it was, and what had happened. Andrew ended the conversation with Karyn asking if Jack, Aaron and I could also come in and say our goodbyes, and she said it was fine. The car trip from Cross Roads McDonalds to Andrew’s wasn’t a far one at all, but it felt like so much longer. I don’t know whether it was because I was just thinking, and we were all down, or if it was because Jack took this extra long route to get there for a reason that I still don’t know, but the trip there was a long and sad one.

I have never had a pet die or anything like that. Well I have had like, goldfish and hermit crabs die but they aren’t even like real animals or anything, and I mean vegetarians even eat fish so are goldfish even classified as pets or animals or anything? Why vegetarians can eat fish has always been a mystery to me, I mean as far as I am concerned, a fish is as much an animal as a cow or a chicken, but vegetarians can’t eat those animals and still call themselves vegetarians, but for some reason they just made fish the exception. Currently I have a pet dog called Snoopy, I lost track of how old he is a little while ago but I think he is like five or six years old. We also have these fish I think but seeing as though they aren’t really animals I won’t bother going into detail about them, I mean I won’t shed a tear when the fish die because, well I don’t even know if we have them anymore but I know that when Snoopy goes I won’t be able to control myself.

In the car, it was almost as if Andrew heard the news of his goldfish dying. He hadn’t shed a tear by the time we got there and even when he walked into his house he still kept a dry face. I cried when Marley died in Marley and Me. Marley; a fake dog in a movie that doesn’t exist, a dog that was probably played by like five different dogs throughout the movie, but Andrew didn’t cry when Zac, his actual dog who was real had died. We were hesitant to walk in to the house, I mean there was an eerie vibe walking into the place and I just didn’t feel like I belonged there. Aaron felt much more freaked out by it all though, because when Jack walked in, I followed him and Aaron struggled to follow me. We walked past Andrew’s other two dogs, jumping around barking saying hello, it’s almost like they didn’t know that the other dog that lived there wasn’t alive anymore.

We went outside and looked inside the kennel to see him just lying there peacefully. Andrew was happy that, well we were all happy that he went so peacefully but you know, it was still sad. Andrew stuck his hand in the kennel to stroke him when Zac popped his head up and started licking Andrew’s hand. Andrew got up, walked inside and started to tell Karyn before she told him to ‘fuck off’ and stop lying. As I stood in front of the kennel with Jack and Aaron we saw what we did not expect to see this visit, Zac walk outside the kennel and somehow come towards us and licking us and rubbing up against us. He smelt like he was dead, but then again he always smells like that, Zac is by far the worst smelling dog in the world so I guess that not even death could take such an odour and it sent him back here.

What was meant to be one of the worst, saddest and most awkward visits to anyone’s house ever turned out to be one of the funniest. Whether Zac simply wasn’t dead or whether Andrew has the gift of bringing the dead back to life, all I know is that when Snoopy goes, touch wood, I’m just going to ring up Andrew and be like ‘hey man, wanna come round?’

The wasted years.

So it’s one minute to five in the morning right now, and I was just thinking, if I had just like, slept for the last thirteen years, I would be in the same spot that I am in right now, except I would probably, yeah I would still be awake because I would just have so much energy. I mean thirteen years is a long time, especially to just be asleep or something. I remember not being good as school right from the beginning, actually that is not true at all, I remember being amazing at school at the beginning, I actually have no idea what happened. Okay, so in reception which if you called it something else or something, where I come from, reception is the year before year one. Anyway, we would all read books in reading time or whatever it was and the books were just fucking easy to read, but we would all struggle because we were like five years old. The book would be called like ‘D’, as in the book was the letter D, and every page would just have something starting with that letter and like a picture of it so you would have like a duck and then the word ‘duck’ under it and yeah, the next page would be... nah I actually don’t know what else starts with D, like a dick but I doubt there would just be like a dick in a kids book like that.

