The twenty third of December.

Well, it’s the eve of Christmas Eve and for some reason my Christmas spirit is still low. Normally I know what I am getting and it is under the tree and I would have peeled away at the edge of the wrapping, at least a little bit, just so I could make sure it was the present that I knew I was getting, then I would fold the peeled flap back over, place the sticky tape back where it was and wait until Christmas before I can start playing with whatever it was. I think that the last Christmas that I actually had a proper present under the tree was three years ago, in 2006. We had just gotten an Xbox 360 and the two games that came with it were Dead or Alive 4 and Project Gotham Racing 3. Dead or Alive was a fighting game that was pretty shit, like, it can’t hold a shit up to Tekken before Law back flips it to death, and Project Gotham was a racing game, like one of those really realistic racing games, and I was just never any good at those.

I told mum that I wanted to trade in those two games and get Gears of War instead, because Gears of War was the game the reason that I bought the Xbox at that time. Back in 2006, I was still in that stage of my life where if my parents said no, the answer was no. Like, there was no changing their opinion at all, and the more you nag or beg or plead, the worse it would end up in the end. They said that I can wait until Christmas before I get the new game, and I can play the two games that came with the Xbox until then. I don’t know why, I mean I knew that it was Gears of War that was under the tree, wrapped in whatever colour wrapping it was in with that little tag thing that was on it that read ‘To Nicholas, Love from Mum and Dad’ or whatever it said, I mean it probably said something like that but it’s not like I remember exactly. Like I was saying, I don’t know why I had to carefully peel open the corner of the present until I was sure that it was Gears of War but I just did, I mean what if mum bought the wrong game or something?

This Christmas, I will actually be surprised if I get anything on the day. I mean I am fairly sure that my entire Christmas present was the money that mum gave me for Schoolies and my Big Day Out ticket, which is already a fuck load more than I would have gotten under the tree, so I am not complaining. I just remember a Christmas, now this would have been a long time ago, but I remember there being so much different shit under the tree for me, and it was all great. Then again, I also remember a Christmas where all I got was Star Wars on VHS, and all my brother got was Space Jam on VHS. I was so sad, I mean I loved Space Jam, and I didn’t even know what Star Wars was at that age. I remember recently, and I don’t know how it got brought up or anything, but I remember mum saying that she won Star Wars on VHS in a competition or something, and I was like ‘no you didn’t, you gave it to me for Christmas that year, I remember’ and mum just laughed or something. Turns out that she won it in a competition and then just wrapped it up and gave it to me, and I am still angry.

I don’t think that the reason I have no Christmas spirit is because of the lack of presents, I mean I have had no presents on the day before, like last year I am pretty sure I didn’t get anything on the day or something. No, I think it’s because there is no Christmas spirit in this house, there isn’t even a tree or anything; the presents for other people that should be under our tree are like, sitting in front of the fire place. Also, we normally have Christmas lights every year, recently we have anyway, and this year there just, isn’t. I just went out there and confronted my parents about all this, I asked why there isn’t a tree and, well mainly I just reminded them about when they got me that copy of Star Wars that they won in a competition and then dad didn’t really say anything, mum then changed the topic and said ‘have you heard about the joke about the man with his penis in custard?’ and I said no, because I haven’t, and then she said, ‘the waiter walks up to the man in the restaurant who has his penis in custard and the waiter asks ‘what are you doing?’ and the man replied with, ‘I’m just fucking disgusted’’. Now admittedly it did take me a while to get the joke, but just in case you don’t get it, he is fucking disgusted, fucking this custard, yep. Seriously though, what kind of mum says that to their child, I mean I am seventeen but still, and this close to Christmas? I thought she would be hearing all these Christmas jokes and be telling them instead but no, she’s still on the custard fucking jokes... it was kind of funny though.