The Twilight.

Before today I was one of the people who had never seen or read Twilight. I am not a reader, so the books didn’t appeal to me, and for whatever reason it was, I never got around to seeing the movie because I was told that it was just a vampire love story or something and it just seemed... well it didn’t seem like my kind of movie. Last night we were at Jack’s house for drinks, and he got onto the topic of Twilight, and he was talking about how much he hated it, but this was all before he saw it. He said that one day Anna-Lisa made him watch it and as much as he pretended not to like it, he was drawn into it and he was more than interested in what was going on. He said was then dragged into see the second one at the movies with Anna-Lisa, and he pretended not to want to see it but he was, deep down, glad to be in the cinemas watching it. Listening to what he was saying, and how he was talking to Nathan about it really made me want to see it. I mean it’s not like I was ever against it or anything, but I just never thought that I would like it so I never bothered to watch it.

I got home last night from Jack’s to find that my laptop was still on, plugged in and charging. I open up Vuze and search Twilight, I click on the first one and skim through all the positive comments before I click download. I woke up this morning feeling like P-Diddy, but not just any P-Diddy, I woke up in a P-Diddy mood that was keen to watch twilight. Unfortunately I had a dentist appointment at noon, so mum woke me up at like eleven, and she shut down my P-Diddy mood by saying that I have to get up, shower and put clothes on so we can go to the clinic to get whatever it is that they are going to do, done. As we leave, she asks what is wrong with my broken Xbox, so I tell her that it is broken and out of warranty, so we can’t get it fixed for free and she says that we should go to Castle Plaza and see how much EB Games are selling them for to see if they are cheap enough to just buy a new one. They were like three hundred dollars, and I really thought that they were like two hundred dollars, so we left there for Target who were also selling them for three hundred, and then for Big W who were selling them for like two hundred and eighty eight or something.

We made our way home from there and the second we walked through the door I felt revitalized because the coolness of the air con being on for hours hit me, and I also felt my P-Diddyness coming back. I opened the laptop which was still on, open up Twilight and sit in my room, under the covers, with my laptop, for two hours, watching Twilight. I didn’t know what to expect, I mean I thought it was a vampire love story, but from what I overheard from Jack and Nathan it sounded like some kick ass Vampire on Werewolf fighting movie. By the end of the movie, I found myself asking myself why i never watched it before now, it has been out for like a year, why has it taken me so long to watch this. It was great, at the start I thought it was a little bit shitty how when the vampires move fast it looks like a shitty motion blur thing that you could get from Windows Movie Maker, but by the end of it I found myself leaning closer and closer to my laptops screen watching Edward Cullen kick the shit out of this other vampire guy... at the end of the movie, I skipped through the credits to the end, just to see if there was anything after the credits that I would miss if I just stopped watching, but there wasn’t.

I closed the Twilight media file or whatever it was, opened up Microsoft Word and started typing this. I am just glad that I can go and see the second one, right now at the movies... because... nah I am so into this, I just want to see more... I am so glad that I think we are going to the movies tonight, I am keen to see 2012, but I am much more keen to see the new Twilight movie right now...

The upgrade.

As I sit in Chris’s backyard looking at the naked Andrew and Brett slowly gaining depth in the cold pool, I can’t help but wonder how funny their floating penis’s look. Another funny looking thing is what Unley High School looks like now. I remember being in primary school and constantly being told that they were going to be completely redoing the playground or something, we didn’t know what they were going to do, but whatever it was going to be, it warranted constant casual days with gold coin donations, and instead of a worthy charity or something, the money would always go towards the new playground. Reaching the seventh and final year of primary school, the playground was still the splinter giving wooden mess that it always was. Graduating from the seventh grade, or moving on, or whatever you call it when you go from primary school to high school, the playground was still the same as it was when I started back in reception, eight years ago.

Year eight was amazing, because you got off at half past two every Wednesday, which was an hour earlier than Unley Primary School. We used to walk from Unley High School to Unley Primary School on Wednesdays and say hello to the year sevens that we knew better as the year sixes, and pick up our brothers and or sisters. Something we did notice, besides the fact that the mums and teachers were much hotter, was that they had gotten a completely new playground to replace the mess of wood, steel and nails that pointed out and cut us up when we jumped from one section of the playground to the other. The old bark chips that got stuck in your legs as you fell on them and cut you up something mean were replaced with new, softer bark chips, which actually served as bark chips. We weren’t entirely fussed though; I mean it was annoying how we were stuck with the piece of shit playground for our entire primary school lives but we did grow to love it as the years progressed, and I guess that we didn’t really notice how bad it was until we saw the new one.

As high school students we weren’t promised many upgrades, most of the casual days were gold coin donations that were actually donated to charities, and the school didn’t have any playgrounds that needed upgrades, and the school seemed fairly well off as it was. The only main upgrade that we saw was the new canteen, which was a fairly big upgrade, but that happened in year eight so it’s not like we were used to the old one yet. Reaching year twelve, the school looked essentially the same as it did when we started, but as the years went by we all noticed the slow diminishment of everything that surrounded us. I was told that the benches would be replaced with new steel ones after we leave, but I didn’t really care, like, at all...

Today I went to watch Andrew and Brett play A Grade indoor, but instead I ended up watching some netball or something but that isn’t the point, the point is that after getting out of the car, after closing the door, after re-arranging my balls and stretching, I looked over at where I would look if I was walking over to the general schooling area and I saw these huge ass... things... sticking out of the ground, and it just looked odd. It looked like they are converting it from a school into some kind of sports dome or something, and I just don’t know why. It looked absolutely ridiculous, but I couldn’t help but think that this is exactly like primary school... updated from the second I left... then again, I can’t say that I am at all disappointed, I mean I have finished school, so if you are reading this and still go to school, I hope you have fun in that sports dome, you loser.

The Saturday.

Life has really gone downhill ever since school ended. I mean, I was thinking the other day how I actually don’t miss school at all, like I can get up whenever I want, go to bed whenever I want, go out whenever I want, and I don’t have any work to do. For some reason though, every Saturday night was a good one, one to remember. Whether it was a party or just going somewhere for drinks and good times, something would happen. It is Saturday, and the plan for tonight is to have some people over and watch some Pokémon... how is that a Saturday night? If you went through a time vortex and found me a few months ago and you said ‘hey Cosma, what are you doing this Saturday?’ I would reply with something awesome, like a party or an adventure or something, but now that school is over, all the days have blended into each other and the only days that I can tell apart from the next is Wednesday because of indoor and Thursday because of good times dinners.

I used to watch a lot of TV, so if you asked me what day it was I would know, because Monday would be South Park and Drawn Together, Tuesday was 24, Wednesday was Spicks and Specks, Thursday was more 24 and Lost and Friday, Saturday and Sunday were footy. Now, the only television I watch is music channels, and the only different things on that is that there is a Taken Out marathon on one of the days of the week, but I don’t even know what day that is and I always miss it. Once I stopped watching television I figured out the days with my school timetable, which was easy. I would wake up one day thinking, ‘oh, double English, it must be Thursday’ but now I wake up and I have no idea what day it is. I can assume, I mean my week resets on Wednesdays now, when Wednesday hits I think ‘okay, indoor tonight, then nothing for another seven days and then indoor again,’ rinse and repeat.