Anyway so they were the books that we read, but then there were kids in the class who were chosen to read advanced books that were actually like, books, and they actually told a story and stuff. I remember reading Jack and the Beanstalk in reading time and there was just this kid next to me looking at like an apple in the A book and I just felt like a genius. I do however remember my decline in smartness, or not smartness but it was when I started to achieve less in school. It was in year one, so I guess that my regime of smartness didn’t last too long, but I just remember being held back in class to finish the work that I couldn’t do because I just didn’t know how to do it or whatever. I remember it so well, that is the weird part, but it was this sheet that had like all the days of the week in it and you had to put them in order of when they happen, pretty simple. I just remember not being able to do it at all, like I was absolutely fucking lost in this, so scared that I didn’t know what to do and that the longer I took the less recess I would get.

Yesterday I was having a good talk to Jack about school, and really, all we got out of the last thirteen years were friends. I mean we didn’t get any qualifications, any real education, I mean we know how to speak English... good, but yeah we probably could have picked that up anyway, without thirteen years of school. I mean I was dominating the English reading and writing in reception, blasting through Jack and the Beanstalk and shit, I really don’t know what happened. I mean now, I can’t even read a book, if you gave me like Harry Potter or something, I would get back to you in like eight months, I would be like ‘yeah I finished it’ but I would have no idea what just happened in the book. I can’t read.

Something that I do remember, that may have thrown me off school a bit, was when we were at Hungry Jack’s this time and Jesse told me that I should write this. Instead of doing school work or something, I would just write this. I remember this day where I had this huge ass assignment due the next day that I hadn’t started yet so when I got home I opened up Word and just started writing this, I mean what the fuck, that is fucked. I was just at indoor yesterday, watching Andrew ref games before our game, and I was just really thinking about what I am going to do. I mean as far as I thought I didn’t really need school or a TER or my SACE or anything, but I just assumed that I would get it. I mean I assumed that after thirteen years of going to school I would have something to show for myself, but I really don’t. I mean, we ended up winning indoor, but I would much rather have passed school, both would have been nice but yeah, I just thought I would have passed school.

During Jack and I’s amazing talk, wait... should that be Jack and my amazing talk or was I right with Jack and I’s... nah I’m going to say, during the amazing talk that Jack and I had, we raised some amazing points. I mean we said that the only thing we got out of school was friends, but if we were home schooled, would we have friends? Or if we didn’t go to school at all and we just sat at home playing Xbox instead of going to school and being there, would we have anyone to talk to on Facebook or what? Like, who would we see in our spare time, what would we do with our spare time? I don’t really know but yeah, the talk really just covered everything, it was great. I really don’t know what I should do right now, I mean I should probably go to bed but like... then what, just write another one of these? The answer to that is yes, that is exactly what I am going to do, because really, it’s all I know how to do.

The message to Moore and moore.

Today was meant to be the day that I get up early to check the mail before mum does. Today is the day that the grades get sent out to any year twelve or any year eleven doing year twelve subjects or any year... just anyone really who did some kind of year twelve this year. I just got up, it is like four in the afternoon, I don’t know how I slept in that much but I did somehow... I just got up, turned on my computer and started typing this and I am so scared of walking into that other room and just being like ‘hey mum, did my year twelve results come in or something today?’ because she will either say one of the following, ‘let’s talk’ and that means I failed year twelve and she is going to be all, ‘yeah so you failed’ on me. Or it would come across as something like ‘yeah, I haven’t opened them yet’ or maybe it would be a ‘yeah I read it, you dominated the year congratulations!’ but that one is highly doubtful... I mean I probably didn’t dominate the year and even if I did mum would not use the word dominate.

I built up the courage to walk into the other room, I had a towel over my shoulder and I said, ‘yeah I’m going to have a quick shower,’ and she said that my year twelve results are on the table, she said that she didn’t understand what the thing said and she doesn’t know what I got or anything. So happy, I pick up the sheet and see that I passed everything, everything... I passed year twelve. Then I realised that art wasn’t even on the sheet, what does that even mean? Then the following rushed through my head in kind of like a letter form, but I probably won’t write a letter saying this, I’ll just leave it here for her to read if or when she comes across it.

