The best and worst movies of 2009.

It isn’t often that I watch two movies in one night. I used to quite a bit, but recently I haven’t been watching as many movies as I used to, I don’t know why, but I just haven’t been. We went to Brett’s last night and the girls said that they had rented three movies. By the girls, I mean Amy, Rachael and Georgia, the three girls that I were in that blog that got me in trouble. After being shown the three movies we decided that the one that looked the best, or the most violent or scary or whatever word you want to use for ‘what makes a good slasher film’. The movie was called ‘The Hills Run Red’ and the front picture had a picture of this guy or girl or something on it with like, this baby mask on and there is blood all over the mouth and it just looks violent.

Four seconds in and I knew that it would be shit. It isn’t often that I can tell that so quickly but straight away I just knew that I would be wasting the next two hours of my life. I was wrong in thinking that though, because I was only going to waste seventy eight minutes of my life; that is how short this movie was. I can safely say that the only thing that this movie has going for it, is the fact that you see Sophie Monk’s tits. That is the only good thing about the movie, but if you want to see them that badly you could probably Google image search them or something, at least that way you’ll just see them once, you won’t be shown them so often that you actually get sick of them. It is pretty obvious that when they made the contracts for each of the actors, Sophie Monk is the only ones who said that you can show her tits in the movie, so they really just exploited them to the degree where you just don’t even look at them when they are on screen anymore because you are just so sick of them, you’re just like, ‘come on, Sophie Monk, cover up now.’

The movie is about two no name actors and a no name actress and Sophie Monk searching for this movie that was only shown to a few people and it was then removed and all traces of it were then deleted and yeah, it was pretty much banished for being too violent, too scary. Now before you think of watching that movie don’t worry, because it isn’t a real movie, it would probably be a better movie than this one but it doesn’t exist so there isn’t much point in watching it. What you should watch instead is ‘The Last House on the Left’ because that movie is actually incredible. This was the next movie we watched, mainly because it was the only other of the three movies that was rated R but probably more mainly because the other movie was The Unborn and some of us had already seen it... yeah, more mainly.

I went into this movie knowing that it would be shit, the reason for that was because the last movie was so unbelievably bad that it actually gave me the mindset that no movies are good, I mean how can they both be called movies and one be so good and one be so bad, they are both movies, so I just knew that this movie would be shit. Luckily I was wrong and this movie was actually amazing, probably the best movie of the year, or at least the best movie of the year that I can think of off the top of my head right at this very moment. I mean, I am trying to think of what else came out this year and if they are as good as this, I mean I could probably watch Transformers 2 more times than I could watch this movie but that is just because The Last House on the Left is absolutely fucked up. It is one of those movies that made me grab my mouth and suppress laughter because it is one of those things that you shouldn’t laugh about because it is so fucked and then the laughter just sounds all weird. Then there are those moments where you are genuinely scared for the life of the character that you really don’t want to die, and then there’s that rape scene that yeah... it’s fucked.

I can’t recommend this movie any more than this, and I don’t know if these little movie write ups that I do whenever I see a new movie count as movie reviews or just my story of watching a movie but if they were reviews and I had to give these movies stars or scores out of ten, I would probably give The Last House on the Left a nine or ten. That means that I would have to give The Hills Run Red a one, or a two, yeah two because you see Sophie Monk’s tits. Wait, I am so sick of those tits right now, yeah it goes back to a one, that movie sucked ass.