It was just the other day that I realised how little I miss school though. Brett and I drove past the school on whichever day it was, I wouldn’t know, and we passed the bus stop, looking at all these kids at the bus stop, waiting for a bus I would assume, and then all these kids further up waiting for their parents to pick them up in their automobiles, all dressed in their school uniforms, I was thinking, I do not miss this at all. I mean I always said that I would, I thought I would, and I always knew that I would but the only part I missed was the social aspect, but now I don’t think I even miss that. I mean I have seen like, everyone, and I still do, the people I want to see the most I see pretty much every day and everyone else I see every now and again. The only thing I really miss is seeing everyone together like that... oh yeah, and the significance of Saturday nights.

Looking at the Facebook events though, I am getting happy... I mean I have three weeks of consecutive parties, and it really makes me feel like Saturday night means something again. At least not this week though... I just can’t wait to watch some more Pokémon... I mean Ash has seven badges, he will be going for his last one soon and then he will be facing the Elite Four in the Pokémon League... amazing times ahead...

The return to normal.

As I lie here in my bed trying to find a comfortable but also good laptopping position, I realise that my life has gone back to the way it used to be. I have gotten back into watching Pokémon again, playing Pokémon again and just sitting around listening to loud music all day. I just changed my sitting position again but this one is less comfortable but more laptop friendly, but I feel as though if I stay in this position for too long that I may damage my neck. At schoolies every minute or so I would check to see if the random girls we could see from the balcony were there so we could wave at them, but now every minute or so I check to see if I have a new notification on Facebook. Instead of catching pictures of amazing drunken times on people’s cameras that I took, I catch Pokémon...

I just changed my laptopping position again, and this one is much more comfortable. The only thing I am feeling uncomfortable about are these withdrawals I am having due to lack of partying since schoolies. I mean I was having the worst withdrawals before schoolies, because I hadn’t partied since graduation, but then schoolies happened, which was four days of nothing but partying and now I am left here with nothing to do but watch Pokémon, train Pokémon and write this. So just then Chris called me and asked what I was doing, I said that I was writing this and then he asked what I was doing tonight, I said nothing. He asked if he should download Transformers 2 so he could then come over and we would watch it or something... I said in the most excited voice of my life ‘fuck yes’.

Even though I told everyone that I was talking to on MSN and Facebook that I’ll be back because I need to write this, I am still finding myself switching over to the internet tab and checking how Facebook is going. Facebook has really turned to shit though, I mean all it is now is people joining groups and people becoming fans of things. I used to think that I was the only one who danced around naked or in my underwear in the mornings with the music cranked, but then I was told about a group of people that do that. I thought I was the only person who needs a blanket, even if it is like forty degrees, but apparently there are ninety thousand, one hundred and seventy five other people who do that... When Myspace was a place to show how unique you are, Facebook has turned into a place to conform, and to show people how generic they are.

You know it’s a boring day when the highlight of your day is watching Ash’s Charmander evolve into a Charmeleon on the show. It’s just sad because the second it evolved Ash lost all control over it because he doesn’t have enough experience as a trainer. It’s also sad that this is the best thing that happened to me today was witnessing that, I mean it wasn’t even my Charmander, I saw it on TV... Anyway I am way too into this Pokémon right now to write anymore, so I’ll be back tomorrow.

The Schoolies Chronicles. (Sun)

Sunday was the day that I changed my entire drinking strategy. I was sick and tired of drinking all day and night and then sobering up on the bus to schoolies or in the line to get into the party areas or whatever, so I decided that I wouldn’t drink until later on in the day... as in, I wouldn’t drink until like four in the afternoon. My plan was thrown out the window at like one when everyone else started drinking and I felt left out... so I grabbed a beer and got my drink on. Sunday was also the day where Stephen Sagris arrived at the house, and this means that our schoolies group was complete. Stephen arrived with snacks and an entire case of Corona that he said is ours for the taking because he doesn’t like it. Looking back on schoolies I kind of regret not having any of his free beer but then again, I do still have a case of beer just sitting there that I didn’t finish... so yeah, it’s not like I didn’t have enough.

I was happy with Sunday though, drinking-wise... everyone picked on me because they thought I hadn’t been drinking enough, which in a way I probably hadn’t been, so we played this Snakes and Ladders drinking game that Chris had and it got me absolutely fucked. I was already fucked off my tits, but then I went into the toilet to take a piss and somehow the mirror in the bathroom fell and as mirrors do when they hit the ground or hardened/tiled surface, much like the piss that gravity brought down to Kenny, the mirror was brought down to the ground. Because I broke the mirror, Jack said that I need to do seven shots of Red Bear, one after the other to erase the seven years bad luck that I had just acquired.

Now there must be something about shots that just fucks you up a lot more than drinking it normally. I don’t know what it is but shots just... get you a fuck load more fucked. Even though I was shotting Red Bear’s, it still got me absolutely fucked, and it did the same for the others who were shotting beer or UDL or whatever non spirit they were shotting. During the day Andrew got his second hook up which unlike his first, he wants to keep minimalistic so that we don’t have to talk about it... like at all, so let’s just leave it at that. Andrew was now on two, and Chris was on three... Tom and I were still on nothing and had some serious catching up to do... well not really but we just didn’t want to end up on nothing after three days. Jack told me that my main problem was that I was trying too hard, he said that if you don’t try, they will go for you. I found this strategy ridiculous, but I decided to give it a try at the start of the night at least.

Skipping to the festival, Jack and I made our way to the big tent pretty much straight away, in search for girls for me to ‘not try on’... We made our way pretty much to the centre of the crowd where Tyler Johns took that photo of us that I used for the first schoolies blog. Then when I turned around and looked in the direction that Jack was previously in, he was gone. I started to walk through the crowd looking for him, but at the same time looking for girls to help me take the lead over Tom. The competition had converted from ‘you have to go for any girl that goes for you’ to ‘you have to go for every girl’. I don’t know how to explain it but I walked past this girl and brushed up on her ever so slightly as I passed, I looked back at her to see her coming towards me, she pulls me in and starts hooking up with me for like thirty seconds. Her friends then came and pulled me off her and said she had a boyfriend or something and that’s when I just grabbed my phone and sent Tom a text.

Im on one

Sent: 22-NOV-09

11:03pm

I then left the tent and found Jack talking to Reaghan. Now Jack is fairly good friends with Reaghan I think, and despite being in her home group for the last three years, I don’t think that I have really ever talked to her. Jack was trying to get her to hook up with me using the old ‘if you don’t hook up with Cosma I will never talk to you ever again,’ technique... also known as the Brett Aitken technique. Reaghan said that she didn’t want to but she would kiss me, so she did. Then she kissed Jack, and then me, and then Jack... repeatedly... she was trying to convince us that she loved us equally or something, I don’t really remember, but neither does she because when I talked to her about it the other day she had no recollection of anything from Sunday night.

Jack and I made it back to the tent where I tried to increase my one nil victory over Tom. We find Tom and I asked him if he got my text and he said that he is also on one. This means that I had to try my hardest to get another one and overtake Tom... or just not try again and hope for the same thing to somehow happen. I find Blesing and I give him a huge hug, I turn around and I am standing behind this girl who is moderately attractive I think. Blesing then pushed me into her and then she turned around and... It was like the exact same thing as last time. The only thing is, I don’t remember anything about what this girl looks like, but it’s not like I remember much about the first one either. I kind of remember the first girl, but I don’t even think I would recognise her in the street... wait, no I just somehow remembered her, okay... I don’t know who she was or anything, I mean not a word was said and no numbers were exchanged or anything but yeah, I remember what she looks like all of a sudden, somehow. The second girl though I have no idea. I asked Blesing if he knew who she was and he said that she was in a green dress or something but that didn’t help me really at all...