Fuck you Ms. Moore, I don’t fucking need your god damn grade to pass year twelve I was so fucking happy when I saw that I passed everything else it didn’t even matter what you gave me because I still pass year twelve no matter what you say! You didn’t even put anything down there you fucking bitch, fucking Mr. Whaites put me down as a pass because he is a fucking legend, so did Hafer because he is fucking great, bloody top bloke, even Ms. Forster gave me a pass and put it down, and she fucking hates my guts, but I don’t even know what you gave me because there is nothing written there? Does that mean I fail, oh that would be shit but bad luck that I don’t give a fuck what you gave me you fucking bitch because I passed without you! Remember that time when I didn’t come to art for like a week or two and then you found me, you pulled me to that thingy upstairs with the TV and all that and you just talked to me about how you are concerned about how well I will do in art and you got so angry at how little I cared that you actually started crying? Well fuck you, watching you cry was one the happiest moments of my life you fucking bitch, I hate you so much, when someone asks me ‘oh Cosma, who do you hate the most in the world?’ I would have to put you up higher than like motherfucking serial killers that murdered my family if that ever happens because I hate you so much, fuck you! We wrote a fucking song about how much we hated you in English, not just me, everyone, everyone thinks you are a bitch, you think it’s just me well your wrong you fucking slut, fuck you!

Moving on, so last night was bloody great times. It isn’t every day that a man by the name of Philly Portellos comes up to you and says, ‘If I kick myself in the head, can you put me in your blog?’ so because this was such a rare thing to occur, I said ‘yep’ or whatever the positive response is that I said. He didn’t just get out of his car at this point; he crawled out of the window, went in front of our car and kicked himself in the head. He then continued to kick himself in the head a further two times and then he crawled back into his car window. It isn’t often that something like this happens, and by that I mean this has never, ever happened before and it will probably never happen again. Anyway I am in a rush to get to indoor, Chris and Andrew are waiting in the car and they said to hurry up so I am actually not even going to put a picture on this blog, I am going now that is the rush... now bye.

Okay so after that rush I ended up at Jack's house somehow and now I am going to type the rest of this. Also last night, anyway, so we ended up going to Carmen's house after On the Run because she was having like a gathering or something, anyway, Hannah Pendlebury was there and she was fucking drunk, like very, very drunk, so I don't know if what she was saying had any truth to it or anything, but she was saying how she works for some newspaper or something like that and that I should actually submit something and see how I go... actually. Tate was also there, as in Delwyn's brother Tate, and he was just... he was all over me, not in a troll monster woman at bus stop trying to get with me way but in a more hugging way. He was saying how he reads my blogs aswell and yeah, just made me happy. Walking through the house, I was still confused about whether that guy actually kicked himself in the head, I mean, I was fairly drunk, and I do not even know if it happened. Charlotte came up to me and I said 'Charlotte, did that actually happen?' and I continued to ask, 'did that guy actually kick himself in the head or something?' or something. She said that it actually happened, she said 'yeah Phil, you have to put that in your blog now, Cosma.' and yeah, anyway that's the end of my story. I'm going to end it there, it was a weird day and night yesterday and I just don't feel comfortable on Jack's keyboard, I mean as my mum probably wouldn't put it, I am dominating this keyboard and I'm not really making any mistakes but it just doesn't feel right. Probably should make a picture now that I have all this time... yeah, okay... yeah, bye again.

Okay, I'm back. So I don't even think I passed school anymore. Jack and I are sitting here just... we really thought we tried in school more, we should have tried harder because now we are just sitting here, I mean I thought I would fail school, that's why i was so happy before when I found out that I passed, but now I found out that I probably didn't and I am so sad now. Bloody, going off at MEB before saying that I passed and now I realized that the reason that Art wasn't there is probably because I got less than three for it. Three out of twenty, how is that possible, but now I remember that Ms. Moore said that there was that day that we were meant to come back and give her all my art that I have done because it all gets handed up on the one day and I remember thinking it was the day after that but yeah, anyway I probably got like a zero for art. Fuck that is bad. Okay I'm off again, looking back on this blog I will probably be back again but I think I have written enough for today so yeah, I will not be back. See you tomorrow.