I have only ever walked out of a movie once in my life to go to the toilet or something and come back. The movie was Ice Age, and I was just a kid, or however old I was when Ice Age came out. I walked out, took out my hairless balls which came out with my small child penis and took the piss that I needed to take. When I got back, sat down in my seat, I missed a lot, and it was only a kid’s movie. I mean it’s not like I missed valuable plot points or twists or anything, but I arrived just as there was a scene with someone in a spa with these two other things and I was just sad because I didn’t even know who these two new characters were in the spa with the character that I was familiar with before my piss.
That was the first and last time I have ever left the cinema, regardless of how brief the leaving was, to do anything. Expect for when I went and took a piss during Transformers 2, but that was different because that was the fourth time I saw it at the movies... anyway, I went to see Sherlock Holmes last night, and I know what you’re thinking, ‘oh bloody hell Cosma, you left the cinema to piss didn’t you... or shit?’ and the answer to both of them is no, and now I know what you’re thinking, ‘Cosma, if you didn’t leave the cinema last night to piss or shit or something, then why are you even talking about that?’ and if you actually were thinking that first thought and then the second one, then just calm the fuck down, like I am getting to it, just chill.
If you don’t already know, Sherlock Holmes came out last night, but instead of waiting until cheap Tuesday like I normally would, I was kind of pressured into seeing it seeing as though Linou had already bought the tickets for everyone and we couldn’t really not go. It was a great movie though, but it was really one of those movies that you need to pay attention to every little thing that happens if you want to understand what’s going on completely... this is probably the reason that my enjoyment of the film was less than it could have been due to me being so tired that I fell asleep during a minute or so of talking and woke up with no idea what was going on.
I awoke and asked Saf what I just missed out on in the last minute or so, and he said like, a lot... so I don’t know if I slept for the minute in the film that just, like, shit went down or something and they just explained everything or the minute that I fell asleep for was actually like, eight minutes. Either way, I just felt like I did back in the Ice Age days, there were even these new people that I have never seen before, that everyone else in the cinema seemed to be best friends with but he just seemed like a fucking random ass guy to me. It was the exact same situation that I got myself into all those years ago, back, even before I had pubes, the situation that I swore I would never be in again... but then again, I was fucking tired.
When the movie ended, I was pretty sure that I knew what had just happened over the last two hours and that the story that I saw made enough sense for me to be happy with my movie watching abilities, even when asleep. The movie was really good though, I mean I guess my opinion can’t compare to the reliability of someone’s opinion that remained awake for the entirety of the film but still, I thought it was a great movie that I would one day like to watch again, when I am less tired.
4 comments:
Hey. All you seem to do is write about the generic box office films you see, or the tacky parties you attend... yawn.
This isn't an attack, so please don't go all 'fuck you cunt' on my ass like you did to Ms Moore. Just maybe try something different. Descriptive passages, your opinion on the state of the political world, even your dreams. Just something different.
Your writing lacks a style. I know this may be interpreted at bitchy, and you will probably try and seek revenge in an angsty post but hear me out. Read some books- recognised literature instead of bestsellers. Think 'Catcher in the Rye' as opposed to something Jodi Piccoult's shit out. You want to be a journalist? Read some journalism. Read proper magazines, immerse yourself in the culture, because without knowing how the game is played you're just another boring writer whose dribble will be scanned and subsequently ignored by publishers. This is the harsh truth.
Many people seem to compare your blog to Claire's. Well to be honest hers is more interesting than yours, and to be fair I'll give examples. A random block of text from 'The Idle Bohemian', Claire's blog;
'I am decidedly prone to the unconventional, particularly head pieces. Who doesn’t want gratuitous implements sticking out of their head?'
And a random block of text from 'Cosma's Blog', Nick's blog;
'I have only ever walked out of a movie once in my life to go to the toilet or something and come back.'
The writing is very confused in Cosma's, whereas Claire's reads as witty and word-rich. Look. Please understand this is why people who appreciate good writing go for Claire's over yours. It's not a personal attack, but the honest truth is, if you both applied for a job in journalism, Claire would be highly more desirable than you purely for her wordform. This is what you'll be up against. I am only trying to help you.
Write about something differet. The vulgarity is fine, just be aware that it's not unique or groundbreaking, we got over that in the late ninetie's and it's no longer fresh.
Peace.
I appreciate your concern, but I do not want mine to be like Claire's blog. I don't understand half the stuff she talks about and therefore, writing like that would not work for me.
I don't see how the parties I attend can be called tacky, and I would rather see a box office movie than some shit house art film about nothing. It is the way I feel about life, you may find my life stupid, boring and lacking, but trust me, I would rather live mine than yours.
NB* Arthouse, not house art
Maybe I came across as a bit mean. I shouldn't compare Claire's blog to yours, everyone seems to and it's just not cool anymore.
I really am just trying to help you by maximising your potential to break into the journalism field. At this point you're miles off. Is this a true ambition?
i love cosmas blog and i think that how he writes it is original. its fun and interesting and definitely entertaining. i've never heard of 'claires blog', in fact most people i know have read cosmas blog and rave about it all the time (see quotes on the side). it's fair enough to write your opinion on his blogs but it his work and if he is writing the way someone else wants him to then that isn't really unique either..
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