I then found Tom again who was still on one, I then found the incredibly happy to see me looking Reaghan who I danced with for a bit before bailing on Tom, who ended up getting with Reaghan just after I left. Chris got with another three... I left the big tent in search for people and this is where my memory cuts out, I remember taking a piss on the beach with Christie Brook, and I think Tom was there as well, and I remember getting on the bus to go home. Then I checked my phone and I remembered that Cee Alii put her number in my phone because she said that she wants me over at hers for drinks after. This is where my memory comes back into play, Jack and I were sitting on the bus and I started texting her. We got off the bus, went back home and got some food. Started walking over to Cee Alii’s place and when we got there, the big welcome that we had expected was replaced with a dull and anonymous ‘hey’. We felt incredibly out of place so we said that we would go home and get drinks and that we would be back. On the walk back home Jack and I talked about how it is almost like every school gets along with each other, and then there’s Unley. Unley seems to be its own thing and every other school seems to the rest of the world. It probably doesn’t make much sense to you right now but it was one of the most amazing talks ever and it made perfect sense to us at the time.

Andrew Heinicke 2

Chris Tankosic 6

Nick Cosma 2

Tom Wilkin 2

We went home, talked, went to bed, woke up, cleaned up and left Goolwa forever. As in not forever but so far we haven’t been back yet so it is still forever as far as now is concerned. Coming home was weird... not because mum kept asking what happened, but mainly because of how different life is at home. When I got home I took a shit on the toilet with the door closed and locked so mum wouldn’t walk in, where at Goolwa there wasn’t even a door separating the bathroom from the normal house, and when you are shitting, there would be someone in the shower next to you. By someone in the shower next to you, I mean that there were at least two or three people in the shower next to you because having the privilege of having a shower by yourself was a rare one. In a way I am glad to be home, but in another way, I miss it. Then there is that other way but let’s not talk about that way. It was just so much fun, I would do it all again if doing so didn’t warrant me being called a toolie...

The Schoolies Chronicles. (Sat)

I fucking hate the beach; I don’t know why I sometimes think that I like it. I was so happy when I found out that we live like a five minute walk away from the beach, but I was sad when I remembered how much I hate the beach. I hate the sand, I hate the water, I hate the fish, and I hate the crabs... I just hate it all. We ran to the beach with much anticipation for the swim that was awaiting us but as we hit the water I remembered my hatred for it. We started swimming deeper and deeper in and I tried not to let my feet touch the bottom, because every time I took a step I touched something that moved away from underneath my foot. I bailed back to the sand and kicked the footy with Tom before the rest of the boys came out from the water and said that they are going to bury me in the sand... I was not excited.

They went over to the hole that they buried Chris in the day before so that they didn’t have to dig a whole new hole. I didn’t even know that they buried Chris yesterday, I was far too busy getting Kenny intoxicated to make an appearance at the beach, and I’m sure that they forgot to tell me about the burial of Chris because they were too busy watching Brett urinate on him but I guess that it was all explained the next day, so I can’t exactly hold a grudge for the lack of information. We started digging more into the hole, because they said that Chris wasn’t deep enough and they wanted me to be deeper into the sand. After we finished the digging I sat in cross legged, and fuck... I wish I was in a more comfortable position, because the second they started piling the sand on I knew that I was going to be in pain by the time that I got out... if I got out.

At one stage I actually thought that I was going to die, there was sand gushing into my mouth and my breathing was all fucked. Whenever I went to take a breath I could feel my stomach pressing up against sand and getting virtually no air. Then Andrew told me that if I just stopped panicking then I would be able to breathe properly. I stopped panicking but when they waved over a bunch of random girls I was quite frightened that they would step up to me and get sand in my eyes or something. I don’t know why it was, but that was my biggest fear at the time. They got there and started laughing at me and then one of them took a picture of me that I am, devastatingly enough, yet to be tagged in. Brett helped me a little bit but I ended up getting out pretty much by myself. I knew that when I tore my first arm out of the sand that I was getting somewhere and then I dug out my right arm and from there I struggled myself out of the sand, ran straight into the water and got as much of the sand off as I could.

We made it home where I showered with Brett or Jack or someone, I mean it’s not like anyone was allowed to shower by themself for the whole trip because Brett was so against wasting the Murray... either that or he was really for gay showers, either way I was with someone. We heated up the pies that I responsibly defrosted the night before in the microwave and or oven and ate them for lunch and then we responsibly started drinking... responsibly... This was an immediate regret, I mean my mind set was that I would get drunk during the day and I would maintain that drunken level by keeping up the drinking and then go to schoolies and be fucked. I wouldn’t have to wait in the line or anything to get wrist bands or anything, so I should hopefully still be fucked by the time I get to wherever it is that I will be dancing. This plan was completely thrown out the window when I started sobering up at like six at night. This was quite the opposite to Tom who had passed out on the chair he was sitting on. He was kind of like Christine was the night before, but I nursed her back to health and ready to party much like Nurse Joy would help a Pokémon ready for battle, but Tom was a bad case.

We carried Tom into the shed where we let him rest for the night. I was so sad because Tom and I were going to be each other’s wingmen in the competition and try to rack up as many as we could. I then started to see this from a competitive point of view, I could use this as a head start, I could try and get with as many girls as possible and blitz Tom in the scoreboard and hopefully he couldn’t catch up. Either way I thought about it, it didn’t work because by the end of the night I was still on nothing. At the bus stop Dajana was hooking up with some random guy for quite a while, but the while that was quite was broken up when Jack came up to Andrew and I and said 'have my back on this one,' as he walked up to Dajana, pulled the guy off her and started yelling 'what the fuck are you doing? That's my girlfriend!' Now just in case you don't know, Dajana is not Jack's boyfriend, it was all a joke but it was the funniest thing since... well, since Kenny drank piss. Jack pulled her away and walked away and then Andrew and I stepped in on the guy and got up in his face yelling, 'that's my fucking best mate! How do you go about getting with his girlfriend?' The guy somehow figured out that it was a joke, I think it was when Jack started laughing, and this made it a whole lot less funny so Andrew and I stopped harassing the guy. Still, the initial look on the guys face when Jack pulled her off and started yelling... priceless.

Chris had gotten with some girl on the bus to schoolies and then Andrew got with a supposedly hot girl. Andrew was happy that he had gotten with the same amount of people as Chris for the one night but was devastated once Chris got his second hook up for the night almost seconds after Andrew, bringing his total to three.

Hook ups or no hook ups, Saturday was an amazing night... well it was probably the worst for me but seeing as though all the nights were amazing it’s not like the worst night was anything close to bad. I ended up meeting up with Tyler Johns, someone who before that night was just an internet person. I also met up with Sarah Jachmann who I have never met before, as in not even on the internet. She said that she reads my blogs and it just made me happy how this complete random... nah I was so happy. Probably the worst part about Saturday night was getting home. I have a terrible sense of direction, even around Adelaide, net alone Goolwa. I walked to the bus stop or whatever the place where the bus comes to pick people up from schoolies and take them back home... yeah, the bus stop... anyway I walked there and waited for the Goolwa bus for like, twenty minutes. Oh yeah, and it was pissing down with rain as well. By the time I got on the bus I was actually soaked with water, like it looked like I just jumped in a pool, swam for around about eighteen hours and then got out. I got off the bus at beach road and the rain was even worse, I started running in the direction that I thought home was from the second I got off the bus and somehow I got there without making any wrong turns... I was amazed in my sense of direction for the first time in my life, and then I went to bed.

Andrew Heinicke 1

Chris Tankosic 3
Nick Cosma 0
Tom Wilkin 0

The Schoolies Chronicles. (Fri)

I woke up at around ten or so in the morning on the Friday, this was the day that Tom and Kenny were coming up and then the Goolwa household of which I was a part of would almost be complete. Kenny, to put it bluntly, has had some bad luck with cars over the last week or so. His car broke down in front of my house on the Wednesday before schoolies and later that day, his dads car that he was borrowing because his car had broken down also broke down. Tom was driving Kenny up to Goolwa and we were all kidding about how Kenny has bad luck with cars and how they won’t even make it to Goolwa but we were kidding... We get a phone call in the morning from Tom who said that his cars radiator exploded and the car started smoking and the car ceased to make it the rest of the way to the house which means that someone had to go and pick him up because he was stuck somewhere half way in between Goolwa and Adelaide. Jack went to pick him up and it was then when we realised that Kenny has been put under a terrible car curse from some witch or something... luckily enough, Jack picked up Kenny and Tom and made it back to Goolwa without his car breaking down or smoking up or anything.

Friday night was the first night of actual partying, and we wanted to make sure that we were ready for it. We started drinking excessively from the get go, and the get go was round about noon. We were all feeling the effects of whatever it was that we were drinking, except for Nathan who wasn’t drinking because he was absolutely fucked the night before and he was still getting over his hangover. Nathan decided to drive us up to the shop to get something, I can’t remember what it was but it was probably ice or food or something... anyway, Kenny somehow got more fucked on the car ride and when he got back home he pretty much passed out on the balcony. I really wanted to get him even more drunk though, so, because he was so drunk, I convinced him that he was sober and that he needed to do a shot of Jager so he would be drunk for schoolies. He shotted the Jager and after around about four seconds, I convinced him that he hasn’t had a shot in over twenty minutes and he needed another one so he didn’t sober up. I then convinced him to do another one after maybe ten to twenty seconds of his second one and after that he said he wanted a beer so I opened a beer for him but replaced the emptiness at the top with... yeah, Jager.

It was just Nathan, Kenny, Tom and I at the house, but by the time the rest of them got back from the beach they were astounded at how drunken Kenny was. Brett cranked the party playlist on my iPod and we watched Kenny dance around to Lily Allen’s ‘It’s Not Fair’ for the entirety of the song, well at least until he collapsed. We told him that he probably should stop drinking but he said that he wanted another shot of Jager, so I gladly poured it for him and then he said that he wanted another beer which I gladly gave to him. He passed out again after he had a sip of the beer which left Kenny, who was in his undies I should probably let you know, which left Kenny open for... just, funny times. Brett pulled out his circumcised penis and started to... urinate on Kenny’s ass. He saturated it with piss before Kenny realised what was going on and he got up to chase Brett, this was the point where we stopped letting Kenny go inside, mainly because he was covered in piss but also because we thought he was going to vomit.

Kenny then made his way down the outside stairs and he started vomiting in the bushes or something, and then he fell into the bushes that he was vomiting on. Brett stood on the balcony and aimed his circumcised penis high, shooting the remainder of the piss he was holding up in his circumcised penis upward before gravity hit it and spiralled it downwards onto Kenny in what was the funniest thing I have seen, maybe ever. I was laughing so much that I actually thought I was going to die of suffocation. Kenny walked back up the stairs, smelling of... piss, and all he wanted was another beer. In a group decision, I was the one that... okay, I don’t... it is hard to describe something that is this funny, so I am going to try my hardest to describe how funny it was but I just don’t know...

I grabbed the cup that Kenny was drinking beer out of before and I tell him that I am going to go and fill it up with beer. I take it down the outside stairs and place the cup down on the bricks that surrounded the outside of the house. I pulled my shorts down to my ankles and pulled my uncircumcised penis out from the inside of my underpants, I aimed it to the cup and let the flow begin. As I was pissing, I was thinking that maybe what I was doing was too far... I mean if someone did this to me I would be fucking angry, but then again it was too good of an opportunity to pass up. I finished pissing and the cup was around three quarters full, not one quarter empty. I took it up the stairs and filled the remaining quarter with actual beer in front of Kenny so that he remained unsuspicious. I gave him the cup and he held it up high as if he was ready to scull it. Kenny started sculling but after the first gulp he spat it out over the edge of the balcony. He opened his mouth, ready to yell something, and I knew what it was going to be even before he yelled out, ‘this is piss!’ but in one of the funniest yelling’s ever, he actually yelled out ‘it’s all warm!’ I yelled back at him ‘it’s because it has been in the sun all day, scull it, don’t be soft!’ and he held the cup even higher, ready to scull, and he then sculled... the piss.

I have never laughed that much in my life, and I have never seen anyone else laugh that much in my life. I mean I fell over on the floor laughing of laughter, screaming, I was falling and screaming and laughing all at the same time and the funniness of when Brett pissed on Kenny off the balcony was almost completely erased after seeing Kenny scull the piss, seeing it drip down the sides of his mouth and onto his body. Kenny vomited for the rest of the day and didn’t really drink anything else. He tried getting me back by pissing in a cup and putting it down on the table with the assumption that I would have thought it was beer and that I would drink it. I was afraid that he would get sick of waiting for me to drink it and then he would throw it at me or something so I just threw the cup of piss off the balcony and continued to drink my regular, non piss infested beer.

We all started to get our drink on, not that they were off but we started to get fucked up. Kenny wasn’t though, he must have had enough or something but he was sober by the time that we were all getting fucked. As we were getting drunk we kept walking over to the right side of the balcony, waving at the random girls that were staying in the blue house across the... thing where other houses are... road. That’s it, across the road. They lived like around the corner or something but you could see their house from across the road and over the house behind us. We were waving at them and yelling at them to come over, so they did. Watching the random girls walk over made everyone happy, but especially Tom and I. You see, something I haven’t yet mentioned yet is that Tom and I made a deal before we went to schoolies. The deal was that we have to get with any girl that tries to get with us and try on every other girl. The second we saw the random Glenunga girls walk up the stairs we looked at each other with a facial expression that said ‘it is on’. The game soon saw Chris and Andrew in on the deal and the scoreboard started, everyone was on zero, everyone was a slut.

Soon after the random girls arrived, the brownie girls did, and the partying got intense. I realised that there is one song in the world that can make me happy no matter what, like I reckon if everyone I loved in the world died and then my arms and legs all were cut off my some mass murderer, so I was in a fairly angry and sad mood, but then the murderer just started playing this song, I would be fucking happy. The song is called Shooting Stars by the Bag Raiders, and it is incredible. I put it on and we all partied to it in what would have to have been the best partying you can possibly do with like fifteen, twenty people. After the partying was over, we were all fucked, and we made our way to the schoolies bus with our tickets and student identification cards, or student ID’s if you talk like a normal person.

Walking off the bus trip that I won’t bother talking about because it was nothing special, schoolies was different to what I expected. I didn’t think that we would see as many people as we saw so quickly. Like walking off the bus I ended up seeing maybe twenty people from school almost instantly and then I was extremely happy to see my best friend Mebakas run up to me and give me the biggest hug that I have had in quite some time. It was one of my happier schoolies moments, but the happiness was just exceeded when I heard the song that was playing... yeah, that one... I grabbed my phone from my pocket and called Jack, I mean it is our song, but when he picked up I couldn’t hear him and he couldn’t hear me, it was quite the devastating phone call but I told him afterwards why I called him and he was very happy.

Friday night in a nutshell was shit, as in the festival was. The partying in the house was great fun and of course watching Kenny drink piss was just literally unbelievable. Meeting up with people was great and hearing Shooting Stars just made my night but it was shit. We had to line up for like an hour to swap over our schoolies ticket for a wrist band that is what you used from then on, and with that, you are then allowed to get into the different schoolies tents and party to your heart’s content. By the time I had my wrist band I had sobered up completely and the big tent just wasn’t all that much fun. I soon saw Sheri who was probably happier to see me than anyone has ever been before, like... her happiness dominated Mebakas’s happiness by a lot, and she hugged me and I think nearly lifted me in the air but she couldn’t so I lifted her I think... We went into schoolies with the mindset of Paris Hilton, but the success rate of Tom Wilkin at my birthday party... except for Chris who started off the scoreboard with a one nil lead.

Andrew Heinicke 0

Chris Tankosic 1
Nick Cosma 0
Tom Wilkin 0

The Schoolies Chronicles. (Thurs)

I have been thinking over the last four days what the opening sentence was going to be for this. I mean so much has happened since schoolies and I just don’t know where to begin, I guess I’ll just do this one in order of the things that happened, so that means I am going to have to take you right back to Thursday morning... I don’t know how well my memory will serve me but I’ll try my hardest to get everything in...

So I woke up on Thursday morning to the sound of my phone ringing, I told Brett to ring me when he gets up so I can get up, ready and out of the house as soon as possible. I was so happy when I checked the time and it was eight in the morning, I mean after seeing that I knew that we would be in Goolwa sometime before lunch and the good times would just roll on from there. I got in the shower and as expected, I showered. I then got dressed; made sure all of my clothes were in the esky and started ringing people. I gave Brett a ring back to see how his preparation was going and to see if he was going to come to pick me and the rest of us up so we could head off. He didn’t pick up, and neither did anyone else that I called. At this stage I checked my credit to see if I even had enough to be ringing people, and I had twenty eight dollars, which is probably the most credit I have ever had, ever... at least in a long time, so not ever.

To put a long story slightly less long but still a little bit longer than being classified as short, I went to Chris’s house, went for a swim with assorted people that were attending schoolies until around two or three in the afternoon and then we left for Goolwa. We made it to Goolwa at whatever time it was that we got there and if you are thinking to yourself ‘Cosma, you aren’t making this part of the story shorter to make the blog shorter in total, you are just doing this because you don’t remember what actually happened?’ and you would be spot on, because I don’t remember much of getting there, I just remember what happened there, which is weird because I was drunk there and sober on the way, but anyway, I am just going to move on from this awkward paragraph and skip to Thursday, because that is when things that are interesting started to happen.

We arrived at Jack’s amazing Goolwa house which was surprisingly enough located in Goolwa, and I started to unpack my esky full of clothes. I put all the clothes in the storage device or ‘cupboard’ neatly and then made my way upstairs to do some heavy drinking. Staying at Goolwa means that we were, as Andrew put it, ‘the furthest away place from Victor that is still close,’ which meant that we didn’t get to see many people during the day besides other people that were staying at Goolwa. We ended up inviting the brownie girls over for drinks on Thursday night and despite the odd black outs that were less odd and more frequent, the night was great. There were thunderstorms all night and I just had that feeling that there was going to be a black out or power failure or whatever you want to call it that night. The lightning was amazing to look at, especially after we had a few to drink. We were just looking out over the amazing view we had from the balcony waiting for lightning to... happen, and when it did it just blew our minds... especially when the lightning lit up the entirety of the sky.

After the first black out, we came inside because it started to rain quite heavily, this is when we were using our phones as sources of light because none of us were smart enough to bring a torch or anything... it was then when we realised that instead of using our phones as sources of light, we could use them as sources of entertainment, and this was when the drunk texting and drunk calling started. It started bad and ended bad because most people either didn’t reply to the texts, didn’t pick up their phones or just were not fun people to talk to. Luckily enough the drunken texting and calling carried out throughout the whole of the trip, draining my amazingly huge amount of credit completely. The brownie girls arrived later that night and we decided to go to the beach instead of staying in our phone lit house. On the way we caught up with all these schoolies from Immanuel staying around the corner from us. They seemed much more prepared for a power failure than we did, as in party prepared, they had a portable battery operated strobe light and a portable iPod speaker... they came down to the beach with us but this is where things just got confusing. I know a person called Kahli, but she is the only one, as in, as far as I’m concerned there is only one Kahli in the world. My views on life were blown wide open when one of the Immanuel people’s name was Kahli... they looked similar as well, as in... Well I was drunk but they looked similar at the time. The confusion soon ended when the Immanuel Kahli said her name started with a C, not a K, so we had a Kahli and Cali/Cahli or however it is spelt... I called her ‘C Ali’, like you say it ‘see-Ali’ but as far as her number in my phone goes, her name is spelt ‘Cee Alii’...

After we left the beach with two Kahli’s, Cee Alii left us which meant that life went back to the way it was, just with the single Kahli and everything just seemed simpler. We made our way back to the house, and the power was back on. The music was cranked and we started partying until late. Late reached and then the brownie girls left and one by one we started going to bed, besides Nathan who was already passed out. The power went back out so I used my shitty phone light to make my way downstairs and into my bedroom where I laid there, sobering up and falling asleep. I didn’t really fall asleep though, it was more of an attempt of sleep as I could hear Brett, Andrew and Jack still upstairs talking. The power came back on and the music started and it suddenly became even harder to get back to sleep. I am not one to really just... get naked around people. I don’t know why, I mean Brett and them are, but I just don’t... but let’s just say that this trip really let my inner... wait, I’ll say outer... I’ll just say that I was naked a lot. I was awoken just after I thought that I might be able to fall asleep by Brett, Andrew and Jack serenading me to some love song, oh and they were all naked. They were crawling all over me with their genitals rubbing up against me until I woke up, which I did. I got up out of bed, put some clothes on and walked out of my room to see Nathan in the next room putting up with the same wake up call, but it just wasn’t working on him.

The three of them gave up on the passed out Nathan and came upstairs where they said that they wanted to go on a nudie run, they asked if I wanted to go and I said that I didn’t know, I was then bombarded with abuse for never getting naked around them so I took off my shirt and pants and underpants and we then made our way out of the house. As we were making our way down to the beach we passed by Cee Alii’s house, and in a mixture of a fortunate and an unfortunate event, they were all still out the front as we walked past naked. I think Cee Alii was happy though, I mean it isn’t often you meet guys and then a few hours later you get to see them all naked. Unfortunately though, she didn’t want to come down to the beach with us, so she stayed at her house with the rest of the Immanuel people as we made our way to the beach. We got further down the road and we heard a car coming, we all jump in the bushes which was a terribly bad idea because I landed on a rock I think and it really hurt, it hurt more because I was naked and it grazed the fuck out of my thigh, the graze comes right up and stops about three centimetres from my balls, so I guess I was lucky with that one.

After we got out of the bushes we continued walking down to the beach, but we thought that maybe that car that we tried our hardest to avoid was going to either come back or stay at the beach. I thought this because, well there isn’t any other options, that road that he took goes straight to this car park thing in front of the beach and the only way out of the car park was to go back the other way on that same road that we were naked on. As we got closer to the car park I saw that the car was parked right in front of the only gate that goes from the outside world to the beachfront, as we walked past it I think that someone said ‘we should just walk casually so they don’t even notice that we are naked’ or something like that, but before they could even finish saying what they were saying Jack was already waving at the car full of clothed people.

We made it to the beach and ran straight into the water, the waves hit my bare genitals and the graze that were close to it and it stung, as in it stung the graze but it just froze my balls and penis region. We got around about waist to nipple deep before we ran back, and as we ran back we passed some more clothes people walking along the beach. We walked back past the car, you know, the one with all those clothed people in it, and we started walking back. We heard the car start up and start driving, and we knew that hiding in the bushes wouldn’t do much, I mean we knew now that they weren’t cops or anything and they had already seen our beautiful naked bodies so we just kept walking up the road as they drove past, beeping rapidly. Unfortunately enough the rapid beeping of the car passing by caught the unwanted attention of two unfriendly looking guys wearing tank tops and covered in assorted unfriendly looking tattoos. Luckily, like bears, they must have been more scared of us than we were of them because they walked away faster than we were walking and got away...

The ticking of the tock.

Well I am still at my house and not at schoolies yet, so I guess I have to write one more before I go away and yeah, so I guess I did reach a hundred before I die which is great. I was kind of happy about leaving it at ninety nine, because it would be great when I die at schoolies and then that is it, like the one hundredth blog will just be someone logging into my thing and writing like ‘yeah Nick Cosma actually did die at schoolies so he won’t be writing this anymore’ or something but I guess that will be somewhere in the one hundred and first blog. Now I am going to move on from this introduction and talk about the thing that I actually wanted to talk about in the blog, I wrote this little bit after, I just thought it would be more relevant and explainy if it was at the top... I mean explanatory, which is much more of an actual word.

Have you ever heard a song that is just shit, like it is absolutely terrible, you know everything wrong with it and when asked if you like it you reply with ‘oh fuck I hate that song!’ but at the same time, if it were to come on at a party or something you will just go off because you love it so much? It happened to me earlier in the year when The Black Eyed Peas released their appalling song ‘I Got A Feeling’, like it was so bad, I assume you have heard it so I don’t know why I am telling you how bad it is but it is probably one of my least favourite songs ever. However, when played at a party I am so happy, because, I mean I know all the words and it is just great fun but listening to it as a song is just painful. Well it has happened again, but this song isn’t even slightly good at all, it is probably one of the worst songs ever, it is called ‘Tik Tok’ by some moderately attractive woman called Keesha who I have never heard of before this, I would give her an eight or something I guess, so she is more than moderately attractive...

It is one of those songs that just seem, like, manufactured or something, like it was brought together by Nickelodeon or something like S-Club 7 was back in the nineties or early two thousands or something. It sounds like some big corporation guy who kills puppies and drinks tar, or engine oil or something of equivalent weirdness and evilness just said to his lackey’s ‘kids like to party and get drunk and get with people when they are drunk, so we should make a song with some girl who is moderately attractive, like an eight, and just let her sing about how great it is to get drunk and get with guys’ and then he sent off all his lackeys to find some eight who is willing to sell out to the puppy killer. If you have heard the song, you will agree with me, and if you haven’t then just watch it, I’ll put the video at the bottom of this blog and yeah.

So this will definitely be the last blog before we go to schoolies. I am leaving this morning at like ten or something, I hope, and then the drinking commences, and it won’t discommence... uncommence... stop, until it is all gone... and seeing as though I have two and a half cartons of drinks, I don’t know when I will be finished. I guess that I will post back when I get back... wait no I won’t because I’ll be dead... oh yeah, see you later then. Wait no I won’t... okay, just bye.

The ninety ninth blog.

I just finished packing an esky full of clothes. All my good tee shirts, two pairs of shorts, my year twelve jumper, my transformers hoodie, two pairs of jeans, a pair of track pants, my belt and a flanny shirt. I have put some time aside on this day of packing so that I can write my ninety ninth and maybe even final blog. I always wanted to reach one hundred blogs but who knows what will happen at schoolies? I won’t keep writing these and I might even die... I should probably go in with the attitude that I will die so when I walk out alive I will be happily surprised and that way if I do die I won’t be too devastated or anything.

I have been listening to The Annual 2010 for the last day or so and I am so keen to party. There was a time yesterday when I was actually having withdrawals because I haven’t partied in so long, but now I know, I just have to wait until Friday and then, in a way I have three parties in a row. There was a time when I thought that I would have a trifecta of parties, it was a long weekend and there was going to be a party on the Friday night, Saturday and Sunday, but one of them fell through and the trifecta was nonexistent. I am starting to realise that the trifecta is schoolies, and getting closer and closer every second that passes.

I said in my drunken blog that there are two things that I wanted to do with this blog, I mean apart from somehow make money from it. I always wanted to write a drunk blog, which I did, and I always couldn’t wait for the day that I would end a blog by saying ‘okay then, I’ll post back when I get back from my holiday’ because it will just feel amazing. I said this to Chris though and he had a go at me, he said that I would fail if I missed a day, net alone however many I will miss by going to schoolies, but yeah. I would like to say that I’ll be back on the Monday and that’s when my next post will be, but I can’t say that, because I am going in with expectations to die somehow so when I do I am not disappointed with myself, I am just like ‘yeah well that was bound to happen’.

Well I am off now because, well do you remember those three dollar four packs of Superman energy drinks that I talked about one time? Well now, apparently there are six dollar twenty four packs of some other, even more uknown energy drinks at some really random shop up at Port Road or something, so I guess we are off. This will be my last post before I go to schoolies and most probably die, so I guess this will be my last blog ever, unless I survive. In which case, I guess I’ll post something when I get back.

The next day in my life.

On the fourth of November, Jack and I decided that we were not to shave until the fourth of December. It was our late Movember. On the seventeenth of November, or today if you are reading this on the seventeenth of November, I decided to shave. I didn’t really lose or anything, Jack said that we could shave before schoolies but the month just starts again once schoolies is over... after I had my shave, Jack, Chris, Brett and I went up to Goolwa to prepare the house for schoolies, and pack the freezer full of assorted meats, meat filled pies and meat topped pizzas. We also finished out booze shopping, and now for schoolies I have a case of Amsterdam, half a case of Carlsberg, a case of Red Bear and a four pack of this other melon flavoured thing. The house was, and I’m sure it still would be, so the house is amazing. The spiral staircase is everything that I expected and more... well not really more, I mean it is just a spiral staircase but it is what I expected, and there is allot of room to chill, amazing balcony, the house is at a great location and... Nah I am getting too excited even typing this. My only concern is the wrestling room. We were going to put mattresses everywhere in the garage and wrestle in there but the garage is huge, and we are going to need as absolute fuck load of mattresses before we can have a wrestling room.

We needed to get out of Goolwa and back to Adelaide by two because we wanted to go to the beach with Brie and the rest of the attending guests at Brie’s beach day Facebook event thing. We left the house at around three thirty, four and surprisingly enough, we were late. As we arrived people started leaving, but there were still a decent enough bunch to have good times with. I was greeted by a friendly hello by some and then a huge wet hug from my best friend Meb who I haven’t seen in ages. She left my dry self and dry clothes quite wet before she said something like ‘can I hug you and give you my boobs’ and I didn’t really know what she said, but I let her because I mainly heard ‘can I... boobs...’. She then hugged and squeezed me leaving these wet boob patches on my chest, she was fairly happy with what she did and then I ran off to play some soccer where I didn’t get a single possession. More and more people started to leave and then we migrated from the sand to the water and played a volleyball slash keep the ball up type game where I made up for my lack of soccer prowess with unbelievable ball kepper upperer abilities.

We then played some cricket; well not really, it was just Aaron hitting the ball as us as we went for miracle dives that we were all pulling off... by pulling them off I mean they all were and so was I... and by that I mean I wasn’t, I was just diving and not catching the ball. I think that I had, by far the best dives but probably the least amount of catches... by that I mean zero. I said that I wasn’t going to stop playing until I caught the ball via miraculous save at least once, but one by one people started leaving the beach segment where the cricket was being played, and Aaron got very sick and tired of watching me fail to catch the ball, so he did one last hit and ran towards it, dived and just caught it in my stretched out arm. I was so happy that I started screaming swear words, like happy ones, like ‘fuck yeah!’ even though there was a family of two or three kids walking past who weren’t every impressed at all, I mean they would have been impressed if they saw the catch but all they saw was me running around screaming obscenities and yeah... not impressed.

The less controversal blog.

Wow... this blog world is getting crazy... maybe I should write a less controversial blog today... let’s see... schoolies is coming up... that can’t be too controversial... I’ll write a little bit about that... So where to start, nah I am so excited for schoolies. This might be the most I have ever been excited for anything ever, and to think that at one stage I was actually considering not going. There was a stage at the start of the year where I thought that instead of going to schoolies I would just go to Big Day Out and save some money, but then I realised, you can only go to schoolies once... or you can go repeatedly as a toolie or something but that’s just shit.

The main reason that I didn’t want to go is because I didn’t have anywhere to stay, and due to the lack of a place to stay I didn’t buy a ticket, so I was lacking two things that I, I guess I really required to go to schoolies. I thought to myself, that maybe instead of thinking about how I didn’t have the two things that I needed, I could do something about it, but I didn’t. Luckily, after time, Jack said that we could have his dad’s place in Goolwa, which made me unbelievably happy. I had one of two things that I required, and the other was the schoolies ticket, which you would know if you read the bit before.

After the ticket was acquired, the only thing to organise was everything else... wait, I mean, yeah everything else but that just mainly means getting food and drink sorted. Mum gave me a hundred dollars as a budget for food and drink, so I had to be cautious with my spending and not just get the one hundred dollar case of Double Blacks that I wanted. The day started off with me seeing the two hundred and tenth Pokémon in Platinum. That means that I have finished the Sinnoh PokéDex and I unlocked the National PokéDex. The next step was to see all four hundred and ninety three Pokémon, which is no easy task, so I gave up instantly and we went shopping for schoolies.

Because I had a budget of one hundred dollars for the whole of the weekend, I needed to plan out what I was going to buy very strategically, so I ended up... not strategically planning anything actually. I made my mind up at the last minute and I ended up getting a case of Red Bear’s and a four pack of this other girls drink. Then I am getting a case of beer tomorrow and I should be set for the weekend... and then some. My main excitement for schoolies came across when Jack was explaining what the house looks like and where everyone will be sleeping. The first thing he said that grabbed my attention was when he said 'spiral staircase' because not only does this mean that it has two stories, but trhe staircase leading up there is in spiral form... amazing. Probably my favourite part though was when Jack was explaining how we are going to put matresses everywhere in the garage and set up a wrestling room... I just can't contain my excitement, but I am going to have to because I am cramped up in Stephen Sagris's computer room sweating like a motherfucker taking my break from playing soccer in the yard.

The comparison.

I remember at the graduation after party, Claire Lontis came up to me and said that, despite my assumption, she actually doesn’t hate me. I always thought she hated me, I don’t know why, I just assumed. For all I know she does hate me and she just said that because she wanted to be nice or whatever or maybe she doesn’t hate me, or maybe she does or I don’t know, and I don’t really care. One thing she did tell me is that she reads, and enjoys my blogs though, and I always love it when people come up to me and tell me that they read and or enjoy reading my blog. Recently, Claire has started her own blog, and it is all about fashion and stuff I think... I haven’t really read much of it, but I glanced through it and because I am not really into fashion, well I shouldn’t say not really because I am not into it at all... but anyway, with no offence to Claire, her blog just didn’t really appeal to me.

Last night I was told to look at Claire Lontis’s blog and look at the comments on the post with the picture of Ben Zeigler on it. I looked at it and it said that it had like fifteen comments or something, I clicked on view comments and when I saw the first comment, it made me laugh quite a bit.

Anonymous said...

your blogs are so shit, cosma's blog is so much better

NOVEMBER 13, 2009 4:00 AM

Anonymous said...

ah yes. because I'm sure she wants to be compared to cosma, in fact that's probably the only reason she ever got a blog! only for unley people who we all know she loves :P

love you claire!

NOVEMBER 13, 2009 4:23 AM

Anonymous said...

Fuck off, at least Claire can actually write well, and the stuff she writes isn't just 'and then I did this and then I did that and it was so cool and my blog is amazing blah'. She's got substance

NOVEMBER 13, 2009 4:28 AM

Now I don’t know who wrote any of those comments, I mean they are all anonymous, but it did make me laugh. I must say though, that when told that my blogs have no substance that I was hurt. Well not really, actually not at all, but surely if no posts before this have had substance, then this one must because I am referring to a blog that is just oozing substance from its every word.

Anonymous said...

I'd rather read Claire's blog than read about Cosma's bowel movements anyday. Keep writing Claire, you've got class.

NOVEMBER 13, 2009 4:53 AM

This one confused me because I don’t actually think I have ever written about my bowel movements. I mean I have probably said in my blog that I took a shit or something but I never really describe how they go. I wanted to once but then I didn’t... oh wait, I think I did actually write about me shitting one day, yeah I think I did... Alright, yeah you got me there you anonymous person, you, but I do have class, I mean what is more classy than talking about shitting?

cairelontis said...

Wow... feedback. Interesting. Thankyou for your opinions but I must ensure you this is in no way a compete with Nick Cosma's blog nor anyone's blog, I really just have nothing better to do with my time.

NOVEMBER 13, 2009 5:06 AM

The first non anonymous person then commented, but it was Claire as she stated that she doesn’t want to compete with my blog or anything, but I already knew that when I looked at her blog the first time. I really thought that the comments would end there but as I scrolled down further it revealed some more anonymous feedback.

Anonymous said...

CLAIRE IS AMAZING

NOVEMBER 13, 2009 2:30 PM

Anonymous said...

shit blog sorry claire

NOVEMBER 13, 2009 4:27 PM

So that was someone saying that Claire is amazing, which is probably another person taking her side. I mean it might be someone who was taking my side and they were going to say ‘Claire is amazing but Nick Cosma’s blog is better’ but they didn’t finish, but I am fairly sure that it was someone taking her side... actually I am very sure, as in beyond one hundred percent sure. The next person just said that Claire’s blog is shit, which is either someone taking my side or someone who has no idea who I am or what my blog is but they just came across her blog and thought it was shit... who knows.

Anonymous said...

okay just quietly I don't think claire wants people who AREN'T interested in fashion and shit to read it, it's a fashion blog, I think right claire?

claire I love you, don't listen to these idiots, it's a remarkable display of your writing talents. emma x

NOVEMBER 13, 2009 7:00 PM

Anonymous said...

just a tip Claire, maybe if you wanted to appeal to more unley people (i.e. target audience of cosmas blog), you should really refer to more bodily functions, pokemon, and 'rad' parties you got drunk at. Oh wait, sorry, thats right...you've actually got a personality and writing skills. Well I guess theres no hope for you then!

NOVEMBER 13, 2009 7:12 PM

I agree with the first comment I guess, I don’t know... but this second one is a pretty bitchy one. I mean I am pretty sure I have a personality, that is what this whole blog is, it is just my personality being converted into words which I then put on the internet for people to read, if you don’t want to read it then don’t, I don’t give a shit. By bodily functions I assume you are talking about me shitting again or whatever, but yeah, okay...

Anonymous said...

Claire your subtle wit is astounding for a woman of your age, only eighteen look what she can write! You will go far. I've had the misfortune of reading Cosma's blog and it relies on bodily functions for a cheap laugh. Not cool. Claire wins.

NOVEMBER 13, 2009 7:45 PM

Anonymous said...

Claire your my herooo lol

NOVEMBER 13, 2009 8:20 PM

Anonymous said...

WOW. love it. Classy, sophisticated and witty. What a delicious read.

NOVEMBER 13, 2009 8:31 PM

It seems as though all these people read my blog once and the one that they read was the one where I talked about shitting. I don’t even really remember that one, actually, I am going to go back on what I said before because I don’t even think I have had a shitting blog, and I am pretty sure that the other two comments were irrelivent to the argument...

Anonymous said...

I'm not even going to compare Claires blog with cosmas. I read claires and it actually makes me pay attention because of the words she uses and the languages is amazing!

I feel my brain goes to shit when i read cosmas blog about farts, shit and everything like that.

Claire please keep this blog going because it is amazing and don't listen to the shitheads that say its crap, its prolly cosma or one of his friends who feel threatened from a decent blog.

NOVEMBER 13, 2009 8:35 PM

Anonymous said...

Claire even if I don't understand it I'm enthralled...

NOVEMBER 13, 2009 9:31 PM

Anonymous said...

Ooooh I like ittt

NOVEMBER 13, 2009 10:36 PM

For someone that likes to read things that are worded well and language that you describe as amazing, you type like a fucking retard. The languages is amazing? Even my Microsoft Word is underlining that one with the green underline that means you fucked up your grammar, and I don’t talk about farts like, ever I think... I decided to comment on it because I thought that maybe, just maybe, I should.

Cosma said...

wow... i lol'd.

NOVEMBER 14, 2009 2:55 AM

clairelontis said...

Hm, well cosma I'm pretty pissed off my blog has turned into a comparison to yours (not that it's your fault), clearly they're completely different.

sorry for all this..

NOVEMBER 14, 2009 4:43 AM

Cosma said...

yeah i dont know who that was before, but yeah. they are like opposite blogs, but i still found these comments pretty fun to read hahaha

NOVEMBER 14, 2009 9:58 AM

Anyway I am done with writing retorts to all these anonymous people. I thought it was funny how people say whatever they want when it is anonymous, like the internet is some curtain to hide behind so you can abuse the fuck out of people without anyone knowing who you are. I made my blog because I wanted to see if I could write something everyday because I wanted to be a columnist, but now I don't even know anymore. This has become a much bigger part of my life than I ever thought it would be, and I am loving it. If you don't want to read about what I do with my life or if you don't like the way that I write, then don't read my blog, if you log onto the internet and think to yourself, 'I am in the mood to read about fashion,' then don't come here because you will only disappoint yourself. Now I am going to go and take a shit, so fuck you.

The drunken revelations.

Have you ever just sat there listening to one of your mate’s little sisters talk about their sex life? I know i have, and it was probably one of the funniest slash disturbing things that I have ever encountered. It all started when we were sitting around watching Ash get his fourth badge from Sabrina. He needed to catch a ghost Pokémon in order to harm Sabrina’s Kadabra, but this was all interrupted when Georgia Aitken, Amy Shaw and Rachel Gill walked through the door, absolutely fucked off their beverages which most probably contained some alcoholic supplement. They had just returned from a Mexican themed party, and Rachel’s hat was tangled in with her necklace. Tom soon helped her untangle it, which she was amazed about and was absolutely flabbergasted about Tom’s untangling abilities.

Soon after the untangling abilities, they put all the chocolate that they had for some reason in the fridge so we didn’t eat it, because they probably thought that we wouldn’t look in the fridge for the chocolate that they thought that they hid from us. Tom and I really felt like eating some pods, and luckily they hid some pods in the fridge from us. The first place Tom and I looked was the fridge, and we opened the packet of pods and took our share, not that we really earned them or anything but I think that we took our share... Rachel then came inside in her underwear asking where the pods that we placed on the counter in front of her were. She was really annoyed because we wouldn’t tell her where we put them, and even when she was leaning on them asking us where we put them, she still didn’t realise that... well they were in front of her, I don’t know what else to say.

Tom and I then went outside to talk to the girls as they were swimming. If i was to mention what was said, I would be considered a dick, but it was way too funny not to mention, and even when they asked me if what they were saying would be in the blog, they didn’t really seem to care when I told them that it would be. Georgia Aitken kicked things off talking about how much she wanted to have sex with **** in year eleven. All she did was hook up with him, I then started to talk about his penis, acting as if I knew what it was like, and I made her really jealous, well not really jealous, just sad that she didn’t have sex with him.

They then started to converse about all the guys that they have had sex with, and how disgusting all the guys that Georgia had have sex with... sorry to any of them, I mean I don’t remember who any of you are, I heard all of your names but I don’t remember. Rachel then said one of those things that I remember for the whole of my life, she said that she wasn’t a slut, she just ‘likes to have sex,’ and it made me laugh.

.: Last paragraph removed due to controversy :.

The thinkingly walk.

This morning, as I normally do I awoke from sleeping. It was around one in the afternoon, so I should probably rephrase that first sentence, but I won’t because then I have to rewrite it and I go back to having nothing on the page which means I am back to the start. Brett, Chris and I went to the post office to collect our schoolies tickets; I walked up to the counter and gave them the little piece of paper that said that I had a package to pick up to the woman behind the counter. She told us that we came to the wrong post office and we had to go to the other Goodwood post office. We went to the other Goodwood post office and luckily, this was the right one and they gave us the schoolies tickets.

I looked at the schoolies tickets and I thought to myself, I would really like to lose some weight before schoolies. We made our way to Brett’s where we started to watch and play some more Pokémon. We just borrowed all of the show on DVD from Jadon, so we were pretty unbelievably happy with it, and the show is actually amazing. After a few discs of Pokémon, we decided to go to the beach for a run. We were going to run from Glenelg to Brighton and then walk back, which Chris said would be like a ten, twenty minute run but a long walk back. We get to the beach and start walking down, we reach a point where we start running, and I think to myself, ‘I am running, and I am keeping up with Chris and Brett,’ I was actually ahead of Brett and behind Chris, I was really happy because they are maybe three thousand and forty seven times fitter than I am.

Around a minute or two after we started running, I start walking and I tell them that I’ll catch up with them as they walk back. It was a nice walk, down the beach by myself. It gave me some really good thinking time, I thought about pretty much everything that I wanted to think about, and it was then that I realised that schoolies is like next weekend, and there is a really low chance of me losing weight in that time. I can always try but I don’t think it is possible. I mean you see those pictures on the internet of that guy who looks kind of chubby and then he is like all buff and shit and it says he did it in like a week, and if you click there it says how and all that. I didn’t click it.

Chris and Brett caught up with me after a long and nice and thinking...ly walk. The thinkingly walk was really good and I got to... think about all the things that I needed to think... about. Brett asked me what I thought about and I just told him that I thought about pretty much everything, which is what I did think about. He asked if I thought about Pokémon and I actually didn’t. Something I did think about though, is how much I want to party, and I really cannot wait for schoolies.